Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ah Sun-flower! weary of time,
Who countest the steps of the Sun:
Seeking after that sweet golden clime
Where the travellers journey is done.

Where the Youth pined away with desire,
And the pale Virgin shrouded in snow:
Arise from their graves and aspire,
Where my Sun-flower wishes to go.

- William Blake

 
The drive back from Red Grave is a strange one. Alternating between busy and quiet, peacefulness bounding in to chatter and then to odd silences.

Morrison is in the other car with Lucia who came when she heard how fucked up the cities were. She was just in time to help haul them all out of the crumbling Qliphoth after running some unholy level of damage control around the edges of the carnage for days. Lady and Trish are in that car as well catching her up on all the details. Nero keeps checking the time since Kyrie was liable to worry now that it was getting late. Nico is yawning over the steering wheel but she won’t let anyone even consider driving.

“Y’all nearly died how many times up there? This is my job, getting us home. So shut your trap and get some shut eye before I start swearing at the highway traffic. Everyone’s gonna come running to see what you nuts did up there.”

Nero grumbles but eventually does so, but not after one last worried call to Kyrie. They’ll be home soon, he says, probably mid day tomorrow, Fortuna was a fair distance but still ages closer than Capulet. A number of Dante’s other associates had ended up in the city, worried over the month, trying to find out what was happening. Patty and her mother, Kat, by some odd luck they all ran into Kyrie and the rumors floating around Devil May Cry, and found their way to her.

V listens and tries to sleep, finds even that too painful as he is right now. Nero flops next to him on the couch and he winces as even the bit of movement sends a shock of pain up his whole body. He’s still reforming desperately with the deluge of new magic and demonic strength, he’ll never be the same sort of hunter as the others, but he’s less likely to die now. Nero frowns. “Sorry, didn’t realize. You doing okay?”

“I daresay I don’t get much say in that right now. But I’ll recover in time.”

Nero shrugs. “Fair enough. Nico’s right though, try to sleep, okay?”

He sighs, and smiles tiredly. “Only if you do the same. Staying up until you get to see Kyrie again won’t do you any good if you pass out the moment you see her.”

Nero actually stutters. “Oh shut it.” But he does pull one of the blankets from under the couch and finally settle down, breathing finally calming to something resembling peace as the exhaustion hits him.

“Sleeping beauty finally out?” Nico calls back quietly.

V nods. “He is.”

“And our other two freeloaders? I swear I gotta charge them for this, making me some errand girl for their demon asses.”

V glances over at the back, where Dante and Vergil are on the haphazard blankets, bandages tied hard and fast around the wounds even demon blood took time to heal, their swords propped nearby against the wall. They’ve been out cold since they came back. No one really knows the full story except that there was laughter and curses and the two looked like they’d been fighting for months with all the blood and underworld gunk covering them when someone finally saw the glimmer of the Yamato’s portal closing up behind them. V laughs softly. “Our new cargo are doing quite well.”

Nico laughs louder at that. “Cargo! I like that one. But…”

“That’s what family does, right Nico?” Nero speaks up, and they both jump, really thinking he’d been asleep.

“Yeah, asshole, it is.” She snorts and looks to the side for a moment. “Good sky to finish all this under. We’ll get everyone home in no time.”

V follows her glance out the van windows and watches the sky, long since turned night, and clear as a bell. No lights for miles because of the electric damage. All you can see is stars. Bright and shimmering, so close you could touch them, casting pale light over the interior and black and grey shadows on the floor. Only broken up by their own movement forward. When they pass a building it goes dark and the lights move, before returning when they come back into the soft white light.

V stays up and watches the light until finally, they find enough calm to rest as well. Nodding off while sitting up and the stars reflecting on the cane still beside them. Nico looks back in the mirror at them all and smiles and keeps driving by that starlight.

Chapter Text

The early mornings and late nights are the times when it’s just them in the house. During the day it’s a mess of who’s going out where, what kids from the orphanage have decided to visit, even if Kyrie’s already going there there’s always a few who like to tag around Nero and Nico. Sometimes they have other visitors as well, usually from Capulet, but days like those are different and a little more raucous just by nature. And while the nights are their own kind of special for sure, there's something about the peaceful start of a day that can't quite be matched. The mornings have become their own unique routine colored by golden light and accented with the soft silence of a city only just starting to rise, the loudest sound being birds and the nearby puffs of smoke from the bakeries, the clatter of wood on cobblestones from the markets.

So V savors the early mornings when the sound of Kyrie and Nero cooking starts up as a soothing murmur. First it’ll be the scent of the candles Kyrie keeps in the living room being flicked to life. Wafting a light but bright scent of citronella into the early morning sunlight. As early and as much as V tries he’s never gotten to the kitchen first. It’s impossible, and seems to be the couples way of making sure their little family is all well each day. So V sighs and settles for waking up in his own time and then heading down to help find the last few things in the fridge, catch a couple eggs when Nero inevitably tries to show off.

