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one
At first, they didn’t think that the spell had any effect at all.
There certainly had been a spell, that much was clear. Amora had raised the large amulet that had been hanging around her neck, muttered a few words, and shot a very unsubtle bolt of purple light directly at Loki– and no one had been able to do anything to stop it because she held a knife to Tony’s throat. The trickster hadn’t seemed to be affected– if anything, he was just angry, charging at Amora with fire in his eyes, knocking Tony from her hold and battering at her so fiercely that she had been forced to flee.
After that, Loki answered all of their questions and told them all insistently that he felt no different– no aches, no pains, no fever, no chills. He had no inexplicable urge to kill anyone or to betray the Avengers, and nor, unfortunately, was he feeling an increased desire to fuck anything that moved. (Steve had given Tony a bit of a dressing down for that one, but hey. Tony had spent a fair amount of time on the internet. It was an intriguing idea– and it would have been fun.)
Of course, Tony’d had enough experience with spells these days to know that Loki might be unable to speak the truth about it, or he might not even know himself. But he seemed so certain that nothing had changed, that he felt just as he had before, that Tony was honestly inclined to believe him.
“I recognised the amulet she wore,” Loki told them, perching on the edge of the couch and eying Bruce suspiciously. “I know what it does.”
As the reluctantly but democratically appointed team doctor, Bruce had insisted upon examining Loki as soon as the team returned to Avengers Tower. It was impressive, really, how easily Bruce managed to get Loki to listen. The threat of a smashing made even the most reluctant of patients willing to at least pretend to behave, Tony supposed. Still, it didn’t seem like Loki appreciated having a little torch shined in his eyes, and the glare he sported when Bruce had tried to get him to slip a thermometer under his tongue had been downright hilarious. And through it all, Loki continued to be adamant that the whole circus had no point, because recognised the amulet and knew it would not work on him.
“So what was it meant to do?” Natasha asked, pressing forward over the back of the armchair she was leaning on with a curious frown.
“It does not matter,” Loki snapped. “I know it will not have any effect on me, so there is no cause for all of this concern.”
“Yeah,” Clint said, tilting his head. “Because that’s not a suspicious answer at all.”
“I am fine,” Loki snarled, getting to his feet in a fluid movement that could only be the result of combined natural grace, years of etiquette training, and a flare for the dramatic. “There is nothing wrong with me, the spell will not work. You should just leave me be!”
Clint left with a nonchalant shrug, and while Bruce still looked concerned, he was never one to disrespect a person’s desire to be alone. Likewise, Steve offered a smile before heading out himself, and Tony moved to follow them. After all, Loki was his friend, and if he said that he wanted some time to himself, then Tony would never begrudge him that.
But when he moved past the couch, a pale hand darted out and took hold of his wrist. He glanced at Loki in confusion to see the god watching him with an expression that Tony couldn’t quite decipher. And when Tony tilted his head in a silent question, Loki said–
“Not you.”
Tony raised a brow, but had no complaints. He liked spending time with Loki– he liked it a lot actually, if he were being honest. He loved the way that Loki could keep up with him in a conversation, the way he understood Tony’s sense of humour and didn’t get frustrated by Tony’s inability to stand still. He liked how Loki returned Tony’s remarks with jests of his own, how he managed to keep up the barbs and insults by being witty rather than mean. Tony always felt like he could just be himself when Loki was around, like he didn’t have to slow down or stay calm or pretend.
So, yeah.
Tony definitely considered Loki to be one of his best friends, but he wasn’t naïve enough to believe that Loki thought him the same. After all, Loki rarely sought Tony’s company, and didn’t like it when Tony tried to do things like sit next to him on the couch. He wouldn’t move away or anything so obvious, but he would go tense, and that was something that Tony noticed.
Which meant that it was really weird when Loki didn’t let go of Tony’s arm, even when it was clear that Tony wasn’t going to leave with the others. In fact, as Loki turned to stare impatiently at Thor and Natasha, his thumb began to slowly stroke the smooth skin on the inside of Tony’s wrist.
“Uh, Lokes?” Tony asked, clearing his throat.
“Yes, Anthony?” Loki said, and– he was smiling, which was also weird. Because usually, when Loki smiled it was always more of a smirk, and it generally meant that he was either preparing some kind of mischief, about to deliver an underhanded yet cutting insult, or watching Thor attempt to use a kitchen appliance. But this was a soft, fond kind of smile, a smile full of actual warmth, and Tony didn’t know what the hell he was supposed to do with that.
To be honest, it was a little bit concerning.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Tony asked suspiciously.
Loki shrugged, his smile curling upwards just a little bit more. “I just like it when you use that nickname,” he said.
Okay, so this had just gone from weird to downright absurd. Loki hated those nicknames. He always complained about them, always, never failing to glare or, at the very least, curl a sneer around a targeted Anthony with a precision that proved he knew how much that name grated on Tony’s nerves.
