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Nico Kim-Schmitt is the CEO of Microsoft Corporation, has been for many years. He knows the ins and outs of the place better than anyone else, it’s like his second home. He goes into work, sits in his office, talks to engineers, managers, interns, new employees, offers sponsorship deals, offers creative ideas, invests in ideas, it’s a very high stress and social job. He spends almost everyday there and loves every second. Until recently.
Nico had been offered by the head of Google to fly out and talk strategy. Does he know any of the details? No. Does he know what “talking strategy” means? Not exactly. He has an idea, but with big companies like Google, that can mean anything. From loaning money to buying another company. Nico was terrified of the latter.
As excited as Nico was to be able to have this meeting, he was also very anxious about leaving. His husband, Levi, would be left alone with their two teenagers, both busy and apathetic as can be. Not only that, but Nico is terrified of flying. It would only be for two days, but the thought of getting onto the plane, even though it is private, scares Nico to death. He’s been able to manage it before because Levi and their kids, Dylan and Elena, would come with him, but this time it’s just him. His nerves were eating him alive.
Early the day before his flight, Nico was packing his suits in his bag, Levi sitting on the bench at the foot of their bed.
“Damn it, where’s my phone?” Nico grumbled, searching his nightstand.
“You looking for this?” Levi waves his phone in the air.
“Thank you,” Nico sighs and grabs it, but Levi pulls his arm down and forces him to sit down next to him. Nico complies and leans into Levi who kisses his cheek. “I’m flying out tomorrow,” Nico says.
“Yes you are,” Levi agrees.
“And I’m going to leave you with the kids, who never seem to stop fighting, who have busy schedules that requires them to be on opposite sides of town and you will have to pick to either go to Dylan’s soccer game or Elena’s basketball game-,” Levi cut him off,
“We are going to be fine, babe. And they aren’t worried that I won’t be at one or the others game. Elena asked me not to go to hers, so by default I’m going to Dylan’s,” They both chuckle, “Sucks that they got your athletic behavior, I never know what’s happening in the games,”
“You are a great cheerleader, baby, it doesn’t matter if you know what’s happening. Just read the room,” Levi smiles at him and leans in for a sweet kiss. They pull back with a smile on both of their faces. The moment was ruined when they heard their kids shouting at each other downstairs.
“Ugh, why did I have to accept this meeting?” Nico groans and stands up to go after the kids.
“It’s one meeting!” Levi teases.
“It’s in a different state,” Nico says and walk out of their bedroom. He walks back in a second later, deciding the conversation isn’t done. “Why the hell do they want to see me? And then fly me, and only me, out there?” Nico complains.
“Well, you are the CEO, the most powerful person in the company,” Levi points out.
“You know, I heard the last company that went in for help, it was something called Motorola Mobile, ended up being bought for $12.5 billion dollars. What if they try to buy my company because they think we’re bad at what we do? What if they think we are dinosaurs who don’t know what we’re doing? I guess we’re all dinosaurs in Google’s eyes!” Nico exclaims.
“I’m a dinosaur?” Levi asks a little bit confused.
“Yes, but you’re a handsome dinosaur. Thank you for that,” Nico walks out of the room to take care of the kids, who have since quieted down. Levi stares at him fondly as he walks away.
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It was late in the night and Nico was sitting in the living room staring at his laptop. He was writing up documents, reviewing employees who needed a raise, answering emails, anything to keep his mind off his flight tomorrow. He was so wrapped up in his work he didn’t notice Levi standing behind him. He put his hand on Nico’s shoulder affectionalty.
“You can’t do all your work tonight,” Levi says quietly.
“I’m not going to get any sleep either,” Nico argues.
Levi sits on the corner of one of the couchs, facing Nico who sat on the corner of the other couch. They are both facing each other. Levi puts his hands on his knees and leans in towards Nico.
“Sweetie, listen,” Nico looks up at him. “Tomorrow is going to be okay. You are going to get on that plane with a happy mindset, decline the snacks they offer you and instead reach in your bag and grab your homemade granola bars because you are a crazy health nut, and you will forget that you were even worried in the first place. If for some reason you can’t calm down, I’m only a text or email away. I bet you they paid for in-flight wifi,” Levi says somewhat teasingly. Nico smiles and sucks in a breath.
“I don’t want to fail,” Nico sniffled with a chuckle.