Shadow usually curls up under the table at this point, watching them all and blinking sleepily at each antic. But V’s caught her on more than one occasion shape shifting into a basic form to catch a rarely dropped tool or bowl with or just to slide right in where a scrap of food falls. Kyrie always admonishes the demon since she gives her a bowl just the same as everyone else, the large cat does not need to subsist on table scraps!

Griffon finds that endlessly amusing from his perch on top of the fridge. Once V wakes up so does he and he and Nero go back and forth for the rest of the morning, though it seems the bird has a soft spot for Kyrie and the two are dangerous when given an amusing tidbit of information. Griffon provides commentary and the young woman finds this endlessly amusing. Though there has been some spoon shaking at his choices in language. And Nightmare, complete with miniature stone body, doesn’t appear to notice but then its attempts to set the silverware out will inevitably show a wobbling fork with the little demons version of amusement.

V watches from the table, cane at his side, usually reading whatever book he’s taken to that day. And once the smell of cinnamon toast starts wafting through the house Nico drags herself from bed as well. Usually the latest sleeper of them all due to her work habits waking her up takes the coaxing of fresh cooking. Mumbling about her recent projects she flops at the table to get her bearings before wandering to the counter. And that is where the best coffee and tea in the entirety of Fortuna city gets made. Nico’s got a trick with the coffee machine and also has a scary good eye for tea that V and Kyrie appreciate. The coffee is for herself and Nero usually, and any guests they end up with. The familiars though, are banned from all but decaf.

That one’s a long story but it’s accepted as house law.

And once their drinks are set to brewing it’s time to eat. V tucks his book away so there’s no destruction in the inevitable accidental (or not so accidental) flinging of a spoonful of sugar or a fork of syrup or preserves. They’re not intentionally messy but with three demon hunters plus three demons at the same table things can get hectic quick. Griffon once got powdered sugar all over him, Shadow another time got to have an entire honey jar to herself. Kyrie makes small portions for all three of the familiars, though Nightmare can only eat pieces at most to try things, and yet is the most helpful with trying to decide if something’s been over spiced or is missing some ingredient.

V finds these mornings to be some of the best, with Nico laughing into her coffee and Nero looking happily at Kyrie as she giggles at the rest of them. Shadow curled around their legs comfortingly and Griffon chattering away, and Nightmare perched up on the sugar bowl watching them all. V sips his tea and smiles and wonders how he got on for so long without this as his home.

Chapter Text

The wallpaper in the bathroom is crumbling to bits. Pale yellow. Vintage, needing to be redone. Nero mentioned getting it tiled once but Kyrie constantly puts it off in favor of putting more money into their work. The guest bathroom could wait when they didn’t have him here...For some reason V focuses on that when he lifts his head above the sink. Rubbing the water from his eyes he finds his sight locked on something so mundane. He leans his hands on the sink and tries very hard to breath and feel the cool water on his skin instead of the racing hot fear that practically makes his tattoos shake.

“Hey, Shakespeare, you good?” Griffon is a thread of shadow and feathers on his shoulder, voice low for a rare moment. The familiars stay out more now, Kyrie being oddly fond of all three of them.

“I’ll be fine. Go, don’t let the other two wake up.” The demon bird flaps an affirmative and vanishes back to his perch in the other room. There’s a strong connection between them but V got lucky and managed to suppress it before it spread past Griffon. And he also suspects this problem is exclusive to him first. The familiars are already quite settled in to their existences. Demons born of ill feelings and pain but solidified by the contracts and bonds around them they’re more progressed than him in being individuals. True demons but also, true protectors. They don’t have to erase anything or have anything fighting for competition in their very beings. Unlike him whose mind is a roiling mess of the unspeakable.

Nightmares. And memories.

The first are haunting. The second is vanishing.

Considering his origins and how he lived for those first two months, V really didn’t dream past the base fears of failing until now. Now? Now the what ifs and the almost, the pain and the fear, they’ve really taken root after being pushed aside for so long. And his memories...the wallpaper looks about the same as his past does right now. V’s not sure which was more terrifying to wake up with. He didn’t realize the past still had so many claws still in them. Memories from before were always harder to summon up and yet some had stuck but now it felt even like those were crumbling away.

V runs the sink again and splashes another round of freezing water on his face to keep the fear from choking him. He’s debating the merits of going back to sleep or venturing out for a walk to get some air or just wondering idly if he’s ever going to feel good enough to move again. Hit enough levels of this sickening panic and he could probably just knock out in here until morning when the feelings will have faded.