At least, it had in the past. It had grown on him a little.
….maybe it had grown on him a lot.
Regardless, Loki’s admission was rather surprising, and Tony found that he couldn’t just let it go without an explanation.
“You like it when I call you Lokes?”
“Yes,” Loki said. “In Asgard, it is considered an insult to shorten a person’s name, since their name is a title bestowed upon them by their parents, and to cut away half of it is to shame that honour. But it is a Midgardian custom that I have learned to treasure.”
Ah. So he liked it because it was fuck you to Odin then, not because… well, not for some other reason. That, at least, made sense. Thank god.
But.
Loki still hadn’t let go of Tony’s wrist, and Tony found himself staring at where their skin was touching with a tiny sense of awe. Loki’s skin was smooth, even on the palm of his hand, and it was cooler to the touch than Tony was used to. He didn’t know why he was so fascinated. Admittedly, he had considered touching Loki before, since Tony was by nature a rather affectionate person– at least, he was with the people he knew that he could trust. But with Loki tensing every time Tony went anywhere close to him, he’d always known that a hand to Loki’s arm, a light brush along his back, a head on his shoulder would all have been rejected. Possibly with the addition of violence, if Tony were being totally honest with himself. So, he just, never had. But now, Loki was touching him, and it was weird and it was nice and Tony was a little bit confused and rather wishing he was capable of doing something other than simply standing frozen still behind the couch like an idiot.
Loki tutting impatiently caused him to raise his gaze, and he found himself sharing a look with Natasha. She seemed contemplative, and arched a brow as she glanced down to Tony’s wrist and back up again. Tony pulled a face at her.
“Brother, I am merely worried,” Thor said, and Tony could have told him that was probably a bad idea.
“Everyone’s worried, Point Break,” Tony said, cutting in before Loki could begin to whet his sharp tongue. “But if Loki says he’s got it handled, then don’t you think that we could give him the benefit of the doubt?”
Thor glanced between Tony and Loki for a moment, before he, too, looked down at their hands. Tony felt his face flush and almost wanted to pull away, though he didn’t know why. It wasn’t like it was his fault that Loki had decided to act like some kind of clinging octopus all of a sudden.
“You are right, of course,” Thor said, finally looking back up to Tony again. Then he turned to Loki and winked (and uh, why?) before saying, “Very well, Loki. But if you begin to feel strange, you must promise that you will tell someone immediately.”
“Of course,” Loki agreed easily, though his smile had long since vanished, his lips pressing together in a tight line instead. “In the unlikely event that the spell does manage to work on me, I shall inform you at the earliest possible connivence.”
“I will keep an eye on him as well, Mr Odinson,” JARVIS promised.
“See? Nothing to be concerned over,” Loki said. “Run along, now.”
Thor gave Loki a final, searching look before turning to leave, gesturing for Natasha to follow as well. She did, but not before shooting Tony the don’t you dare mess this up look that Tony was pretty well familiar with– but he usually received it when it was his turn to make dinner. He didn’t understand why he would be receiving that particular look now.
When the elevator doors slid shut to take Thor and Natasha to their rooms, they left Tony and Loki alone.
Gingerly, Tony pulled his wrist form Loki’s hand, stepped around to the other side of the couch and took a seat as far away from Loki as he could, not wanting to keep an awkward distance but not wanting to make Loki uncomfortable, either.
Once he was settled, Tony turned to Loki expectantly, since there must have been a reason why he wanted Tony to stay back after asking everybody else to leave. But Loki was just watching Tony with that soft expression again, the one that did funny things to Tony’s insides but also made him wonder whether he should have JARVIS put a suit on standby. Despite that though, when his gaze flittered down to the space between them, Loki’s brows pulled together in a small frown.
It felt like there was something big and heavy sitting in the air, and Tony swallowed against the dry feeling it left in his mouth. He’d never really liked silence.
“You know, I was wondering,” Tony said, grasping at the first topic that popped into his mind in an effort to cure the awkwardness. “When you were fighting Amora today, you did something with your magic, like you threw up a shield, or something.”
Loki’s eyes lit up, just like they always did when Tony asked about his magic, and it was a relief to have landed on familiar ground. That shouldn’t have been hard– they had always been able to just talk, though thankfully Tony’s question was enough to shove away the weirdness and snap them back to normal.
“It was simply a barrier of energy,” Loki explained. “It is capable of stopping physical attacks.”
Tony asked curiously. It may have started as a distraction, but it was never difficult to be drawn in when Loki began to talk about something interesting. “Like a punch, or a bullet?”
“Of course,” Loki replied smugly. “Although, in that situation, it would be easier to redirect the bullet than stop it entirely. But of course I must then careful of where I send it.”
“Yeah, I can imagine that would cause some problems, since you fight in a group now,” Tony chuckled.
