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Chapter Text

“And when life hits love, sometimes you just die.” ~ Lauren Jauregui

- Clove

It’s the day of the reaping for the annual hunger games. My parents won’t be home till noon. Which is going to be in two hours? Did I really sleep that long? I jump out of bed and realize that Ethan is gone. He must have woken up before me to get ready for the reaping at his place. I thank god he’s gone when I think of what would have happened if my parents caught us curled up next to each other in the same bed. Ethan isn’t really my boyfriend, to me he’s more of a distraction. He helps me to forget Cato sometimes.

Cato Hadley and I were best friends and training partners since I stabbed a knife in his shoulder at the age of 8 because he was the one who laughed the loudest at the small new girl. We know each other and our fighting techniques inside out and have always covered each other’s backs. Two years ago, Cato decided that he wanted us to be more than friends, so he followed me to the showers after training where he kissed me deeply. I wasn’t certain about my feelings just then because in the academy they teach us that love weakens us. Nothing could tear us apart until a few months ago, I caught Cato in the act with an 18 year old blonde who trained with us.

From that moment on, everything I focused on was training and I imagined the two blondes as my targets and I never missed a single one. “All feelings do is weaken you”, the trainers tell us again and again, but in my case they made me stronger and my knife throwing skills perfect.

But I didn’t manage to ban Cato from my head just by training even harder though. In my dark moments, when I’m alone in the showers at the academy or walk home alone in the dark, the voices are back. They were not that loud when I was with Cato and therefore easy to ignore. But now they whisper things to me. They tell me to kill Cato, because without him, I’m nothing. These voices… sometimes I answer them.

To get rid of Cato once and for all and to make me feel better again, I started to flirt back to the other boys at the academy. Ethan, an archer really made an effort to stand out to me and because I knew that Cato hated him, I decided to give us a shot and we became a couple. At least he thinks we’re a couple. For me he’s the distraction who keeps the voices low but he’s not the one who makes my heart race.

“You better get ready now Clove. You have to be all done when your parents arrive.”

In the mirror I see a pretty and awake girl. Short – the exact opposite of how I’m feeling. Levinja puts out a champagne colored dress for me and does my hair into a loose ponytail. I apply a tiny bit of make-up and take a look at me again. I’m very pleased with what I see. Then I hear the door downstairs and my parent’s voices calling. I jump down the stairs right into my mother’s arms. She hugs me but quickly lets me go to check my looks.

“Wow Clove, you look gorgeous.” My dad smiles proudly at me. He knows about my plan for this year’s reaping. While he hugs me he whispers in my ear: “You sure you want to go through with this?” The question is rhetorically, he knows my answer anyway. We both turn towards my mother. “Mum, there’s something important I need to tell you. I want to volunteer for this year’s hunger games.” First she looks surprised, then her mouth curls into a smile. “I always knew you would do that sooner or later. You’ve worked so hard to become the best in the academy and I’m certain you won’t have any difficulties in the arena.”

I smile at her thankfully. It’s good she supports me instead of trying to talk me out of it, which makes it a lot easier for me. Ella, my best friend didn’t let me go easy and we discussed for hours. Luckily she understood how important volunteering was for me. I’ll go through with it before anyone else takes my place.

My parents and I are on the way to District 2’s justice building where the reapings are pulled off. Ethan approaches us and pulls me into his arms. “You look amazing today, girl”, he says, voice husky as always. He looks good too. Wearing a white shirt with dark blue dots on the collar and a blue jeans, matching the color of the dots. When he friendly greets my parents, my mother surprises us all, by pulling him into a hug and wishing him luck.

That’s when I see him, surrounded by a crowd of giggling needy girls. The glance of his steel blue eyes is on me, admiration on his face. I quickly pull away, feeling uncomfortable. I’ve heard that he’s about to volunteer as well, which was Ella’s main counterargument. But that’s nothing that would stop me. If anything, it delights me. I finally get my chance on killing him. A sadistic smirk crawls over my face. My father’s eyes are bouncing back and forth between me and Cato for a moment. He knows how bad Cato’s hurt me, even though I never said a word.

After saying goodbye to my parents and Ethan, I move over to waving Ella and together we step in the space reserved for girls our age in the middle of the crowd of children. District 2’s escort Estelle Adams steps to the front of the stage. This year she has bright green skin, hair and teeth. “Happy Hunger Games”, she screeches into the microphone. “As every year I have the honors to select one young brave woman and one young brave man to participate in the Hunger Games. Ladies first. Any volunteers?” This question is absolutely redundant.

In District 2 they don’t even bother to do a real reaping because there is always at least one volunteer. I put up my hand in the air before any other girl can. “There we have our brave young girl, come on stage.” My heart is beating rapidly now. I step on stage and take a look at the thousand curious faces. There are two that stick out to me. First is Ethan, who smiles and gives me a thumbs up, the other one is Cato who looks completely unsatisfied. Estelle pulls me in front of the microphone. “What’s your name love?” – “My name is Clove Kentwell.” I’m thankful for the strong sound of my voice because all I see in front of my inner eye is Cato’s facial expression.

Chapter Text

“They say that you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. The truth is, you knew exactly what you had; you just thought you’d never lose it.”

- Cato

No, it can’t be. Everyone but Clove. When I don’t volunteer now, someone else will kill her, but if I do volunteer I might have to kill her myself. “We’ve already got our girl tribute. Now it’s your turn, boys”, Estelle says with her horrible capitol accent. A massive boy my age jumps forward but then I awake from my thoughts and get into action. I make my way through the crowd and almost knock the other guy out with my elbow so I can mount the stage.

Estelle seems a little insecure and glances at one of the peacekeepers who gives me an approving nod. “Well, well. Looks like we have our tributes for this year’s hunger games. What’s your name?” – “Cato Hadley”, I answer with a cocky smile on my lips. “Now shake hands”, Estelle demands and takes a step back. Clove makes a step towards me, her hand’s stretched out. I take my chance to look her in the eyes. They’re frosty. As if she was thinking of all the possible ways to kill me in the arena. I bet she is. Two peacekeepers approach us to guide us inside the justice building and in separate rooms.

The door is yanked open and my parents step in. My mother pulls me into a deep hug. “I believe in you Cato. I know you can do it. We’re so proud of you.” My father isn’t as emotional as my mother, but I know him well enough to know that he’s proud as well. He puts his hands on my shoulder. “You can do it, son! This is what you’ve trained for all these years. Winning will be child’s play.” We quickly go through my strategy again, then a peacekeeper takes them out.

Next to visit me are my two younger siblings. Meo seems determined to not let his feelings show, but Olivia throws herself at me crying. “Why did you do it? Why did you volunteer? She’s going to kill you.” I notice Olivia saying “she” not “them”. She must be talking about Clove. Back when we were still friends, Olivia never trusted Clove and was scared of her. “Don’t worry Olive, I think I know how to handle that.”

Meo looks at me with the attempt of a smile, but fails miserably. “I know you can make it”, he says, sounding much like our father. “Just always keep in mind what they teach us in the academy. Always look forward, never back. Trust no one; don’t feel anything.” He sounds more serious than ever. He may only be twelve years old but has been training for four years already, as it’s expected from the boys and girls of District 2. I pull him into a hug and my “strong” little brother even sheds a few tears. I always knew he would never be a real career, he is way too emotional. Hopefully they won’t break him to make him give up on his emotions. “I love you, Cato”, he murmurs into my ear. “I love you too, little one!”

The third and last person to visit me is Ethan, Cloves boyfriend. What the…? He looks a little nervous but determined. “What do you want?” I hiss. Ethan looks up and straight into my eyes. “Clove broke up with me!” – “Congratulations, but what do you want from me?” Why is he fucking here? I ask myself. “I know that, in your crazy twisted way you’re still in love with her, even though you cheated on her.” Oh wow, what a bomb to drop right in the beginning of the “conversation”. “I know you’ll let her win”, he continues. “And then she’ll come back to District 2 and back to me.” He practically spits this words at me, turns around and leaves. Okay… and this guy has the nerves to call me crazy and twisted. But he’s right anyhow. I won’t be able to kill Clove in the arena. But let her win when I just promised my family to win and make them proud? Let her win even though I’m gonna be the best fucking career the capitol and the games have ever seen?

A peacekeeper appears in the doorway to lead me out of the justice building, towards the train station. Suddenly I notice Clove right next to me. Her face is motionless. The cameras nearly trip over one another to get the perfect shot of us, the two volunteers from the career district. I feel Clove nearby as we enter the train and wave our district goodbye. The door closes as the train starts moving to bring us to the capitol.

Chapter Text

“We loved each other at the wrong time.”

- Clove

I’m more than aware of Cato’s intimidating presence on my right, as we wave goodbye to our district. When the train gets into motion, I have to contain myself to not trip into him. Estelle approaches us and asks us to follow her into a huge room that resembles the training room at the academy in his size. On the back wall is a gigantic TV screen, on which we’ll surely watch the recap of this year’s reaping. But first we’re introduced to our mentors: Enobaria and Brutus.

Enobaria is known in every district of Panem since she ripped a tribute’s throat out with her teeth during her games. It’s also said, that she is slightly insane. And this coming from you Clove, one of the voices giggles. Brutus immediately decides to mentor Cato, so I’ll be dealing with Enobaria. Maybe that’s not the worst, I think. Enobaria and I resemble one another. In the academy, I had the reputation of being unhinged and psychotic. What child gets the idea of stabbing another kid twice her size and then starts laughing hysterically?

The angle Enobaria has worked out for me is simple. “Be arrogant, vicious and strong, just be the classic career. The capitol’s gonna love it”, Enobaria twinkles. I’ll intimidate the other tributes in training by showing off my knife throwing skills. “It’d be ludicrous to hide your talent till your private session is up. You don’t have any serious opponents. I guess I’ll never get why some mentors advice their tributes to do that.” No serious opponents besides Cato, I think but I keep my mouth shut. Even after our romance has ended, I kept an eye on him. I know exactly what he’s capable of doing.

After I assure Enobaria that I got everything she said, she and Brutus leave us alone to watch the recap of the reapings and decide on possible allies. Cato joins me on the couch and I crawl as far away from him as possible without leaving the couch. But even after I managed to put about ten pillows between us, I still feel uncomfortable next to him. Cato watches me for a while then he says with a sigh: “Listen, I know you haven’t forgiven me for the thing with Crystal a few months ago, but we have to leave this behind now. If we want to make it in the arena, we have to work together.”

I feel my face getting hot under his stare. While imagining how I slowly slit his throat open at the end of the games, I agree: “Fine, we’re allies but nothing more.” He nods in approval and as if Estelle had waited for us to agree on that, she starts the reaping tape. In District 1 the tributes are volunteers as well. A slightly dump looking, but strongly build seventeen year old boy and a girl his age. And what a girl! She has blonde, bouncy curls and her legs seem endless.

Cato whistles through his teeth and mouths the word “wow”. Yeah, he really has to have a thing for blondes. My thoughts drift off until District 11 is shown. A strongly build boy is reaped along with a twelve year old girl. I can’t suppress a mean giggle coming from my throat and Cato smirks as well. How pathetic. The girl won’t last a minute in the arena.

Finally something spectacular happens. And it happens in District 12! A twelve year old girl is reaped and another girl, she must be about sixteen years old, jumps in and volunteers for her. Must’ve been her sister or something. I’m going to crash her. A volunteer from District 12, ridiculous. Peeta Mellark, the boy reaped, could be worth a second look. Well, if he wouldn’t be from 12 of course. The screen goes black and Cato turns towards me. “I want District 1!” I sure know why. The blonde, long legged Glimmer. “Your wish is granted”, I mock and add: “You might not have the same opinion, but I think we should ask the boy from 11 as well.” Cato nods with a smirk: “Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. That’s my Clover.” He used my old nickname. I feel my face getting hot again. God, what is he doing to me?

We’re in the dining room with our mentors and Estelle, who wants to know, who we picked as possible allies. Cato answers: “We thought of District 1 and 4, even though the tributes from 4 don’t seem to be actual career tribute material. Clove also suggested to talk to the guy from District 11.” Brutus and Enobaria nod simultaneously. “Seems like a good choice, Clove. Thresh looks strong; he could be a worthy ally or a dangerous opponent.” Cato snorts and murmurs mockingly: “Opponent, hah!” The conversation gets boring, so my gaze out of the window.

After dinner, everyone leaves to their compartment to get some rest. I only manage to get a few short hours of sleep before I wake up way too early. And since my body doesn’t want to fall asleep again, I get out of bed and get dressed. To make the time pass quicker, I decide to watch the highlights of last year’s games. As I enter the room with the TV screen, I discover that Cato must’ve had the same idea as me.

I approach him and sit down next to him. This time not separated by a bunch of pillows. He raises his head and watches me straight in the eye. I have the feeling that his ice blue eyes are piercing through me. Just as he opens his mouth to say something, I watch away and out of the window. “I don’t wanna hear nothing you possibly have to say”, I hiss at him. Why do I feel like this when he’s near? I should hate him for hurting me so badly. I should hate him because we’re most likely to be the last remaining tributes in the arena and victory will be decided between us two. And I should hate him because he makes me feel like a little girl. I’m a fucking career!

The landscape passing behind the window has changed. The wide areas of nothing that surround the districts changed into gigantic skyscrapers which glow in all the colors of the rainbow. What we see is the capitol.

We’ve arrived.

Chapter Text

“Darling I’m a nightmare, dressed like a daydream.” ~ Taylor Swift

- Clove

We get off the train and are greeted by a cheering crowd. I fake a smile unlike Cato, who put on his killer face. I feel Brutus’ hand pressed on my back. “Just keep moving”, he whispers to me. I have to contain myself from stepping on his feet or completely stop walking. I’m already moving, what does he want?

Since the tributes from District 1 and 2 always arrive early in the Capitol and usually don’t need as much preparation at the remake center as the tributes from other districts, we have at least a day to check out our apartment at the training center, before the opening ceremony. As the doors close behind us, it gets almost deadly quiet. The screams from the crowd aren’t audible in here. Cato and I get pushed to an elevator, which takes us to our apartment. When the doors glide open, I can’t hold back an incredulous laugh. Estelle shoots me a pissed glare.

District 2 is one of the wealthier districts of Panem, but every luxury there is nothing compared to the pump of the capitol. The first word that comes to mind to describe this place is kitsch. Everything is sparkling and shining. The foyer of our place is full of ugly decorations and there is a lighter hanging from the ceiling, shaped like a unicorn.

Estelle shows us to our rooms and reminds us to be back out for dinner in half an hour. Then she finally closes the door and leaves me alone. Alone in this gigantic bedroom with a gigantic bed with an incredibly soft mattress. I fall into the pillows and think of nothing. My head is absolutely empty.

A loud knock on the door makes me jump. I really didn’t want to fall asleep. When I open the door, I’m faced with Estelle who is obviously super pissed. “What were you thinking?” I’m not sure I know what she’s referring to. “I had to eat alone. With him!” Oh, she’s talking about dinner. Cato seems to scare her with his vicious appearance. And I’m nearly offended that I seem to be more likeable than him to a person like her.

“What time is it?” I ask, voice still sleepy. “It’s 9.30 pm!” Fuck! I seemed to have slept through the meeting with our mentors. But right now I have another, very important desire to take care of, rather than talking to Estelle or Enobaria. I’m hungry. I shove Estelle out of the way and head to the dining room, where a buffet awaits me. While I pick some things together to make a meal, Estelle follows me on foot, still grumbling over me leaving her alone with Cato.

At some point I’m so done listening to her complains, that I jump up and leave the dining room without a word. I hear Estelle shout something about “manners. You have no manners!” but I couldn’t care less. In the hallway I bump straight into Cato. “Where are you headed, Clover?” he asks, while casually putting an arm around my waist. I raise an eyebrow at this gesture but then I hear the clicking noise of Estelle’s pumps coming towards us. “Just leaving.” He shoots me a cocky grin. “Wanna escape, huh? I wanted to go down to check out our allies. You in?” The only thing you wanna check out down there is Glimmer, I think but what comes out of my mouth is: “Sure.”

As soon as the elevator doors open on the floor of District 1, we’re approached by the seventeen year old boy. Marvel, I remember. Cato and he are nearly the same age, but Cato being younger still makes more of an impression when it comes to body features. While Marvel looked quite muscular at the reaping next to Glimmer, he now looks like a toothpick compared to Cato’s bulky physique. They have nothing in common besides both being careers.

“Hi, I’m Marvel”, he says with a bright grin on his face, casually putting his arm around my waist. “And what can I call you, sexy?” Trying not to be too obvious in my disgust, I push his arm away. “Clove”, I answer brusquely. His grin doesn’t fade a second and he pulls me towards the living room.

Jesus, if all the boys in District 1 behave like that, I can’t understand why not every girl there goes straight to being nun. A tall blonde, must be Glimmer, rises from the couch. She doesn’t even bother to look at me and throws herself at Cato. “Hi, my name’s Glimmer. The moment I saw you on the reaping tapes, I knew exactly you’re all I want.”

Seriously? You’re all I want? My jaw tightens. Why do I even react this way? Because Glimmer’s blonde? Blondes and I haven’t worked well in the past. She even reminds me of Crystal; before I broke her nose of course. I feel like I could vomit, just by watching Glimmer offering herself to Cato that obviously. When I tilt my head to look at the scene in disgust, I notice Marvel rolling his eyes at his district partner. And these retards are going to be my allies in the arena?

I turn on my heels and head to the elevators. When the doors are nearly closed, Cato squeezes in with me. “Wanted to leave without me, huh?” – “It wasn’t my intention. You just seemed so much occupied with Glimmer that I didn’t dare to interrupt you”, I hiss. There’s his cocky smirk again. “I think I get it, Clover. I’ll lean far out of the window and say you’re jealous.” Hopefully, you fall out. Am I jealous though? Yes, Clove Kentwell, you’re jealous. Fucking jealous.

+++

Estelle wakes me up the next morning. “Finally every tribute has arrived. They have been send straight to the remake center. I caught a glimpse on some of them, they need their prep team’s work desperately. The opening ceremony will be this evening and it’s my task to introduce you to your prep team.”

The members of my prep team are the three most eccentric people I’ve ever seen. “You must be Clove”, a woman with color changing skin whistles. She looks just like a chameleon. “I’m Allison.” She’s the only female on my prep team. The two males, who must be around 30, introduce themselves as Bastian and Calvin. While Bastian’s body is covered with bright orange fur, Calvin has no hair at all and his skin has the pattern of a tiger’s skin. “Our task today is to make you look even more magnificent than you already do, love. We’ll just have to do some tiny beautifications”, giggles Allison. Once Estelle has left, Bastian asks with a horrible stilted, high pitched voice: “Are you ready, sweetheart?” I sigh and decide to ignore most of the terrible nicknames, but if Calvin calls me honeypot just one more time, I’ll really have to contain myself to not run my freshly manicured fingers over his face.

The “tiny beautifications” take much longer than I’d expected. Every hair is removed from my skin – the pain is comparable to having a spear piercing your thigh in training, my nails are filed, the ends of my hair are being cut and the lengths are treated with multiple care products. In the end I feel like a plugged chicken. My prep team isn’t done until each of them has called me “beautiful” and “gorgeous” again and again. Then my stylist arrives.

I’m surprised by how normal she looks, besides being from the capitol. She’s a tall woman with harsh facial features, which are underlined by the way her short black hair is cut. She wears a light green shirt to a black skinny jeans and matching high heels. “Hello Clove, I’m October, your stylist.” Her voice is friendly and the capitol accent is hardly recognizable. But the look she gives me, as she scans my body makes me feel like a piece of meat. “You’re quite pretty. The dress I designed for you for tonight will look perfect on you.” I dare to doubt that. After everything I’ve seen since we arrived in the capitol, I’m very concerned about the good taste of the capitol.

