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The mirror was fogged by the cold morning air as Matteo was splayed out in bed waiting for anything to happen to save him from his darkness. The black hole that was swallowing him and not allowing him to leave his bed that morning. Warm covers that provided sanctuary from his demons that waited for him wanting him to see the truth in his eyes if he ever left the bed. Matteo needed someone to save him but no one cared to lend a lifeline that he so desperately needed. There were knocks on his door and he was helpless but to ignore them until they faded away. Not bothering to even attend a class that day knowing there was no point knowing he would be too tired to do work. Besides all his friends ever did was ignore him while he had to deal with his thoughts alone and it was an everyday struggle. If no one could help him then what was the point in even trying to share his thoughts or beliefs. Not when all they ever did was questioned the way he thought.
Thoughts about his ever impending sexuality and his new relationship with someone he didn't feel capable of ever loving. No matter how hard he tried to imagine that it was David on the other side of the kiss. Always pressing too harshly as if somehow that would make everything more real as if he really did want to kiss Sara. She was always there for him no matter how hard he tried to ignore her. It was too hard to tell her it was never going to happen because of his crush on David. There was no one at all he felt comfortable to share his new crush because no one knew he liked boys. Barely even figuring it out himself when he was no longer attracted to someone as beautiful as Sara. Instead of wanting to be with the only person he felt like he couldn’t have.
David with his dark curly hair with a mind of its own and shyness to rival that of his sometimes. With a caring heart and a nose ring he just wishes he could feel against his while they kissed. Someone who he imagined himself being with but never imagined being capable of making any coherent sentences around him. He sparked something inside of him ever since they walked past each other in the hallway. Causing him to forget everything and wanting to know everything about this stranger.
Matteo thought he felt his phone vibrate somewhere between the tousled sheets bringing him back to reality and wondered who it could be. See who could save him from his thoughts to possibly distract him if only for a moment. Finally finding it between the sheets and bringing it before him to see who it could possibly be. It was David, his hope, his heart, and his impending love.
“Hey” the one word that was saving him from the fall under once more and now allowing him to think of anything other than his loneliness.
“Hi” the simplest reply but still the only one he can think of with having no other reason to use his brain or words that morning. The sudden text had suddenly brought him out of the dark and allowed for a little happiness in his cold dark world.
“So you're alive then? ”David asks most likely still at class when he looked at the time on the corner of his phone.
“Barely” He replies joking but only barely because he didn’t feel like he was living but only surviving.
“Maybe some grilled cheese will make you feel better then”David replied before the minute was even up.
“Maybe” he replies craving some food after skipping breakfast to instead chose to hide in his room.
“I’ll come over and make some after school then, ”David says with a promise already inviting himself over before he could even reply.
Once he finished reading what was actually being said it made him lay there and think over what was going to happen. David was going to come over to his house to make him food and all he could do was lay there. This made him realize what he currently looked like and knew he had to get up fast if he was going to look decent. He jumped out of bed and he ran to the shower just throwing off his clothes and practically moving like there was a fire lit under him. The shower was a fast one as he tried to at least smell good when David came over. Only throwing on a big sweater and sweats while drying his hair roughly. Knowing how fluffy it was going to end up but that was better than looking as greasy as it had been earlier.
Even trying to make the room look a little cleaner knowing how bad it looked currently and so he moved with a purpose. Once everything looked better and cleaner he finally sat on the couch waiting for the dreadful moment that David would arrive finally. Feeling an overwhelming feeling of anxiety and knew it was too late to try and steer his friend away. Not knowing how he was going to act because it was the only human interaction he would have had the whole day.
There was a knock on the door and he jumped up to open the door to find David all bundled up with a scarf and everything. Nothing out brightened the smile he saw on David’s face and the sunflower he held tightly in his hand. David thrust the flower to him practically shoving it in his face out of pure excitement of seeing Matteo again.
Matteo was a bit dumbfounded as not knowing what to do having never been given a flower and the confusion must have deflated David because he dropped his hand. Leaving the flower to lay carelessly against his side clutched in his hand.
“You don't like it, ”David said a little disappointed he got the opposite reaction of what he had been hoping for.
“I've never gotten a flower from someone before,” Matteo said truthfully as he dug in his shoe into the floor not knowing how to react.