“Believe it or not, I have fought with a group for most of my life.” Loki sounded amused. “However, I never cared about keeping their faces uninjured as much as I do with certain members of this team.”
Tony was rather proud of the fact that he managed to keep his expression under control, as he said, “Really? But surely you fought with Thor before—”
“What does that have to do with it?” Loki asked, looking a little– disappointed?
“I just mean, his face is rather perfect—ow, hey!” Tony rubbed as his arm where Loki had shoved him. “Uncalled for, Lokes, come on.”
Loki simply grinned, and Tony suddenly realised that in order to shove him Loki had shifted closer– and he hadn’t shifted back. Tony didn’t mind– quite the opposite actually, but once again Loki was seeking out closeness rather than shying away from it. Which still felt a little odd.
But the thought was pushed aside as they moved on easily with their conversation about Loki’s magic and how he had used it in the fight against Amora. At one point, when Loki was trying to explain the complexities of a spell, he drew Tony’s hand into his own lap, turned it over, and began to trace patterns into Tony’s palm as a tool to help explain. And yeah, that was all well and good– but even when that part of the discussion was over and they moved on, Loki kept hold of Tony’s hand, and kept running his own fingers over it in strokes, in brushes, in exploratory touches that were more than a little distracting, but managed to feel incredibly soothing nonetheless. And as time continued, Tony felt himself begin to relax into it, leaning in toward Loki just as Loki leaned toward him. Before long their sides were pressed together and Tony revelled in it, because Loki was his friend, and yeah, Tony always liked to find comfort in touch.
Their conversation was just as driven as always and Tony was quickly lost, losing track of time and simply melting into the intellectual conversation and the casual touches that had so suddenly become a thing. But then Tony made a comment about how Loki’s magic had reached for Tony during the fight, had cushioned his fall after Loki’s charge had torn him from Amora’s hold.
“I suppose my seiðr likes you,” Loki answered simply, his expression warm.
“It can like people?” Tony asked.
“Of course it can, it is a part of me.” Loki smiled. “One of the deepest parts, in fact. I suppose you could say… that it echoes what I feel, even if I am actively trying to hide it.”
“Aww,” Tony cooed with half a laugh, nudging Loki’s shoulder. “So you’re saying you like me so much that your magic wanted to save me from even getting a bruise?”
Tony was expecting Loki to joke back– he wasn’t expecting Loki to curl the fingers of his right hand around Tony’s wrist while his left reached up to cup Tony’s cheek, his thumb stroking gently over Tony’s skin. Loki’s green eyes darkened and his lips parted slightly as he tilted his head a little closer.
“Yes, Anthony,” he breathed. “I’m saying that I like you very much.”
And Tony’s brain stalled.
Loki was happily letting Tony touch him, he was acting positively affectionate, he was, god, he was flirting, and he was looking like he was about to lean in and, and—
There was only one reasonable explanation for all of this.
“Oh, crap,” Tony said, pulling away from Loki as if he’d been burned, his eyes widening in horror. “You were hit with a love spell.”
two
As it turned out, Loki had not, in fact, been hit with a love spell.
Tony didn’t entirely get the logistics of it, probably because Thor was the one doing most of the explaining, but apparently it couldn’t have been a love spell because there is no such thing.
“It’s magic,” Tony complained upon hearing that. “How can there be rules?”
“Of course there are rules,” Thor replied. “Magic is only another form of science, after all.”
“That just takes all the fun out of it,” said Clint. And yeah okay, maybe this was a conversation Tony should have had with Loki and Thor in private, but he’d still been panicking a little when he asked JARVIS to call another team meeting. Most of the Avengers looked uncomfortable with the topic, but Clint was acting as if he were watching an entertaining soap– and to be honest, Tony was a little grateful for the change of pace. “If you have to follow the rules, then what’s the point?”
Tony grinned, and gestured at Clint. “See? He gets it?”
“Fun or not, it does not change the fact that there is no such thing as a love spell,” Thor insisted.
Tony wasn’t convinced. “Well, once you’ve eliminated the impossible—”
“And the impossible is a love spell,” Loki interrupted. He had remained silent for the entirety of the conversation until that point, preferring to sit and watch Tony with a disconcertingly fond expression on his face.
(Not, of course, that Tony particularly minded the expression itself– it was more that it was just weird, seeing such softness on a face that was usually decorated with a sharp smirk.)
“Yeah, sorry,” Tony said. “I’m not trusting your opinion on that one, not right now at least.”
Loki huffed in annoyance– and, surprisingly, so did Thor.
“Love is not something that can be manufactured, not even by magic,” Thor explained impatiently. “Lust, attraction, even worship– these things can be increased, but they are not the same thing as—”
“Oh god,” Tony interrupted, waving a hand in a useless attempt to try and make him stop. “This isn’t a Disney movie, Thor, this is the real world—”
“He is right,” Loki said. “No spell could make someone fall in love. It could make them think that they had, but that is not the same thing, is it?”