She puts me in a delicate, ivory colored, knee-length dress. Above the dress I wear a filigree golden amour, which adapts to my physique. My feet are put in golden sandals. As I check on myself in the mirror, all I can say is: “Wow!” October grins and nods satisfied after she’s done a few adjustments. Then it’s time to go. On the hallway we meet Cato and his stylist Flavius.

Cato can’t seem to take his eyes off of me and whispers in my ear: “You look absolutely stunning tonight, Clover.” I try to act as if I didn’t hear him, but I can feel my face blushing and Cato chuckles. We’re directed to an elevator that takes us to the basement, where the chariots are waiting for the tributes who are arriving one by one.

We approach our chariot but before we arrive it, something pink and fluffy throws itself on Cato. I recognize the blonde locks and instantly know that it’s Glimmer. Cato loses his balance and both, he and Glimmer go down to the floor. I do my best to ignore them as Flavius helps me mount our chariot. When Glimmer’s called back by a man, who must be her stylist, she kisses Cato goodbye and bounces back to Marvel.

I feel jealousy burning in my veins like acid. Cato takes his place next to me and in a matter of seconds, the opening ceremony begins. The chariot of District 1 starts moving. Right before they pass the gate into the open, Glimmer turns around and blows Cato a kiss. I have to bite my tongue to prevent my mouth from saying something I might regret. I’d be mocking Cato after all and he’s not known for his calm temper. Seconds later, our chariot starts moving, we pass the gate and are greeted by a cheering crowd. I proudly put my chin up and enjoy the crowd calling my name.

Suddenly the cheering becomes deafening. I risk a glimpse over my shoulder and notice Cato doing the same. What I see makes me angry. I’m so going to kill her and her death will be especially slow and painful. The reason for the crowd freaking out is District 12.

District 12 is on fire!

Chapter Text

“I said no one has to know that we do. His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room. And his voice is a familiar sound, nothing lasts forever.” ~ Taylor Swift

- Cato

I can’t believe it. Of all the districts, it had to be District 12, the most disliked district of Panem. I snort furiously and turn my head back to the front, so I can suppress the urge of killing Everdeen right here, right now. As I do so, I notice Glimmer, who’s staring at the District 12 tributes in anger.

The first chariots arrive in the basement of the training center. As soon as ours stops moving, I jump to the ground. Then I notice District 12 and anger clouds my vision. Whatever, I’ll just kill her right away. But something’s holding me back. Looking down I see Cloves tiny fingers clutched around my wrist. I could easily break free from her, but I’d have to hurt her to do so. And I really don’t wanna do that.

I release the tension in my muscles and let Clove pull me towards Brutus and Enobaria. Brutus has his hands full himself, because he has to hold Enobaria back from jumping the smirking Haymitch, District 12’s mentor. “What have you been thinking you codger? Having your tributes stealing my tributes’ spotlight!” Clove smirks at Enobaria, causing a public scene with her fury. Even I can’t help but grin, but then my glare wanders to the boy and girl from District 12. “We’ll end her together”, I hear Clove whisper viciously. Clover and Cato. I remember, back in the academy, they used to call us the Double-Trouble. Everything I can do to answer is nod, because before any words leave my mouth, I’m buried in the pink, fluffy fur of Glimmer’s outfit.

“Oh Cato-darling. Did you see how she stole my spotlight?” she theatrically screams in my ear. I hear Clove murmur “absolutely ludicrous” before she turns away to help Brutus, who is still trying to get Enobaria away from Haymitch and into an elevator. “Are you going to kill her for me, Cato-darling? I want to see her suffer and bleed!” – “Of course she’ll suffer, Glim.” But when I answer, it’s not her I think about. Clover and I are going to kill her together and we’ll make well damn sure she bleeds. Glimmer smiles satisfied and gives me a kiss.

“No need to kiss him to death, Glimmer.” It’s Marvel who has a mean smirk on his lips. “We should leave, I’m hungry. Come on, Glim.” He pulls her away from me and I take the next elevator to get to my own apartment.

The elevator doors glide open and I’m confronted with loud voices and screaming. It’s Clove and Estelle. Latter is trying desperately to calm Clove down but fails miserably as Clove screams in anger. Then I can hear the sound of breaking glass and see one of the crystal glasses hit the back wall. Clove must’ve completely lost it. Back in District 2, I used to be the one to throw and break things. I decide to step in but when I come into sight, Clove grabs Estelle’s teacup from her hands and throws it at me.

I’m not prepared for the attack and hardly manage to dodge the teacup. But I hit a vase that breaks into pieces. Clove comes towards me now. Her face is distorted with rage. Before I can do anything to protect myself, she crashes into me and presses me against the wall. “What do you want from HER?” she hisses. Her tiny hands are choking me and at that point, I lose my temper as well. I push her away fiercely. Too fiercely.

She trips and falls right onto the sherds of the broken vase. “Fuck!” I curse and get on my knees beside her. She whimpers as I start to pull the sherds out of her hands. Estelle is blustering somewhere behind us and Brutus enters the room, eyebrows raised in confusion. “What’s happened in here?” Estelle, happy to find someone to yell at, runs towards him. “Your tributes have absolutely no manners. I don’t think I’ve ever escorted a couple that is as insane as these two. Clove freaked out about…” she shoots me an angry glare. “About Cato and Glimmer. Then Cato arrived, broke this hella expensive vase and pushed Clove into the sherds. Brutus, do something for the carpet’s sake. She’s bleeding on it!”

I help Clove up and support her with my shoulder. She’s shivering; and she’s jealous. Despite the situation I can’t help but feel slightly happy because she still cares about me. Estelle bandages Clove’s hands without saying another word and leaves, still angry with us. Since Brutus doesn’t seem like he wants to say or do something except just watching us with a still confused face, I pick Clove up bridal style, take her to my room and lay her down on the bed. I take my chance to admire her beauty, till she opens her eyes and shoots me an evil look. “Get the fuck out of my…” she stops in the middle of her sentence, when she realizes that this is my room, not hers. “What am I doing here?” I don’t answer and just cup her face with my hands.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were jealous?” She shrugs as an answer. “Well maybe because of Glimmer and because of Crystal. They’re both tall, skinny and blonde. They’re blonde Cato.” I pull her into my arms and smell her sweet scent. “Glimmer can’t compete with you. You’re my special someone and if you’d give me a choice, I’d be kissing you, not Glimmer. But I still can’t shake the feeling that every time you look at me, you’re trying to figure out the best and most painful ways to kill me.”

I can’t continue talking, in a matter of seconds Cloves lips are on mine. “You can’t imagine how much I’ve missed this; how much I’ve missed you”, she whispers between two kisses. I answer by nipping her lower lip, which causes her to moan softly and me to pull her even closer. Under my shirt on my bare skin, I can feel the bandages on her hands giving me goosebumps. From this moment on, I decide to stop thinking and deepen the kiss by letting my tongue slip over her bottom lip, asking for entrance.

We’re interrupted as the door blasts open and Enobaria and Estelle enter the room. Estelle turns away, a shocked expression on her face but Enobaria winks and says with a cocky smile: “I know a desk next door, which is perfect for activities like that, if you know what I mean.” Estelle lets out a sharp breath and shoots our mentor a glare, which could kill.

Clove buries her face in my neck in a desperate try to silence her laughter. Estelle snaps at Enobaria: “Don’t you dare to support this kind of… behavior. What do you think they’ll do when they get in the arena?” Fuck, the arena. I nearly forgot about that. But winning is out of reach for me now. It already was, when she volunteered at the reaping. I couldn’t go back to District 2 without her by my side.

Enobaria comes towards us now and explains that she hadn’t interrupted us, if she didn’t knew a way to help Clove with her wounds. She advices me to hold Cloves one hand while she loosens the bandages on the other. “This might hurt now, Clove”, she says and sprays a translucent liquid on her hand. Clove hisses and nearly jumps back but instead she squeezes my hand tightly. “Ouch, Clover. You’re hurting me.” – “It’s not like you don’t deserve it”, she murmurs. The next moment we let out a breath of relief. We know the spray that Enobaria used from the academy. The trainer’s favorites were allowed to treat their wounds from hand-to-hand combat with it. It makes them heal instantly. “Cato’s done some good work, the cuts are deep but nothing that can’t be healed.”

Once she has healed Cloves other hand, she winks at us again. “I’m leaving. Go on with whatever you’ve been doing before we interrupted you.” Clove chuckles and pulls me down on the mattress with her, kissing me again. But the kiss is different from the one before. This one’s hungrier. But I break it anyway to look her in the eye. “Clover, I love you; never stopped and I don’t want to go into the arena without…” – “Me neither Cato-darling”, she whispers glimmerish before pulling me down again.

And this night, we don’t worry about Glimmer, the games or possible death. This night we only care about each other.

Chapter Text

“And we made the devil pray to god.”

- Clove

The first thing I see, when I wake up the next morning is Cato’s face, hovering over me. “Got a nice view?” I ask teasingly. “Sure do”, he chuckles. “I’m surprised that Estelle didn’t wake you up, when she burst in here like a fucking hurricane five minutes ago. She informed me, that we better get ready for training and stop this “relationship nonsense”.” He tried to mimic Estelle’s accent when saying the last words. “Well then I suggest we better stop this “relationship nonsense” and get ready”, I reply laughing while jumping out of bed. But, when I try to get dressed in my clothes from last night, I find them spread everywhere across the room. With a frown on my face, I turn around just in time to see a dirty smirk pass over Cato’s features. “Better hurry, Clover. Don’t want anyone to see you naked but me.”

I close the door to my room behind me and allow myself a moment of happiness. On my bed is a note, written by October: Good morning, Clove. You will find your outfit for the training sessions in the left side of your closet. Calvin has volunteered happily to do your hair this morning. Good luck in training and kick some ass. – October

Right after I put on the grey and red training outfit, there’s a loud knock on the door and Calvin enters. Again, he only talks about the capitol and doesn’t seem to care about my lack of attention. I only listen up, when he addresses me directly in an attempt to soothe me about the parade last night, where the District 12 tributes outshined everyone else. “We, your prep team still couldn’t keep our eyes of you and Cato. Nobody’s going to care about Katniss and Peeta, when you win the hunger games”, he coos while he secures my hair with a hair tie. He did two french braids and tied them together in a high ponytail. I usually don’t care about my looks, but I have to admit that Calvin did a great job with the hairstyle, supporting my fierce appearance.

After a quick breakfast and a brief coaching from Enobaria and Brutus, Cato and I step into the elevator that’s going to bring us down to the gymnasium. I feel my muscles tense in anticipation and without checking, I know Cato is excited as well. A mechanic bell announces our arrival at the training floor. While someone pins the number two on our sleeves, Glimmer bounces towards us. Her blonde hair is in two childish looking braids and the sweet smile she gives Cato is just pathetic. Her expression changes in disbelief as Cato walks by her with a growled “morning” and greets Marvel like an old friend.

The only bad thing about him doing so, is that I’m Glimmers next target. Except that she doesn’t try to flirt but stare at me like she’s about to rip me into shreds. “He’s mine. Don’t think for a second that you can have him”, she hisses through gritted teeth, obviously trying to mimic me, but nothing she does will change the fact that she only looks like an angry kitten and not at all intimidating. Oh Glimmer, if you’d only knew that I already had him. Marvel greets me with a wide grin and I have to push him away to stop him from hugging me. Atala, the head trainer calls us together and explains the rules of training. I don’t listen; I’m way too occupied with watching Glimmer, who is hitting on Cato again. Look at her, just tossing it out there. She doesn’t stand a chance in the arena. Not against us and our knives, the voices whisper.

When Atala finally finishes her introduction speech, I catch a glimpse of Everdeen, who shyly walks towards the fire making station. “If the shoe fits”, I murmur and turn away. Us careers gather together to figure out each other’s strengths and abilities. “So I want to know what all of you can do, so we can organize our group in the arena. I work best with a sword”, Cato states. Marvel speaks up next: “My weapon is the spear. I have a really strong throwing arm, wanna feel it, Clove?” He winks at me, but I only raise an eyebrow. “I trained with the bow and arrow back in District 1”, Glimmer tells us with an overconfident smile. “And what do you have to throw into the ring?” Marvel asks, winking at me. “I work best with throwing knives but since they are most effective from a distance, I learned to fight with a sword, if I have to.” Glimmer chuckles and murmurs something that sounds like: “Like you could lift a sword” but Cato gives her a nudge that makes her trip slightly.

Marvel suggests that one of us leaves the group to train on his or her station and the rest of us watches the other tributes. But Glimmer comes up with a different option. “How about one of us goes training and the others watch”, she says with a look in my direction. Before anyone else can open their mouth, I agree. You asked for it. Marvel wants to start and moves over to the spear throwing station. He takes one of the bigger ones, weights it in his hand and then throws it right through the chest of the dummy with the highest distance to him.

We nod in approval. He might me a dick, but he’s good with his weapons, I think. Next, it’s Glimmers turn. While she takes her time, choosing the perfect bow for her perfect hands, I check out the other tributes. There is no serious competition. Most of them don’t even try to learn the use of a weapon, not that it would help them extend their lifespan in the arena. Glimmer has finally chosen a bow that she thinks worthy of her use. She shots an arrow that wouldn’t do any sever damage on a human body. 

I can’t help but smirk, when she comes back, her face full of anger. Cato wants to show off next, but I see Everdeen making her way to the knife station and looking at the knives. So I grab Cato’s arm to hold him back and nod towards Everdeen. He watches her for a moment then a vicious grin darts over his lips.

I step right behind her and as she turns around, she jumps a few steps back in shock. Marvel, Glimmer and Cato burst into laughter. I only allow myself my trademark smirk. While I take two knives from the table, I notice Peeta Mellark who joins his district partner in her observation of my actions. Without estimating the dummies and their distance to me, I throw the knives right when the dummies light up. Then I grab a third knife from the table, spin around and throw it at a dummy on my right. Like I expected, the knives always pierce exactly through the hearts of the dummies.

The District 12 tributes stare at me, like I just murdered their families and they’re not the only ones staring in shock. Marvel whistles approvingly and Cato nods, a light smile curling his lips. But it’s Glimmer who I’m paying attention to. Her face is a grimace of disbelief and her mouth is slightly open in astonishment. Cato’s next to show his skills. He needs less than a minute to fight down all the trainers at the sword station.

Our group splits up and we train individually. It must have been an approach of megalomania, that had my feet move over to the sword station. Before things ended with Cato, he tried to teach me some skills with the sword but since he mostly relies on his brute strength, the sessions weren’t of much use to me. Ethan was the better teacher. He wasn’t as tall as Cato and not that muscled, since he didn’t need that much strength for archery. So he had to rely on speed and skill, just like me. It took me longer than Cato to fight all the trainers, obviously, since they are taller than me but I did it. At that time, I realized that I’d be in big trouble if Cato and I were the last to two living tributes in the arena and that it would be difficult for me to finish him, if I even stood a chance.

The sound of Cato’s raised voice brings me back to reality. “Ashton, where is my knife, huh?” The boy from District 6 looks terrified. “I – I don’t have it. But where is my knife?” Cato loses his temper completely. He shouts at the boy and pushes him back forcefully. The boy from District 6 reacts in the worst way possible and starts to push Cato away from him, while accusing him of stealing his knife. The trainers, who come to end the fight, don’t stand a chance against an angry Cato, who just pushes them aside as if he was chasing away a fly.

That’s when the peacekeepers step in. When they grab Cato, he still doesn’t calm down. “I should kill you right now kid. But know what? I will wait for the arena and you’re the first one I get, so watch your back, huh!” The peacekeepers pull him away, probably back to our apartment. District 6 sinks to the floor and glances at the trainers, panic in his eyes. He has all the reasons to panic, because I’m not the only one to know, that Cato will keep his word. Ashton won’t survive long in the arena.

Chapter Text

“Welcome to the dark side. I assure you it’s much more fun down here.” ~ The Royals

- Clove

I spend the rest of the day with my allies, after Cato’s been thrown out of training. Which means that I have to listen to Marvel’s stupid sexual jokes during the whole break. The girl from District 4 joins us at our lunch table, sits on Marvel’s lab and introduces herself as Marina. She is tall with broad shoulders and short black hair, styled in spikes. Her eyes seem to pierce through Glimmer and I like an X-Ray. While giving me an especially pejorative look, she says: “What are you doing with the careers, little one?”

I grit my teeth, ready for an answer but surprisingly, Marvel jumps in. “You can’t compare size with strength, Mari. Our Clovie is very skilled with throwing knifes and she can even work a sword.” Marina frowns in disbelief. “You can lift a sword?” she laughs and I swear to myself, that I’ll show her how I can lift a sword.

I spend the rest of the day with Marvel at the spear station and observe our fellow tributes for possible hidden talents or weapon skills. And while we laugh at the girl from District 7, who tries her luck with a spear, I have to admit that Marvel isn’t that bad after all, funny even. But still, you’ll kill him. You’ll kill them all and we’ll make them bleed. The voices became louder again, since I left District 2 and not even Cato’s presence can silence them. Am I going mad? I shake my head in an attempt to get rid of them and Marvel shoots me a confused glare. He has just opened his mouth to ask what’s going on, when the monstrous boy from 11 walks by. Thresh, I remember his name. “Hey Marvel. Don’t you think that we should give District 11 the chance for a career tribute this year, in our endless generosity?” Marvel follows Thresh with his eyes. “I like the way you’re thinking, Clove. But I’m not the leader of our pack, this is up to Cato to decide.” I expected him to say that. Luckily, I already have Cato’s approval. Marvel tries to train me in throwing spears, but we both have to confess that I’m abysmal at it. There is a huge difference between throwing knifes and throwing spears.

When I arrive in our apartment after training, I’m greeted by dead silence. Since I love to take extensive showers after a long day of training, I enjoy the lack of noise and decide to give myself a wellness treatment. I press every button and try every program the shower has to offer which takes more time than my usual reward-showers. After I step out of the shower and in the dryer, I dress in an oversized shirt and sweatpants and leave my room.

Cato lies flat on his stomach, his face buried in a bunch of pillows, when I slip in his room quietly. I smile and let my fingers run through his light blonde hair. He flinches and backs away in shock. Did I just manage to scare the always alerted, tough career Cato? The laugh that nearly burst out of my mouth freezes somewhere in my lungs when I see his face. It shows an expression that I can’t assign.

 “I had a chat with Marvel about asking Thresh, the District 11 boy to join our alliance. He agrees with us, that it’s a good idea.” Cato turns around to lie on his back and answers without looking at me: “So we’ll ask him tomorrow.” I don’t dare to ask what’s wrong. He must have had a hard argument with Brutus about his tantrum during training. I decide to distract him and sit on his lap. He pulls me down in a kiss, which is very unlike Cato. It’s tender and soft instead of the usual hungry and reckless kisses. All thinking stops when his hands slide down to my waist and inside my pants.

+++

I’m the first to wake up the next morning. Cato’s arms are slung around me and I can’t make a move without waking him up. And Cato hates to be woken up, he rather wakes up by himself. The problem solves itself when Brutus yanks the door open and snorts at the look of us. The loud noise wakes Cato up, who doesn’t only fall out of dreamland but out of bed as well. Brutus chuckles.

“I thought you might want to know that you have to be down at the gymnasium for training in less than an hour. So get ready!” – “Are you fucking kidding me?” Cato growls. Yeah, he really hates to be woken up. “Oh no, no one’s effing kidding!” Estelle snaps from behind Brutus and storms in the room. Thank god, Cato’s quick-reacting enough to jump back in bed, cover himself with a blanket and me with his body from Estelle’s piercing eyes.

After our mentor and escort have left our room, I get out of bed and only put on my underwear before I scoot over the hallway, back to my own room. It takes Cato and me half an hour to get ready for training, including another quick shower, getting dressed in freshly cleaned training clothes and tying my hair in a ponytail. Estelle, Enobaria and Brutus are already awaiting us.