“Well, I'm honored to be your first” with that David happily presented the flower to him once again and Matteo blushed like a fool. Grabbing the flower carefully before bringing in David for a hug laying his head in the crook of Davids' neck. Staying to feel the warmth his body and warm clothes were giving him. Briefly squeezing him before pulling away and allowing the boy to come into his apartment.
David walked in confidently having known his way around from the last time he was there and he shrugged off his backpack and scarf. Leaving it at the front near the door and moving towards the kitchen. While Matteo placed the flower in Heineken beer bottle as a makeshift vase to make sure it was safe. Seeing that David had made himself comfortable in his own home was kind of comforting.
When David finally made it to the fridge he found the ingredients in the mostly empty refrigerator. Making both of the sandwiches confidently having made so many during his lifetime. Almost feeling like a routine but he was happy to make it for Matteo who was currently sitting on the countertop as he waited. With his sweater paws and messy hair that curved along his brows almost hiding his blue eyes. Matteo looked a bit tired with the dark circles under his eyes but he still looked just as endearing.
Matteo sat and waited for the grilled cheese toast and watched David make him food which really touched his heart making him feel warm. Even carefully cutting it in half so it would be easier to eat and making him feel special. Matteo thought that David didn't have to come and make him a grilled cheese but he actually seemed like he wanted to. David turned to face him with the food offering one side for him and one for himself. Matteo uncovered his hands and reached out to grab it and David jokingly pulled it away causing him to laugh. When he finally grabbed it he brought it to his mouth and took a bite closing his eyes feeling how savory it was. As he opened them he saw David watching with a proud smile knowing he made his day a little better.
David watched attentively as he ate his own slice and was transfixed by Matteo eating making him look even more adorable. Matteo had some crumbs at the corner of his mouth making him look a little funny. Knowing he was going to fix this problem and made up his mind coming over to stand before Matteo. Who was still on the counter sitting and so he reached out to wipe it away with a small kiss. Catching the pesky crumbs in his mouth and daring to press against the corner of Matteo’s mouth, only barely.
“Yummy,” David said as he pulled away just in time to see Matteo's cheeks stained red with his half of grilled cheese still clutched in his hand.
Matteo was so surprised he had been kissed because it happened all so fast and he barely had time to think about it. The light brush of his lips on the corner of his mouth made him want more. It was a quick peck and he admired the other boy's confidence and wondered what made him do it.
“I’m happy you came over,” Matteo told David while they were still lingering in the kitchen after finishing their meal.
“Your just happy I fed you”David teased with a warm smile and knew he would have come over if that was the actual truth.
“Yes, but I'm also happy you came over to give me company, it was lonely here” Matteo replied with a shrug of his shoulders and honesty. Wanting to show that David meant a lot to him even if they only knew each other for a little while.
“I came because I heard your friend talking to the others that you weren't at school, I missed you, ”David told him trying to show that he meant what he was saying and that he cared that he wasn’t in school.
“Well thank you, it means a lot to me, ”Matteo told him as he slid down from the counter and over to David, this time role reversed. Pressing a small kiss on the other boy's cheek as he brushed away a dark hair from his brow. As he pulled away he didn’t feel any regrets in his actions knowing it felt right. Even grabbing David’s hands lacing them between his as he felt how warm they were against his own.
David felt a rush to his head as he was kissed on the cheek and felt like he wanted more with whatever was happening between them. Even feeling surprised that Matteo was currently holding his hands with his own. Rubbing circles on the back of hands seeming to want to memorize the feel of them. It was a push and pull of sorts and he wanted to give in to it all. Wanting to have a relationship with Matteo knowing the longing stares meant so much more.
“What are we?”David asked as he tilted his head looking at Matteo who was now standing in front of him currently shifting side to side. He could tell this might be a difficult question knowing that the boy was currently having a battle with what he wanted.
“I don’t know, friends I guess”Matteo replied as he pulled away dropping David’s hands scared what his face might show the truth. Not really ready to face something like that head on and really felt confronted. He has hidden what he felt with his sexuality and it was hard to say out loud. If he said it out loud it means it’s actually true and there is no coming back from it anymore.
“Look at me, stop pretending, I see the way you stare at me, ”David said as he came to stand beside Matteo only wishing he would turn around. He wanted to see those beautiful blue eyes of his at once and not be staring at him from the side. As flattering as it still was he still wanted to see his expression which was shown in those eyes.