“And that’s still not what the spell did?” Tony asked. “How can you be sure?”
Loki smiled, and stood from his armchair, crossing the room to sit beside Tony on the couch instead. Tony jumped as Loki’s legs pressed against his own, but he didn’t pull away when Loki lifted his hands to frame Tony’s face with the lightest of touches.
He knew the others were still watching, but he couldn’t tear his gaze from Loki’s.
“What are you doing?”
“I wish to kiss you, Anthony,” Loki said simply. He pushed his hands back over Tony’s cheeks so that his fingers slid through Tony’s hair instead, his nails scratching gently over Tony’s scalp. And Tony couldn’t help it– he leaned into the touch, unable to stop himself from enjoying it even though he knew Loki wasn’t in control.
“Ugh,” Clint groaned. “Get a room.”
Tony opened his mouth to shoot him down with something that would have been incredibly clever and witty, but Loki beat him to it.
“Gladly.”
For the briefest fraction of a moment Tony’s vision flashed green, and then they were in Loki’s living room, sitting on his couch.
Tony figured he should probably be grateful that Loki hadn’t taken them straight to his bed– but he shoved the thought away. Spelled or not, Tony didn’t think that was fair. Loki had done nothing so far to indicate that he was going to push Tony any further than he was willing to go.
Case in point, all Tony had to do was lean back the smallest amount and Loki let his hands fall to his sides. His fingers curled into fists and he didn’t look particularly happy about letting go, but he didn’t push. Tony was grateful for that.
“You said that you want to kiss me,” Tony said, his eyes narrowed and his heart beating hard enough that he could feel the ache in his chest. “But, does that mean you’re not in love with me, or what?”
“It means that I want to kiss you,” Loki echoed. “I want to touch you, to hold you, to show you just how much you—” he gritted his teeth, as if he physically trying to stop words from spilling out. “It means,” He continued, his voice a little harsher than before, “that I want to be with you, more than I have ever wanted anything before.”
It didn’t escape Tony’s notice that Loki had failed to answer the second half of the question, but he was a little too preoccupied to comment on that fact– which, to be honest, was probably what Loki had been intending.
Tony just… stared, completely unable to find a proper response. People had said such things to Tony before, but only in the course of trying to get something else, either putting words to feelings as a manipulation or never really meaning it. Loki though… Tony could tell that Loki meant every word.
Except– he didn’t, did he?
“You don’t actually want to, though, do you?” Tony asked. “The spell is forcing you to do it—”
“The spell cannot force me to do anything,” Loki said, his eyes flashing with irritation– though Tony got the impression that Loki wasn’t irritated with him. “It merely…” Again, Loki cut himself off with a frustrated growl.
Tony watched with wide eyes as Loki fished for the right words, something Tony had never seen before. Loki was always so eloquent– and it was clear that the spell was affecting Loki more than he was willing to let on.
“You do not need to worry,” Loki said after a moment, his voice firm and serious. “This will only last for a week, and I will not do anything that you do not wish me to, I will be able to stop.” His eyes blazed determinately. “You will not suffer from this.”
And, finally, Tony knew exactly what he needed to say.
“It’s not me that I’m worried about,” Tony said firmly. He reached out and took Loki’s hand in his own, entwining their fingers together in a way that they never had before– because it wasn’t quite something that friends did, but Tony knew it was what Loki needed in that moment. And when Loki’s expression cleared as he squeezed Tony’s hand, Tony knew that he had made the right choice. “I trust you. I’m sorry for what I said earlier, for thinking you didn’t know what you were talking about. I should have. But I know that you’re not going to hurt me. I’m more worried about you.”
“About me?” Loki looked like he was caught between feeling flattered and being irritated. “Why?”
“Because as much as you keep denying it, you have been spelled,” Tony said. “And you’re acting differently to normal. I just don’t want you to get hurt, or to end up doing something that you’ll regret.”
“The only thing I could regret would be if I pushed you away,” Loki said– and although he tried to hide it by tightening his grip even further, Tony could feel the tremor in Loki’s fingers. He really was worried about this.
“That’s not going to happen,” Tony said firmly. Loki still looked a little like he didn’t believe it, and Tony hated the pain that was beginning to show through his calm façade. It felt so easy, so right to just lift his hand and gently stroke Loki’s cheek. “I’m not going to leave you alone in this, all right? We’ll deal with it together.”
“Together,” Loki sighed, turning his head so that his lips brushed against Tony’s palm, his eyes falling closed with a pleased smile. “I like that.”
“Good,” Tony said firmly.
He tried not to let Loki see just how much he liked it, as well.
three
Tony was still wide awake when he was woken by a soft rap on his bedroom door, his mind having refused to quiet. He had only gone to bed in the first place because his racing thoughts had caused too much distraction– he’d given up on work after he’d messed up the same equation three times, and had decided to try and sleep to calm his mind instead. But even his soft bed and dark room refused to turn off his brain, and he continued to consider the problem over and over.