“Great job you two. You took so long that there’s only time left for a protein shake”, Enobaria whistles, abnormal happy for this time of the day. Cato seems thrilled with the prospect of the availability of protein shakes in the Capitol and orders not only for himself but one for me as well. I already didn’t like them back in the academy but today, they do miracles to my exhausted body. They immediately make me feel awake and give me the well needed drive for today’s training.

Before we enter the elevator, Brutus tells us that he has something important to tell us after training. As soon as the elevator doors close, Cato takes my hand. He still doesn’t seem to be back to his old self. “You okay?” – “It’s nothing. Just hold my hand for a moment, please.” Still puzzled, but knowing that he won’t say more, I do what he asked for and squeeze his hand. Cato usually isn’t one for romantic gestures such as holding hands and tender touches, but maybe it’s just the thought of the arena that changed him. We’re the last to arrive and Atala approaches us with a long speech about punctuality and that even the careers need to train every day, since the Gamemakers are watching. If we were in the arena, honey … you wouldn’t dare talk to us like that.

At the end of her harangue, I imagined to slice her up into tiny pieces at least one hundred times. We’re released and Cato surprisingly joins Glimmer at the training station for hand-to-hand combat and helps her with some moves we learned in the academy of District 2. It must be true that our academy trains us harder than the academies in the other career districts. Marvel waves at me to join him at the archery station. Even though I was never trained with the bow and arrows, I’m a natural, just as expected.

Marvel handles the bow just as well as I do and it even seems like he spent his time in District 1’s academy with archery and not with spears. “Impressive. You just might be our new Glimmer”, I mock laughing and he joins in. “But I think I’m missing the impressive bouncy curls”, he says, throwing back his imaginable hair.

We meet up with Cato, Glimmer and Marina at the door to the dining hall for lunch. I notice Glimmer’s holding hands with Cato and raise an eyebrow at him but he acts like he doesn’t notice. “Operation Thresh is on?” Marvel asks Cato. “You bet it is!”

Thresh eats alone and gives us a grim look when he sees us coming towards him. Cato is the one to speak, since he’s the leader of our career pack. “Thresh. We have an offer for you: you join our alliance and you might survive the bloodbath. Don’t you want to make your district proud?” I doubt that it was Cato’s unlucky choice of words, which causes Thresh to push back his stool and rise above Cato like a mountain. Latter doesn’t seem impressed. Thresh might me taller than him but Cato’s been training since childhood. “Then I guess you’ll have to kill me.” His voice growls loud and causes the tributes, who are seated nearby, to watch the scene. Cato grits his teeth, his voice is only a snarl: “Fine. It’s your choice then.” I feel a chill running down my spine. Thresh is not someone to underestimate.

Chapter Text

“You like your girls insane.” ~ Lana Del Rey

- Clove

The rest of this training day passes by uneventfully. We mostly observe the other tributes and fight a trainer from time to time. Once a bell announces the end of training for today, I remember Brutus’ comment about him having something important to tell us. And since I can be a very inquisitive person sometimes, there is no time left to loose. While grabbing Cato’s wrist and already pulling him towards the elevators, I wave a quick goodbye to our allies over my shoulder.

Estelle is already awaiting us in the foyer of our apartment and leads us to the dining room. Enobaria and Brutus are talking to a man, who I know from this year’s reaping. He’s the one who did a drunk head-dive off the stage. It’s Haymitch Abernathy, the mentor of District 12. “What does he want?” Cato asks suspiciously.

Enobaria tells us to sit down and Haymitch explains his business: “One of my tributes, Peeta Mellark, wants to join the career alliance. He is strong, he can wrestle and he can handle a knife quite passably.” Cato takes time to think but I can see that the thought of Peeta in his career pack disgusts him. But he could help us. He could lead us to the firegirl, so we can slit her open. The voices are right. Without waiting for Cato’s opinion, I agree to Haymitch’s offer.

But I badly misjudged Cato’s mood today. First, the humiliation of Thresh laughing at him with no attempt of fear and then me, agreeing to partner up with someone from District 12. He grabs my arm and draws me into his room, snorting of rage. “May I ask you what the hell you think we do with someone from District 12? The whole country of Panem will laugh at us: the career tributes, who teamed up with someone from 12. If we’re lucky, he dies in the bloodbath at the Cornucopia right at the beginning of the games, so no one will ever know that you teamed up with him. This isn’t what I trained for all my life, Clove. The people shall fear or admire me but not laugh at me. First, you want a potential ally from 11 and now you got us a real ally from District 12. District 12, Clove. Have you lost your mind?”

While he talks, he becomes more and more furious. His voice is getting louder and his face turns to a crimson color. I’ve seen him like that before, in the academy or at school. When I don’t stop him now, he’ll punch me in the face. “Hey Cato, calm down and let me explain. Please.” He narrows his eyes. “Yeah, explain Kentwell. Explain why the fuck you want someone from District 12 to be our ally.” – “He can actually help us. He can help us find his district partner and if he’s as strong as Haymitch indicated, he might be of value to us. And if we found the firegirl, Peeta won’t be hard to kill.”

He looks more calm and controlled when I have finished. He understands. “He won’t be hard to kill for the last one of us. You’re a genius, Clover”, he smiles and pulls me into his arms. And again, he switched from beast-Cato to puppy-Cato. Speaking of puppy-Cato: “What was the matter with you yesterday? Was it Brutus’ reprimand, because you’ve been thrown out of training?” I ask the question that bothers me for hours now. “You usually aren’t easy to sneak up on. I mean, I’m brilliant at it but I never thought, I could scare you that easy.”

[[Flashback

-Cato

The peacekeepers guide me out of the gymnasium, after I gave Ashton hell. I’m still full of rage, but I know better than to attack the peacekeepers. They nearly kick me out of the elevator as soon as we reach my apartment. “That was a warning shot, Hadley. Do something like that again and you can kiss the games goodbye”, one of them says before the elevator doors close shut.

I’m about to let everyone in the apartment know that I’m back early but then I see Brutus and Enobaria, sitting at the dining table and talking to Augustus Braun, Glimmer’s mentor. They seem to be plotting something since they keep their voices low so Estelle can’t hear them. Quietly, I sneak up to the door and listen.

“Do you really think that’s smart?” Enobaria asks uncomfortably. Brutus interrupts her: “Of course. The capitol’s gonna love it, they love drama and a good show. Clove doesn’t fit in. She has that cold, unapproachable and vicious attitude.” I smirk. Clove would be proud if she knew how Brutus saw her.

“And Cato fits in?” I listen more closely. What are they talking about? “He sure does”, Augustus interferes with his artificial melodic voice. “On the outside he’s the perfect coldblooded, ruthless killing machine. A headless brute, who becomes a lovely little puppy in the arms of a woman.” Oh crap. The conversation takes a direction that I’m not comfortable with.

“Come on, Enobaria. Let’s be honest. Do you think Clove is predictable? You are in contact with the academy’s trainers as well, aren’t you? You must know what they say about her; what everyone says about her. Sure, she’s vicious and a killing machine like Cato, this is what they raise them to be. But I heard from the trainers that Clove is unhinged and mentally not stable, which makes her one of the most dangerous tributes the arena has ever seen. She is insane, Enobaria. Who else would volunteer at the age of fifteen?” My stomach turns and I feel the urge to vomit. Sure, Clove isn’t always rational, but so am I and I always thought that was because of our training. But hearing Brutus say these things about Clove; hearing what the trainers say about Clove, makes me sick. “This is what they said about me as well”, Enobaria hisses but the other two ignore her.

“The capitol would never buy a love story with her in it. The people here may be mental as well but they aren’t stupid. Sooner or later they’ll notice that something’s wrong with her. Not later than in the arena. I tell you, my Glimmer is perfect for the job. The citizens will kill each other to sponsor them.” Now I know exactly what they’re talking about. It makes me angry. But it’s not the fact that our mentors want me and Glimmer to play up a love story; what angers me is the way they talk about Clove. Augustus doesn’t even know her. My fist hits the doorframe.

All three mentors jump up and reach the door simultaneously. Augustus looks pleased, Enobaria surprised and Brutus furious. “So now you know what’s going on”, latter says, his voice free of emotion.

“Do your fucking job!”

End of Flashback]]

- Clove

Cato hesitates and then seems to decide that there is no time to look for a believable excuse. His answer is hardly audible and I have a hard time understanding his words. “I slept with Glimmer”, he mumbles. “You’re kidding”, I smirk but Cato’s face keeps the ashamed look. “It’s the truth, Clover.” He’s joking. He has to be joking. “When?” my voice is only a gasp. I know it’s never smart to salt the own wounds but I just have to know. “Yesterday. After training”, he whispers. Okay, Clove. Breathe. In and out. But breathing isn’t going to help me now.

“And then you fuck me right after?” Before I realize what I’m doing, my fists land in Cato’s face. And it doesn’t stop there. I hit his chin, his lips, his chest, his stomach but he doesn’t say a word. Doesn’t even try to protect himself. Before I do anything that might get me into real trouble, I storm out of the room, into the elevator and onto the roof of the training center. I’m heavily panting, so I try to regulate my breath to prevent myself from hyperventilating. Come on, Clove. Step on the edge and enjoy the view. Hah, you’d love to see that. Furthermore, I notice the force field surrounding the roof. “Always worried about our wellbeing”, I growl.

I stay on the roof until the cold air of the night sends chills down my body. Back in the apartment, I meet Cato, Glimmer, Brutus and a man, who I don’t know but he introduces himself as Augustus, the mentor of District 1. They look like they’ve been waiting for me. Brutus tells me to sit down and I notice Cato’s swollen face with satisfaction. Glimmer shoots me an angry glare but Cato avoids eye contact. “Clove, the whole thing kinda escalated a tiny bit”, Brutus begins with what must be the understatement of the year.

“Yeah. All we wanted was a love story with these two”, Augustus adds. It was supposed to be for the cameras only. To play the couple during training in front of the Gamemakers and during the interviews for the whole nation of Panem. In the arena, it should become a little more sexual. Everything went according to plan before I interfered. They were advised to keep me out of the whole story, I’m only his district partner, the little girl with the knives. I notice how Cato tenses and his hands are clenching into fists, when the mentors explain this particular part.

But then I messed Cato up so he couldn’t or wouldn’t play his role correctly, so our mentors stepped in. “We gave them a little push in the right direction”, Augustus says. I would describe it as a monstrous kick in the ass, but okay. And that’s when I realize. I took so much time for my “wellness” yesterday that I practically invited Glimmer. Then there was Cato’s weird behavior and the hint of guilt in his eyes. The only thing I still don’t get is why he still had sex with me, right after sticking his tongue down Glimmer’s throat.

“And what’s the reason for this cozy get-together?” I snarl. Only moments later, I wish that I just kept my mouth shut. That I just would’ve left without listening any longer. Augustus turns to Cato and Brutus mouths something to him. [[“Do your fucking job!”]] The words that come out of Cato’s mouth next, leave me breathless. “Clove, you’re jeopardizing everything. It’s an attempt to gain sponsors for the games, which you’re impeding. Sponsors could be the ones to decide whether we live or die. You have to understand how important this is; you can’t destroy this opportunity for us.” How can he say that so easily after telling me he’d love me? It hurts, it really does. “You’re dead to me, Cato Hadley. Once and for all!” I hiss and storm to my room. Cato can’t even imagine how much he’s hurt me. The only soothing though I have, is that the arena is near. And in the arena, it’s allowed to kill and torture…

Chapter Text

“Baby, now we’ve got bad blood. You know we used to be mad love. So take a look what you’ve done.” ~ Taylor Swift

- Cato

What have I done? What have I done? The thought repeats itself in my head over and over and my sleep is restless. Waking up early in the morning, the first thing I see in front of my inner eye is Clove’s hurt expression. What have I done? Estelle knocks on my door and talks to me through the door. I know she doesn’t like me. “You have your private training session today. Better get ready and start the day”, she whistles. Firstly, I already knew that and secondly, I really hate her voice; especially in the morning. The glass on my nightstand still contains some water, but I throw it anyway. The glass breaks when it hits the wooden door and the water spills on the wall and floor. Estelle screams and I hear her high heels click, as she jumps away from the door. She should know better by now than to knock on my door in the morning.

I get up and take a shower. While the water runs down my toned body, I hear Clove’s voice in my head: “You’re dead to me, Cato Hadley. Once and for all!” I deserve her contempt, but I can’t deny that it hurts. Why did I even admit to our mentors’ plan? My fists hit the buttons of the shower randomly and suddenly I’m standing in a water flow, as cold as ice. I wince and quickly leave the shower, get dressed and step out on the hallway.

Just when I pass by Clove’s door, it’s pushed open and hits me right in the face. I stagger a few steps back and touch my face, moaning in pain. My eyebrow feels swollen, but district partner obviously couldn’t care less, she turns away with the hint of a smirk on her face and leaves in the direction of the dining room. I try to follow her, but the ground under my feet is shaking. Somehow, I manage to reach the dining room and grab a handful of ice from the buffet to cool my eyebrow. Enobaria frowns when she sees me.

“What happened to you?” she asks, her tone disapproving and her eyes narrow at the sight of Clove, who sits opposite to Brutus and acts as if her cereals are the most important thing in the world. “Clove happened”, I say through gritted teeth. I want her to know that she nearly overstepped the mark to my bad side and with close observation, I see that she got the message. Her jaw tightens.

“You two should get down, the private sessions are about to start”, Brutus states, but it’s obvious that he just wants to get rid of Clove and her fierce expression. I haven’t eaten nothing yet, so I randomly take a sandwich and another handful of ice and follow Clove to the elevator.

She doesn’t even look at me the whole way down to the gymnasium. But I understand her, I’ve hurt her badly; and more than once. And again I ask myself the question, if the sponsors are worth hurting her that much. The voice of my trainer from the academy back in District 2 echoes through my head. “Feelings are unimportant, Cato. You’re a career. All things important to you are killing and winning the fucking games.” I force myself to leave my Clove problem alone, for now.

The elevator doors glide open and we get send to the anteroom of the gymnasium to wait for our session to start. Marvel is the only one there and Clove sits down closer to him than necessary. The ice cubes are melting and cold water is dribbling between my fingers to the concrete floor. I throw them away but seconds later, I wish I threw them at Marvel, who starts giggling at the sight of my eyebrow. “Thanks for your compassion”, I growl. “Relax, your stupidity is not his fault”, Clove hisses back and I’m too surprised that she’s talking to me, to react the usual Cato-way.

The door of the anteroom is opened by a peacekeeper and the other tributes come in. Glimmer smiles at me encouragingly and takes a seat on Marvel’s other side. The male tribute of each district shows his skills first in the private sessions with the Gamemakers, while the girls will be first on the interviews.

Marvel is called and leaves the room with a battle cry. Glimmer rolls her eyes but Clove’s lips curl into a light smile. Marvel doesn’t come back and we careers try to chat a little, but all of us are too excited. After fifteen minutes, a metallic voice calls for “Glimmer Belcourt, District 1” and she gives me a kiss before she leaves. Clove makes a gagging sound and Marina giggles. I meet Clove’s glace and her green eyes narrow, but right before she breaks eye contact, I see a hint of disappointment in them. After ten minutes, it finally is my time to shine.

I pass through the gate at the end of the anteroom and stand in the now empty gymnasium. “Cato Hadley, District 2!” I introduce myself to the Gamemakers with a steady voice. They greet me with a nod, my signal to start. Of course, I’ll show of my skills with the sword. With my well-trained eye, I choose a weapon and position myself in the middle of a platform. Every eye is on me; I have the Gamemakers’ undivided attention.

The first hologram appears on my right. I cut his head off and, surprisingly, get covered in fake blood. I spin around to pierce my sword directly through the chests of two holograms, which tried to attack me from behind. The next one is “killed” by a direct hit in the heart and another one loses his leg. Adrenaline makes me feel more alive than ever. Soon, I’ll be in the arena and killing real people instead of stupid holograms.

Once I’m finished and no more holograms appear, I’m covered with a thick coat of fake blood. Nobody interrupts me on my way to the spear throwing station, where I kill another dozen “opponents”. My eyes wander up to the Gamemakers on their balcony. Many of them are nodding in recognition and Seneca Crane, the Head Gamemaker dismisses me with a slight movement of his left hand. In the elevator, I catch a look of my blood covered self in the mirrored walls and decide that the first thing to do, is to take a shower.

+++

In the evening, it’s time for the televised announcement of the training scores. I’m excited but not nervous; none of the Gamemakers would give me a score less than ten. Clove joins us, along with her stylist October and a water bottle and drops herself lazily on the couch. Estelle comments her behavior with a snort, but no one cares because right now, the TV lights up and the voice of Claudius Templesmith, the announcer of the games, greets Panem and this year’s tributes. Marvel’s face appears with the number nine flashing around his head, Glimmer receives an eight. She scored low for a career from 1. When my face appears, I clench my hands into fists. I got a ten. Even though I expected nothing less, my performance easily could’ve been rated with a twelve.

Everyone congratulates, except Clove. Her eyes are locked on the TV screen where her score appears. She got a ten as well and I can see, that she’s thinking the same way I do. We could’ve easily gotten a twelve. The upcoming scores are low and not very interesting. Marina’s got a six, like Glimmer, she scored low for a career tribute. The little girl from 11 gets a seven, I really don’t know how she did that, but killing her won’t be difficult nevertheless.

Mellark receives an eight and the firegirl gets eleven points. Clove’s whole body tenses and her tiny hands form into fists, her face mirrors the same desire to kill that I feel. Without thinking, I wrap my hand around her fist. She doesn’t pull back and looks me in the eyes. “Together”, she mouths. Yeah, we will kill her together.

I comes to a decision and grab Clove by her wrist. She tries to fight me off but isn’t strong enough, so I haul her out of the room without difficulties. “Cato, let me go. Let me go! You’re hurting me.” I don’t answer and lock the door of my room behind us. “Clove, I didn’t want all this. Well, I wanted sponsors and an advantage in the games but I never wanted to hurt you.” – “But you did”, she snarls and rubs her aching wrists. Brutus voice echoes in my head. “Do you think Clove is predictable?” Seeing the way she’s looking at me now, with fire in her eyes, I’d deny the question without hesitation.

Suppressing a sigh, I unlock the door and call for Brutus. He enters the room with a suspicious look on his face. “Brutus, I can’t do this; I can’t hurt Clove like that. She’s more important to me than Glimmer or possible sponsors.” Brutus nods slowly. “I’ve foreseen something like that. Think of the consequences.“ Then he grabs my shirt by the neck and pulls me out on the hallway.

“You should also think of what we said in the conversation that you’ve overheard. You can’t afford that, Cato. You especially can’t afford a knife in your back, just because you were stupid enough to trust her in the arena, not to mention you falling for her. Do you really know whether her intentions are honest? Do you know for sure that she won’t change her mind tomorrow or any other day?” I turn my head and take a look at the slim but muscular girl in my room. Clove is still standing, where I let go of her. Arms crossed, her face emphatically disinterested turned towards the window. “I’m willing to take that risk, Brutus. I know her, I can trust her.” Brutus clearly has a different opinion on the trust issue, but he keeps his mouth shut. He must’ve heard from the Double-Trouble, the new stars of District 2. “Whatever, Cato. It’s your choice. But in case she turns against you, remember my words: I told you so.” I watch my mentor’s back as he leaves me standing in the hallway. I might have seemed confident towards him, but deep inside, I feel my stomach turn.

Chapter Text

“I looked her in her eyes, she stared back all silent. When I told her I'm the devil, I was smiling.” ~ G-Eazy

- Cato

Estelle wakes me up this morning again. She calls through the door that I shouldn’t throw something, then waits for a few seconds. I’m not in the mood to throw things, so she goes on: “The interviews will be tonight, but preparations won’t start till afternoon. Your mentors and I will coach you in the morning about what to say and how to behave.”

