Chapter Text
When Jo Yuri decided to join Produce 48, she decided that she was debuting with this group. No matter what.
Idol School wasn’t a bad time necessarily. Yuri looked back on it and was thankful for the experience. She could tell what she was lacking and could apply it to this new survival show. In the end, she thinks she was too relaxed. In the first few episodes, Yuri managed to place in the top nine immediately. But she couldn’t maintain her good start and quickly dropped.
It was extraordinarily humbling and depressing. She cried for days. Opportunity had swung by, and Yuri’s preparation and drive had failed her. There was something incredibly distressing about not making it through a survival show. She thought that debuting in Kpop was a guarantee as long as she worked hard and stuck with it. But shows like Produce and Idol School revealed to her that her debut was truly out of her hands.
She knew luck was needed to be successful as an idol. She now knows that a little luck is needed just to get her foot in the door.
So when Produce 48 came around, Yuri took it incredibly seriously. She wasn’t here to make friends. She would practice diligently, sleep as much as possible, and move strategically. Why concern herself with climbing the top of the ranking? She just needed to debut, and then work upwards from there.
And then she met Choi Yena.
Yuri hadn’t given the girl much thought initially. She saw her standout amongst the Yuehua trainees, and her rank of A was certainly impressive. Still, she was just another trainee, and Yuri herself had managed to get a grade of A with her first audition as well. Choi Yena was just another competitor.
She met Yena randomly during some trainee event. Yuri had no idea who this duck-faced girl was, but she tried to ignore her and focus on getting her mindset right. But it seemed like said girl knew who Yuri was.
“Ohh, daebak! You’re Yuri from Idol School!” Yena said loudly. Yuri cringed but politely nodded. “Wow I didn’t know it was possible to do two survival shows!”
Silence. Anyone who was eavesdropping on their conversation had quickly decided to stay away.
Yuri couldn’t tell if she was embarrassed or angry. She felt her face heat up and she clenched her fists, trying not to burst.
Yena seemed to realize quickly what she had done, and was scrambling together an apology.
“Oh my god, wait, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to say that out loud!” Yena’s mouth was wide open and she was rapidly shaking her hands.
“Hmph, don’t you think that was a bit callous,” Yuri retorted. She turned slightly away and gave Yena the side-eye.
Yena put her hands together in a praying position. “I really didn’t mean it! I was just really excited and surprised to see you! I think you’re younger than me, but you already have a lot of experience, right? You’re gonna do super well, I can tell!”
Yuri was still a bit wary, and pouted. “I guess you’re forgiven.” Yuri started to turn away, but then Yena came even closer and put her hands on Yuri’s shoulders.
“I’m really really really really really really really…” Yena starts rapidly repeating the word “really” with what looked like fire in her eyes. It was honestly starting to frighten Yuri.
“Aish okay okay, I really forgive you! Now calm down!” Yuri managed to pry Yena’s arms off of her. The older girl just gave her a bright smile.
“Ah thank God! Last thing I need is to get in trouble on my first day! Say, wanna be friends?”
Yena’s question was asked with no hesitation and no nervousness. Yuri felt her jaw fall slightly open. How was this girl so relaxed? Did she not understand that they were competing against one another to debut? To achieve their respective dreams?
“Yah, aren’t you a little too relaxed unnie?” Yuri asked incredulously.
Yena simply waves her hand in a dismissive manner. “Of course, but that’s why I’m looking for friends. Nothing soothes the nerves like good friends. So what do you say Jo Yuri? Friends?” She stuck a hand forward and smiled confidently at Yuri.
The girl in question stared at the hand disbelievingly. People were friendly in Idol School, and Yuri had befriended a number of them as well. But this girl, Yena, was something else. Still, making a friend wouldn’t change any of her plans significantly. And besides, Yena got an A during the evaluation too. This was a friendship worth investing in.
“Very well Choi Yena,” Yuri said with mock haughtiness. Yena’s smile got wider, crinkling her eyes. “Let’s be friends. I’m sure we can both get something out of this relationship.”
“Wow,” Yena replied, easily accepting Yuri’s character. “This must be what a veteran is truly like. The honor is all mine Yuri-ah! I’ll be in your care.”
And for the first time since Idol School, she genuinely smiled.