The spell had put him in a bit of a tricky spot. He cared for the other man as one of his dearest friends, and he liked to think that he and Loki had an understanding that none of the other Avengers could reach. They were both so similar after all, and yet different enough that they could keep each other on their toes. And while Loki seemed distant at times, they spent enough time together to be comfortable in each other’s company. He wanted nothing more than to help Loki through it, just as he had promised—
But when Tony thought about the way Loki’s eyes had gleamed as he leaned in with a clear desire to press their lips together, Tony had to force the thought away– and he knew that it would be a lot harder, if Loki were right in front of him. He knew Loki had said he wouldn’t regret what happened – probably because everyone knew he was spelled, so there wasn’t really anything to be ashamed of – but still, Tony worried.
He didn’t want to lose his friend because of this whole mess.
So the quiet knock was actually a rather welcome distraction—
At least until the door was pushed open, and in the dim light Tony saw exactly who was standing at the threshold. He was cast in shadow, but Tony would recognise him anywhere.
“Lokes?” Tony asked, pushing himself up to sitting on the mattress. “Are you all right? It’s late.”
“Yes,” Loki agreed, probably to both parts of Tony’s sentence.
Tony waited for more, but nothing was forthcoming. “Okay,” he said slowly. “Do you… need something?”
“Yes,” Loki said again– and this time, it was more of a groan.
“All right.” Tony sighed, and gestured for JARVIS to bring the lighting up, just a little. “What do you…” He trailed off, his eyes widening in surprise as he finally saw Loki clearly.
Loki looked wrecked. He was wearing only black cotton trousers and a green long-sleeve T-shirt, his hair was a mess and his expression was pinched with uncertainty. He remained at the doorway, with one foot inside the room and the other angled toward the hall, as if he were ready to flee at any moment.
“I’m going to need you to give me a bit more, Lokes,” Tony said carefully. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I will be,” Loki said, though the longing in his expression suggested otherwise. “I just…”
“Just what?” Tony asked gently, and Loki’s hand reached out to grip the door for support. He just… he looked so lost, staring at Tony like he held all the answers, staring with hope and need and everything Tony had been afraid of.
Tony knew he shouldn’t. Every little debate he had been cycling through all evening spiralled through his mind, reminding him that Loki would regret it, that they weren’t like that, that it would only hurt more in the end—
But then Loki breathed one word, and Tony’s resolve shattered.
“Please.”
Ah, fuck it.
With a heavy sigh, Tony lifted the edge of his covers.
Loki didn’t move for a solid few seconds, his eyes widening with disbelief, his limbs frozen.
“Get over here before I change my mind,” Tony said teasingly. “It’s cold.”
That was all that was needed to spur Loki into action, and the door clicked shut behind him as he cleared the room in a few quick strides. He climbed under the covers and curled his arms around Tony as best he could, tucking Tony into his chest and burying his nose in Tony’s hair with a quiet whine. He kept his touches light, though, and his hands were trembling a little, like he was trying to hold back.
“Shh,” Tony cooed, pressing against Loki as best he could, all but melting into Loki’s arms despite knowing that it was wrong. “You can stay here tonight, it’s fine.”
And then finally, Loki relaxed, holding Tony close and going boneless with a happy sigh.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
Tony smiled. “No problem.”
They lay quiet for a while, and it was enough for Tony to finally begin to relax as well. But then one of Loki’s hands slid down Tony’s stomach, which was fine– until it kept going further down, over his hip and toward his thigh before curling behind and—
“Hey,” Tony said, tugging at Loki’s arm. For a moment, Loki tensed and his arms shifted as he went to pull away– but then he froze as Tony simply placed Loki’s hand back on his stomach and curled into Loki’s hold once again. “Hands above the waist.”
“You… do not mind?” Loki asked.
“Well, I don’t want to be groped in my sleep, not by a friend at least,” Tony said. He almost regretted it when Loki grimaced, but he knew Loki had probably needed the reminder. They were friends after all, even if the spell was telling Loki otherwise. Even if Tony was starting to want otherwise. Still he added, “But I am happy with cuddling.”
Loki accepted that easily, relaxing even further than before. His breathing slowed, and he curled around Tony and pressed their bodies together as much as he could.
“Are you sure that this is not too much?” Loki asked, as he turned his face into Tony’s neck.
“Yeah, Lokes,” Tony said, softening into Loki’s arms with a soft sigh. “This is perfect.”
And although he knew he probably shouldn’t have said it, Tony was still pleased when he felt Loki’s lips curve into a smile against his skin.
four
Tony was a rather selfish person, and he had come to enjoy the touches that were now so freely given just a little too much. He spent as much time in Loki’s company as he could, and while he told himself that he was doing it for Loki’s sake, to help him deal with the spell, he knew that he was simply spending time with the mage because he wanted to. He had always liked Loki of course, but this was different– this was handholding and hugs and leaning into each other on the couch. It was Loki looking at him like he treasured Tony above everything else. It was addictive—
And it was dangerous.