I keep an excessive distance to Clove’s door on my way to the dining room. After choosing a fruit salad and a sandwich, I sit down to the huge table. Seriously, who needs a table that big in an apartment for tributes, who stay for only a week and officially aren’t even allowed to visit each other. When I frown at my thoughts, I feel the bruise on my face again and take a knife to examine my reflection in its blade. It doesn’t look pretty and hopefully, my prep team or Flavius know how to make it disappear before the interviews. Enobaria enters the room, a glass of wine in her hand and starts giggling at my sight. If I didn’t knew better, I’d presume Enobaria has a drinking problem, like the mentor of District 12. “Oh look who it is. It’s Mister Anabolic, watching his very own magnificent reflection”, I hear someone mock from behind. So Clove and I aren’t in a better place than last night.

+++

“Ouch!” I scream, when Trish pokes my bruise for the third time. To hell with him; to hell with my whole prep team. He apologizes and backs away, followed by the rest of my incompetent prep team. I wonder if the Capitol chooses them by how dump they are. Flavius doesn’t let me wait long and comes right up to me, his face shows disapproval. “Brutus didn’t exaggerated when he told me, your face looked fucked up”, he says, while poking my bruised eyebrow like Trish did. Then he pulls out a small tube out of his pocket and smears the cream right on my face without asking. It starts to burn and itch and I’m ready to punch my stylist for making me look even worse, but when he shows me my reflection, the bruise is completely gone and my skin is as flawless as before. When it’s time to get dressed, an Avox appears, carrying a suit on his arm. The suit is made of midnight blue fabric and it fits perfectly with my blonde hair.

+++

We stand in line and wait to be called on stage for our interview by Ceasar Flickerman. Glimmer turns around from time to time and makes attempts to chat with me, but every time she opens her mouth, Clove snarls at her so Glimmer always turns back front with a dangerous spark in her eyes. Better watch yourself, Clover, I think and chuckle at the thought of Glimmer, trying to kill Clove. Marvel fiddles around on his suit, murmuring something that sounds like: “I’ve never looked uglier than I do tonight in this thing.” He isn’t wrong though. The baby blue suit wasn’t properly fitted so he looks slightly shapeless in it. Maybe his stylist intended on him to not look intimidating at all, because usually the District 1 tributes are the charming ones. Being from District 2, I don’t have to charm anyone but I already know how to make the capitol adore me anyway.

Caesar comes on stage and greets the audience exuberantly and jokes around a bit. I can practically see Clove rolling her eyes, even though I’m standing behind her. She hates Caesars fake friendly behavior. When District 1 is announced to be first in the interviews, someone in the crowd cheers. “Someone likes District 1. You have money on District 1?” Ceasar jokes and Clove and I let out a dark chuckle at the same time. Glimmer and Marvel may be our allies but there is no doubt, that the winner will be from District 2 this games. He bet his money on the wrong tributes. Ceasar calls Glimmer on stage and she catwalks towards him. She’s playing the flirty sexbomb. Is she playing? Ceasar comments on her dress, which is practically see-through and Glimmer flirts with him a bit. The capitol seems to love her.

After three minutes it’s Marvels turn. He jokes around with Ceasar and winks to the females in the audience. He tells them, that he watched the games since childhood and always dreamed of participating in them. “I remember I’ve always wanted to volunteer for these games and it really goes to show that if you focus, all your dreams can come true.” I get the feeling that the audience doesn’t take him seriously but many women in the audience blow him kisses, when he leaves the stage.

Clove goes on stage next. Her smile isn’t nice and sweet, it’s vicious and arrogant. Then Caesar asks her about her greatest skill: “I’ve heard you’re quite facile with the knife.” She practically lights up. I love watching her talk about the things she loves. She nods slightly and tilts her head to the side. “I’m the best. I could kill you from clear across the stage.” That’s my Clover, I think proudly.

Finally it’s my turn, my time to shine. After Ceasar greeted me, we sit down in the uncomfortably hard chairs in the center of the stage. “You’re here by choice”, Ceasar begins. “Why?” I don’t have to think of an answer, it comes out naturally. I was born for this. “I think this are the greatest games ever invented. And I just wanna be here to win it. And I think it’s awesome, it’s something I always wanted to do since I was a kid. And I think everybody who doesn’t want it too is an idiot. It’s just amazing.” Ceasar laughs: “I wouldn’t go that far.” – “I go farther than that. It’s the hunger games!” I stand up and the crowd cheers.

We go on and talk about my strengths. “You’re a fighter?” Ceasar asks. “I’m prepared, vicious and ready to go.” The capitol loves me. There you see Brutus, I don’t need Glimmer to have people like me. “You have a training score of ten, congratulations. Don’t you wanna tell us how you did that?” Caesar leans in conspiratorially. “Well, let’s just say, that it took me a while to wash the fake blood of my body.” The audience laughter’s nearly drowning the gong that announces the ending of my interview. Ceasar takes my arm and presents me to the crowd. “From District 2, a real fighter. Cato!”

A peacekeeper guides me down a small hallway to a room with sofas and a gigantic screen, where we can watch the other tribute’s interviews. I sit down next to Marvel and Marina joins us a couple minutes later, seating herself on Glimmer’s lap. They both laugh pitying at the little girl from 11, who stumbles on stage. Thresh obviously thinks of the interviews as a waste of his time and keeps his answers short. Ceasar can only get him to say “yes” or “no” no matter how hard he tries. The firegirl is next. She seems nervous and dumb and then she starts twirling in her dress. Clove bares her teeth. When 12 is asked about her sister, the little girl she volunteered for, she says that she’ll win for her. Stupid 12, there can only be one victor. And what will be me.

The last tribute to be interviewed is Peeta. The first possibility on a career that District 12 ever had. Usually the tributes from 12 are shy and quiet but not Peeta. He charms the audience and has them twisted around his little finger within seconds. Caesar asks him whether he has a girlfriend back home and he denies, but says that he’s a crush on someone for a very long time. “Loverboy”, Marina laughs. We all join in and when Peeta says that he can’t win for the girl, because she came here with him, Marvel leans over to Clove and whispers audible for everyone: “Effie?”

We all start laughing again and I’m lucky that I got out of the love story. Augustus and Brutus wanted me to look as ridiculous as Peeta. I’m also lucky that Clove and I aren’t public. Weren’t public, I correct myself quickly. In our apartment, we watch a summary of the interview and I am pleased with what I see. The interviews make me seem coldblooded, brutal and ruthless. Hopefully the firegirl sees that too. Nothing wrong with intimidating her before she gets killed.

We quickly rerun our strategies for the arena, especially for the bloodbath at the cornucopia and Enobaria tells us that she already managed to find many potential sponsors for each of us, because of our training scores. They then send us to bed, we will have to get up early to get into the arena. I feel my body shiver in anticipation. In less than a day, I’ll be in the arena, on my way to victory.

Chapter Text

“She has that look in her eyes that makes you wonder just how many people she’s killed. And this grin that makes you realize she’s probably lost count.”

- Clove

I only sleep half of the night because I’m so excited. Enobaria wakes me up very early to get dressed and out to the hovercraft. After I put on some shorts and a deep green shirt, Bastian, Calvin and Allison come in crying to say goodbye and wish me luck. “We bet on you, sweetie”, Allison whistles. I just nod; I don’t need their good wishes. Today, the games will begin. And I was born to win them.

Enobaria leads me onto the roof of the training center, where a hovercraft is waiting for me. To my surprise, Enobaria puts her arms around me in a quick hug. “Today is your big day, Clove. You can do this, just think of your training. Brutus and I did some digging. The arena will have woods and a wide field of high grass. Stick to the lake at the cornucopia, it’s the easiest water supply. And most important: Trust no one. Not even Cato!” I nod again; right now, I’m too nervous to speak. The ladder, which hangs from the hovercraft seems to trap me with some kind of electric current while it pulls me up. A slim woman, completely dressed in white, grabs my wrist. I assume she wants to help me in, so I wiggle my arm out of her grip but she shoots me an angry glare. “I’ll have to inject your tracker. If you stop moving your arm, the pain will be less bad.”

I’ve heard from the trackers and know that they build a small, but ugly bump under the skin of my forearm. But I hold still, when she brings the needle down to my skin and pain shoots through my arm. Pain is something that I’m used to, it’s something I can handle. The ladder releases me and I take the seat the woman directs me to. Cato sits opposite to me and when Everdeen takes the seat on my right, we exchange a meaningful grin. It won’t be long now. Soon, Everdeen will be dead; her fire will be extinguished by us. Suddenly the windows black out and I know, we’re close to the arena. After landing, two peacekeepers guide me down a dark hallway into a small concrete room, where October awaits me. “Hey Clove”, she smiles at me. “Here is your outfit for the games. Why don’t you put it on, while I go and check for your breakfast?”

I put on the brown trousers, white shirt, red-brown jacket and the leather boots. The fabric of the shirt and socks are thick, so I draw the conclusion that it will be cold in the arena. At least at night. Enobaria didn’t mention anything about the climate. October comes back in, a plate in her hands. She is unhealthily pale. “You okay?” I ask, even though my thoughts are not really with her but still with the arena. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sit down, so I can do your hair.” I do as I’m told and October puts my hair up in a ponytail and separates it in puffy segments. I try to eat some of the food but as soon as I got a sandwich down, my nervous stomach wants it all back out. I jump up and October follows me over to the sink to hold my hair out of my face. “Clove, I have to tell you something. When the tracker is injected, they also take a little amount of blood from the tributes, just to check if everything is fine with them.”

And? I frown. “Is something wrong with me?” This is definitely the last thing I need right now. October lowers her eyes like she has to examine my boots. “You and Cato have been close during training?” she murmurs. Oh hell no! “Did Glimmer gave that bastard an STD?” October chuckles but quickly turns back serious. “That’s not what I have to tell you. You’re…” A metallic voice interrupts her: “Sixty seconds left!” I turn to watch the circular metal plate in the claustrophobic small tube. October clears her throat to get my attention back. “What I have to tell you is that you’re pregnant Clove.”

 “Forty-five seconds left!” I start laughing. “No shit. Tell me this is a bad joke.” October shakes her head with a sad face. “That bastard”, I feel panic welling up. What do I do? The half empty glass of water flies across the room and shatters as it hits the concrete wall. “Twenty seconds left!” My stylist grabs my wrists and looks me in the eye: “Don’t you understand? You have to win now and not only for you. I know you can do this, Clove.” She kisses my forehead and pushes me towards the metal plate. She mouths the words: “I know you can do this.” Then the metal plate starts to move upwards into the arena.

I have to blink a few times to adjust my pupils to the bright sunlight. The voice of Claudius Templesmith greets us in the arena. “Ladies and gentlemen, let the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games begin!” We have to wait for the Gamemakers to count down sixty seconds to be able to leave our platform without getting blown up. The golden cornucopia reflects the sunlight, behind it are the woods and on the opposite side is the field with nothing but grass, just as Enobaria told me. When the countdown ends, so will the life of many tributes. The tribute on my right is the giant from District 11, Thresh. Marvel is standing on the platform to my left. He winks at me, then turns his glace back to the cornucopia. So do I and see a beautiful vest with about 15 different types of knives in it. Mine!

My head empties within the last ten seconds of the countdown. I don’t think of what October told me; I don’t think of Cato or Marvel or my other allies. All I think of are my years and years of training and experience. This is what I was born to do; I was born to kill.

10

9

8

My eyes find Cato a few platforms away from me.

7

6

He turns his head and our eyes meet for a matter of seconds.

5

His eyes narrow and his mouth curls into the vicious grin that I love so much.

4

3

Get yourself together, Clove!

2

1

I turn back to the cornucopia and prepare myself to run.

0!

Let the killing and bleeding begin!

The shot of a cannon announces the end of the countdown and the beginning of the games. Marvel and I are the first tributes to reach the cornucopia. I pull over the vest and quickly take out three knives. My allies have reached me now and are armed to their teeth.

Marvel pets a spear, Glimmer takes the bow and arrow but puts them to side for the bloodbath and decides on a scimitar, Cato holds a sword in each hand and Marina swings an axe viciously. Peeta stands on the sidelines and watches us with a hint of disgust in his eyes. I toss him a machete and spin around to throw a knife at the girl from District 3. It hits its target between her eyes and she goes down.

“Loverboy, Glimmer! You secure the cornucopia. I don’t want any tribute to get a hold on the things inside!” Cato commands and Glimmer gives Cato a look that is so full of amorousness that I want to puke again, if my stomach contained anything. Turning away with a scowl, I notice the firegirl fighting with the male tribute from District 9 over a backpack. The boy falls to the ground as soon as the long, jagged knife hits him between the shoulder blades. 12 watches me in panic and I use the element of surprise to throw one of my best knifes at her. She’s our kill, the voices whisper. But to my resentment, she rises the backpack to protect her face from the fatal hit with the knife and the blade lodges into it. You have to be kidding me! She gets up and runs to the woods and I start pursuing her, when I hear a very familiar voice: “Clove, stay with the group!” With a cry of fury, I obey Cato’s order and start to throw the knives randomly at every tribute, that isn’t fast enough to get out of my reach.

Approximately one hour later, the cannons sound. We all stand together and count. “Eleven”, Marina hums and I count my kills with satisfaction. At least four of them died by my hand. I start collecting my knives back together, when I hear heavy footsteps behind me on the bloody grass.

My fingers tighten around the handle of one knife and I turn around, ready to kill. That’s when I notice his scent, mixed with blood and sweat but still irresistible. “Cato”, I say blankly and lower my weapon. “Hi”, he replies, avoiding eye contact. “How did you do?” – “At least four. And you?” He seems relieved that I’m talking to him. “About just as many.” I see the satisfaction in his eyes, the same satisfaction I felt when I counted my kills. “Are you hungry? There’s plenty of different food in the cornucopia.” Of course I’m hungry. The small amount of food that I had in my stomach this morning didn’t stay there for long.

The others are already having their second breakfast, sitting in a circle in front of the opening of the cornucopia. I grab an apple and sit down next to Marina. But after the first few bites, I feel my stomach twist again and I rush to the woods, where I go down to my hands and knees, cramps shaking my body. I rest against a nearby tree and close my eyes for a few seconds. It can’t be some kind of morning sickness already, I tell myself. This must come from pushing my body to its limits the last few days.

I only notice him, when he sits down next to me. “Are you okay?” Cato sounds really concerned. How can he ask me that? I’m already working on a cheeky answer, but Cato isn’t done talking: “I know you don’t see me as a friend or something like that anymore, but we’re still allies; and we’re from the same district. I want a strong and healthy career pack.”

Contrary to what he said, about us just being allies, he slowly reaches out to draw some hair out of my face. Hit by sudden fury, I slap his hand away and jump up, ignoring the hurt look in his eyes. “You better watch out, Hadley. Don’t want anyone in the capitol to think the bad, bloodthirsty career gets soft!” I hiss and storm off, right into a tent the others just build. I lay down on my back and try to control my heavy breath. Something hot runs down my face and I have to touch it to realize that I’m crying. I shouldn’t be crying; this should be the best time of my life. “Cato, you son of a bitch”, I murmur before rolling on one side and pulling my knees up to my chest. With the sound of the other’s muffled voices, I fall asleep.

Chapter Text

“He’s so tall and handsome as hell. He’s so bad but he does it so well.” ~ Taylor Swift

- Clove

Glimmer wakes me up a couple hours later by sticking her head through the entrance of the tent and yelling: “Hey Clove. Wake up, we’re going on a hunt.” If she doesn’t lower her voice, we will never find a tribute, because they’re all alerted. “I’m coming”, I hiss and follow her head out of the tent. To my surprise, I find myself eye to eye with the boy tribute from District 3.

Marvel stops me right before the deadly knife leaves my grip. “It’s okay Clove. He’s our ally.” Our what? “Has Cato lost his mind? What are we supposed to do with him? I bet he doesn’t even know how to hold a sword.” – “You’re right Clove, he doesn’t. And that’s why you’re going to give him one of your knives.” I flinch at the sound of Cato’s voice behind us. I didn’t know he was within hearing distance. He looks determined but for a moment, I’m willing to challenge him. 3 isn’t worth any of my knives. But when Cato raises an eyebrow as if he could read my thoughts, I take out one knife with a curved blade and toss it towards the boy, who’s observing me anxiously. “Are we ready to go then?” Marina asks, tightening the grip around her axe excitedly.

Peeta comes out of his tent and stares at our new “ally” like he’s seeing a ghost. “What are you looking at, Loverboy? He’s less useless than you, as if that would be any difficult”, Cato snarls and turns towards the woods. “Ian, you stay here and work on the mines!”

We move along the edge of the woods for about a mile, then make a turn into the darkness between the trees. Marvel explains to me, why Cato teamed up with the boy from 3. He’s supposed to dig out the mines around the cornucopia and reactivate them to secure our supplies. I can’t agree with Cato on this one. What if someone blows up our supplies? Then we have nothing. But at least we have another tribute around, who will be easy to kill. We won’t have to search the arena for him.

“Guys, over there!” Marina whispers and stops the whole group because she suddenly comes to a stand. She gestures to the sky and we all see the trail of smoke. Someone really was stupid enough to light a fire. “When we’re done with her, you lead us to your mistress, Loverboy”, Cato demands and runs towards the fire.

Before we are near enough for her to notice us, we stop and hide in the bushes. The capitol’s anthem sounds through the arena and the faces of the dead tributes light the night sky. First, the girl from 3, then the boys from 4 and 5. I remember his district partner running for the woods, I didn’t bother to remember her name, so I’ll just call her Redhead. Next are the tributes from District 6 and 7 and the boy from 8. Both from 9, the boy was my kill. The last face is the one from the District 10 female, Marvel looks satisfied. Eleven dead tributes on the first day. And it’s going to be one more in a few moments. Cato gives us all a nod and we jump out of hiding. The element of surprise lets the girl freeze in her actions and just stare at us. The number on the sleeve of her jacket shows, she’s from District 8.

Glimmer pushes her down, using the reverse end of a spear. “No, please don’t kill me. I can help you, I’ll do everything. Just don’t kill me please”, she begs and I roll my eyes. “Pathetic”, Marvel coughs understandable for everyone. Glimmer steps aside and Cato pierces his sword through her chest. The girl’s scream turns into a gurgling sound. “Twelve down and eleven to go”, I call out and raise my fist in the air. The others cheer. “Better clear out so they can get the body before it starts stinking”, Cato says and we follow him, away from the girl’s corpse. 

“Shit, it’s dark”, I complain, after hitting my foot on a rock for the third time. Peeta lifts a torch, which he lit up on the girl’s fire and Cato gives out night vision glasses to the rest of us. The face I make, when he hands me one clearly says one thing: “You had them the whole time and let us walk through the dark?” Marvel is still laughing about the girl from 8. “Did you see the look in her face? How stupid can you be? I mean, what did you expect?”

„Shouldn’t we have heard a cannon by now?” Glimmer asks and we all stop. “I’d say yes. Nothing to prevent them from going in immediately”, Marvel wonders. My eyes find Cato’s and I raise my eyebrows. “Unless she isn’t dead.”

He gets offended immediately and snarls: “She’s dead. I stuck her myself.” – “Then where’s the cannon?” I hiss back. Glimmer, Marina, Marvel and Peeta look and me in surprise. None of them would dare to attack Cato like that. But I think I’m also the only one in the group who can do this without getting killed right away.

