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Sayaka yawns and flips through the last page of documents. It’s mostly notes on the election process, and she trusts that Runa, with her manic energy and enthusiasm as the head of the Committee, will burn through the paperwork in no time. The student council room is deserted, and Sayaka’s only companions at this time of day are the multicoloured fish swimming gaily in the president’s aquarium. She stretches, and walks lazily toward it, running a finger along the glass.
Sayaka’s reflection stares back at her, and as she tracks a small guppy’s downfall in the mouth of a larger predator, she is reminded of the president. Only two days have passed since the Tower of Doors gamble, and at that memory Sayaka can’t fight the blush spreading across her cheeks like the oncoming of a beautiful sunset.
Everything had been a rush of emotions, her loyalty to the president tested against raging waters (how she had detested Yumeko for stealing her president’s attention, for actually connecting with the president, for understanding her - something Sayaka will never be able to do). But then came the fall, and the field of (completely ethereal) white lilies, and the president bending over her, so close that Sayaka was practically inhaling her scent, murmuring with a smile on those cold light-blue lips -
“Sayaka Igarashi, as a complete stranger, I now invite you - would you like to be my secretary?”
And Sayaka could have died happily in that instant. Her only wish, completely fulfilled.
She is restored, and she actually prides herself on being able to congratulate Yumeko properly afterwards. Yumeko, who she would previously have strangled for her ability to take risks as the president does, charming and wily Yumeko who, towards the game’s end, demonstrated that she was as deeply entrenched in the world of gambling as the president was.
There you go again, Sayaka. She chides herself, ashamed, turns away from the offending aquarium that has dredged up those little swirling doubts still lingering deep in her heart. The president knows of your affections for her. There’s no need to feel insecure.
Sayaka strides briskly towards the paperwork, gathers it up in her arms. The low lights of the student council room are dimmed, and she heads towards the entrance. Her unease is still pounding slightly inside her chest, a faint pain she isn’t able to recognise no matter how much she mulls over it. But it isn’t till she’s stored the paperwork safely in the lockers that she finds a name for the feeling.
Immediately, she berates herself. How starved of emotion does she have to be to yearn for something so completely unattainable? No matter how irrational it is, the thought remains, stuck in her head as she slips out of Hyakkakou Academy’s giant iron doors.
I wish the president could return just a little bit of what I feel for her.
---
“I like you.”
For once, Sayaka is irritated with the president’s ambiguity. She knows the president speaks like that all the time, words layered with undertones of hidden meaning and poise and refined grace. It’s one of the things Sayaka admires about her, her mannerisms and how elegantly she treats all, no matter friend or foe. This time round it’s driving Sayaka insane.
The president hasn’t truly spoken to her in a week. A week since the Tower of Doors and Sayaka is starting to think that everything must have been conjured up in her imagination, a byproduct of her deep devotion and love for the president. Sure, they have exchanged idle words. A shiver up her spine when the president breathes instructions in her ear, “Braid my hair, Sayaka.” “Get me that pile of Life Schedules, will you Sayaka?” and Sayaka mostly answers with deferential nods, pleased to even be of assistance to the president at all.
About what happened that fateful night - static. Radio silence. Sayaka shouldn’t expect anything, she knows her rightful place is to be beside the president as her faithful right hand. Since her sudden recollections from a few days before, though, she has felt something in her heart shift. Something that longs for the enticing scent of sweet white lilies and soft platinum hair brushing against her cheek and the cool warmth of the president’s outstretched palm.
“Sa-ya-ka! You’re so tense! What’s got into you?” A squeal pierces her ears, and Sayaka jolts out of her reverie to see Runa grinning wildly as she crunches on the lollipop in her mouth.
Today it’s her and Runa in the student council room again, and the president is running late for some reason. Sayaka knows, because she’s checked the classrooms and the gardens and all the gambling rooms in her agitation. She’s pretty sure the president has never been late before.
“Nothing, nothing.” Sayaka waves her hand dismissively, “it’s just that the president-”
“Yeah, you’ve told me ten times that she hasn’t arrived yet. Cheer up! She’s probably being showered with hundreds of Valentine’s Day love letters at the entrance. Held up by her admirers.” Runa cackles cheerfully, and punches a few buttons on her game console.
“Okay, we’ll wait for a while longer - wait, what did you say?!”