“I don’t stare”Matteo responded as he hid his face from view finding his sweater more interesting than the conversation. Feeling a bit embarrassed that he had been caught over staring at David. He couldn’t help but look at his dark wavy hair and thick eyelashes that framed his eyes perfectly. It was hard to look away from him and once he saw him he knew he could never stop. Not knowing he was being a little bit too obvious with his staring thinking his hair helped hide it.
“You do, and I don’t mind because I do the same thing whenever I see you”David blurted out before he could even think what he was saying. Also feeling better that he was putting everything out in the open now. He didn’t feel ashamed looking at Matteo because to him he was the most precious person alive. The way his hair fell over his eyes shielding them away and the way his lips twitched in an almost smile when he was happy. Everything he ever did was always interesting to him because it’s what made him unique.
Causing Matteo to look up from his sweater and look over to see David looking at him and only him. As if he was something more than just a lonely person who didn’t have everything together yet. Seeming to look for something, anything, to show that he was just as smitten as he currently was. He felt a little bit of reassurance from what he saw and that was David, purely him. With his kind eyes and bright smile, Matteo knew this wasn't going to be a mistake and he felt hopeful. He wasn’t going to be alone anymore and he knew he was making the right choice with David. Feeling nothing but trust for him because he wasn’t running from him, he was staying firm.
“Are you sure you like me?”Matteo asked knowing that this was a first for him and he had a tendency for always messing things up. Never exactly being good with his feelings but David had sparked something within him. The want and possibility to try and be a good boyfriend, partner, and lover. It was something he had always wanted having always seeing others with their significant others. Always imagining he was the one holding hands with a person or giving them flowers. Knowing he wanted everything and would try his hardest to make David feel loved and not let him regret it.
“I've never been surer in my whole life, I want to be more than friends and actually be something more like boyfriends, ”David told him as he reached up slowly to capture Matteo's face in his hands. Gently running his hand over his cheek allowing for Matteo to succumb to his soft touch.
“Boyfriends?”Matteo asked as he watched every detail of David’s face carefully for anything that might show the opposite. Finding nothing and allowing for himself to let go of the tension in his shoulders and finally letting himself give in.
“Yes boyfriends” David confirmed as he wanted to remember every detail in Matteo's face wanting to capture that moment forever. Knowing he wanted to draw him later to remember what happened that night.
“I've never had a boyfriend, I don't know if I will be a good one but I promise I will try”Matteo revealed feeling embarrassed and shy all of the sudden as he was now being stared at so intently. Causing him to shut his eyes wanting to disappear over his lack of experience. But then feeling David try and open his eyes with the gentle touch of his fingers. Causing him to open them and see David smiling at him gently.
“Don't overthink the label and just be you because that's what attracted me from the day I saw you in the hallway” David told him reassuringly.
“It was the same for me, from that day on I wanted to never look away from you and I still haven’t ” Matteo replied as he watched David.
“Really, you want to look at this face forever huh?”David asked with a laugh and cheeky smile
“Of course I do,” Matteo said truthfully as he leaned in to rub his nose against Davids before putting his arms around David's shoulders. Letting his arms rest on him as he had a new found confidence. Before leaning closer and pressing his lips against Davids feeling the brush of his nose ring against him. Pulling back to catch his breath before having David chase his lips and press against his once more. Allowing himself to give in and feeling his knees practically go weak beneath him. Feeling his head being cradled in David’s soft hands and grasp his hair as they both fell deeper into their own world.
When they ran out of oxygen and were forced to pull away they were practically gasping for air. It felt like it was worth it to be out of oxygen just to be able to kiss again. Both of the boys had wide smiles on their faces and felt excited about the new found relationship. Never wanting to leave the bubble they had just created they stayed closed and in their own world. Moving to Matteo’s room to have privacy if needed and to be more alone but together.
Laying practically on top of each other on the bed not bothering with personal space anymore and closer now more than ever. With Matteo playing with David's' hair while David watching closely and enjoyed the feeling of his hands in his hair. Feeling more at peace than ever and feeling so lucky to have found someone like David in this beautiful universe.No longer feeling alone and finally feeling the love he always wanted.