“Someone should go back. Make sure the job’s done”, Marina suggests, carefully eyeing Cato. “Yeah, we don’t want to have to track her down twice”, Glimmer agrees. Cato gets more and more furious. “I said she’s dead!” he yells at the girls and they jump back a couple of steps. We seriously start discussing whether Cato’s right and the Capitol is just mocking with us. “We’re wasting time! I’ll go finish her and let’s move on!” Peeta interrupts us. Wow, he hasn’t said a world all day. “Go on then, Loverboy. See for yourself”, Cato hisses, now sounding like an angry child and starts hitting the nearest bush with his sword, which makes me smile. Isn’t he hot, when he’s in such an erratic mood? Yes he is and we want him; we want him. I shake my head involuntary to silence the voices. Hopefully I’m not losing my mind in the arena. Or what’s left of it.

Peeta is out of hearing range, so my allies start to argue again. “Why don’t we just kill him now and get it over with?” Glimmer whispers. “Let him tag along. What’s the harm? And he’s handy with that knife”, I answer grudgingly. And he could help us find Everdeen. Marvel agrees with me and as if he could read my thoughts, he adds: “Besides, he’s our best chance of finding her.”

„Why? You think she bought into that sappy romance stuff?” Marina chuckles. “She might have. Seemed pretty simpleminded to me. Every time I thing about her spinning around in that dress, I want to puke”, I say and Marvel grins. Cato’s done hitting the bushes and joins our conversation with a curious look on his face. “Wish we knew how she got that eleven.”

He winks at me and I can’t help but reply with a smile. “Bet you Loverboy knows”, Glimmer grins, but stops immediately when she notices Peeta approaching. “Was she dead?” Cato asks halfheartedly. “No. But she is now”, 12 answers. “Ready to move on?” Just then, we hear the satisfying sound of the cannon and decide to call it a night and go back to camp. My stomach is empty, I didn’t try to eat since the bloodbath and I don’t dare to do so now. “We only have three tents.” Peetas voice interrupts my thoughts. “We’ll just have to share them. I propose that everyone sleeps in a tent with their district partner. Marina, you share your tent with 12 and 3”, Cato demands. Marina looks at our ally from District 12, then back to Cato. For a moment she looks like she’s about to protest, but then shrugs and does as she’s told.

Everyone else is too tired to protest, so they just crawl into their tents. I practically feel Glimmer’s eyes staring holes in my back, but I don’t even turn around. My eyes are on Cato, who’s occupied with unraveling his sleeping bag. But when we hear the zippers of the other’s tents close shut, he looks up and comes towards me. I don’t notice my own feet moving, until they stop right in front of Cato. He takes my hands and leans down to my ear. “I’m so sorry, Clover. I never wanted to hurt you. Please forgive me.” He’s nearly begging and I don’t want to go without his touch in what could be the last couple days of my life. I tiptoe to be able to reach his lips and the sensation of the kiss runs shivers down my spine. His hands grab my waist and pull me closer towards him. A moan leaves my lips, when Cato’s lips leave my mouth and start to caress my neck.

My breath goes heavy and my heart is pounding heavily in my chest. We stumble into our tent and when Cato lays me down and kisses my neck again, I suddenly feel his teeth instead of his lips. I let out a short, surprised breath, but then go with it. When he kisses my lips again, I nip on his lower lip until I draw blood. Cato starts to undress me and his lips move down my body. In the back of my head, I hear a quiet voice begging that the cameras are filming something else instead of us right now…

Chapter Text

“He calls me the devil. I make him wanna sin.” ~ Dua Lipa

- Cato

First thing I do after I wake up is to turn my head to the side and watching Clove sleep, using my arm as her pillow. My arm feels numb but I don’t dare to move it and risk waking her up. Instead, I try to figure out a strategy for the upcoming days and create a killing list in my head, with Everdeen on the very top. A thump on the roof of the tent makes me jump. Clove is still blinking tiredly while I put on my boxers, grab the nearest sword and crawl out into the open, ready to attack whatever hit the tent.

But it’s not an enemy like Thresh, it’s a gift from our sponsors. Clove, who has herself wrapped in a blanket, steps to my side and eyes the package in my hands curiously. “Open it already”, she says, impatient as always. Inside the package are two long necklaces, each with an engraved tag as charm. One side is engraved with our respective name whilst symbols are engraved on the other side. The back of Clove’s charm is adorned with a clover leaf and a knife, the back of mine has a sword on it. We both know these necklaces; we gave them to each other as presents on her 10^th and my 11^th birthday. I know that Clove threw hers away after the whole Crystal-thing, so I didn’t see a reason to wear mine any longer as well. The note in the package is short: “Take it or leave it. – B & E”

I hear Clove breath in sharply and feel her hand on my arm. “They can’t be serious. Where did these two old madmen find those?” Hopefully, the two old madmen, aka our mentors, won’t take the slightly rude comment seriously, especially Brutus who seemed to have some issues with Clove’s attitude.

“Isn’t it crazy when you think of it now?” I ask and have a hard time suppressing a chuckle. “What?” Clove asks absently, while closing my necklace. “That the whole country of Panem could have seen us.” A grin on my lips. Clove tears her eyes open in shock, understanding what I just said. “You mean…” I interrupt her mid-sentence by pressing my lips down on hers.

+++

We sit in a circle around our supplies and watch Ian, who’s digging the mines out like his life depends on it. Well… it does. “He will dehydrate if he goes on like that”, Peeta murmurs and Clove silently tosses him a water bottle, which Peeta dutifully carries to our help from 3. The sun is bright in my eyes as I lean back and tilt my head to the sky. We’ll go hunting soon. And find the girl on fire, if we’re lucky and Peeta proves valuable. The thought of my sword slitting the stomach of the volunteer from District 12 curls my lips into a vicious grin.

My fantasies are interrupted by Glimmer, who waves her hand in front of my face to get my attention. “When are we leaving to hunt?” she asks, her voice a little too screechy for my taste. “We’ll leave, when we’re ready”, Marina answers and puts another cracker in her mouth. I bring myself in an upright position to see how many supplies my allies have left, when I notice a movement at the edge of woods. “Look! Over there!” I yell and point to the woods where the redheaded girl from District 5 runs for her life. The others immediately take their weapons and follow me into the woods. Before we disappear between the trees, I remember our help from 3. I turn around and shout an order to Ian: “You will be done with the mines when we come back!”

Clove seems to lose interest in the hunt quickly and pulls out one of her knives to throw it at Redhead, without slowing down. She usually never misses, but the bitch from 5 must have expected an attack and brings a tree between her and the lethal weapon which’s blade buries itself deep into the bark instead of her body. Clove makes a hissing noise and I command the others to stop. Sooner or later, we’ll get Redhead anyway. We use the break to catch our breaths and I watch Clove, pulling the knife out of the tree and then play with the necklace through the fabric of her shirt. We all are out of breath from running but I have the feeling that the air has never burned that much in my lungs before. That’s when I notice the unmistakably smell. Smoke! “Hey guys, what’s that over there?” Marvel asks at the same time I identify the smell. “It’s fire!” Clove screeches and jumps to her feet.

The wall of flames waltzing through the woods is way too big to have been caused by a tribute who didn’t know how to handle fire. And it’s fast, very fast. We start running, unorganized but hopefully towards safety. The air feels hot inside my lungs and I run even faster, when I hear the first explosion behind us. For the first time in my life, I’m scared. Afraid that I might not make it out of the arena alive. When I reach Clove, I take her hand to pull her with me, farther away from the fire wall. The others are barely visible through the smoke surrounding us. I’ve lost track on how long we’ve been running. It could have been hours, or just minutes but finally the smoke lifts and I lose the ground under my feet. The fall isn’t deep but the impact of my body hitting the ground presses all the air out of my lungs.

I stay on the ground, laying on my back for a few moments, catching my breath.  My allies fell with me, down a small hillside. Marvel is already on his feet again but still panting. Glimmer, Marina, Loverboy and Clove are still laying on the floor, with no attempts of standing up. The faraway splash of a body hitting water brings Clove and Glimmer to her feet. Marina and Loverboy stand up slowly, but I had to tell them first. This time, we haven’t found the tribute, the tribute found us; and he or she going to pay for it. And it all turns out to be even better. The tribute we see, cooling her wounded leg in the pond is Katniss Everdeen.

She is still collecting herself when we come into sight. But even with her injury, she outruns us. The fire slowed us down, so she already is halfway up in a tree when we reach her. Clove snarls and nearly loses her temper as Everdeen smiles at us and says: “How’s everything with you?” But I’m not going to lose it; not now and not this fast. I want to savor this moment, give the audience a good show and if she plays along… why not? “Well enough. Yourself?” I ask back. “It’s been a bit warm for my taste.” While Everdeen looks proud of herself for coming up with this answer, I watch Clove in the corner of my eye. Her hand tightens around the handle of a knife and her whole body is shivering with fury. “The air’s better up here. Why don’t you come on up?”

Where does she think she is? This is the arena and we’re the superior careers while she’s just a weakling from District 12. And she’s embarrassing us in front of all of Panem. “Think I will”, I snarl and make a step towards the tree. Glimmer wants to pass me her bow: “Here, take this, Cato.” But I push her away. “No. I’ll do better with my sword.” I start climbing the tree and notice an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. What if the tree can’t hold my weight? Everdeen climbs higher up the tree and I push my concerns away. My upcoming rage about her cockiness makes me careless and I reach out for a branch too frail to take my weight. It breaks, my other hand loses grip on another branch and I fall. Piercing pain rushes through my spine but I immediately jump back to my feet, cursing.

Now it’s Glimmer’s turn to try climbing the tree but the branches break under her feet and unlike me, she has the sense to stop. I hear Marina whispering to Clove: “Why don’t you throw one of your knives at her? My mentor Finnick says, you’d never miss.” But I know it and Clove damn well knows it as well, that Everdeen is too high up in the tree for Clove to throw a knife of decent size to kill through the close sprouted branches. I can say with absolute certainty, that Clove is way too smart to throw a knife, she might not be able to get back.

Glimmer eyes Clove and obviously has the same thought as Marina. When Clove steps back from the tree, Glimmer gives her a pejorative smile and tries to shoot down Katniss with an arrow. District 12 pulls it out of the tree bark and holds it over her head. What else should she do with it, she sure doesn’t know how to use a weapon. But still, she makes us look like incompetent idiots. “Oh, let her stay up there. It’s not like she’s going anywhere. We’ll deal with her in the morning”, Peeta says. The others nod approvingly and even I can’t deny that Peeta has a point. I turn around and focus on the blonde archer. “Glimmer. You take the first watch.” She nods again and sits down, her back leaned against the tree and starts rebraiding her hair. The rest of us sit in front of the tree and Marvel starts a fire. No tribute will dare to attack us. We’re careers.

It’s getting dark quickly. This is going to be the last night in Katniss’ life. She should enjoy it. As soon as Marvel, Loverboy and Marina fell asleep, Clove comes crawling towards me and whispers: “Cato, I’m freezing.” I chuckle and gesture for her to lay down next to me. I wrap my arms around her and she rests her head against my chest. Within minutes, her breath slows down. She’s sleeping. While I listen to her breath and the crackling of the dying fire, I think of Brutus and what he told me, right before I went up into the arena. “Clove is unpredictable. Take care of yourself and don’t get too involved with her. Your odds are too high for you to die in the arena with a throwing knife in your back.” I remember how I laughed and told him that he doesn’t have to worry about a knife in my back, because Clove likes to look her victims in the eyes while they die. But now, in the darkness and in the games, I begin to reevaluate Brutus’ words. What if he was right? I don’t even know how many knives Clove really has. No, Cato, I tell myself and push the dark thoughts away. It’s time to listen to my heart instead of my healthy intellect and Brutus. It’s time for me to trust the girl in my arms.

Chapter Text

“A girl is a gun.”

- Cato

I am woken up by a loud and angry buzzing sound. Small golden dots dance in front of my eyes. Only when I feel the first painful sting in my left shoulder, I realize what must be attacking us. Tracker jackers! I jump up and pull Clove to her feet as well. Over the buzzing, I hear Marvel scream: “To the lake! To the lake!” With my one hand, I push Clove forward, while I try to chase the insects away from my face with my other hand. I don’t know whether our allies are following but I also don’t care. The only thought on my mind right now, is to bring Clove and me away from the danger presented by the tracker jackers.

Marvel is running in front of me and is flailing with his jacket to keep the little beasts away from him. But he screams in pain from time to time, when one of the wasps got near enough to sting him. Loverboy runs to my left and fidgets his hands to keep the tracker jackers at distance.

Clove is doing the same as Loverboy and wants to stop every few meters but I keep pushing her forward with my hand between her shoulders. Suddenly, I hear a scream of agony. Marina. Then another scream; louder and even fuller of pain. Glimmer, I think. And she’s screaming my name: “Cato! Cato, help me! Please!” Never ever, I think and keep running. But Clove slows down again, since we managed to get some distance between us and the angry swarm of genetically modified wasps. “Don’t you want to turn around and save her?” she asks, heavily breathing. “No”, I snarl and start moving again, when I notice the buzzing becoming closer. “Come on Clove. Keep going.” When I look deep into her green eyes, it comes to my mind, that up to this point, she didn’t truly believe that Glimmer meant absolutely nothing to me.

We reach our camp eventually and see Marvel, laying at the lakeside and Ian, who’s searching our supplies for medicine to cure our stings. I’d love to lay down next to Marvel, into the water but after a quick look in Clove’s direction, who seems to collapse at any moment, I decide to take care of her first. We cool our stitches in the water of the lake and collapse next to Marvel on the grass. I look up in the sky and see the sun throbbing until it explodes into millions of burning butterflies. The grass around me hums and grows higher and higher, forming a cocoon around me before suddenly falling down on me, a heavy weight pressing all the air out of my lungs. I try to fight myself free, but my muscles don’t work and I can’t lift my arms nor my legs. Then I sink into the earth with bright colors dancing in front of my sight.

+++

When I open my eyes again, I see darkness surrounding me. The only bit of light comes through four small slots. I hear a thud and earth falls though the slots. This repeats again and again until no light comes though the slots anymore. Suddenly, it gets hard to breathe. What is happening? Am I buried alive? But I didn’t die. I’m still alive and I try to scream, to make any sound for the people burying me to realize, I’m not dead. But as soon as my mouth opens, it fills with earth and I choke. I’m alive, the thought repeats itself in my head in the same rhythm, in which the earth is thrown on my coffin.

Just a nightmare, Cato. It’s just a nightmare…

+++

The water of the lake wets my feet and I open my eyes. I’m back in the arena again. But none of my fellow tributes are within sight. There only is a small figure sitting in the shadow of the cornucopia, playing with something. A girl. Clove? I think and approach her slowly. But it isn’t Clove. The girl is even smaller than her and her hair light blonde. As soon as she notices me, she lifts her head and her icy blue eyes pierce trough me. The nearer I come, the better I can study her. The toys she’s been playing with aren’t really toys. She’s playing with knives. And she’s quite handy with them. Those eyes… icy blue with golden dots in them. I know the color from somewhere. It’s similar to mine. Something about the situation has me on high alert. But why? The arena seems empty except for me and the child. Then I look into her face and see a militant glow in her eyes and the cocky smile on her lips. So similar to Clove. But her appearance… If I was born a girl, I’m sure I wouldn’t have looked much different.

„Who are you“, I’m still alerted but I’m also curious. She looks up and tilts her head slightly to the side. “Don’t you know?” she asks back. “What are you doing here?” She doesn’t seem old enough to already be in the arena. She looks like 10 years old to me. But her eyes have a glimmer in them that isn’t childlike. She looks vicious; and she’s looking at me. “I’ll win. Whatever it takes. I’ll go home as a victor, not as a corpse”, she whispers and stabs one of the blades into the grass. “Win what?” The unfamiliar feeling of fear cramps my insides. “The games. It’s just us now”, she answers and pulls the knife out of the ground. I have the feeling that if I don’t back off now, I’ll be dead soon. But just as I’m about to take a step back, she jumps up and rushes towards me. Before I can react, the knife’s blade buries into my chest. And she stabs me again and again. But suddenly, she isn’t that small anymore; her hair isn’t blonde, it’s dark brown and her eyes aren’t blue, they are piercing green and narrowed. Clover? I think before I’m sucked into darkness.

Then there’s a bright shining white light and with the light appearing, a thought creeps up in the back of my mind. The little girl… I know I have never seen her before but it still felt like a déjà vu. My icy blue eyes, my light blonde hair, my eagerness to win the games, to come home a victor. All this mixed with Clove’s physique, her handiness with the knives and the hint of insanity in her eyes. That’s how our daughter could look like!

Chapter Text

“Throw me to the wolves and I’ll come back leading the pack.”

-Clove

I lift myself up and touch my head, moaning in pain because it feels like these fucking bees have decided to make my head their new home. Turning my head to observe the current situation, I see only Marvel and Ian. While Marvel is engulfing the dried plumps, Ian’s glance suspiciously jumps between me and the tall boy from District 1.  But where’s Cato? No matter how much I turn my pained head, I can’t spot him anywhere. So I lift my still hurting body to my feed to join Marvel for a snack. “Have you seen Cato?” I ask after I sat down next to him and sent Ian to get me some food. “He was already gone when I woke up but Ian told me that he left to get our supplies from our last campsite.”

“How long have I been gone?” I ask, moving on to the next topic. Damn, I have a really short attention span today. Marvel holds up one finger, symbolizing one day. “And how many tributes died within that time?” – “I don’t know. Ask Ian”, Marvel answers, his voice muffled through a mouthful of dried plumps. “Ian”, I call the boy’s attention. “Same question”, I add while gesturing towards Marvel. Ian looks at me like I just asked him to eat his left pinky but he answers, voice shaking: “Glimmer and Marina died from the tracker jacker stings. Neither of them made it back here.” So Glimmer’s dead. What a shame we didn’t get to kill her ourselves. The voices seem to get louder and louder. A smile must be tugging at the corners of my lips because Marvel looks at me, raises an eyebrow and mouths: “Happy?” He doesn’t seem to mourn his District partner’s death as well and who could blame him. Glimmer has been a pain in the ass.

The sun has to get really low for Cato to come back. He greets Marvel with a nod and pinches my hip teasingly. Just then I realize that our pack is missing someone. “Where is Peeta?” Cato clenches his jaw before he answers: “The traitor helped the bitch from his District escape.” I underestimated Loverboy by thinking he could never do anything to harm us. He hasn’t wounded us physically but just like his District partner, he made us look dump, like beginners in this game. “Did he get away with it?” I look up at Cato and hope he gives the answer I want to hear. He doesn’t: “I only cut his leg with my sword, but with an injury that severe, he doesn’t have much time left. I’m sure.” The last part of his sentence sounds a little like he has to ensure himself but he looks so pissed right now that I don’t dare to push it and fight him over not being able to kill a tribute from District 12.

+++

- Cato

My sword falls to the ground accompanied by a dull sound as it hits the grass. I let myself fall down next to it and lay on my back for a moment, trying to calm the tracker jacker sting induced pain in my legs and my upcoming rage about Loverboy. I hear footsteps and open my eyes to glance up at Ian, who never looks me directly in the face, like he’s talking to a wild animal. “Can I bring you anything?” Does he think that crawling to our feet makes him life longer? “Yes you can and for god’s sake, move and stop blocking the sunlight.” Ian hurries to gather various supplies from our stack but before he can hand them to me, I randomly rip a package out of his hands; turns out that got me cranberries and nuts for dinner. Ian jumps back in surprise and returns the rest of the supplies back on the pyramid between the mines, avoiding to look in my direction for the rest of the evening. I would’ve loved to let out some of my anger on him or anyone else but it’s so risky to provoke Clove and have my throat slit open. And just in case Marvel does have any kind of temper hidden inside of him, I leave him alone too.