…
Yena and her clicked in a weird way.
At first, Yuri considered herself to be using her friendship with Yena to gain support from the viewers. They both were pretty goofy girls who could bolster their respective popularities by engaging in fan service. Yena was comfortable with almost anything, and Yuri got to leverage her younger age and freshness to appeal to the audience.
But along the way, Yuri started forgetting that she was “acting.” Playing with Yena was just so natural and so much fun. Even when the cameras were off, Yena was ready to do something funny and banter. They would broadcast some of their silly shenanigans at night, but once curfew hit and all the girls were sleeping, the two kept cuddling in bed, exchanging trainee stories.
Part of her felt guilty. Isn’t she having too much fun? She needs to focus on her singing. Improve her dancing. Maintain her image. Yena was taking up far more real estate in her head than she had anticipated. How was this girl so laidback? Didn’t she realize what was at stake?
Yena was an anomaly at times. She seemed very straightforward and simple: a true “Happy Virus,” the woman was always making friends, keeping up the energy, and ready to talk. At the same time, she was really efficient at practice. Her voice and dance talents were nothing to scoff at, and while she was the best at neither, Yena was clearly confident in her abilities and had the work ethic to push them further.
One day, Yuri brought up her honest inquiries to Yena during one of their secluded moments. Though Yuri had been careful to control her interactions with the rest of the trainees, she found herself unable to hide any of her fears from Yena.
“Hey unnie,” Yuri starts out cautiously. “Can I ask you a serious question?”
“Yah Yuri-ah, do you mean you’ve been joking with me all this time?” Yena teases. But when Yuri’s expression remains stoic, Yena drops her smile and nods more seriously.
Yuri takes a deep breath. “How are you so confident? I mean, you’re amazing unnie. But you’re so fearless in every evaluation. So energetic whenever the camera appears. Where did this come from?” Yuri didn’t voice her own self-esteem issues. She didn’t mention how worn down she was feeling after weeks of almost constant observation.
But Yena, as if reading Yuri’s mind, simply pulled the younger girl into a comforting hug. “Ah it’s a bit embarrassing. But it’s cause of you Yuri.”
Yuri pulled away with a shocked face. “Me?”
“Mhm,” Yena affirms. “To see you here, still going after Idol School, was really inspiring. You, Kaeun, and the others are kind of proof that this experience isn’t the end all be all. I’m feeling a lot of pressure, and I’m sure you’re feeling even more. But there’s always going to be another chance down the road. I just have to stay persistent, just like you.”
Yuri was dumbfounded. Her? Inspiring? This was something she thought only happened to actual idols who debuted. Yet, here was Yena, admitting that she had been encouraged just from meeting Yuri.
So the younger girl only shyly murmured her thanks. Yena chuckled and pulled Yuri in for another hug. “Be a little more confident Yuri-ah. You’re pretty amazing too.”
Yuri nodded and finally smiled. Yena returned the smile, and gestured for Yuri to go back to her own bed to sleep. But the younger started pouting and insisting on sleeping together.
“Aish, I really can’t say no to that face!” Yena exclaims softly, mockingly throwing her hands in the air. The two make themselves comfortable on Yena’s bed, and Yena knocks out immediately while Yuri takes a few more minutes to reflect. How crazy, Yuri thought. This girl, who started out by offending her during their first meeting, had so easily wormed her way into Yuri’s heart. And to be able to soothe it so easily… What a reliable unnie.
Gradually the walls Yuri had built around herself fell and the strategy she had for the show changed. It wasn’t just about debuting anymore. Her new goal had expanded to include Choi Yena.
…
F. Yuri was reevaluated and received a F.
Ah, Yuri thought, it’s happening again. She was sitting in a random bathroom stall on the sixth floor of the building. Cameras were everywhere, so all the girls had staked out all the spots they could hide. They needed safe spaces where they could let loose and not be afraid of showing something shameful to the nation’s producers.
Fortunately, Yuri had managed to claim this bathroom so that she could cry in private. The logical side of her mind had made an argument for crying in front of the camera to get sympathy points. But every other part of her screamed in frustration and shame. The fall was just…so much. To go from A to F? Who bombs that hard?