Though the prospect of waking up with even fewer memories sends a shudder down his spine. More water, focus on the cold, the chill, not the rest of it.

“V?”

He actually jumps, it’s not usually easy to sneak up on him so he’s surprised he let his guard down this much, and turns the water off and reaches for one of the little hand towels Kyrie keeps stocked under the sink. More flowers on the fabric. But Nero’s not the sort to wait for you to compose yourself so V’s still drying his face when his friend and (sibling? nephew? cousin? They’ve still yet to figure that mess out and V wishes that could be a tangent right now instead of this mess) gets in his space. V sighs into the towel and looks at Nero and straightens up and tries to look as fine as possible.

“Yes?”

“Don’t gimme that, your chicken caught me as I was getting a drink and said you were all sorts of messed up. What’s going on?” Damn it Griffon that is not what you were told to do, and V curses through their link and only receives a drowsy laugh in return. “V. C’mon what’s up?”

“Simply a bad dream and...that is all. I thought I may as well wake up since it’s almost sunrise.”

Nero raises a brow in an expression that clearly says he’s not buying any of this. They’ve fought side by side for a bit too long now and Nero can tell when he’s holding something back. Though his gaze goes a little darker at the mention of nightmares. “Bad?”

“...I think finding me like this says quite enough on that topic.”

He laughs dryly. “Fair. You’re soaked through though, want something to drink while you dry out?” V looks down at their splashed tank top and feels thoroughly embarrassed as he picks at the fabric with two fingers.

“That could be helpful.” Nero smiles a little and waves him to follow and they make their way to the kitchen, quiet as they pass the rooms the others are in. Nero yawns and starts filling a kettle with water and turns on the stove burner with the other and slides it on the flame. While that heats it’s like he doesn’t even have to think about where things are, mugs appear on the counter, then sachets of tea, and a jar of honey as well.

“I wasn’t aware you drank tea.” V comments softly as he finds a seat at the counter. It felt too odd using the table at this hour. Normally in the mornings Nero scoffs at V and Kyrie experimenting with different varieties of leaf water as he liked to teasingly call it.

Nero shrugs. “Even I know coffee at 4am is a bad idea. Kyrie leaves everything easy to find though...she’ll fix a cup for herself or me if we’re up. It’s for anyone really, if they’re around, it usually helps.”

V watches the flames curl around the base of the kettle and eyes the many scorch marks on the bottom of the metal that not even stainless steel could resist. Well used indeed. V realizes he’s not the only one who’s waking up in the middle of the night, not by a long shot. And…

“You were already up when Griffon got to you.”

Blue eyes flicker shut for a half second. “Yeah.”

“Bad?”

“I’ve had worse. Didn’t wake anyone else up which is always good. Feels like hell when I do that.” Nero says it so casually it’s hard to listen to. “Worked out this time at least, Griffon nearly flew right into me in the hall.” He snorts at that. “So, you really don’t wanna talk?”

He can practically hear Nico and Kyrie’s encouragement behind the words and Nero quickly looks away to catch the sugar from toppling out of the cabinet. This isn’t Nero’s style usually but he’s trying for V’s sake and somehow that alone helps. V leans his chin on one hand and watches the routine unfold before him and feels so tired knowing they’re all trying to patch the rips and tears in themselves in these ephemeral hours.

“Nothing of the dreams themselves is new...just variations on themes of what almost happened, or did. Usually the worst of the horrors I can imagine.” V rubs at his eyes and sighs. Nero nods in the sort of understanding that only comes from having the same track on loop in his mind. “The worst part though is when I wake up and find I’m shorter on memories than when I started.”

There, it’s said, and V can’t take it back. Maybe he should have hidden it but in past experience that only ends poorly.

“Your memories? V, what the hell does that mean?” Nero is thankfully, to the point as ever.

V’s eyes focus past him and onto a patch of the tiled back splash framing the stove and sink. One tile has fallen out and behind it are the scrapped away remains of the same yellow wallpaper. He thinks there might have been flowers on it at one time before the pink and green faded away. “You know I have most of the memories your father does, correct? Though they can at times be, troublesome to hold on to and recall.”

Nero nods.

“They’re vanishing.” V leans onto the counter a little more heavily. “I don’t know if it’s because I’m meant to fall apart again or if I’m simply going to forget everything bit by bit, but lately everything before two months ago is...foggier than normal.”

Fortuna before V arrived here as himself is completely gone. Everything after was already in fragments but as of tonight V can’t recall anything past what is just factual knowledge, the personal aspect has vanished. The only thing remaining is a few tentative snippets from some tumultuous early teenage years. But oddly his childhood has stayed mostly unscathed, though it’s still blurry in the sense of it only being second hand to V. A few moments stand out much brighter than others and he’s unsure what will remain. He tells as much to Nero who makes a face at all these details and at being handed a puzzle when it’s not even dawn yet.