“Huh…?” Runa’s face is momentarily clouded with confusion, but a second later she regains her sunny smile, and it’s edged with an almost cruel, teasing look. “Don’t tell me you forgot today was Valentine’s Day! Ahahaha! That look on your face! Did you expect anyone special to plan something for you?”
Runa sends Sayaka a sideways smirk, and it’s pretty obvious what she’s hinting at. Sayaka feels the onslaught of another fierce blush and tries to keep her cool. Fortunately, given her earlier thoughts, and the fact that the president (most likely) only views Sayaka as her dependable constant, Sayaka is sure that this is going to be another ordinary day for her.
Why am I thinking this way? Being able to regain my status as secretary after losing spectacularly to Yumeko was more than I ever imagined. I shouldn’t want more.
Sayaka closes her eyes, and takes a deep breath. She feels Runa’s piercing, knowing gaze on her. To her surprise, a small hand is laid on her shoulder.
“I’d say don’t worry too much.” Runa chirps, unusually serious.
“That’s a rare show of affection.” Sayaka can’t help smiling slightly at Runa’s way of comforting her, and as expected Runa shrugs it off indifferently and turns to her game console again.
“Just don’t want you moping around, that’s all.”
Runa laughs, and Sayaka laughs with her, and for the moment everything feels alright and Sayaka’s heart momentarily stops trembling with that irritating emotion that Sayaka might have labeled (if she is to be quite honest with herself), unrequited love.
---
Sayaka prides herself on being logical and rational and able to deduce the world around her to a certain extent. However, even she isn’t able to predict the storm that has besieged Hyakkakou Academy when she finally steps outside the student council room (with a small handwritten letter that she’s planning to slip into the president’s gambling chips, crumpled slightly in her palm).
The academy is in an uproar - but not of the gambling type. Students are jostling around in the corridors, and pairing up to hand out little keepsakes. Chocolates, letters, origami, jewellery. Many have gone all out in their declarations of love.
Upon close inspection, Sayaka realises the gambling is still going on. Betters are swarming around embarrassed students confessing to their crushes, gambling on whether they’ll be accepted or rejected. Some have tried to shoo away the onlookers, to no avail. Sayaka feels slightly sorry for the poor people whose hearts’ desires are being bet upon like a game of chance.
Runa is beside herself with vindictive happiness.
“Awesome! A gamble of feelings! Excuse me while I run off and bet on Ririka over there, Sayaka.”
With that, Runa weaves her way through the crowds, leaving Sayaka to muse in confusion, Ririka?
Ririka Momobami, our vice president?
Sure enough, Runa has dashed over to a corner where Ririka is backed up against a wall. By Mary Saotome, of all people. Sayaka blinks at this new development and peers through the crowd. Amazingly, Ririka has taken off her comedy mask as she stutters incomprehensibly in front of Saotome, and Sayaka has never seen an emotion like that so blatantly shining on Ririka’s face ever before. Her lips are turned up ever so gently and her light-blue eyes, usually mild and placid, are lit with something akin to a fire of determination as she stares up into Saotome’s face.
Saotome has her tsundere expression on, Sayaka notes with amusement.
Seeing Ririka confessing jolts Sayaka’s chest with a familiar ache. The letter in her palm grows damp with nervousness, and Sayaka contemplates retreating back to the student council room again. Evidently the president isn’t even at school today, and watching Ririka confess gives Sayaka an undercurrent of pain. Ririka’s appearance is too much like the president’s.
“Entertaining, isn’t it?”
A soft voice in Sayaka’s ear and she startles. She’d know that voice anywhere. Her heart leaps, and she almost collides full-on with the president as she whips around.
“S-Sorry, President! I didn’t mean to-”
The clumsy words are stumbling out of Sayaka before she registers that she is talking to the Kirari Momobami, the girl she is hopelessly and irrevocably in love with, and Sayaka is suddenly aware that the foolish letter in her hand is completely unable to encapsulate what she feels for the president now that she is face to face with her.
Sayaka bites her lip in hesitation. She wants to ask the president where she’s been, and oh, if she’s received any love letters from anyone in the school, because Sayaka cares about whether others look up to her president, not because she is in any way hyper-aware of whether she has to compete for the president’s affection.
Sayaka knows she is deluding herself.
“Why so quiet, Sayaka?”
