Chapter Text
Daniel took a cautious sniff of the air as he stepped out of the event horizon, remembering the MALP shot of PC3-279 and the oversized gazebo-like structure that housed the stargate. And more importantly, the mass of flowers that surrounded it. The smell was pleasantly sweet, but not overly perfumed so he allowed himself a deep breath.
“Achoo!”
“Bless,” Jack called back off-handedly as he checked the immediate area for any unforeseen threats. “Carter?”
“It’s beautiful, sir,” Sam answered but quickly amended at the smirk from her C.O., “I’ll check the soil for naquada.”
“No rush,” the colonel declared, “As long as we’re out of here by, oh, say, thirteen hundred.”
“Playoff’s tonight, sir?” Carter asked as she scooped a tiny spoonful of the rich earth into a prepared test tube and gave it a jiggle. “Bingo,” she crowed triumphantly. “Now that’s beautiful. Just like we thought, this place is a gold mine.”
“Don’t you mean naquada mine?”
“Not yet,” Sam corrected. “We still have to barter with the locals for that.”
Jack grinned cheekily but didn’t answer. “Daniel?”
Daniel stifled a sneeze on the sleeve of his jacket. “The architecture looks almost Byzantine, but not quite,” he observed, pointing out the columns that circled them and supported the dome over the gate.
Teal’c, who had been scouting the outer perimeter, backed toward his teammates. “O’Neill,” he warned.
“Looks like we’ve got company,” Jack announced as the large open spaces between the columns filled with young and middle-aged women.
“You’ve come looking for a bride?” the first girl asked as she moved closer to Jack with a coy smile which faded as Carter shifted into a defensive position next to him.
“Uh, no,” Jack offered with an assessing gaze as the women surrounded his team.
“Then you have come to see the matchmaker?” another girl asked Teal’c, who happened to be the next closest male.
“I have not,” Teal’c replied, turning towards them. A ripple of unease permeated the crowd as they noticed the golden tattoo on his forehead. Several of the younger girls began to back away in fear.
“It’s all right,” Daniel exclaimed as he pushed past his teammates, gesturing beseechingly to the frightened women. “We’re peaceful explorers, we mean you no harm,” he assured gently.
The women murmured among themselves but seemed to be appeased.
“You are already married?” the first girl again queried looking from Jack to Sam and back, her disappointment evident.
“Yes, yes we are,” Jack grinned, slapping Carter affectionately on the back. “Me and the missus here have six little curtain climbers waiting for us at home.”
“Jack,” Daniel murmured, as Sam shot her commanding officer an annoyed if not completely offended glare.
“Let me handle this, Daniel,” Jack replied under his breath but keeping a smile firmly on his lips. “They seem like nice enough girls but I don’t really want to end up accidentally married to one of them, do you?”
“We don’t have to lie to them,” Daniel answered just as quietly, also faking a smile for their audience.
“Shau’re?” Jack prodded, reminding the linguist how he’d ended up married once before without his knowledge.
“Kynthia?” Daniel shot back with a glare. “It is only for you,” he mocked, batting his eyes.
“Ouch,” Jack swore with a wounded look. “Okay, but at least I learned my lesson. From now on when a young alien lass asks me if I’m married the answer is yes.”
“I am wedded as well and have a son,” Teal’c chimed in unexpectedly, earning a proud, completely smug smile of approval from Jack even though the Jaffa was actually telling the truth.
The fervor of the crowd seemed to wane slightly at the loss of two-thirds of their prospects but they turned almost as one to the remaining man. “And you?” one of them asked hopefully. “Are you married?”
“Uh…,” Daniel hedged nervously.
“Daniel,” Jack warned.
“Not anymore.”
“To the matchmaker!” someone cried out as the happy throng surrounded Daniel and jostled him out from under the shelter and into the sunshine.
“Oy,” Jack muttered as he shook his head and followed the parade. “Nice day for a wedding.”
***
“Goodness me, let the poor boy breathe,” a buxom older woman declared as she met the hoard in the cobblestone street and pulled Daniel into the small shop she’d stepped out of.
She slammed the door behind her, affectively separating the prey from the wolves and seated her guest abruptly in an ornate chair in front of the large bay window. Daniel glanced nervously over his shoulder at the multitude of noses pressed almost against the glass.
The woman clapped her hands and announced in a loud, firm voice, “get away from the window or I’ll remove your names from the brides’ list.”
The crowd reluctantly dissipated, leaving in front of the window the rest of SG-1, complete with a peeved colonel wearing a very definite ‘I told you so’ look on his face as he leaned an elbow on his P-90. With a huff the woman tugged on a cord and closed the heavy red velvet drape in his face.
“Hello, dear. What is your name?” she asked as she pulled around another chair so she sat knees to knees with her prospective client.
Daniel straightened his glasses with one hand and smoothed down his rumpled shirt with the other. “Um…hello. I’m Daniel Jackson. You must be the matchmaker.”