+++

“Wake up, sleeping beauty. It is midday and we need to get some things done today”, I hear Cloves voice near my ear. She hovers above me as I open my eyes but moves back as soon as I sit up on my elbows; she looks good today with her dark hair framing her face. I get out of our tent and just as I’m about to bark at Ian to get me some food, Marvel shows up from behind is tend, his hands full of weapons. “There’s no time to eat. It’s nearly noon and have to go hunt today”, he explains while handing me my swords. “Maybe we get lucky and find Mellark, so we can finish him off for good”, Clove says while throwing her hair back to tie it up in a ponytail. I can’t help but stare and admire the way her hair catches the sunlight and makes it shine. In the corner of my eye I notice Marvel doing just the same. What the fuck! “You ready?” Marvel’s voice interrupts my thoughts and Clove stops counting her knives. “I’m ready to go.” The smile she gives Marvel while answering makes me want to crush that guy like the thin branch he is.

It feels like we’re running around in the woods for hours without finding any tribute. The fewer they are, the harder they are to find. Marvel has been whining for a while about being thirsty but I only stop when Clove trips and falls to her knees. She must still be weakened by the tracker jacker venom. “Are you okay?” I can’t hide a hint of concern in my voice. Clove seems as surprised as Marvel and I are that she stumbled and nods slowly. “I’ll help you up, my darling. You shouldn’t be sitting in the dirt”, Marvel mimics the posh capitol accent and she takes his hand laughing. I feel a sting somewhere in my heart region as I seeing them so close to each other. It helps to know that I could kill Marvel at any second I wanted; we’re in the hunger games after all and not in the friendship games.

Clove stops mid movement of pushing some strains of loose hair back behind her ear and pulls a knife from her vest. It makes a light swishing noise as it flies past my ear and buries itself in the body of the male tribute from District 10. Her reaction was faster than Marvel’s and mine combined. I can’t name anyone with reflexes comparable fast to hers. Meanwhile Marvel has reached the bush, in which Clove spotted the boy, pulls the knife out of his chest and hands it back to Clove. The boy is still slightly breathing and whining. “Do us a favor and greet the other fallen tributes from us”, Marvel whispers before ramming the spear through the boy’s mouth into his throat. The cannon sounds and it’s the sound of victory closing in.

Chapter Text

“You want what everybody wants. You want a love that consumes you. You want passion, and adventure, and even a little danger.” ~ Damon Salvatore

- Clove

It’s dark when we return to our camp after a whole day of running through the woods hunting; but without catching any prey. Cato seems super pissed with our lack of success and growls at Marvel and Ian until they finally get the idea, that it might be smarter to leave Cato alone with his temper. With the sound of the zipper on Marvels tent in my ear, I turn towards Cato and take his face into my hands. His eyes soften as I run my thumbs over his lips slowly and whisper: “Don’t worry about today. They can’t run from us forever.” I hope I sound more confident than I feel. The girl from District 12 for instance isn’t as dumb as she made everyone believe. But sooner or later, a hovercraft will project her face to the night sky; Katniss Everdeen is going down, just like everyone else. Cato interrupts my thoughts by putting his hands around my wrists and pulling me closer until our lips meet. The kiss gets heated pretty quickly and I interrupt the kiss only to catch my breath and murmur “tent” before Cato takes my shirt off.

Deep inside my head, in the very back of my mind, a place where I hardly allow myself drift off to, I know that I might be in love with Cato Hadley. And despite the child that I’m carrying I also know that he would be the better winner out of the two of us.

+++

We are having breakfast the next morning, when Cato suddenly jumps up and gestures towards the woods franticly. Marvel and I turn around to see what got him so excited and see a huge, dark column of smoke raising above the trees. We jump up simultaneously, grab our weapon and are halfway towards the woods when I remember District 3.

“Wait, what about him?” I ask and nod in the direction on Ian. “I don’t know, what about him?” Marvel asks back frowning. I roll my eyes, Marvel’s mind really doesn’t work as dynamic as one would expect from a District 1 career. “He’s coming. We need him in the woods, and his job’s done here anyway. No one can touch those supplies.” Yeah, we surely need him in the woods…, I think but I bite my tongue. “What about Loverboy?” Now it’s Cato’s turn to roll his eyes at Marvel. “I keep telling you, forget about him. I know where I cut him. It’s a miracle he hasn’t bled to death yet. At any rate, he’s in no shape to raid us.” I let out an incredulous snort about Cato’s confidence and catch Marvel’s grin, he winks at me. “Come on”, Cato demands while he pushes a spear into Ians hands and starts running. “When we find her, I kill her in my own way, and no one interferes.” – Oh boy, if Cato doesn’t shut up, everyone, including Katniss will know we’re on our way.

We’ve been running for half an hour when we reach a lonely fire. “Damn you, Cato. This is your fault. Did you have to shout that loud?” I hiss discontented. He doesn’t bother giving me an answer and pokes the dying fire with his sword instead. Annoyed, I put my head back and blink in the sun, but the sunlight is dimmed by another trail of smoke. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I snarl and the boys follow my gaze. “She’s playing a game with us”, Marvel deadpans and licks his lips. Well, I don’t like games! We start to run towards the fire when I feel a sudden pain in my stomach. Come on, Clove, keep going. We all take in a sharp breath in at the sight in front of us. This fireplace is empty as well. Anger rushes through my veins and I start kicking the already charred wood.

As soon as I see the third column of smoke, something adds up in my brain. Katniss was smart enough to drop the tracker jackers on us. Why would she be so dump and lit not only one but three fires that smoke like hell? Cato, Marvel and Ian are already on the move to the next fire. “Boys!” I call them back. “I think all this is a trap.” “Care to explain?” Cato snarls and I roll my eyes. He may have strong arms but somehow all the muscle dulls his thinking from time to time. “Clove, you might be on to something”, Marvel taps my shoulder after I finished explaining. But Cato’s still not convinced: “But why would she try to keep us away from the camp?” We all stop speaking and think for a while. Then my eyes grow wide and Cato, Marvel and I shout simultaneously: “The supplies!”

Next thing we hear is a gigantic explosion that makes our ears ring.

+++

“She’s dead.” - “Maybe, but still. Storing our supplies all in one place wasn’t our best idea.” - “At least we’re rid of Katniss now.” - “And if I get hungry?” - “Seriously Clove? That’s what you’re thinking about right now?”

Marvel and I are bickering the whole way back to the camp, while Ian falling further and further behind and Cato walks in front of us, a grim expression on his face and his jaw clenched. It won’t be long until he loses it, and I don’t plan on being near him when it happens. We pass the last trees and step out into the open where we have a perfect view on our completely messed up camp. That’s when the next explosion goes off.

It’s not a mine though, it’s Cato who explodes. He’s screaming in rage while his fists hit the grass ground in a quick pace. The corners of my mouth twitch involuntary. But whatever smile curled my lips fades, as soon as I inspect what’s left of our supplies. Ian throws some stones towards the mess, probably to demonstrate, that every mine went off.

Just as my smile faded when I laid eyes on the destruction, Cato’s rage increases even more. He kicks everything that his feet reach while Marvel and I try to find anything that we might still be able to use. But without success. We both stop and jump up when Cato spins on his heels and fixates on Ian. Oh boy, now he lost all control. The look in his eyes is hardly human anymore.

Ian must have realized the same thing Marvel and I did because he starts running as if his life depends on it. Well, it does. But Cato catches him in a headlock and snaps the boys head in a swift movement to the side. Ian’s neck breaks like a tree branch and Cato drops him to pull out his sword. Marvel and I share a quick look and start running towards the scene. The boy being sliced into little pieces may impress the Gamemakers but I’m really not in the mood to see something like that right now. “I’ll find Loverboy and when I do, he will beg me to kill him!” Cato shouts towards the woods while he starts walking in the direction. But I step in his way and put both of my hands on his chest. He’s breathing heavily and my hands look so small on his muscles. “Where’s the hovercraft to pick her up?” Marvel asks from behind Cato. “There’s nothing left for them to pick up”, I answer him but my eyes keep staring into Cato’s icy blue ones. My one hand slides down his arm and grabs his hand. “Come on, Cato. Let’s go to the lake, so they can pick him up.” I nod towards Ian and slightly pull his hand until he follows.

The darkness comes soon and we look up in the sky as we hear the anthem of the Capitol. The only tribute who lights the night sky is Ian. No District 12; no Katniss; no Peter. Cato and I put on our night vision googles and Marvel lights a torch. We’re may be hungry, but we’re also angry. We’ll find Katniss and kill her. After all, it’s what we do best.

Chapter Text

“She keeps her secrets in her eyes. She wraps the truth inside her lies.” ~ Backstreet Boys

- Cato

I am fuming and my breath is ragged as I try not to snap on my fellow careers. My sister Olivia used to say that angry me looks like a bull to her, ready for a fight. And I am ready to fight; ready to kill Katniss. I can’t imagine any other tribute in this arena to be brave enough to blow up our supplies like that. In front of my inner eye, I see the smug smile on her face fading as my sword cuts through her like butter. There is no way I’m gonna let her go easy.

Clove’s and Marvel’s bantering behind my back is interrupted by Marvel saying something not entirely stupid for a change. “How about we put out some of our nets in the bushes and see if we can catch a fish.” He winks at Clove and laughs at his own joke, before he takes a turn into the bushes beside the path.

Clove turns to me and chuckles. “I bet he can manage to catch himself in that net.” The image of Marvel tangled up inside one of his own nets curls my lips into a light smile. “What’s so funny? This is the arena; we’re not supposed to have fun, this is serious.” Marvel’s head arises from between the bushes as he mimics Brutus’ voice. “So what? We’re winning anyway.” Clove throws herself into a winner’s pose while Marvel and I exchange a look behind her back. None of us feel like reminding her that there can only be one winner.

A bird is singing somewhere deeper in the forest. Usually I wouldn’t pay attention to it but something about the bird’s melody seems off. “Not very bird-like.” Marvel murmurs and turns his head to the sky. Before anyone can reply, I notice the red hair from the District 5 girl to our right. “Oh no, you’re not getting away again!” Clove saw her almost at the same time as me and follows right behind me as I start my pursuit.

The redhead is pretty fast, but we are faster. But suddenly my foot gets caught on something and I lose control over my legs and fall face down. Clove jumps past me and throws a big knife at the girl but only gives her a deep scratch on her upper arm. The throw would’ve been lethal if Clove didn’t stumble over me. “What the fuck, Cato. Can’t you watch where you’re going?” She hisses frustrated and goes to pick up her knife while I inspect the construction that dragged me to the ground.

My foot is caught up in some sort of trap, made of wires. Some tribute must have built it, hoping to catch a rabbit or something. But instead of a rabbit, they caught me. I can nearly hear Brutus’ and Enobarias laugh coming from the capitol. Angrily I cut the wires with my sword and rise to my feet. Clove comes back to me, still hissing all kinds of insults towards my direction.

“Hush!” I heard something. Something that doesn’t blend in with the sounds of the woods around us. “Don’t you dare to tell me to hush. You’re the idiot who stumbled like a toddler and messed up my kill.” But I cut her off again. “Just shut up for a second!” She opens her mouth to protest again but then she hears it as well. Not too far away we hear screams followed by a deadly silence.

And then the cannon sounds. Twice.

Clove and I exchange a look and run back to where we came from. “Let’s hope Marvel’s got his fish.” Clove growls behind gritted teeth.

The place where Marvel put out his nets is empty, besides one cut up net on the floor. “We’ll split up. You go that way, I look around here.” I demand and motion for Clove to go right while I turn left.

My eyes wander around and inspect my surroundings. Very soon I spot something laying on the floor a few feet to my right. As I walk near it, I recognize the little girl from District 11. Her face is pale in death and somehow she’s covered in flowers. Someone wanted to say goodbye, I think derogatory and move some flowers with my boot. Some inches besides the girl lies one of Marvel’s spears. Huh, looks like he’s the one who got her, marvelous. Cloves agonizing cry makes me jump in shock and run towards her.

There are no questions necessary to understand the situation in front of me. Marvel’s corpse lies on the moss, which is soaked with his blood. He’s holding an arrow in his limp hand. Clove kneels beside him, her body rocking back and forth slightly. It takes me two steps to get to her and as I kneel beside her, I can understand what she’s been whispering. “No, no, no.” I’ve never seen her like this and helplessly place my arm around her shoulders. “Clove?” She doesn’t seem to hear me. “Clover, we have to go so they can pick up his body.” First, she tries to resist when I pull her to her feet but she doesn’t really stand a chance against my strength. “I don’t want to go!” Her voice sounds like it’s about to break and when I guide her away from the scene, she doesn’t object again.

But before we have left the woods and step out into the open of our camp, she wriggles out of my grasp and turns to face the trees again. “YOU WILL PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID TODAY, KATNISS. I’M COMING TO GET YOU!”

+++

“Come on, Enobaria. Let’s be honest. Do you think Clove is predictable?” Brutus’ voice sounds in my head, as I watch Clove storm off towards one of the tents. Even though I hate him for pointing the obvious out, I can’t get rid of that tiny ounce of fear that I’ve had in my head ever since. Especially since we’ve made it into the arena, Clove’s mood swings have reached a whole new level of unpredictable and crazy.

After a few moments of uncertainty I follow her. As soon as I put my arms around her and pull her to my chest, I feel actual tears wetting my shirt. I haven’t seen her cry in ages. Not even when Georgia Abermoore broke her nearly every bone in her arm during combat training when she was 9. It gives me a feeling of insecurity which I’ve never felt before. I usually always know what to do; and there hasn’t been a situation that I couldn’t turn to my benefit with my fists. Turns out there’s a first for everything today. Her face looks small between my hands when I tilt her head to look her in the eyes. “What’s wrong, Clover? It’s not just Marvel is it?” I whisper close to her ear, inaudible for everyone but her. And when she opens her mouth to answer, I wish I’ve never asked.

“I’m pregnant, Cato. It’s yours.”

Holy crap on a cracker!

Chapter Text

“She’s crazier than him. And more fearless.” ~ Suicide Squad

- Enobaria

Wow, that one hit Cato right in the face. I watch the screen in front of me in anticipation of what’s going to happen next. Brutus, who’s sitting on my right starts grumbling about Clove’s “impulsive and unpredictable behavior” again and his one hand that has been resting on the inside of my thigh tenses.

It has been a shock for us as well to find out about Clove’s pregnancy. Usually, the girls from District 2 don’t volunteer until the age of 16. By that time their training is completed. And to their 16^th birthday, the academy “gifts” the best girls with the medical procedure of an ovariohysterectomy. They believe that it makes the killing in the arena easier and, in case of victory, there is nothing more important to worry about that the obligations coming with winning.

As far as I know, District 2 is the only district with this special kind of preparation for the games. Which is why our tributes usually are the most determined and bloodthirsty ones in the arena, even compared to the other career districts. The capitol probably knows about the special treatment of the female tributes from 2, but they never moved a muscle to restrict the academy. And why should they. Outside of the academy and apart from the highest circles of the capitol, no one knows what’s going on behind closed doors.

Of course, Clove hadn’t undergone this procedure yet. None of her trainers had expected her to volunteer at the age of fifteen. Brutus is still going on about Clove’s lack of responsibility and his grip on my thigh has gotten so strong, that his knuckles turn white. I hiss at him and place my left hand on his while I nudge him into the ribs with my right elbow. He turns to me, about to say something, just as Cato stumbles out of the tent and runs towards the woods with a dangerous look in his eyes. He seems to have lost it completely.

“Talking about Clove being insane? Looks like your tribute isn’t the sane one after all”, I say with a wink.

+++

- Cato

“I’m pregnant, Cato. It’s yours.”

Holy fuck!

For a moment, all I can do is look at Clove in shock. “So… what… what are you saying?” I can’t think straight; can’t think at all. All I can do is stare at her with a black expression while I back away from her.

No! This has to be a joke. This can’t happen. Not here in the arena. As Clove tries to reach for my arm, I jump up and stumble towards the tree line. I need space, need to think. As I run, branches hit my face and arms but I barely notice them. It’s like Cloves news flipped a switch in my head. Beast-Cato is breaking free.

I’m so focused on running and listening to the sound of my blood rushing through my head, that I nearly overhear the capitol’s anthem and the voice of Claudius Templesmith. “Attention tributes, attention. The regulations requiring a single victor have been suspended. From now on, two victors may be crowned if both originate from the same district.” And for the second time this day, I can’ believe what I’m hearing. But it has to be true, since Templesmith repeats the ludicrous rule change once again.

Something like this never happened in the past 73 Hunger Games. Sure, the Quarter Quells have always been a bit different but those were plain ordinary games. Clover! The both of us could win together. There can be two victors.

While my thoughts are running wild, my ears perceive a not that far away sound. Lucky me, because I was already on my way back to camp. The sound I heard was the voice of Everdeen. She’s screaming for Loverboy.

This is now or never. Without giving it much thought, something I hardly do anyways, I spring towards where her voice came from. They are not going to win. Not someone from District 12 and especially not her. District 12 didn’t have their tribute winning the games and I’ll personally take care of that. They don’t deserve the victory anyway. It should be me. The victor of the 74^th Hunger Games was always supposed to be me.

My legs carry me as fast as possible and I nearly fly towards my next victim. But instead of coming across Katniss, I get tackled by a giant bear-like mutation. I start fighting the grip of its claws immediately. One paw hits me across the face with brute force and I feel my jaw break as I fall on my hands and knees once again. But instead of whining, I roll to the right to have enough space to get back on my feet. My sword hisses as I swing it towards the creatures head but it moves faster than I anticipated, so I just cut off his ear which doesn’t seem to make an impact on the brute. Slaver gathers in the corners of its mouth and I yank my arm back in a desperate attempt to get it out of the beasts reach so it only gets hold of my sleeve.

There’s a cracking behind me and turn my head just long enough to get a glimpse on what’s coming. “Oh hell no”, I gasp as I see the outlines of another mutation making its way towards me. With a swift movement, I pull a knife out of my jacket to fight the beasts with both hands. The first one growls in frustration and loosens the grip on my sleeve.  Both of them start to circle me and just as the second arriver jumps forward with a roar, the first attacker goes for my sword arm again and does not get disappointed this time. Stars dance in front of my eyes as soon as the razor sharp teeth sink into my flesh. The sound of cracking bones is vomit inducing and I kind of want to throw up because of the pain. My arm goes limp and the sword falls to the ground.

I take a deep breath in through the nose and manage to move my body far enough to cut the other beast with the knife. Its blood hits my face as I pierce the nose of the bear mutation. In terms of rebuilding my ego, the attack was successful, but in terms of making ground in the fight not so much. The creature growls and seems even angrier now. A curse leaves my bleeding lips as I desperately try to keep the creature at distance. But as I lean forward I have to discover that I totally overestimated my absolute limit of pain. The teeth buried inside my arm make a crunching noise as the first mutation pulls me away from its companion. And this time, my visions gets black for a few seconds.

My pride and training forgive me to give up but when the teeth in my arm start to make chomping movements, the pain gets unbearable. The knife shakes in my hand before it falls to the ground and I stare at it with a blank expression. “That’s it”, I think. “This is how the life of Cato Hadley ends.” Before I can end that thought, something small comes running towards us and jumps on the back of the second mutation, which just tried to bite my face of. I see the light reflecting on the blade of knife, before the blade sinks between the creatures massive shoulder blades.

What- or whoever saved me distracted the remaining beast enough so I could finally free myself from its bite. As fast as possible I pick up the sword. With one swift movement, the blade disappears inside the beast’s chest. The creature stumbles a few steps then it sinks down and melts into the earthy ground. Meanwhile I examine my arm and carefully clench my jaw. It seems to have healed as soon as the creatures disappeared. The only thing remaining is the memory of the agonizing pain. 

“Clover”, I yell, before I can stop myself. Even though I doubt that there are other tributes around, I cover my mouth and get on my knees beside her. Her glance doesn’t find mine and she seems to look right through me. She’s pale and even looks like she’s about to vomit. “Are you hurt, Clove? What’s wrong?” This is my fault. I shouldn’t have ran off like this. She’s hurt and it’s my fault.