And there it is. Sayaka’s name, tumbling out of the president’s lips like a clear cold waterfall. Sayaka holds the letter even more tightly in her trembling hands. Deliberates what to do in her head.
Then she sees the stack of letters tucked under the president’s right arm. There must be at least twenty, Sayaka muses. Fifty. A hundred. Who knows? The bundle seems endless to her. It is tied with a neat red ribbon, as if the president is stowing them away as prized possessions. Suddenly Sayaka feels the urge to run away and never get her hopes up ever again.
Sayaka manages to force out a smile.
“Nothing, President! Just got sidetracked by Ririka over there. I’ll get back to the council room now, work on today’s agenda.”
Sayaka nods, half bowing, and hurriedly rushes away. She doesn’t catch the thoughtful gaze that trails her leaving form.
“We’re complete opposites of each other. And I like that just fine.”
Sayaka throws her hands up in the air in exasperation - this isn’t going to work if her thoughts keep returning to the president’s words - and returns back to the table where the day’s paperwork waits for her in silent isolation. She doesn’t notice that her letter to the president has fluttered calmly down from her grasp, landing neatly outside the door that she has just closed behind her.
—-
Dear President,
I’m so sorry this is so hasty, and rushed, and completely does not show the extent of my affections. I’m sure you know what I wish to say to you - I did yell it out before falling from the Tower of Doors, after all. President, you are the only person I’ve ever loved in my life, the only person I’ve ever wanted to be close to so badly. You light up my very world, and I am honoured to cheer for you and watch you blaze your way through Hyakkakou like the supernova you were always destined to be. Sometimes I selfishly long for your gaze to linger upon me, and you have no idea how much I want you to be mine, in the same way that I am wholly yours
I only hope you still wish for me to feel for you in this way. If I embarrassed you with my forthcoming words that night, if I’ve done anything wrong, please do tell me. I'm not sure if I alienated you in some way, because you seem distant at times, but I guess it's You seem preoccupied these days, and I’m worried that the election might be taking its toll on you. Do take care of yourself, President. Please share your burdens with me - I’ll personally destroy anyone who stands in your way, if the need arises. I love you, and will be beside you forever and always,
Your secretary, Sayaka.
—-
Sayaka’s days end with a comforting routine she has managed to slip into ever since she was appointed as secretary. She is usually the last one to leave the student council room, and every evening she witnesses Hyakkakou’s stately halls fade away under the slow incursion of night and eventual darkness. Today quite a few couples linger behind, caught up in the sweetness pervading the school grounds, and Sayaka has gotten over the stab of loneliness as she passes yet another pair of giggling students.
She still has yet to give away her own letter, after all. Sayaka fishes around in her pockets for the pathetic piece of paper, but comes up with empty hands.
No! Did I drop it somewhere?
Frantic, Sayaka scrambles up and rushes towards the student council room. She must have left it tucked between her paperwork. And if any other student council member found the letter and read its contents, she’d be too mortified to look them in the eye ever again. She reaches the door and tries the handle. To her bemusement, it is firmly locked, and Sayaka distinctly remembers leaving the door open. So...
Her doubts are answered with a cool hand latching on her wrist, and Sayaka’s gaze darts up like a startled deer in the headlights.
The president smiles (a genuine smile, that makes Sayaka’s heart pound with a gentle fire and god is she in deep), and her light-blue eyes are flickering with a hidden emotion, transforming her usually sharp stare to a softer one. Sayaka’s mouth goes dry as the president slowly, gently interlaces her fingers with Sayaka’s until their palms are clasped against each other.
Sayaka thinks she must be dreaming.
“I think you misplaced something.”
The president’s tone is tinged with wry mirth as she brings her other hand up and splays her fingers out like the arms of a starfish. Sayaka’s letter lies in the middle of the president’s outstretched hand, and Sayaka realises with a start that the seal is broken.
“This isn’t - it’s so badly written! It was a stupid idea, I’m sure you don’t want it-”
Sayaka’s protests are cut short by the president’s laughter. Her laugh has always entranced Sayaka. It sounds like the tinkling of wind chimes, light and carefree. It gives Sayaka chills and sends a wave of warmth through her at the same time.
“I do.” The president answers, a glint of unexpected satisfaction dancing in her eyes. “I want it very much. I’ve been waiting for this for quite a while.”
