Work Text:
Sometimes, Chanyeol had bad days.
Days where he woke up and immediately felt his whole body sag, days where he couldn't be bothered to even move from bed for hours on end, days where his mood was so sour he could barely manage a smile.
Of course, he showed none of that on camera. No matter how tired he was, he always managed to mask it once the cameras started rolling. He was like a beagle, loud and happy and silly and sweet. There was no room in his public persona for sadness or exhaustion. The fans didn't want to see him like that, and he didn't want them to see him like that.
But once the cameras stopped, he let his shoulders and face fall, let the weight of the world come back down, and it was a bad day all over again.
Today was a very bad day.
Chanyeol felt like he could physically touch the gloominess hanging over him like gray clouds. They had all been forced up at an ungodly hour and were now finally getting off of a long, long van ride, and he was definitely not looking forward to the swarm that was awaiting them.
The van was slowing down in comfortable silence, but he knew hell was waiting to break loose once the doors opened.
"Chanyeol."
He blinked and looked down. Over his shoulder, a small hand was offering him half of a cookie. He turned a bit to see Jongdae smiling gently.
"You didn't eat much this morning. Keep your energy up!" Jongdae thrust his hand out insistently.
Chanyeol managed a small smile and took the cookie with quiet thanks. It was delicious. He felt the clouds over his head part a little.
Then the van doors opened and Chanyeol groaned.
As he expected, there were swarms of people awaiting them. Even more than he had anticipated.
It wasn't that he didn't love their fans- he truly did, with every fiber in his being- but sometimes, he just wanted to be able to walk along without getting crushed into dust by an overenthusiastic crowd. Was that too much to ask?
Chanyeol closed his eyes and mentally prepared himself as they all stepped off the van and the screaming began.
Immediately, warning bells went off in his head. These people were close- too close. Their security was trying to keep the crowd at bay, but the people were pushing and battering them around like dolls as the shutters of cameras sounded off endlessly.
He tried to take deep breaths and calm himself as he kept walking, but the shoving was relentless. This day was slowly making the transition from bad to worse- he wasn't in the mood for this. But all they needed to do was get into the building. That was all, and then they would be free.
The others were already fairly far ahead. Baekhyun and Sehun were already making it into the building with Kyungsoo and the others not far behind. The only one close to him was Jongdae. Chanyeol knew he was much slower than usual today, but he couldn't help it- he just didn't have the energy to rush forward.
He watched the bob of Jongdae's hair as he walked forward, trying to keep as calm as possible. Jongdae never seemed too bothered by anything like this. He wondered if he could ever have that kind of patience.
A girl with an enormous camera kept shoving forward to take pictures of Chanyeol, occasionally grazing Jongdae with her shoulder. Jongdae showed no reaction, but Chanyeol began to get annoyed on both of their behalfs. It had been years, but he still wasn't used to being treated like an animal in a zoo.
Then, the girl shoved forward a little too much.
Jongdae went down hard. Chanyeol felt his heart drop.
A chorus of shocked gasps erupted around them and the shuffle of people abruptly stopped. The crowd even parted, allowing him some breathing room.
Chanyeol rushed forward to help him up. "Jongdae," he said. "Are you-"
He stared at the blood trickling from a cut above Jongdae's eyebrow.
Chanyeol felt red-hot anger surge through him.
He didn't even think, just felt himself stand and his legs carry him towards the offender. "You."
The girl stumbled back and he felt their manager grip his shoulder. He shook the hand off, glowering downward.
"What the hell do you-"
"Chanyeol." The voice came soft and urgent from behind him. A small hand took his and squeezed. "Let's just go, it's okay."
Chanyeol stopped and turned.
Jongdae tugged at his hand. "I'm okay." he said, offering a slight smile.
Chanyeol stared at the blood still dripping from above Jongdae's eyebrow. "You're hurt." he said quietly, trying to contain his voice.
"It's just a scratch. Don't worry about it." Jongdae was still smiling as he slowly began to pull Chanyeol along to the building. The crowd parted for them. Chanyeol gradually felt his anger subside and he held Jongdae's hand a little tighter.
They finally entered and the others immediately surrounded them to look at Jongdae.
"We heard something happen but they wouldn't let us come back outside," Baekhyun sighed angrily as Sehun glared daggers at the security team standing closest to the door. Junmyeon left- probably, Chanyeol assumed, to get some bandages.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Jongin asked, eyes full of worry. "That looks pretty bad."
Jongdae laughed. "I promise you, it's not nearly as bad as it looks. It's just bleeding a lot- all I need is a Band-Aid."
Junmyeon walked over as if summoned with a tiny case of Band-Aids and some disinfectant wipes. "C'mon, I can help you clean up," he said.
Jongdae sighed, but he didn't stop smiling. "I can take care of myself."
"Don't be ridiculous. You're injured," Junmyeon gasped with feigned offense.
Jongdae rolled his eyes and let go of Chanyeol's hand to follow Junmyeon to the bathroom. Chanyeol immediately found himself missing the warmth.
"So what happened?" Minseok asked as they began to walk up to the recording area. His voice was careful and even; he had probably noticed Chanyeol's expression.