“That’s right, you may call me Ranata,” she said with a pleasant smile as she reached to the table for a massive book. Opening it on her lap, she wrote his name in it.
“Ranata, can’t my friends come in?” Daniel asked as he parted the curtain to wave timorously at his comrades who still stood in the street.
The matchmaker tsked impatiently. “Do you not trust me to find you a wife? I assure you I am very wise.”
“Ah, no, um, I mean… I’m not looking for a wife. We’re explorers. We just came to visit your planet from our planet, Earth,” Daniel babbled, pointing out the window as if it made everything clear.
“But you aren’t married?”
“Well, I was but my wife died,” Daniel explained evenly as he dropped the drape back into place. “And I’m really not ready to get married again.”
Ranata gasped. “Oh my, you poor child. And so young.” She leaned forward and captured his hands to hold in her lap. “Reeda!” she called out without taking her eyes from his face.
Another middle-aged woman came out of the back room and happily waited for further instructions as she made eyes at the perfectly lovely man in the parlor.
“Earth you say,” Ranata mused quietly. “I’m not familiar with that one. How many wives are you permitted on Earth?”
“Usually just one at a time,” Daniel replied apprehensively, “but like I said, we just came to visit and talk about mining some… minerals. Is there a village leader maybe we could talk to?”
The younger woman laughed and Ranata smiled fondly and patted Daniel’s hand. “I am the leader here,” she said. “This village exists only that I may make the best matches. I’ve never failed, though I must admit males are in short supply these days.”
“Oh, I see,” Daniel said as he pondered what he had seen so far. “Where are all the men?” he asked at last.
Ranata sighed sadly. “Too many wars, too many conquests to faraway places. The women continue to come, but we rarely see any men, not like in the old days. Some of these women have been here a very long time. You can understand why they were so happy to see you arrive through the circle.”
“About that mineral…”
“You really do not wish a wife?” Ranata inquired again almost pleadingly.
“No. Really, I’m fine. But you do understand that if you agreed to let us mine the mineral, we would have to send some people, probably mostly men, to mine it.”
Ranata grinned. “You are clever, my boy. Reeda, bring us some tea. We will gather your friends and discuss what it is you want from us.”
***
Jack was much happier now that he was on the inside of the window sipping tea and eating cookies. They were ahead of schedule, it looked like they were going to get a sweet deal to mine for naquada, and Daniel hadn’t gone and gotten himself engaged yet; the mission was turning out better than he could have possibly hoped.
Carter was on one side of him and Teal’c on the other as they hashed out the details with the old broad, but the ever-growing staff of the matchmaker’s shop had shrewdly managed to single out the known bachelor. Daniel looked extremely uncomfortable under all the attention as they skillfully plied him with their feminine wiles. The competitive spirit was almost palpable and Jack half expected a cat fight to break out any minute.
He caught Daniel’s eye and couldn’t help but grin at the miserable expression on his face. “Help me,” Daniel mouthed as one of the girls ‘accidentally’ brushed her bosom against him as she topped off his already full cup of steaming liquid. He sneezed and the resulting jerk sent a tidal wave of hot tea into his lap.
Jack winced in sympathy as he placed a hand smugly on the back of Carter’s chair and tuned into what Ranata was saying, ignoring the feeding frenzy.
***
Daniel sighed and turned his attention back to the sweet young thing who was asking yet another personal question. He plucked absently at the still damp material of his uniform, thankful the burn was mid-thigh and everyone had finally stopped trying to get him out of his pants.
“Are there no single women on your world?”
“What? No, of course, there are lots of available women on Earth,” Daniel assured.
“How is it you haven’t found a wife there?” another girl queried.
Daniel cleared his throat and took a sip of the strong tea, mostly to keep the level down to a manageable level. “Well, I haven’t actually been looking for one. I don’t get out much… at home.”
“Surely they must be looking for you.”
“No, I don’t think so,” Daniel explained carefully. “I’m not exactly a great catch.”
“You’re not? That’s ridiculous.”
“No, really, I mean I get too wrapped up in my work and I’m gone a lot. Most Earth women wouldn’t put up with that.”
“Are you not beautiful on your world?” the youngest of the group interrupted in a shocked voice.
“What? Beautiful? No,” Daniel denied with a startled laugh. “Certainly not, I’m sort of a… geek.”
“Geek?”
“You know the glasses, the allergies…”
“It takes six women to pour one man tea? I leave you unsupervised and you try to drown the boy,” Ranata admonished as she rescued Daniel at last. “Come closer, my dear. I’m sure you haven’t heard a word we’ve said with all that clucking going on.”
“It’s fine,” Daniel muttered dismissively but none-the-less hurried to draw his chair closer to his friends. He sighed in relief as his adoring crowd was shooed out of the parlor.