“But you got so many other letters,” The comment slips out unsolicited, and Sayaka hurriedly covers her mouth as she ducks her head. Jealousy. Sayaka had sworn never to let it get the better of her.
The president smiles again, indulgently.
“They don’t matter as much as this one. I threw them all away just now.”
Sayaka swallows, unable to believe that the president is holding her letter - her letter only! - in her hand, and that she’s read it and doesn’t despise Sayaka for her worries. Sayaka recalls her earlier thoughts about whether the president truly returned her feelings or not. In the end, it didn’t really matter. The feeling of the president’s slim fingers in hers, the closeness and warmth radiating between them as they stood in the deserted hallway - that was already heaven on earth.
“Oh, Sayaka. Your feelings are written all over your face. How adorable. Do you want me to spell it out for you?”
The president moves closer, snakes her other hand across Sayaka’s waist and draws her in. Sayaka has forgotten how to breathe. For a moment the air stagnates and time seems to slow of its own accord as Sayaka registers the proximity between them. Moonlight steals in through the windows in the corridor, illuminating the president’s breathtaking features. Her heated stare renders Sayaka incapable of speech.
“I love you too, Sayaka Igarashi. Stop doubting what I feel for you.”
Sayaka has no time to answer before the president’s lips capture hers with an unusually fiery intensity. Shaking, Sayaka loses herself in the sensation as the president deepens the kiss and backs her up against the walls of the corridor. The president’s scent overwhelms her once again - it is a sweet floral aroma that she only now identifies as the clean freshness of white lilies, a scent of both purity and dangerous allure. Sayaka finds her free hand entangled messily in the president’s platinum braids as the president presses small heated kisses along Sayaka’s cheek.
They pull away from each other, flushed. Sayaka’s breathing is erratic, and one of the president’s braids has come undone in the heat of the moment.
“Thank you. I don’t know how to say this enough.” Sayaka breathes, trying to regain her senses - the president being so intimate with her is definitely proving to be too much for her heart. “I love you, Kirari...”
The president’s eyes widen in astonishment, and Sayaka gasps as she backtracks. “I mean! President-sama!”
“Say that again.”
“What...President-sama?” Sayaka holds her breath, not knowing if the president is mad at her or not. The president’s eyes darken, and Sayaka gulps.
“You know what I meant.”
“Uh...K-Kirari.”
Sayaka stammers uncertainly, her cheeks growing crimson. She has never addressed the president this directly before, always sticking to the deferential, detached “President”. There is a beat of silence, then to Sayaka’s astonishment, the president pulls her close into an embrace.
“Good. I’m Kirari to you from now on. Remember that.”
It is spoken in the tone of an order, and Sayaka has never been one to disobey her president’s orders. So Sayaka grins, musters her courage and wraps her arms around the girl she has always been in love with, resting her head in the crook of Kirari’s shoulder.
She feels Kirari press something into the palm of her hand, and Kirari purrs, “Open it when you get home.”
“For me? Really?” Sayaka exclaims, releasing Kirari and turning the little package over in her hands. It is wrapped in silver origami paper, and Sayaka almost bursts into tears. Kirari is giving me a Valentine’s Day present. And here I was thinking that she’d never return my love at all, when I myself forgot that it was Valentine’s Day today.
“If you were wondering, that package you’re holding is why I wasn’t talking to you the past few days. I wanted to give you a surprise.”
“I’m so sorry I didn’t get you anything!” Sayaka blurts out, eyes downcast.
“Sayaka, your letter was more than enough.”
And at that moment, Sayaka is completely sure that she is never going to be so enamoured with another person as she currently is with Kirari Momobami, her president, the one and only love of her life.
---
Later, when she is back in her home, Sayaka carefully unwraps the package and slides out a polished grey box. Inside the box is a beautifully made silver necklace, and when Sayaka tips it out onto her palm with shaking hands she is unable to stop the tears of happiness running down her cheeks. The charm dangling on the end of the necklace is an exquisitely carved lily. It is made out of thin silver leaf, glinting in the lamplight of Sayaka’s room. Sayaka immediately threads it around her neck and fixes the clasp, and the charm comes to rest on her chest, beside her heart.
Tonight Sayaka will sleep contentedly, and dream of light blue eyes and teasing smiles and two figures linked together, lying comfortably on an endless bed of pure white lilies.