As if my voice woke her up from a nightmare, she fixates her eyes on me. “Cato, we can win. Both of us. We can win this together.” Her words are happy and her mouth is smiling but there is something in her eyes that I can’t quite comprehend yet.

It’s guilt, Cato. She sounds so fucking guilty. What happened?

+++

We return to camp as the sun sets. Clove hasn’t said a word, just stared at the path in front of her. Near the tent, I see something shiny on the floor. A gift from our sponsors. But as soon as I intend to pick it up, Clove holds me back. “Cato don’t.” Now more than ever, I think and grab what turns out to be a small vial.

Attached to it is a piece of paper. It radiates the strong scent of roses and the handwritten message on it knocks the air out of my lungs and hits my stomach like an iron fist. “Hello Clove. I assume you have heard of the latest change of rules. Now, two tributes can be crowned victors, provided that they both origin from the same District. The choice is up to you whether you want that winner by your side to be your unborn child or your District partner Cato. In case you choose the latter, I have provided a vial with a very special kind of poison which has helped women from the capitol with a similar problem like yours. Choose wisely. May the odds be ever in your favor, President Coriolanus Snow.”

My hands are formed into fists, knuckles turned white, wrinkling the paper in it. The vial is empty. “Clove, I want you to tell me that this is not the way it looks like. Tell me that you opened the bottle and spilled it somewhere. Tell me that you did not drink this, Clove!” My voice got louder and louder until I was full on yelling at her. She meets my glance with empty eyes, tears threatening to spill and wetting her cheeks.

“What was I supposed to do?” Her voice is merely a whisper and her breath is shaking. Deep inside I know that she didn’t really have a choice. It’s not really her fault but the capitol’s. It’s the fault of District 2, the trainers and the academy who told us our whole life that there is nothing more important than winning and gaining pride and glory, that our District partner is the only thing we can truly rely till the very end. Clove did not make that choice consciously but I still have to turn away from her to prevent myself from hitting her.

Chapter Text

“ Band-Aids don't fix bullet holes, you say sorry just for show, you live like that, you live with ghosts.” ~ Taylor Swift

-Clove

As I open my eyes the sky above the arena is cloudy. My stomach seems to twist as soon as I try to lift myself onto my elbows and it takes me all my willpower not to throw up. In the corner of my eye I see Cato rummaging through our things and then come towards me with a still half-filled water bottle.

“Cato?” My voice is hoarse as I look up to him, blinking against the bright sunlight. “S’alright, Clover”, he murmurs and brushes a loose strand of hair behind my ear. I try to meet his gaze but he does a very good job at avoiding mine. Then he gets up and takes a few steps towards the lake. I follow him but as soon as I stretch out my hand and touch his shoulder, he turns around with his jaw and fists clenched. At this very moment, I fear he might punch me but my face stays unfazed. “It’s all their fault. It’s the capitol’s fault and especially the fault of this fucking president. You hear that? Fuck you, Coriolanus Snow!” Cato yells at the sky and suddenly my mind takes me only a few days back. Back to the day where Cato snapped the neck of the kid from District 3 like his body was only a fragile doll. The meaning of his words and the possible consequences of him yelling them through the arena dawn on me only a few seconds too late. One hand covers his lips while the others strokes his biceps soothingly. “Don’t say that. Not here.”

Cato’s angry response is drowned out by the anthem of the capitol and the voice of Claudius Templesmith echoing through the arena.  “Attention tributes, attention. I would like to invite you all to a feast.” A feast? Cato looks just as unimpressed as I do but Templesmith is not done talking. “Now hold on. Some of you may already be declining my invitation. But this is no ordinary feast. Each of you needs something desperately.” Food, I think immediately. We have weapons and already are superior to the other tributes so what else would the Gamemakers have to offer? “Each of you will find that something in a backpack, marked with your district number, at the Cornucopia at dawn. Think hard about refusing to show up. For some of you, this will be your last chance.” With that, Templesmith falls silent.

Cato turns to me with a bright smile on his face. “The feast is the perfect opportunity for us. The others won’t reject the invitation. It’s our chance to end this.” My face lights up. “We can kill them all.” Both of us look over the lake at the Cornucopia which reflects the remaining sunlight bright into the arena. This is where it all comes to an end. I am aware that at least one camera is on us right now, the last career tributes. We could actually do it; we can end the games tomorrow. No, we will end the games tomorrow!

+++

“So there’s Thresh, Redhead and both from 12”, Cato lists the remaining tributes once again. “But 5 is smart, she’ll most likely hide somewhere to grab her backpack and immediately run for the hills. She’s no threat though. All we have to do is catch her.” Cato and I have been strategizing the whole night so nothing goes wrong. “Loverboy will be an easy kill, I’ll take on Thresh as well and you can have the Girl on Fire. And don’t you worry about Redhead, I’m gonna catch her.” I’m glad that we didn’t have to fight much over who’s going to kill Katniss. It’s something I’ve been waiting for since I first laid eyes on her at the parade. Cato only has one condition: “Give the audience a good show, ok Clover? Make her suffer. But more importantly, remember our plan. We can’t trust the capitol and we have to be prepared in case they do a 180.” With that, he gets up and plants a swift kiss on my lips. He’ll hide in the bushes at the edge of the forest where he has a perfect view on the Cornucopia.

As soon as the first ray of sunlight hits the Cornucopia, the ground opens up and a round table with four backpacks on it rises up into the arena. As anticipated, the redheaded girl from District 5 is the first one at the table, takes hold of her bag and runs into the woods. A quick glance in Cato’s direction shows me, that he is already on pursuit.

Then I see Katniss running from the bushes towards the table. It’s time, Clove, go! I say to myself and sprint after her, knife already in hand. Unfortunately for me, she notices the first knife that I throw her way, manages to deflect it with her bow and shoots an arrow at me. I turn just enough to avoid getting hit in the heart but the arrow hits my left arm. It hurts but it’s not severe, I prefer to throw with my right hand anyway. I still have to stop and pull the arrow out of my flesh though.

Meanwhile, Katniss has reached the table and grabs hold of her backpack. This is my chance! I know she’ll try to shoot me again as soon as I give her the opportunity so I throw another knife, targeting her head. She turns and the knife cuts open her right eyebrow. My aim could have been better but it is enough to throw Katniss off her game. She staggers and shoots another arrow in my direction but it doesn’t even come close to me. I tackle her to the ground, pinning her body in place with my knees so she can’t escape.

“Where’s your boyfriend, District 12? Still hanging on?” I ask her, vicious smirk in my lips. Satisfaction rushes through me like a drug, I have to pause for a moment to take this whole situation in. This is what I’ve been waiting for way too long. And if Cato can’t be here with me to enjoy the moment then all of Panem will do. “He’s out there now.” she hisses. “Hunting Cato.” I can’t hold in the small chuckle that builds up in my chest at the thought of Loverboy trying to take a stand against Cato.

Then suddenly, she takes a deep breath and screams for Peeta, her voice echoes loud and clear through the arena. I cut off her voice by slamming my fist into her windpipe but pause for a moment to gather my thoughts. Peeta surely is no match against Cato but he is stronger than me and therefore able to pull me off of Katniss. Just to be sure, I take a quick look around. Of course, there’s nothing to see. She was bluffing, Clove. God, she’s so desperate.

“Liar”, I say with a grin. „He’s nearly dead. Cato knows where he cut him. You’ve probably got him strapped up in some tree while you try to keep his heart going.” Pathetic. “What’s in the pretty little backpack? That medicine for Loverboy? Too bad he’ll never get it.”

I open my jacket in which I put all my favorite knifes the night before. After a moment of consideration, I decide on the smallest, most delicate one. The one that I’ve never gotten the chance to use before. “I promised Cato if he let me have you, I’d give the audience a good show” I explain to her, trying to hide the excitement in my tone. She does not stand a chance against us, the voices whisper.

Until now, I haven’t realized just how quiet they’ve gotten over the past few days. Whether it was Cato’s constant presence and the feeling of belonging here into the arena, into the games or the fact that I tried to act like a sane person for once in my young life. But ever since I’ve read the words written on rose scented paper, I could practically feel the sanity leaking out of me with every beat of my heart, every breath I take. There’s nothing that Cato could have done yesterday, nothing to change my mind that I subconsciously already made up.

I made this decision on my own. I am on my own! The best thing to do to preserve the little sense that I have left is to kill Katniss, kill Peeta and think of some way to deal with Thresh. Don’t forget to kill Cato, love. He’s brought us nothing but misery. The plan, Clove, keep going! I internally scream at myself, drowning out the giggles inside my head.

Katniss must have seen something change in my expression because she tries to shake me off, a hint of fear in her eyes but her efforts are fruitless. I wonder how she managed to survive that long.

“Forget it, District 12. We’re going to kill you. Just like we did your pathetic little ally…what was her name? The one who hopped around in the trees? Rue? Well, first Rue, then you, and then I think we’ll just let nature take care of Loverboy. How does that sound? Now, where do we start?”

I use my sleeve to wipe most of the blood from her face to get a good look at it. As soon as I shift my weight, Katniss fights back again and attempts so bite my hand but fails once again. If this is how she wants to play, then let’s play. “I think… I think we’ll start with your mouth” I purr and outline her fleshy lips with my knife without cutting her, for now.

“Yes, I don’t think you’ll have much use for your lips anymore. Want to blow Loverboy one last kiss?” I smirk at my own wit. The next thing I feel is her saliva on my face and this is all it takes to tip me over the edge of self-control. “All right then. Let’s get started.” The knife cuts the outline of her upper lip ever so slightly but before I can go on, I feel a brute force tearing me away from her.

Against my initial expectations, it’s not Peeta who lifts me up. This is so much worse; it’s Thresh. He holds me above the ground like I weigh nothing. Keep calm, Clove. You’re a career, you can deal with anything, I tell myself and try to remember what I’ve learnt in the academy but nothing could’ve ever prepared me for a situation like this. Thresh throws me on the floor in a movement that resembles throwing away a ball. The impact with the hard floor nocks all the air out of my lungs and as my composure falls, all my thinking ends. What do you have to lose?

Thresh towers over me for a moment, sizing me up, then he starts shouting. His deep voice is so loud that it must even be audible in the farthest corners of the arena and it shakes me to the core. “What’d you do to that little girl? You kill her?” Panic rushes through every inch of my body as I try to crawl away from him, get some distance between me and the raging boy. “No! No, it wasn’t me!” He has to believe me, he has to.

“You said her name. I heard you. You kill her? You cut her up like you were going to cut up this girl here?” His face is a mask of untamed rage. “No! No, I – ” Thresh doesn’t let me finish, not like there is anything I had to say. He grabs a stone, bigger the size of my head. To hell with our plan. Clove Kentwell, career tribute from District 2, killed by a kid from District 11. This is not how I want to die. Not like this, not here, not at all. There is only one thing left on my mind. It’s a name.

“Cato! Cato!” I screech and even I am able to hear the desperation and fear in my own voice. “Clove!” I hear his immediate answer, just as full of fear as mine. But I know it and he probably knows as well, that he is too far away. There’s no way he’s going to make it in time. Cato won’t save me.

In the corner of my eye, I see the stone flying towards me, led and powered by Thresh’s hand. It crashes into my scull and my world explodes into pain. Horrible, agonizing pain.

My breath picks up an uneven fast pace, my vision is becoming more and more blurry. I moan in pain and hardly understand what the two people besides me are talking. One sentence catches my wobbly attention: “But he got there first. District 1” Katniss says. “I killed him.” So she’s the one who killed Marvel. A few tears run down my burning skin, not solely due to the pain. Under different circumstances, Marvel and I would have become really close friends.

“Clove!” This is Cato’s voice. I hear him loud and clear, he can’t be far. Then he falls on his knees beside me. Though my blurry vision, I can make out his icy blue eyes and the pain in them. “Stay with me!” He yells at me and pulls me up slightly to rest me on his knees. “Clover, please. Don’ leave me. Two victors, remember?”

The sound of a cannon echoes though the arena and makes my head feel like it’s going to explode. Redhead, so Cato got her. Now, Clove. You can still do this. Weakness is starting to overpower me but I do my best to fight it for a few moments longer. “I don’t want to die, Cato. I’m so scared.” I feel bad for making him beg earlier, for making him weak because of my mistake, my negligence. There is one thing I can do to change that and restore his image of the ruthless killing machine. My fingers search blindly for his, find them and squeeze gently. Judging by what I can see of him, he understands but doesn’t approve as he shakes his head almost unnoticeable. All the cameras and eyes must be on us in this very moment. There can’t be something more interesting and disgustingly heartbreaking than this. “I love you, Cato.” My voice is merely a whisper, darkness winning the fight over the daylight and Cato’s silhouette. Please play along, please play along. “Oh, Clover” he leans down and I feel his hand slip under my body to reach for the jacket’s pockets, his hands are slightly shaking. “I’m almost sorry to deny you these infamous last words but I don’t love you. And I don’t see how anyone else could. You’re so weak!” His last words aren’t nearly as painful as the knife that Cato presses onto my ribcage almost lovingly. Then he reaches inside the backpack and drops it next to me, probably going off to find and kill Thresh and the real two lovebirds from District 12.

Chapter Text

“Come away little light, come away to the darkness. In the shade of the night we’ll come looking for you.” ~ Maroon 5

-Brutus

So he did it. He really went through with it. I would never admit it out loud but I always doubted that Cato truly had what it takes to become a victor. Enobaria’s hand, which moments before had been caressing my neck is now clenching, her nails digging into my skin as she stares open mouthed at the screen. “These two dumb fucks” she growls and leans back, waving at an Avox to top up her whiskey once again. We’ve talked through this multiple times but these two, without a doubt, are the most messed up tributes we ever coached which caused us to invest a lot more personal energy than it’s usually the case.

Somehow, the two dipshits came up with the idea that they had to restore their reputation as careers; vicious and heartless. No offence, the idea itself is not bad, they did look kinda loved up for the closely observant eye. But going through with it after Thresh interfered and already left Clove dying? Let alone the fact that they failed to kill Katniss again!

“More muscle than brain” Enobaria smirks, giving me the side eye. While she seems to be having the time of her life watching this year’s games, I lost my temper more than once, wanting to go into the arena myself to knock some sense up their asses.

+++

- Cato

My breath comes ragged in and out of my lungs as I follow Thresh into a part of the arena that I’ve never been to before. Many kids died by my hand in these games, I am the unchallenged leader of the kill count ranking. But nothing tore me apart like piercing a knife through Clove’s already weak body. We had a plan and Katniss was our center piece. Now, she’s still out there, along with Loverboy, kissing away in some bloody hiding place while I might just have lost my district partner. My other half. My anchor. Clove.

It was supposed to be so simple. Shake things up, switch a few more odds around. Who doesn’t like a little added drama, drizzled with tension towards the end of the games? The backpack contains the same lotion that healed Clove back in the capitol, when I pushed her into the shards or when a favorite got hit a little too hard in training in the academy. The knife didn’t do any serious harm, I knew what I was doing. The wound will look spectacular on camera, but it’s not life threatening. At least it wasn’t supposed to be. Thresh wrecked everything.

And going through with our initial plan might have been our signature on Clove’s death sentence. “You killed her Cato.” I could have easily overheard the cannon.

Behind me, the ferns start to rustle as something or rather someone tries to sneak up on me. I don’t turn around just yet but I tighten my grip around my sword. It can’t be someone else but Thresh, he seems to have predicted me following him. There’s another rustle and Thresh jumps out, accompanying his attack with a bloodcurdling battle cry.

Luckily, I am prepared to dodge his attack and swing my sword around to keep him at a safe distance. But Thresh himself is no novice in fighting and parries my attacks with almost no effort. This is a surprise. The kids from District 11 usually aren’t serious opponents but this one seems to know his way around his machete. 

Why is he so big? The thought rushes through my brain as I try to land a hit on him. But for now, it looks like I have to play the defensive part for once and tire him out. Fortunately, there was an armor for you in the backpack, Cato. Thresh’s strokes with the machete are wild and hard but it takes no expert to see that he has no real technique and is less agile than I am.

His following hits get even stronger and angrier and the impacts with my sword send pain through my right arm into my shoulder. I feel and see my hand shaking as Thresh’s next hit sends me down to one knee. This is not looking good. But my new position offers a new look at things. For example the massive rock, that is not so far away from me.

To gain some distance, I get back to my feet, take two steps back and lower my weapon. Thresh seems confused by my presumed surrender and pauses his constant attacks to think. This is all the distraction I need to dart past him and pick up the rock. By the time Thresh realizes what I’m doing it’s too late for him. He’s a goner.

“An eye for an eye, fucker” I growl and with that I punch the stone into his face. The sound of breaking bones mixes with Thresh’s cry of pain. He stumbles backwards but nothing could save him now. My hands are no longer trembling as I lift my sword over my head to wield one last, deadly stroke. The cannon sounds the exact same moment as Thresh’s head hits the grass in front of my feet.

I’m shaking again as I step towards Thresh’s corpse. Before my inner eye, I see Clove lying in on the ground, her skull crushed by a stone. I feel the strong urge to kick his detached head into oblivion but I do no such thing, turn around and walk away. Behind me, a hovercraft appears to pick up the body parts of the boy from District 11.

+++

Some time has passed and it’s almost night again. I spent my day wandering through the arena to regain my strength and try to form clear thoughts. Now, I’m resting and refilling my water bottle at the very same pond where we ran into Katniss only a few days ago. Funny how it feels like it has been ages.

Cloves sweet scent tickles my nose and drives me back to my feet. She can’t be here, right? That’s what I tell myself just seconds before the first mutt jumps out of the bushes, growling. The shock makes me take a few steps back to size up my new opponents. Those muttations don’t have much in common with the bears that attacked me after I ran headless into the woods not too long ago, besides being shaped like animals.

They are wolves with unusually colorful eyes and fur. One even smells familiar too. Its fur is a bright golden blond and slightly curly, the eyes are piercing blue. Glimmer! A quick scan through the pack reassures me that none of the muttations resemble Clove. The Glimmer mutt bares her razor sharp teeth. She’s also the first one to jump towards me with an unnatural humanly howl.

There is no time to grab my weapon, I simply start running as fast as I can to get as much distance between me and the creatures as possible. A look above my shoulder is not necessary for me to know they’re in hot pursuit. I can feel their breath, hot against my back and their howling right beside my ears. Never in my life have I been so scared. No thinking, no calculation, all my senses are in escape mode.

While I continue to run as fast as possible, I become more and more aware of the armor. It’s heavy and functions like a heater. My face is bright red and I can feel the blood rushing in my ears.

Two people appear in my blurry field of vision. Loverboy and Katniss are standing between the trees, watching in obvious surprise. One of them, I can’t really make out who, points their weapon at me. Awesome, I think. The muttations will find that those two are much easier prey than I am and hopefully leave me alone. Or at least this will give me time to find a place to hide.

The arrow, which presumably Katniss aimed at me gets deflected by the armor. I don’t slow down, even try to push myself more to run even faster past them. The howling of the mutts has changed and turns into cheers. The wolves have spotted them!

I reach the lake and target the cornucopia. It takes my last strengths to pull myself up there and my sweaty hands make me slip down more than once but finally I manage to mount the golden metal structure. It feels cold against my skin as I desperately try to catch my breath and stop the irregular gasps that are currently pumping air into my lungs.

Why don’t I hear the cannon? What I do hear though is something hitting against the cornucopia. It’s not the muttations, like I first assumed, but the two lovebirds from 12. Unfortunately, I’m not in the condition to stand back up yet. Everything becomes blurry, my body cramps and I have to gag. “Can they climb it?” I gasp out, asking nobody in particular. There’s no way that I’d regain my strength fast enough to fight off both from 12 and the mutts. Again, I try to stand up but my body’s still too weak. At least no muttation makes it on the roof of the cornucopia. So, this is the end? Killed by two less than mediocre tributes from District 12?