“Nic, what are you talking about? How would you fail? There’s no stopping Nico Kim-Schmitt,” Levi smiles and moves to sit next to Nico on the couch, Nico’s head falling onto his chest. Levi runs his hands through is hair.
“I don’t want to disappoint you or the kids. They look at me like I’m the strongest person in the world and I would hate for them to see weakness in me. I want to be the best version of myself for you guys and it’s really hard to be when my anxiety is trying to make its presence known,” Nico’s eyes started tearing up, but he wouldn’t let them fall. Levi cradled his head.
“Sh, baby, it’ll be okay. You could cry over a papercut and the kids would still think you’ve hung the moon. As for me, you’re the strongest person I’ve ever meet, you could never ever disappoint me or the kids,” Levi kissed the top of Nico’s head.
They sat like that for what seemed like hours, but was only a few minutes. Nico spoke of his fears while Levi reassured him.
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Nico is packing his bag early morning and his kids are standing by him talking to him before he has to leave.
“Can I show you this really cool trick I learned for basketball, dad?” Elena asked, following his around and dribbling behind him.
“Honey, I would love to see it, but I have to leave really soon. Maybe when I get back?” Nico offers sadly. He hates having to say “no” to them, but he has to leave in five minutes or else he’ll be late for his plane.
“I’ll just show you as you walk,” Elena says and stands in front of her dad, dribbling the ball between her legs quickly and bouncing it off her hands, she messes up while it goes between her legs and she groans.
“That was great, baby! Why are you upset?” Nico asks as they walk into the kitchen where Levi and Dylan were there eating breakfast.
“‘Cause I always mess up after I bounce it off my hands, I can never bring it back between my legs in front for the energy to pick it up, again,” Elena sits at the kitchen island and complains.
“Maybe I could help,” Dylan offers.
“What would you know? You play soccer,” Elena rolls her eyes.
“Well, I can also play basketball. You’re not the only one in the family who can do that,” Dylan also rolls his eyes.
“Hey, you two be nice to each other. I wish I didn’t have to go, but I do,” Nico kisses each of their foreheads. “Be good for your father please! And El, if you need help call Uncle Link, he’s great at basketball,”
“What about me?” Levi asks, “Am I great at basketball?” Nico chuckles.
“Yes, babe, you’re the best. I don’t want Elena to be embarrassed by her own skills after watching yours, so that’s why I offered Link,” Nico explains humorously. Levi smiles big and goes to kiss him, arms wrapping around his shoulders, Nico’s hands going to his waist.
“You always know just what to say,” They kiss again, short and sweet. They pull away after a moment so Nico can continue to get his bag ready.
After putting in his keys, phone charger, wallet, and all the essentials, he speaks up.
“Okay, I’m heading out now. My love, I’m leaving you with all the messes,” Nico jokes referring to the children. They join for a close hug.
“I will try my best to clean them up,” Levi jokes back and kisses him, hugging back tightly.
“I feel like I can’t breathe,” Nico whispers in Levi’s ear, referencing to his anxiety about the plane ride.
“I feel I can’t breathe just looking at you,” Levi kisses the side of his head and pulls back. It’s the truth, he always feels breathless while looking at Nico, knowing Nico feels the same way about him. They kiss one more time deeply. Once they pull back, Nico look at their kids.
“I need my hugs, I can’t leave without my hugs,” He opens his arms wide and the teenagers come towards him with soft smiles. “I love you so much,” He says into the hug.
“I love you, dad,”
“Love ya,”
They release the hug after a moment.
“Alright, I love you and I will miss you,” He makes his way to the door that Levi is holding open for him.
“Fly safe,” Elena says. Nico looks back at her and smiles. Levi puts his hand up to Nico’s jaw and brings him in once again.
“Fly very safe,” Levi says softly. They sigh into their kiss and pull away, Nico heading to his car.
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Nico is now on the flight to California. It’s only two hours, so he thought he’d read up on the guy he’s having a meeting with. There’s not much for him to do, besides read and freak out over the possibility of dying. It’s only him, the flight attendant and the pilot on the plane, so not much to converse with.
“Can I get you anything, Mr. Kim?” The flight attendant asked.
“Oh, uh, it’s actually Kim-Schmitt, and I’m okay, but thank you,” Nico corrected and declined politely. The flight attendant looked embarrassed.
“I am so sorry, Mr. Kim-Schmitt. It won’t happen again,” She apologizes.