Why can’t I keep up? Why do I keep throwing away opportunities? The doubts were haunting her thoughts and Yuri was doing all she could just to stay upright and not collapse onto the bathroom floor. It’s not gonna get any easier Yuri! If you can’t do this, what makes you think you’re ready to be an idol?
She let out a small sob and roughly pulled at her hair. Yuri desperately thought of some way to atone for her mistake. To choke at two consecutive programs was so incredibly shameful in her eyes. She thought of all the other trainees who she had been chosen over to participate. How dare she take away a chance from them only to fail miserably.
Yuri was so caught up in her own thoughts that she didn’t hear the bathroom door open up. While she was furiously biting her lip and pulling at her hair, the stall door opened up. Scared, Yuri looked up and locked eyes with Yena.
The older girl remained expressionless, but took a seat next to Yuri. Before Yuri could protest, Yena gently removed Yuri’s hands from her hair, and grasped them in Yena’s. Yuri struggled a little bit to remove her hands. Of all the people she had wanted to hide this shameful side of herself from, it was Yena.
But Yena refused to let go. “Yuri-ah,” Yena whispered. “I’m…not really good at this stuff. Honestly, I can’t think of anything right now to make you feel better. As your unnie, I’m a little ashamed about that.”
Yuri shook her head and a few more tears started falling. Now she was making Yena feel bad. Stupid, useless Yuri!
“But let me just be here for you right now. Don’t give up here Yuri. You’re too talented and beautiful and strong not to debut. I promise, you’ll make it if you don’t give up now.”
Yena pulled Yuri into a hug. Yuri resisted and tried to get out, but Yena merely held her more firmly, and Yuri’s struggles gradually died down. When it was clear that she wasn’t getting out, she surrendered and loudly sobbed into Yena’s shoulder as the older held her and rubbed circles into the small of her back.
It wasn’t much, but it was all Yena could offer.
The next day, she was practicing for an upcoming performance when Chaeyeon asked for a moment. Yuri was surprised but, eager to see if Chaeyeon had any advice regarding dancing, followed her to a secluded hallway.
Yuri was instead shocked that Chaeyeon had come to talk about Idol School. “Why do you ask?” Yuri questioned, feeling a bit shy and sensitive about her time there.
“Ah, I just thought it’d be nice to have someone to talk to about…not making it on these kinds of shows,” Chaeyeon awkwardly says. “You know, like a support group kind of thing. I still think about being eliminated from Sixteen. But I’m trying to not let it keep me down! I want to help you do the same.”
The honest omission is so unlike the talented and invincible Chaeyeon that Yuri had first seen at auditions. And it emboldened her to talk about her own struggles. The two ended up finding a lot of common ground and comfort from their conversation. Yuri thought about how much harder it was for Chaeyeon to watch Twice become the nation’s girl group after not making the cut. Chaeyeon admitted her envy at times, but expressed the same determination that Yuri had felt when Produce 48 started.
Yuri could clearly see how badly Chaeyeon wanted to redeem her earlier failures and make up for it. The older girl was burning with desire and drive. But it was driven in part by shame and regret. It was evident since Yuri had the same motivations.
Eventually, after talking for a while, the two had to return to practice before the trainers got mad. As they wrapped up their conversation, Yuri felt the weight she had been carrying from yesterday significantly lessen.
“Thanks for talking to me and cheering me up Chaeyeon-unnie. I didn’t even know you had watched Idol School.”
“Ah, actually,” Chaeyeon suddenly recalled. “I didn’t know until Yena told me last night. She must’ve been a big fan of yours to remember you.”
Yuri was stunned. “Yeah, I guess,” Yuri shyly replied.
As Chaeyeon walked ahead, Yuri thought about the unnie who had held her for an hour and then carried her to her dorm.
It hadn’t been much. But it was enough.
…
She ranked third.
Amongst the 48 incredibly talented Korean and Japanese trainees, Jo Yuri finished third. She had bounced from literally the bottom of the final 20 to top three. She had started with an original grade of A, plummeted down to a F, and clawed her way to the final roster. She was going to debut.
During her speech, she was at a loss for words. She had truly accepted that it was over once Eunbi was announced. But the national producers had been swayed. Her final week, where she had pushed herself to her limit and fought to show off her bright side and singing talents, had truly paid off. It was nothing short of a miracle.