Loki was only acting that way because of the spell. Tony knew that, and he repeated it to himself on a rather frequent basis– because if he didn’t, he was worried that he might forget.
The thing was, if Loki had been in his right mind while making all of these moves Tony would probably have given in to them a long time ago. Loki was gorgeous and witty and interesting, and– well, he was far too good for Tony, really, and would no doubt regret everything the moment the spell went away.
So he would take what he could while it was offered, and he promised himself that he wouldn’t let it go too far. Loki kept to his word and did his best not to cross a line– and when he did, he always accepted it when Tony nudged him back, though it seemed to get harder for him to do so. Tony hated watching Loki strain against his own body, and slowly, the lines became blurred.
They were almost always touching, and Loki hardly let Tony out of his sight. Sharing a bed became a normal thing, and he joined Tony in his workshop to happily watch him work.
Sometimes, Loki would even help, explaining otherworldly concepts and helping Tony to understand technologies that Earth had yet to even dream of.
In one such moment, Loki was leaning over Tony’s shoulder, helping him to understand how the Bifröst worked. His chest was pressed to Tony’s back, one arm low around Tony’s waist, their faces so close together that Tony could almost feel Loki’s cheek brush against his own. It was comfortable, it was easy, and it was just… them. And when Tony finally understood the concept, he turned his chin up to Loki with a bright grin blossoming across his face– and Loki leaned down and kissed him.
It was short and chaste, just the smallest brush of lips, but it still caused Tony to gasp, to want to lean in closer, to want so much more—
And Tony shoved Loki way, pushing hard enough to send the god stumbling backward in surprise. But the surprise vanished almost instantly, and then the pain in Loki’s eyes was palpable.
“Oh,” Loki said simply, though hidden within the single syllable was the sound of pure heartache.
“Loki,” Tony said slowly, sorrowfully. “We can’t.”
“I’m sorry, I did not mean to push you,” Loki said, taking a step back, clasping his hands behind him in a clear attempt to keep them steady. “I just thought… that perhaps this was something you wanted, as well.”
“I’m not the problem, here,” Tony said, and then instantly regretted it when Loki’s expression blossomed with hurt. “No, wait—”
“I know,” Loki muttered. “You do not deserve me, I know that. But I will always do my best, strive to be worthy—”
“Loki, no,” Tony crooned, stepping forward again and cupping Loki’s face in his hands, so that the mage had no choice but to meet his gaze. It was something they had done many times, and it was familiar enough to comfort the both of them. “Listen, okay? I don’t ever want to hear you saying that you’re not worthy of something ever again, because you are. You’re the most awesome person I know, and I… I think that whoever you end up with will be the luckiest person alive.”
“Whoever?” Loki asked, the word coming out anguished. “Anthony, the only person I want is you.”
“For now,” Tony said, feeling a little strangled. “But you’re under a spell, it’s the magic making you think that—”
“It isn’t,” Loki insisted. “Anthony, I promise, it isn’t, the spell is just—”
“Loki—"
“Anthony,” Loki said, his voice ringing with desperation as he began to lose control. “This is… I felt this way before, I promise, this isn’t the spell. It’s not. And if you want me to back off, if you want me to go, you only have to ask– but if you feel the same way, please, just tell me.”
“Loki, please,” Tony begged. “Please, don’t put me in this position.”
“What can I do?” Loki asked, his whole body curling in on itself, completely and utterly defeated. “Anthony, I’ll do anything. Just tell me what to do?”
Seeing Loki like this actually physically hurt, tearing through Tony’s chest and aching in his bones. It wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair, and fuck but Tony was going to murder Amora the next time he saw her.
Tony felt just as lost as Loki, completely unsure. He’d promised Loki that they would work through everything together, and he had no intention of breaking that promise– but he knew that if they kept going as they were, things would only get worse. It was clear that whatever the spell was, whether it was love or lust or whatever, it was getting harder for Loki to resist, and Tony was on the very precipice of giving in to the temptation himself.
He didn’t want to do that, not to Loki.
But neither did he want to leave Loki to deal with it alone.
Perhaps… the spell was meant to last for a week, so there was only a day or so left. Perhaps they would be able to manage for that long—
No.
The risk was too high, and as much as Tony hated the idea of breaking his promise, he hated the thought of breaking Loki’s trust even more.
He needed an alternative, and, actually, Loki’s earlier desperate offer gave Tony an idea. He couldn’t leave Loki alone, but nor could they stay together– so, really, the answer should have been simple.
“All right,” Tony said with a sigh, standing from his chair and offering Loki his hand. “Come on. Let’s go and talk about this somewhere more comfortable.”
Tony tapped Morse code against his leg as they walked to the elevator, and JARVIS brought them exactly where Tony asked to go without a word. But when the doors opened and they stepped out, Loki froze.