“It’s okay, kinda a long name,” He jokes. The flight attendant smiles and walk away into the cockpit, leaving Nico alone with his thoughts.
That wasn’t a great place to be.
He started to feel his chest go a million miles per hour, putting his hand over his heart to try and catch his breath. Just as he started breathing unevenly, the plane began receiving turbulence. His table in front of him shaking vigorously and his phone on it, too. He continued to hold his chest as he looked around the plane. The bottles filling the cabinet started shaking, hitting the doors loudly.
He gripped onto the table with both hands and attempted to focus on the small area around him, trying to stay in touch with reality. His breathing became very heavy and he let go of the table with one hand and brought it to his chest, his eyes filling with tears.
“Are you okay, Mr. Kim-Schmitt?” The nice flight attendant asked, putting her hand on his shoulder in a comforting way. Nico continued to breathe heavily.
“Oh, yeah, I’m good. I’m fine,” He says, eyes still frantic.
“It’s just a little turbulence,” She says softly. “We’ll be out of it in a minute, okay?”
“Thank you. Thank you,” He says as he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, nodding his head. She smiles and makes her way back to her area.
Nico opens his eyes and releases his breathe, proceeding with his deep breathing. He doesn’t want to make matters worse by hyperventilating, so he takes calm breathes while looking around the room to keep him intact with reality and not with his thoughts.
His anxiety and panic doesn’t ever go away for the rest of the flight, but he does get his breathing under control.
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When he arrived to Mountain View, California, he got to his hotel room quickly, his heart continued to pound. He sat on the edge of his bed and held his chest. He sat like that for a few minutes until his phone started ringing. He saw it was Levi and answered right away.
“Hey,” He sighed into the phone.
“Hey, babe, I thought you were going to call me right when you landed,” Nico rubs his hand over his face in disappointment for forgetting.
“Yeah, I know, I’m sorry,” Nico apologized, sounding dazed.
“Are you okay?” Levi asked sincerely. He walks out of the kitchen where the kids were sitting and into the back yard, closing the door behind him.
“I don’t know. The plane ride was really terrifying,”
“What happened?” Levi sounded worried.
“It’s like something inside me, I-I just couldn’t breathe. I just felt completely… terrified. And I know it’s my anxiety, but it never gets easier,” Nico admitted. Levi smiled sadly.
“Panic attack? You haven’t had one of those in a while,” Levi mentioned sadly.
“It’s the worst damn feeling in the world, you know? Like, I can normally manage with you and kids, but there was only the flight attendant and even then, she was there for just a second. Then there was turbulence and there was so much noise, I just couldn’t-”
“Breathe?” Levi finished for him. Nico hummed in agreement. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there, baby, I really am. That must’ve felt awful,” Levi empathised with him.
“You’re so sweet,” Nico said, sounding less dazed and more alert. “I have about an hour until I meet for the first of many meetings,” He sighed into the phone.
“Go be amazing and text me if you need anything!” Levi said, sounding hopeful. Nico smiled big on the other side of the phone.
“I love you, Levi,”
“And I love you,” The call ended there, with a worried Levi and a semi-out-of-it Nico.
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After a long day of meetings, lunch, dinner, dessert, drinks (that were declined by Nico), and overall just hours of being a social butterfly, Nico is finally up in his hotel room. He is sitting in his pajama pants, no shirt on, heart still pounding even after the whole day. Little did he know, Levi was doing the same thing.
Levi had an ongoing day of sports games, friends houses, making dinner, cleaning the house, and researching a surgery he had in the week coming up. He sat in his and Nico’s large bed, wearing Nico’s bed shirt and some old pair of boxers.
Nico flopped onto his bed, putting his heart over his chest, again, and sighing heavily. He brought his phone to his face and looks at the emailed plane ticket displayed on the screen. He sat back up and leaned against the headboard, calling Levi.
“There you are,” Levi answered happily.
“Hey, baby,” Nico said with a small smile on his face.
“How are you doing?” Levi asked picking at the sheets on the bed.
“Oh,” Nico sighed, “I am so tired,” He closed his eyes as he said it.
“I bet you are. How did it go?”
“I think we have a deal, just need to email some more documents around,”
“That’s great, baby!” But Nico doesn’t sound as excited.
“Honey?” Nico asked.
“Yeah?”
“I can’t get on that plane tomorrow,” He admitted, sounding ashamed.
“Nic, what’s going on?” Levi asked concerned.