"Some girl. She was trying to get a picture," Chanyeol began, and he found himself getting angry again. "She shoved Jongdae forward and he ended up hitting the ground."
Minseok nodded. His face was unreadable, but Chanyeol could feel anger radiating off of him like waves. He was glad he wasn't the only one.
"We need better security," Kyungsoo sighed as they reached the elevator. "That shouldn't have happened. I'm glad he's okay."
Chanyeol made a noise of agreement, his mind entirely unfocused.
***
Later in the afternoon, Chanyeol confronted him.
"How do you do it?" he asked.
Jongdae raised his eyebrows as he took his eyes off of the TV. His bandage, patterned with tiny puppies, raised with the action too. "Do what?"
"You're just-" Chanyeol groaned and plopped down on the couch next to him. "You didn't even get mad at that girl."
"Well, it was probably an accident," Jongdae said with a slight shrug.
"But it only happened because she was way too close in the first place."
"Mm. That's true," Jongdae said thoughtfully. But he just went back to watching TV.
"You- you really could've gotten hurt. If all those people hadn't slowed down like they did-"
"But I didn't," Jongdae pointed out, almost cheerfully. "It was annoying, but I'm okay."
Chanyeol frowned and stared down at the ground. Jongdae really wasn't upset at all. He almost felt stupid for getting so mad.
"Are you okay?" Jongdae asked, his voice much quieter.
Chanyeol leaned back into the couch with a heavy sigh. He couldn't believe Jongdae was asking him how he was. He wasn't the one that had gotten hurt. Nonetheless, he answered. "Hm. Yeah, I'm okay. It's just... a bad day."
Jongdae scooted over and pressed next to him, leaning onto his shoulder. Chanyeol felt himself relax almost instantly.
"Watch TV with me?" he asked.
Chanyeol nodded and smiled.
***
He read some of the comments online later. He was afraid the situation would get twisted, but thankfully it seemed most people were on his side. It was the only reason management didn't punish him for losing his temper.
There were pictures of every moment. Chanyeol could swipe through like it was a comic book. He was walking, then he was next to Jongdae (he winced when he saw the blood again), then he was towering above the girl who had hurt Jongdae with a dark expression on his face. He was a bit impressed. He hadn't known he could look that angry.
Looking back on it, though, Chanyeol was embarrassed. He should've just helped Jongdae up and kept going. What was he thinking, walking up to someone like that?
He kept scrolling through the comments.
"ooo, Chanyeol looks cool when he's mad lol"
"Why did that girl shove like that? She should have known better.…. Hope Chen wasn't hurt too badly <3"
"What she did was wrong, but I don't think Chanyeol needed to confront her like that."
"look at the crowd in these pics! this is way too close, no wonder he got pushed. I would hate being an idol so much, seriously"
One comment made him pause.
"Ahh~ Chanyeol is really kind of like Chen's protective boyfriend here... cute."
He felt his ears burning.
He didn't know why, exactly, the suggestion of being Jongdae's boyfriend was sending warmth flooding through his whole body, but he didn't like it.
He liked Jongdae. As a person. He liked holding Jongdae's hand, he liked hugging Jongdae, he liked sitting in comfortable silence and watching TV with him. Spending time with him. Sure, he invited Jongdae out to dinners and took him stargazing. But he hadn't really meant any of that romantically- right?
So why was his stomach flipping around like he was a middle school kid with a crush?
Against his better judgement, he clicked the replies.
"Right, he really is TT TT there's some other pictures too, they held hands all the way into the building.. it's super cute"
Face burning, Chanyeol shut off his phone.
He needed something to drink.
Chanyeol made his way out to the kitchen, shaking his head to clear his thoughts, and poured himself a glass of water.
"Chanyeol?"
He groaned inwardly and turned to face Jongdae, who was holding a freshly-made sandwich.
Immediately, Jongdae's eyebrows knit together with concern and he stepped forward. "Are you okay? Your face is all red." His puppy bandage crinkled a bit and Chanyeol resisted the urge to smooth it out.
He placed his free hand on Chanyeol's forehead. Chanyeol felt his heart stutter.
"I'm okay! I'm okay," he said, stumbling back. "I just need to get some rest."
Jongdae still looked concerned, tilting his head like a puppy. "Okay. Well, if you need anything, I'm here."
Chanyeol nodded and retreated back to bed.
Then, he yelled into his pillow for a bit. Maybe more than a bit.
He liked Jongdae.
Looking back on it, he had probably liked Jongdae for a very long time.
He was so dumb.
But that was okay. He would just bury everything and it would go away quickly and he would never have to deal with it ever again. It was just a little crush. He could get over it.
***
After a month, Chanyeol began to think getting over it would be much harder than he thought.
If anything, it only got worse. Jongdae would smile widely up at him and he would feel his heart leap into his throat. Jongdae would take his hand and he didn't want to let go. Sometimes, he couldn't stop himself from staring, even though he knew how creepy it looked.
He decided there was only one solution. Avoidance.
Not necessarily full avoidance, just… dodging him. Making excuses when Jongdae invited him for dinner, slipping out of touches, spending more time in his studio.