“No,” Loki said, turning to Tony in both understanding and disbelief. “You promised.”
“I know—”
“You promised that we’d do it together!” Loki’s expression was broken, betrayed– but he was still staring at Tony like he was expecting everything to somehow get better. And when he spoke again, echoing the same words, his voice was small and pleading. “You promised.”
“I’m sorry,” Tony said, using his grip on Loki’s hand to tug the god a little closer, lifting his free hand to gently cup the side of Loki’s neck. “This is the only way. You know we can’t keep going as we are, and Thor will look after you. He’ll make sure you’re all right until the spell goes away.”
“I will.”
Tony looked up at the interruption, and was glad to see that Thor was not confused in the slightest– clearly, JARVIS had been able to explain.
“Brother, this is for the best,” said Thor. “You and Tony need space—”
“I don’t, I can do better,” Loki said immediately, letting go of Tony’s hand and stepping back away from his touch. “I’ll stop touching you, I’ll—”
“Loki,” Tony said softly, and Loki shook his head.
“Anthony, please, don’t,” Loki begged– honest to god begged, his eyes bright and shining with a desperate need that was so, so hard to resist. “Please, don’t make me stay here.”
“You have to,” Tony said. “Lokes, I’m sorry, but you… you know you’re under the influence of that spell. You’re going to regret this when it wears off—”
“I won’t,” Loki said, reaching out but– stopping himself just before he snagged Tony’s wrist, his hand curling in a fist with the effort to stay away. “I won’t regret it, I could never—”
“I know you better than that, Reindeer Games,” Tony whispered, and when Loki went to argue again, he cut him off with a sigh. “But, okay. Tell you what, if you promise to stay in here with Thor until the spell has worn off, then as soon as it’s gone… I’ll let you kiss me.” He offered Loki a smile. “I’ll let you kiss me properly, if that’s still what you want.”
“Tony,” Thor snapped. “You cannot take advantage of Loki’s predicament like that—”
“No, no, it’s fine,” Loki said hurriedly, waving a hand at Thor to shut him up without bothering to turn and look, his gaze solidly set on Tony’s face. He didn’t look so desperate anymore, like a switch had been flicked. Now, his eyes were burning with hope. “You promise?” he asked, that fierce gaze boring into Tony like it might actually be capable of cutting straight through to Tony’s soul.
“I promise,” Tony swore. Then he grinned, unable to resist adding, “And if you behave yourself, who knows. I might even kiss you back.”
Loki’s answering smile was dangerous, and Tony’s solace upon seeing it was only enhanced by the sound of Thor’s exasperated sigh.
five
Tony knew that he shouldn’t have done it. It was wrong, and it was an invasion of privacy, something he had sworn he would never do when he had installed security cameras on all of the Avengers’ floors. But he couldn’t get the image of Loki’s broken expression out of his mind, so sure that he would shatter without Tony there– and he just needed to know whether Loki was all right.
He was grateful for JARVIS’ lack of judgment when he asked for the feed. The holographic screen over one of Tony’s workbenches flickered into existence, and Tony chewed nervously on his thumbnail when he saw that Loki and Thor were sitting on Thor’s couch, with Thor’s arm around Loki’s shoulders and Loki’s head bent and resting in his hands.
It was odd to see, and yet not at the same time–
Because Loki should have shoved Thor’s arm away at the first opportunity, but he had been far more affectionate since the spell– but that was only because the spell had made him think he wanted Tony, wasn’t it? Surely it hadn’t made Loki want to cuddle with Thor as well?
Somehow, that seemed both oddly specific and way too vague, and Tony forced himself to leave the thought alone. He would just have to ask Loki to explain properly, after the spell had worn off.
Assuming, of course, that Loki would still want to talk to Tony then.
Turning his attention back to the screen, Tony let his eyes linger over Loki’s hunched figure, wishing he could be there to help chase away the pain. They seemed to be deep in a conversation, and Tony gestured for JARVIS to increase the volume.
“He promised to kiss you, did he not?” Thor was asking, and Tony’s breath hitched. They were talking about him?
“Only to get me to come here,” Loki replied hoarsely. “I don’t just want a kiss, Thor. I wish that he would feel as I do.”
“Loki,” Thor said softly, pulling Loki close. And Loki allowed it, curling closer into his brother’s side with a sob that cleaved Tony’s heart in two. “He may just need time—”
“He does not want me,” Loki said, his voice muffled in Thor’s shoulder. “If he did, he would have responded to my advances these past days.”
“If he has offered to let you wait until you are in your right mind, then surely—”
“But I am in my right mind, Thor!” Loki exclaimed, looking up. “He does not understand how the spell works! Perhaps, if you were to explain—”
“I believe that is an explanation that would be better coming from you,” Thor said softly.