“I know, I just-I just… I-I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know if I should drive or… what, but I can’t… I just-I can’t do it,” Nico’s on the verge of tears at he says this outloud, he could hear the blood pumping through his ears.
“Nic, listen baby, you giving into this panic it’s the worst thing for it,” Nico’s eyes let a few tears fall. “I know it’s hard to do, but you have to tell yourself you’re going to be fine and make yourself do it. And I promise you, if you give in, the fear will only get worse,” Levi said softly, trying not to make light of the situation.
“It’s not even a matter of that. I just...I-I literally cannot…,” Nico began to cry softly. “Do it. And I haven’t felt like this in a long time and it’s scaring me,” He wiped his face off with his hands and waited for Levi to say something.
“I understand it’s hard, babe, but you are really tired and emotional right now, so I think it’s best we talk it through in the morning instead. It’ll be better than, I promise,” Levi feels helpless in this situation.
“Yeah, I think I need to pass out right now. I love you,” Nico says softly.
“I love you,” Levi made a kiss noise through the speaker, to which Nico laughed at and ended the call.
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It was early in the morning, around 7am when Nico heard a knock at his door. He hadn’t slept at all the whole night and was counting down the seconds for Levi to call him back.
“Room service!” He heard through the door. Nico furrowed his eyebrows.
“I didn’t order any room service!” Nico shouted at them. He got up a few seconds later and walked to the door, still shirtless with only pajama bottoms on. He opened it and was meet with his favorite sight.
He was looking at the love of his life.
“What are you doing here?” He asked happily, smiling as wide as he ever could. “How did you get here?” He was beyond shocked. He pulled Levi into his arms and hugged him as tight as he could.
“Caught the last flight,” Levi pushed his head out from it’s spot on Nico’s chest and leaned up for the kiss. The kiss was deep and sweet. Levi’s hand make their way to Nico’s neck. “And I do mean ‘caught’. They closed the door the second I was inside” He spoke onto his lips before pulling away. He set his small backpack on the ground while Nico closed the door.
“What are the kids doing right now?” Nico inquired.
“They are being watched by Uncle Link, who is the referee in their sibling game of basketball. Which, can I just say that it doesn’t make sense that Dylan is also good at. He only played once and now he’s some kind of NBA champion,” Levi ranted and Nico laughed.
“Why are you here, you crazy person?” Nico asked with a dreamy look on his face, as happy as can be. He pulled Levi back into his arms, resting his hands on Levi’s face and Levi placed his on Nico’s waist.
“‘Cause my man’s in trouble,” Levi placed a kiss on his lips. “I’m gonna get you on that flight,” They kiss softly a few more times.
“I’m gonna get you on my bed and then we can talk about that airplane,” Levi’s eyes filled with lust, but they still showed the love he has for his husband.
“I was hoping that’d be part of it,” Nico grabbed his hand and guided him to the bed.
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Lying in the hotel bed naked, Nico on his back, Levi on his side, head in Nico’s neck, arm draped on Nico’s torso.
“You messed my hair up,” Nico playfully grumbled.
“Yes, I did,” Levi kissed the side of his neck.
“You don’t even feel bad about it,” Nico chuckled, Levi joining him.
“Not even a little bit,” He leans his head up and props himself onto Nico’s chest. He kisses him deeply and runs his hands through Nico’s hair, making them both laugh. They pull away from that kiss, Levi resting his chin on Nico’s chest, Nico pulling back some hair from Levi’s eyes.
“Let’s get you on that airplane,” Levi said.
“I’m not going to go on that airplane, my love,” Nico declared.
“Nico, baby, talk to me,” Levi softly said, his fingertips going up and down Nico’s arm.
“I don’t even know how to explain it. It’s like, the second I get on that plane, the world is going to end and I can’t do anything about it. I feel alone and scared and I know that if I choose to go, you’ll fly back with me, but I don’t want to ever feel that again. I had to deal with my anxiety my whole life and it finally went away, I don’t want it coming back,” Nico admitted. Levi got off Nico and sat up again the headboard next to where Nico was lying. He grabbed his hand and held it.
“So you want to rent a car and you want to drive back?” He asked.
“I think I do, yeah,” Nico nodded.
“Give me your phone,” Levi demanded. Nico handed it over confused.
“Why?”
“Can’t rent a car without knowing where to get one,” Nico smiled up at his husband, thankful to find someone so understanding. He pulled Levi’s hand down and placed a kiss on it, smiling to himself.