It hurt a bit, seeing Jongdae's face fall slightly whenever he turned down an invitation or his slightly confused look when Chanyeol moved away from him. But it was the best way, he decided. This way, he would get over… whatever this was much faster. And everything would go back to normal.
His bad days, he noted, became much more frequent. There were days where he just couldn't sleep, and the next day he was so exhausted that there was nothing more he wanted to do than curl up and hug Jongdae close as they watched a movie together. But he could push through.
It was for the best.
***
Another night in his studio slowly ticked on by. Chanyeol carefully adjusted the reverb on his new track, then played it again.
It still wasn't good enough. He needed to add a neater drum sound.
As he worked on adjusting the music, he found his mind wandering again. As had become the norm during late studio nights (although he was trying to change that) his mind wandered to Jongdae.
He had tried inviting Chanyeol for karaoke today. Chanyeol had turned him down. Again. It felt awful.
But he knew it was what he needed to do. At least, until this stupid crush finally disappeared. Not that it felt like that was happening anytime-
His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. He frowned. It was 2 am- who the hell would be at his door now?
With a pencil in his hand as a weapon just in case, Chanyeol walked over and very carefully opened the door.
His heart stopped and he dropped his weapon of choice.
Jongdae.
"Oh. Hey?" He stuttered the words out, still trying to get over his shock.
"Can I come in?" Jongdae asked. He sounded… strange. Chanyeol was sure he was imagining things. He obliged and opened the door, shutting it once Jongdae was inside.
Jongdae went to the center of his studio, staring at the computer and the instruments laying around. He was silent, fiddling with his shirt.
Chanyeol tried to speak. "So, wh-"
"I'm sorry."
Chanyeol was taken aback.
In the light, he got a better look at Jongdae's face. His eyes were red and his mouth was in a tight, worried line. He looked so upset. Chanyeol felt his heart break a little.
"I don't really know what I did," Jongdae continued, his voice shaking a bit, "but whatever it is, please tell me. I'm sorry."
Oh no.
Chanyeol stared dumbfoundedly. He had no idea what to say.
"I- you- no. No, you didn't do anything. I promise, you didn't."
"But," Jongdae said, and his voice was shaking a little more, "you keep avoiding me. Like a disease or something. You never like doing anything with me. You don't talk to me anymore. You ignore me. It just… it feels like you hate me."
Chanyeol felt his heart shatter.
He was so, so stupid.
What was he thinking?
Wordlessly, Chanyeol strode forward and wrapped Jongdae in a tight hug. After what felt like hours, he felt Jongdae's arms slowly wrap around and hug him back.
He felt Jongdae's shoulders shake and heard a small sniff. Chanyeol felt like bashing his guitar over his own head. He had made Jongdae cry. Over his own stupidity.
Chanyeol carefully released Jongdae, keeping his hands on his shoulders. "You didn't do anything. It's all me, I promise."
Jongdae stared up at him, clearly confused.
Chanyeol took a deep breath. He prepared his heart to be stomped underfoot.
"I just- I kind of… like you. A lot. More than I think I'm supposed to. More than friends are supposed to. I was avoiding you just so I could get over it. So we could go back to being… normal friends again."
He bit his lip and stared at the ground. Chanyeol prayed Jongdae would let him down gently- although he completely deserved otherwise.
He heard a sigh. Then,
"You're so dumb."
Chanyeol closed his eyes, trying to stop any tears from welling up. This was what he deserved. Jongdae would rip him apart, he would mope around for a bit, and he would get over it. And things would be normal again.
He opened his eyes when he felt arms wrap around him again.
Jongdae squeezed him tight and looked up at him, face a mixture of incredulity and happiness. "I like you too."
Chanyeol froze.
He took a moment to process it.
Jongdae.
Liked him.
"Oh," he said, breath completely gone, and Jongdae burst out laughing.
"I… I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry," Chanyeol said, still shocked, as Jongdae held him tight and laughed into his shoulder.
Jongdae let Chanyeol go and cupped his face in his hands. His smile was back. Chanyeol had never been so thankful to see anything like it in his life. "It's okay. I understand. Even if you were pretty dumb about it."
Chanyeol gasped. "Me? What about you? When were you planning to say anything?"
"Never!" Jongdae exclaimed. "Honestly, I was just going to suffer. But I still wanted to spend time with you and do stuff with you, which is better than what you did."
"Okay, that's fair," Chanyeol grumbled. He reached up and stroked a thumb along one of Jongdae's hands. "But I really, really am sorry. I swear. How can I make it up to you?"
Jongdae paused for a moment, just holding his face and staring at him.
Then he pulled Chanyeol's face forward and pressed a quick kiss to his lips.
Chanyeol felt his whole body jolt like it had been shocked. In a good way.
"Let's go stargazing tomorrow," Jongdae said with a wide smile on his face, eyes shining.
Chanyeol wanted to say something, anything. Wanted to tell Jongdae how he had galaxies in his eyes, how he felt like he was stargazing right then and there, how much he wanted to tell him everything he had been bottling up for all this time- but all he managed was a breathless, happy,
"Okay."
Tomorrow would be a good day.