***
“Poor Daniel,” Reeda whispered, peeking through the curtain. “We have to help him.”
“He said he doesn’t want a wife,” argued another woman.
“No, he said no one wants him,” the young girl corrected.
“If he is not beautiful in this place called Earth then I want to go there to see what the other men look like,” the oldest woman declared defiantly.
“It’s possible their idea of beauty is different than ours,” Reeda pointed out. “To me, Daniel is as nice to look at as his friends.”
“I want a geek.”
“We have to help him.”
“What can we do?”
“Let me think,” Reeda said edgily.
“It’s too bad he doesn’t want one of us. I’d marry him.”
“So would I.”
“We all would, now hush before Ranata hears us,” Reeda cautioned as she ran her hand along the bottles that lined the shelves on the back wall, stopping at last on a tall, square bottle full of tiny pale-yellow granules. She pulled the jar from the shelf and blew the dust off the top.
“What’s that, Reeda?” one of the girls asked.
“You never study,” Reeda sighed sadly. “What kind of apprentice are you?”
One of the other women gasped. “You can’t use that,” she cautioned. “This crowd is already love-sick for any man. They’ll tear him to pieces.”
“Not for here,” Reeda argued, “for when he gets home.”
“That used to be liquid anyway. It’s all condensed now.”
“It hasn’t been used in a while,” Reeda agreed. “But water should activate it, shouldn’t it? Or perspiration?” she asked as she carefully poured a tiny amount into a small napkin.
“That’s not enough,” the eldest commented. “It’s very old; surely it’s lost its potency.”
“Or does it get stronger as it condenses?”
Reeda sighed and doubled the portion. “I don’t remember. But what harm could it do?”
***
Daniel kept a close eye on the curtain that separated the shop from the back room where his groupies had disappeared. The lack of giggling was disconcerting as he couldn’t track them as well, but he kept one ear on the negotiations and one ear on the back.
“When will the miners come?” Ranata asked seriously.
“Well, there will have to be surveys done first,” Sam explained. “We’ll send an advance team with geologists and a work crew but the miners won’t be too far behind them.”
“Will you forbid them to interact with my clients?”
“Not necessarily,” Jack said cautiously shooting a questioning glance at Daniel.
“So there is a least some possibility of a match or two,” Ranata reasoned.
Daniel nodded thoughtfully. “It’s been my experience that where men and women gather together romance usually follows no matter what the circumstances.”
Jack bit his tongue as he made a mental note to advise the general that all the miners should be happily married or female. Unfortunately, within the Air Force, openly gay wasn’t an option yet.
“Mistress?” one of the females called as she tentatively stepped through the curtain.
“Yes, Malis?” Ranata asked, on the verge of impatience.
“Should you not inform the crowd there will be no match? They are starting to gather at the back door.”
Ranata sighed and closed her eyes briefly. “Of course, tell them…”
“Mistress!” Malis begged.
“Fine,” Ranata snapped. “I’ll tell them myself. If you’ll excuse me for a moment,” she added to SG-1 as she rose to her feet and headed purposefully to the back.
Malis bowed and followed her, looking over her shoulder to smile shyly at Daniel.
Reeda appeared in the doorway with the dreaded teapot and made her way to the guests. “More tea, colonel?” she asked as she poured.
“No thanks,” Jack declined, sighing as his cup was refilled anyway.
The group of girls drifted one by one back to surround Daniel who flicked nervous glances to where Ranata had disappeared.
“Daniel,” one of the women breathed softly as she sat on the arm of his chair and stroked her fingers softly through his hair.
“Enough!” Ranata exclaimed as she burst back into the room. “Return to your quarters, all of you.”
“But Mistress!”
“Be off!”
Reeda looked up ingenuously from pouring Teal’c another cup of tea.
“You may stay, Reeda,” Ranata amended.
With a nod and a small smile Reeda handed off the teapot and artfully accepted the rolled napkin from Malis. They exchanged nods and Reeda moved to stand behind Daniel as the rest of the girls dejectedly left the shop through the front door to mingle with the disappointed crowd huddled in the street.
“I have decided. You may send your scientists,” Ranata granted graciously as she took her seat.
“That’s great,” Sam enthused.
“Yes, thank you,” Daniel quickly agreed.
“And if you ever change your mind…” Ranata stated meaningfully with a wink at Daniel.
“I don’t think I will,” Daniel assured with a small smile, unaware of the dusting of tiny granules Reeda sprinkled down the back of his neck with an incredible slight of hand disguised as a stretch. Ranata frowned, but Reeda beamed back at her innocently.
“You know, if I ever decide to trade this one in…” Jack began before three looks of female outrage shut him down. “Right. Well, we’re outta here.”
“Thank you, Ranata. You’ll be hearing from us soon I’m sure,” Daniel stepped in diplomatically.
“I’ll walk you to the circle,” Ranata declared as she pulled open the drape to the sea of sad faces.