Yuri managed to separate herself from the entanglement of congratulatory limbs, give a very unprepared and improvised speech, and approach the intimidating arrangement of chairs. She gratefully accepted the hugs and pats of her future group members, thankful that they were as excited to have her as she was to join them.
She finally reached the second to last layer, where she accepted a hug from Yujin before facing Yena. The girl who had been ranked fourth just moments earlier. Yuri could see the tear tracks on her cheeks from her earlier speech, but Yena’s eyes were glistening with tears again. However, Yuri could easily tell that these tears were a little different.
Yena pulled Yuri in for a hug, and Yuri felt her heartbeat pick up again. Yuri waited for Yena to tell her congrats or make some dumb joke to help cheer her up. After a long ten weeks together, Yuri had a good idea of how Yena liked to cheer up others.
Yena released Yuri, and held the younger girl at arm’s length. She was grinning and her eyes were sparkling. “Yuri-ah, daebak! Jumping 15 places? Is that even possible?”
Yuri rolled her eyes and moved to try and punch Yena’s shoulder, but the older caught her wrist and brought Yuri in for another hug.
“Doesn’t matter what place it was,” Yena continues. “Mnet is realizing what a mistake they made in Idol School. Thanks for not giving up Yuri-ah. I’m so happy we could debut together.”
Yuri ended up sitting on her chair, stifling her jubilant sobs in a valiant effort to not disrupt the announcement of the remaining members.
…
They debut with La Vie en Rose. And what an apt debut song. Her new life feels so incredibly blissful. Sometimes she feels like she’s watching someone else’s life through rosy glasses. All the other members are so incredibly warmhearted and beautiful and she feels so blessed to have debuted alongside them.
And most of all, Yena is right by her side through every step. Free from the worries of Produce 48, she lets herself go and unleashes her mischievous side. And the two become a force to be reckoned with inside IZ*ONE. The dance practices and recording sessions were rough as expected, but it hardly felt like work when she got to hang out with Yena afterwards. Whether it was playing jokes on the other members or just playfully wrestling at fansigns, Yuri and Yena were constantly having fun.
Still, the tribulations of idol life were still present, and Eunbi and Chaeyeon managed to wrangle the duo when they got too unproductive. In spite of Yena and Yuri’s best efforts to slack off, the whole group worked tirelessly to quickly prepare for their comeback. Given the hype around the Produce show, every member was extremely conscious of their success. There was a fair amount of controversy surrounding the final lineup, and everybody was motivated to prove their worth.
Their continued diligence was rewarded with the fastest girl group win on a music show. Yuri had expected to find herself in tears, but she was able to control herself. It was weird, but for Yuri, she had already achieved her dream of debuting. This win was just icing on the cake.
Yuri turned instinctively to look for Yena, and found the girl was already tearfully looking at her. Without thinking, Yuri, who had been standing on the opposite end of the group, ran forward and pulled Yena into a tight hug. The duo jumped in happiness. When Yena let go, Yuri burst into laughter at the sight before her. Yena’s tears were flowing freely and Yuri poked fun at the girl while trying to wipe away the tears. And Yena laughed too, pointing out how ridiculous she must’ve looked.
But before Yuri could respond, the members of Fromis 9 came forward to congratulate Yuri. Despite the fact that they had successfully graduated from Idol School whereas she failed, Yuri felt zero ill will towards the girls. In the end, she realized, things had worked out. Although she had somewhat resented Mnet and Idol School for how much the experience had hurt her emotionally, she thought that all of it was worth it to be able to share this precious moment with IZ*ONE. Fate seemed to work in strange ways.
She looked to Yena again, and Yena had managed to get back in control of her emotions. They made eye contact and Yena gave her a huge smile that almost stopped Yuri’s heart. The duo split off to hug and celebrate with the other members. But Yuri couldn’t help but notice that she didn’t have the same reaction while she interacted with the others and the audience.
Near the end of the encore, she watched as Yena threw rose petals all over the front row of the audience. It was silly and she looked like a kid playing with confetti for the first time. But the sight made Yuri’s heart do somersaults and all she could think about was being the one showered by Yena’s petals. And then the realization hit her harder and more unexpectedly than their first win had.
She was in love with her groupmate, Choi Yena.