By the time 12 has made it onto the cornucopia, my breathing has calmed down and is back under my control. My knees are still wobbly but strong enough to slowly lift me to my feet. As Katniss carelessly leans over the edge of the roof I see my chance. Two quick steps and I’m behind Peeta, pulling him away from Katniss and choking him. She immediately pulls out an arrow and aims to shoot me in the head. A chuckle leaves my throat, the first time in ages. Does she really think she could do me any harm? I am a career, the last one standing and then there’s the additional body armor.

“Shoot me and he goes down with me” I spit towards her. For a moment I feel superior, on top of the world even but then I realize the full weight of the stalemate that I maneuvered myself into. She might not be able to shoot me without killing her beloved Peeta as well but I can’t kill Peeta without getting an arrow shot between my eyes. Great job, Cato, I hear a voice in my mind that sounds suspiciously like Clove. Clove; Clover. Did she survive? If not, it’s my fault. I wounded her. And suddenly my sanity crumbles like a house of cards in the wind. I killed Clove. The only person I ever truly cared for and the only person who truly cared for me. Along with the realization comes agony. There is no hope.

“Go on, shoot. Then we both go down and you win.” She’ll have the victory I always wanted. But would it have been worth it? Victory and the life that comes after, knowing that I killed Clove? “Go on, I’m dead anyway. I always was, right? I didn’t know until now.” My whole life falls apart in this very moment, it was all a lie. There is no true victory, there is no true glory. There will always be blood on my hands that’s never going to wash of. My voice is shaking as I continue to speak. “How is that? Is that what they want, huh?” Those words are targeted at the capitol, at the academy, at Panem. They all wanted to see me fight and win. Or wanted to see me fail. Brutus, Enobaria, Snow, the trainers, everyone.

Peeta tries to wiggle free but I just tighten my grip on his neck. “No, no, no. I can still do this. I can still do this. One more kill.” Like you killed Clove? “This is the only thing I know how to do. Bringing pride to my district. Not that it matters.” By the time I finished speaking, Katniss shoots the back of my hand that’s holding Peeta. The pain makes me cry out and since I’ve been standing too close to the edge of the cornucopia anyway, Peeta breaking free from me is all it takes to push me off the edge of the roof and I’m falling.

Chapter Text

“Come away little lamb, come away to the slaughter. To the one appointed to see this though. We are coming for you” ~ Maroon 5

- Clove

The remedies that the backpack contained healed my wounds quickly, only leaving an itchy feeling behind. They weren’t able to cure the skull splitting migraine Thresh caused, though.  Now I’m hiding in the grass with a perfect view on the cornucopia and wait for something to happen. For a long time, the only thing I hear and see are birds and insects but as it gets dark, the arena’s suddenly filled with all sorts of howling sounds. Only a few moments later, Cato jumps out of the woods, seemingly unharmed despite fighting Thresh. Behind him there’s Loverboy and Katniss who are followed by something similar to… wolves?

All three of them climb the cornucopia and for a while, all I see is the mutts trying to get on top of the cornucopia to follow their prey. I’ve just prepared to come out of hiding when Cato jumps up and chokes Peeta. His district partner comes to her feet only seconds after, bow and arrow in hand. But she doesn’t shoot. The light breeze carries Cato’s voice in my direction but I can’t figure out what he’s saying. The howling and barking of the mutts doesn’t help to concentrate over my headache either. Cato throws his head back and yells something up to the sky like he’s gone insane.

The following events seem to happen in slow motion. Katniss shoots an arrow at Cato’s hand who lets go of Peeta and stumbles backwards, sliding from the roof of the cornucopia. At the same time, I jump up and sprint towards him. My hands are firmly wrapped around a small vial which arrived as a present from Brutus and Enobaria earlier today. As I come closer, I can already hear Cato’s agonizing screams of pain. I throw the vial as precisely as I throw my knives and, as usual, don’t miss my target. The vial explodes in the center of the pack of wolf mutts which dissolve into thick yellow smoke.

Without checking on Cato, I reach for one of my favorite knives. Peeta has is back turned to me and I use my chance to jump onto him and slice his throat. Katniss’ whimper turns into a scream of sheer anger, as she recognizes me. Lucky for me, she used up all her arrows. Her only real weapon against me. Without them, she doesn’t stand a chance.

But I make the same experience, as we did so many times before. Killing Katniss is not that easy. She kicks my hand and, as I loose grip on the knife I’ve been holding, throws a punch against my temple. The headache fights its way through the adrenaline rushing through my body and I go blind for a second, drowned in bright white colors and the fresh memory of a rock hitting my skull.

The swishing sound of a blade swung towards me brings me back to reality. Katniss took the fallen knife and is now attempting to slice my throat like I did with Peeta only moments ago. But I’m faster, stronger and smarter than her. They don’t train us in the academy for nothing. My kick against the side of her knee causes a satisfying pop and as Katniss, now lopsided, stumbles away from me, I reach for another knife and hit her right between the eyes.

The sound of the canon is both a reward and a relief for me. All this is finally over.

I didn’t expect to see Cato back on his feet when I slide down the side of the cornucopia to check on him. He has both arms pressed against the cornucopia pressed for support to hold his body up but it looks like the body armor protected him from the worst. His body at least. His eyes seem clouded and he looks at me like he’s seeing a ghost. “You’re dead. I killed you.” He whispers. A lonely tear running down his cheek. “You didn’t, Cato. I’m still here, we both are. This is over, we won.” Cato’s lips curl into the devilish smirk that I love so much and his body seems to release all of the tension that built up over the past few hours. But we hear no anthem, see no hovercraft coming to pick us up. I suspect the worst. Oh god, no!

 “Greetings to the final contestants of the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games. The earlier revision has been revoked. Closer examination of the rule book has disclosed that only one winner may be allowed. Good luck and may the odds be ever in your favor.”

 “Is this a joke?” I hardly recognize my own voice. It sounds choked, incredulous. They can’t be serious. After everything they’ve put us through. After everything they put me through to get to this very moment together with Cato. Speaking of Cato, he might be injured but the lopsided smirk he’s now sporting is frightening me to the bone. He tilts his head and mumbles “One more kill” as he pushes away from the cornucopia and takes two stumbling steps towards me. How could I believe for one second, that he’d choose me over victory? Insecure, but precautious, I straighten my posture and reach for a knife. But it seems like I’ve underestimated my opponent once again.

It takes him one large step to reach me and he’s not stumbling anymore. That bastard tricked me. His body hits mine with full force which abruptly knocks all the air out of my lungs. Cato’s hands find my neck before I can catch another breath and his whole weight slams me against the cold metal wall of the cornucopia. The whole situation is painfully similar to the one with Thresh. But back then, I knew I could rely on Cato to make things right again.

I desperately try to make eye contact with him but the only thing that I find in those icy blue eyes is bloodlust. He’s completely lost it. I’ve given up on my fruitless efforts to push him away and am now desperately fumbling with my last knife that’s stuck in my jacket. Finally it rips free from the fabric and I turn it in my cold hands, pointing it straight at Cato’s body. One swift movement and the knife could glide between the ribs and pierce his heart. But something’s holding me back.

The increasing pressure on my windpipe forces me into action. Slowly but firmly, I press the knife into Cato’s ribcage. My eyes flicker down to my hand and through the rapidly increasing amount of stars in my field of vision, I can make out the blood that is leaking out from under the blade but Cato doesn’t seem to notice.

In only a few seconds, we’ll both be dead. I don’t want to die and I also don’t really want to kill him. My hand starts to shake and holding the knife becomes a nearly impossible task. “Cato…” I gasp as my free hand comes to rest on his wrist, caressing the skin there in a helpless attempt to snap him back into reality. My vision turns black, the pounding headache takes over and I let the knife fall to the ground. But it seems like Cato’s not going to let me go so easily. Unexpectedly, he takes a step back and lets me fall into the grass. I’m on my hands and knees trying to gasp for as much air as I can but my whole body is shaking and the cramps cause me to gag.

I can feel him come near me again, probably with the intention of finishing me off this time. One hand franticly searches around for the knife while I stretch out the other in a ridiculous attempt to protect myself with it. My legs are shaky but I manage to hold myself up with my back pressed against the cornucopia. The bloody blade of the knife glints with anticipation. Ready for round two?

But the panicked voice of Claudius Templesmith has us stopping in our tracks. “Stop! Stop! Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to present the victors of the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games, Cato Hadley and Clove Kentwell! I give you – the tributes of District Two!”

I’m still gasping for air as I try to make sense of Templesmith’s words. My knees hit the floor next to the knife and I look up at Cato. He’s standing slightly crooked, his hand covering the wound between his ribs. “Damn, you nearly killed me there, Clover” he chuckles and reaches for my hands to help me up. I stare at him in disbelief but take his hand nonetheless.

We made it! We won! We are the victors of the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games!

Chapter Text

“ Choose your last words, this is the last time. 'Cause you and I, we were born to die.” ~ Lana Del Rey

- Clove

The hospital room in which I’ve been kept in for the past six hours is illuminated by one single lamp hanging in the center of the ceiling. I’ve been staring at it for five. The ugly shape and unnatural light are mesmerizing. The door bursts open and tears my gaze away from the lamp. I have to blink rapidly a couple of times to identify the three people standing in front of me. “What were you thinking, you dipshits?” Enobaria couldn’t even hold back long enough for Cato to close the door behind him. “Oh wait. Say nothing. I already know. You weren’t thinking. You weren’t thinking at all. You left all your senses behind in the capitol and did not use your brains once in the arena. The capitol’s officials are raging!”

For once, Brutus is the one keeping his cool. “You put them into a really difficult situation, you know.” he says. “The last minutes of the games had the audience going crazy anyway, when you faced the lovefools from District 12. Who would’ve thought that they would survive that long and even put up a good fight against careers? Props to you for finishing them of, Clove.” Brutus raises an imaginary glass of celebratory champagne. “But when you two went at it all hell broke loose. You nearly killed each other and, let’s be honest, you’d both be dead by now if Templesmith hadn’t stopped you.”

“And they wouldn’t have a victor to show around!” Cato mumbles. He’s been avoiding eye contact the whole time. We both know that what really went down is different than what the cameras captured. The fight wasn’t even. I still remember the bloodlust and insanity that clouded Cato’s vision. There definitely would have been a victor to show around. And it would have been the tribute who had all the odds in his favor from the beginning, everyone’s favorite. Cato! I didn’t stand a chance against him, I never did. Which is why I’m still in a hospital bed while he’s been out and about the past hours. Let alone the fact that I still can’t speak louder than a whisper even after the doctors fixed my windpipe.

“Anyway, the people of the capitol are going crazy. They can’t wait to finally see you.” Enobaria continues, obviously noticing the tension in the room but choosing to ignore it. “You’re on your way to become the most popular victors in the history of the games.” She seems to have calmed down by now. “I mean, this never happened before. Two careers who first confess their love for each other and then fight each other to death. Well nearly…” Cato shivers at her words. “I’m not sure if that’s something to be proud of.”

“The parade in your honor will take place this evening. Until then, your stylists will take care of you.” Brutus says, sideway glancing at me as they are preparing to leave. “Oh and one more thing.” He stops in his tracks, pulling Cato back by the arm. “I want you to keep in mind that even though you’re from a career district and have been treated with favor, that doesn’t mean that the capitol’s okay with what you’ve done. Especially President Snow is not amused. So keep your heads high and smile for the charade but don’t move a muscle unless you’re told otherwise.” I noticed Cato’s hands clenching into fists at the mention of Snow. As his knuckles turn white, I can only pray that he’s got himself under control when we meet the President.

+++

It’s almost a throwback to the beginning of the games. The anthem is deafening but not loud enough to drown out the cheering of the capitol as our chariot passes them on our way to a tall building on which’s balcony, overseeing the whole scene, stands President Snow. High above us, high above everyone, he reaches out his hand in a patronizing gesture to greet us and the whole of Panem.

The chariot hasn’t even stopped properly when Cato’s already jumped down and reaches me his hand to hold while I climb down myself. He’s still avoiding to look at me but spins me around and raises our hands in the air as if to show me off to the crowd. They go bonkers. Brutus and Enobaria appear next to us to chaperon us up to the balcony.

We all know what’s next to come. We’ll watch a recap of this game’s highlights. The most memorable kill, the saddest death, and most definitely our last hours in the arena. All of this is not something I look forward to. I can feel Cato squeezing my hand as if he wanted to say “We came this far. We’ll make it through this as well.” And while I appreciate the gesture, a gesture that could easily have come from the old Cato, the Cato I love, I still can’t shake the feeling that our last fight was a little more than friendly fire. I always knew that the blonde boy was capable of horrible things, but I always thought that I’d be the one by his side when these things happened. Not the one on the receiving end. We’re not the same anymore. Something’s changed. We’ve changed.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the victors of the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games! Cato Hadley and Clove Kentwell!” Snow’s voice soothes down the cheering and leaves behind an anticipating silence. His words echo through my head and for the first time in my life, I am doubting everything I was groomed to be. They simply throw a bunch of kids in the arena and hopefully you’re the one lucky enough to survive. Maybe the thoughts awoke due to me leaving said arena only hours ago. But maybe I’ve finally come to my senses. I’ve killed people, a lot of people. Which used to be fun but now reality comes creeping in.

We made it out alive but we also paid a price. I’ve lost so much. Marvel comes to mind. Who, under his fuckboy demeanor, was a genuinely nice guy. I lost my child and nearly myself. But the most painful loss is the one that is standing right beside me like a statue, like the warrior he was always meant to become. Cato’s always been my rock but Snow managed to take even that away from me. The Cato I once knew is gone. The sassy, cocky, laughing and loving Cato. Now, he hides all this behind a wall of muscle and brute strength. And victory!

Snow puts a tiara on mine and a crown on Cato’s head. He has a knowingly, superior smile on his face this whole time, while I smile coyly into the crowd. Cato’s facial expression is unfazed. He simply nods as Snow congratulates him, doesn’t look at the audience, doesn’t look at me. “I knew you were made of stronger stuff!” Snow almost amicably whispers to him and pats his shoulder. Cato stiffens even more.

Then the President turns back to the crowd. “Here they stand before you, the victors of this year’s Hunger Games. They were the strongest, smartest and bravest from the start; used their talents only to make it to this moment. To stand in front of you, as victors with pride and glory! Look up to them and express your gratitude, praise them. We can only be thankful to have such strong warriors amongst us, by our side in our beloved, united Panem!”

The anthem starts to play and everyone turns their attention to the giant screens surrounding the area. It’s time for the recap of the games. It starts with the interviews. Oh, how arrogant and bossy I look. The capitol seems to love it though. They chant my name and Enobaria gives me a nudge to stand up and wave from the balcony. Cato’s interview is impressive. I see why he was secretly handled as this year’s victor way before we even entered the arena. I risk a side glance only to be met with the sight of a clenched jaw and a stern facial expression.

The bloodbath at the cornucopia only includes the highlights and the audience cheers on every kill that’s shown. The girl from District 3, both tributes from 6 and 7, the boy from 8 who Cato nearly split in half, both from 9. The female tribute from District 10 was stabbed from behind by Marvel, as she tried to pick up a backpack. The boy from 9 as well as at least three other tributes were killed by my hand. All their blood is on my hands. Blood that I’ll never be able to wash off.

The recap passes by in a blur but I notice with surprise, that there is no mention of Snow’s involvement in my personal journey in the arena. I throw a questioning look at Enobaria who shakes her head slightly and whispers “They didn’t even mention the pregnancy thing.” So they kept it a secret, maybe they had a plan from the beginning, to clean up the mess their golden boy made.

It was Katniss who killed Marvel. Up to this point I wasn’t sure, just had a feeling. The audience let’s out a collective “aw” when they show me on my knees beside him, yelling into the woods, ready to kill Katniss for what she did. And I did. But before we get to that part, I have to relive the shame of what happened at the feast. I really wasn’t paying any attention to my surroundings, because Thresh didn’t try to hide. He just came up right behind me. It is painful to watch but I force myself not to cringe, because many eyes are on me. Then the chatter of the audience, who’s been discussing what was shown again, dies down as Cato comes running out of the woods and falls on his knees next to me.

The memory of the pain creeps back into my head but now I see what I couldn’t see then. Cato’s in tears, at the verge of crying. Him not wanting to play along with our plan, my knife shaking in his hand. He nearly dropped it before saying his part. “I don’t love you. And I don’t see how anyone else could.” There’s a reaction to my left. Cato moved around in his chair a bit, his knee now knocking against mine. I don’t move away.

Cato’s fight with Thresh is a real crowd pleaser. I’m shocked by how close Thresh came to actually killing him. Then the mutts, chasing Cato and the two from District 12 up the cornucopia. To no surprise they cut Cato’s speech. No one likes to see their favorite going crazy on camera. I come in, finish Katniss and Peeta and slide down the cornucopia, before the rule change was revoked. The fight between us is only briefly shown but I notice how the capitol seems to buzz with excitement at the scenes. After what our mentors said, it comes as no surprise that Snow and the Gamemakers didn’t want to relive those moments in detail.

+++

The rest of the day passes painfully slow. We have another interview with Caesar Flickerman. Of course he wants to review not only the games but our relationships with each other. Cato and Glimmer and, unexpectedly, my relationship with Marvel. “Let me just say what a dream team you two were.” Caesar says and gestures to the screen behind us, where the three of us, Cato, Marvel and I, are hunting in the woods, shortly after Katniss blew up our supplies. We are laughing.

“At that point, did you expect to win the games? To bring home all the glory of victory?” Caesar asks like an old friend. I’m about to shake my head but Cato stops me before I do anything incriminating. “I can’t speak for Clover here, but I know that I never was anything but sure of victory! I was born for this, this is what I came here for. I wasn’t going to lose. Especially not to a tribute from District 12.” The audience laughs as Cato repeats nearly word by word what he said before the arena. But nevertheless, he was right. Contrary to me, Cato never forgot what the games were about, he always had his eyes on the price.

The day ends with a dinner in Snow’s private manor, then we can finally go home. Brutus and Enobaria are with us, waiting to board the train. “You did good today. They loved you. Not sure you looked loved up but where’s the point of that now, huh?” Brutus pats us both on the shoulder. “To be honest I did not think that we’d all go home together. You, my lovely Clove, looked like you wanted to kill all of us and yet here we stand. Funny how it changes you, right?” This is the first relatable and sympathetic thing I’ve heard Brutus say. But it’s like he said, the games change you and who would know that better than a fellow victor.

We board the train and go straight to our respective cabins. The day was tiring even though I haven’t said a word all day. My whole body hurts and screams for a rest, as well as my mind. But something’s keeping me up. I make my way out of the cabin and quietly tiptoe to the end of the train. I want to feel the breeze and see the capitol disappear in the distance to reassure myself that I’m truly going home.

The sliding door at the back of the train is not locked and slightly agape. I slip through it and meet an all too familiar sight: the broad shoulders, muscular back and blonde hair of my District partner. He flinches when he hears the door slide but relaxes when he sees it’s just me. “I couldn’t sleep. Had to make sure we’re really leaving. Leaving this shithole behind us.” He murmurs and leans next to me against the door. “Same.” My voice is hoarse, either from not speaking all day or still from being choked not too many hours ago. We both slide down at the door simultaneously, watching the capitol disappear in the distance.

After a while, I lean into him and rest my head on his shoulder. “’m so sorry, Clover” he whispers into my hair before I can cut him off. “It’s okay, Cato. We’ll work it out eventually.” His arms wrap around me and pull me closer to him; he’s warm. And somehow, I feel safe.