While never looking away Nero reaches back and flips the lid open on the kettle right before it starts whistling. Steam twists out of the spout and he pours it into the cups and the scent of herbal tea with just a touch of fruit floats through the air. Nero puts a good bit of honey in his own but he hands V’s over untouched since he knows he prefers the taste like that. “You don’t look like you’re crumbling again. Shit was freaky and hit you fast, you really think it could happen when you’ve got more energy than you ever did before?”

V shrugs and wraps his hands around the mug. It’s warm and he watches it steep as the steam floats off it. After a minute he takes a sip and relaxes slightly as the heat spreads through his chest. “There’s not exactly a guide to such things. Perhaps I’m just not meant to stay.”

“V, that’s bullshit and you know it. And even if something was happening to you, we’d fix it.” It’s said with such conviction V sits up and moves their gaze up, eyes sliding over that wallpaper again before settling on Nero. “You said you were yourself back when we picked you up again, so maybe it has something to do with that?” He takes a sip of his own drink, makes a face and looks down at the tea, and then gets another spoonful of honey to mix in. “Listening to ya it’s like you’re just rewriting over an old tape, nothing new is gone right?”

“No, everything recent I can recall quite clearly.”

Nero shrugs. “So you’re less of him and more of you. I mean it still sounds terrifying as hell, waking up forgetting stuff but...as long as all your memories stay, you stay, right?”

Rewriting over a tape, for some reason that description feels the most right. Like V’s own experiences are pushing the past of what he used to be part of out of his mind. It’s unnerving but at the same time, the chance to be his own person? Really being his own existence without the shadow of a past he can’t touch or claim as only his? Putting much needed new tile up over faded wallpaper. V smiles into his tea. “I daresay you might be right there. Thank you for the insight.”

Nero shrugs a bit. “Just calling it how I see it.”

“A useful skill.” V says right back. “I should be fine then given some time.”

“Well, one of us is always here if you need anything V. You’d do the same, and now you know where all the tea is at night.” Nero replies.

“That I do.”

They sit for a time at the counter and just sip their drinks. Nero eventually notices the lost square of back splash and grumbles over how they’re going to have to fix that soon, tracing the little linoleum patterns and sighing. But there’s no actual unhappiness in his complaining.

On V’s part after finally warming up and the tension draining away he starts to feel more alive. Tired, yes, but with no real desire to sleep again. Just savoring the morning. After all their talk they’ve gone from predawn light to a proper sunrise and he knows he’ll just wake up groggier if he did nap. “I think this is the first day I’ve ever been away before you and Kyrie.”

Nero blinks, looks over at V, and then at the time. And bursts out laughing. “First ones up have to make breakfast, that’s the rule. Want some help?”

“It might not be as artful as you both, but I think I can manage something good given the opportunity.”

They settle on oatmeal and fruit with toast, easy enough. It’s a good meal and a better memory to make and V’s glad to have the chance to push the old ones away, ones not quite his. Maybe he's privately reveling in the sheer possibilities the idea opens up. Knowing he’s actively rewriting himself with every new memory makes the terror and desire to cling on to all he previously thought he knew, all he assumed he was or could be, weaker and less smothering. It's exciting to consider that everything he gets to experience now is his, his memories get to collect and uniquely make him, V. And yet at the same time as if on automatic, he reaches for the honey and butter, mixing with a pinch of sugar and salt to spread on the toast under their slices of fresh fruit.

Nico proclaims the oatmeal the best she’s ever had once she joins them later that morning. She and Nero are bickering over what is the best topping, cinnamon or sugar or just fruit plain. It’s an ongoing war which Griffon and Shadow seem oddly invested in as they sit nearby. And Kyrie adores the honey toast and presses Nero for the recipe he must have grabbed from somewhere. “This isn’t in any of my books, who gave you the idea?”

“Wasn’t me, V made all that.”

“Really?!” Kyrie rounds on V with wide and excited eyes.

He pauses mid bite and blinks at what he’s made. He hadn’t really thought, it had just seemed natural to make…

V remembers a flash of old wallpaper, exactly same yellow and similarly worn away with an identical floral pattern, peeking out under pieces of artful bronze tiles and antique kitchen appliances in a house too big, too old, and yet the perfect size for four people. Because when everyone had been in the kitchen it’d been almost too small for everyone, but the smell of honey butter on toast was impossible to resist. V remembers a flash of blonde and a smile and laughter. He nods at Kyrie with a softer smile. “An old family favorite, I’ll copy it down for you later with the measurements.” Some things aren’t vanishing yet either, maybe some things won’t ever get covered over. They’ll just be a little different since another person is remembering them.

V is more than content with that arrangement.