Loki shook his head. “He would not believe me, because he thinks that my mind has been affected by the spell. It has not, and nor has my heart. Thor, I don’t think that I could suffer to tell him the truth, because if I did… I could not bear to see the look of horror in his eyes when I admit that I—”
“Cut it off,” Tony said, turning away, the guilt starting to bubble in his chest. “I shouldn’t be listening to this.”
“I believe that is a good choice, Sir,” JARVIS agreed.
He felt awful for having listened at all– but Tony was at least a little glad that he had. Because Thor clearly thought that what Loki said was the truth, that his feelings were actually based in something real.
And if that were true…
If it wasn’t just the spell…
Well. As soon as Loki was himself again, they would need to have a long, honest talk.
+one
When Tony received word that Loki was really, truly, definitely back to normal, he immediately threw down the StarkPad he had been working on and charged directly for the elevator.
“J, get to me Loki,” he said, leaning forward on the balls of his feet, half in nervousness and half in anticipation.
But when the elevator doors remained open, Tony’s brows pulled together and he fell back onto his heels with a frown.
“J?” he asked.
“Mr Liesmith has indicated that he does not wish to receive visitors at this time,” JARVIS said. “Would you like to use your override?”
Tony had his affirmative answer ready on the tip of his tongue, because god, he needed to see Loki. These past couple days had shown him that a life with Loki had all the possibility of being everything he wanted, but—
He knew he couldn’t push. Despite Loki’s certainty that he wouldn’t regret anything, Tony knew it would still be a lot to process. Loki needed to come to terms with everything that had happened in his own time.
“No,” Tony said, turning back to his work. “Just… let him know that I’m happy to talk to him, whenever he wants. Whenever he’s ready. Just make sure he knows that he’s welcome, okay?”
“Of course, Sir,” JARVIS replied, his voice holding far more sympathy than should be possible for an AI.
Despite Tony’s resolve to do what was best for Loki, the waiting was painful. He tried to distract himself– he finished up the projects he had been neglecting, started a few new ones, even worked through some paperwork that Pepper had sent for him to sign. Hours and hours slugged past and still Loki remained locked on his floor, refusing to speak to anyone. Tony’s sleep that night was restless, his bed too big, too cold, too empty. He’d grown used to falling asleep in Loki’s arms, and he missed it terribly.
The next morning, he stared at his suits and his paperwork with consternation for only a moment before turning to his bots. He had been neglecting them– not having enough time with the spell and being worried for Loki, and then working through all the projects that had been backing up. They were excited when he greeted them, and he felt his smile return. It was nice to know that someone was glad to see him, at least.
Tony was oiling DUM-E’s wheels when the workshop door opened, but he was distracted enough that he didn’t notice. The bot would not stop fussing, wanting to test his new manoeuvrability before Tony was done. He’d already knocked the oilcan from Tony’s hands twice, and there were streaks of thick black oil across the floor and all over Tony’s shirt.
“Stop that,” Tony hissed as DUM-E tried to charge forward again, squealing loudly at U as if he were bragging. “You’ve still got one to go, and if it sticks and makes you trip I’m not going to be the one cleaning up the mess!”
DUM-E’s arm lowered in his usual attempt at a pout, and Tony just rolled his eyes fondly and leaned down to finish the job. But as he did so, he noticed that all the oil spread over the floor was beginning to clear away, disappearing before his eyes, a small shimmer of green shining against the floor before everything dissipated entirely.
Tony stared for a moment, before turning his gaze up to the rest of the room and blinking in shock.
“Loki,” he exclaimed, jumping about a foot into the air and knocking the oilcan over once again. He almost slipped in the spillage in his haste, and skidded to a stop right in front of the god.
Loki was standing somewhat awkwardly in the middle of the workshop, with none of the ease that he had displayed only the day before. He looked like he hadn’t slept, though his hair was neat and his clothes were fresh, and his posture was straight and tense.
“You’re here,” Tony said, half disbelievingly. “And you cleaned my floor?”
“Yes,” Loki replied quietly. “It sounded like DUM-E needed some assistance.”
DUM-E beeped happily, but Tony didn’t turn around, unable to look from Loki’s worried gaze.
Loki offered the bot a small smile, but when he looked back to Tony that smile turned stiff. “I am here to apologise.”
“I hope so,” Tony said, sternly, but before Loki’s expression could properly fall he added, “I believe I was promised a kiss. It’s been a whole day, Lokes, come on.”
Loki grimaced, and looked away. “I do not expect you to hold to that ridiculous promise. I understand that you only made it so I would stay away from you.”
“No,” Tony said, frowning. “I meant it, of course I did.”
“I will not kiss you when you are only allowing me to do so out of pity.” Loki’s voice was low, and his hands clenched into fists at his sides.
“It’s not pity. And I think we probably do need to talk first, now that you’re all right.” Tony frowned. “You are all right, aren’t you? There’s nothing else—”
“I am fine,” Loki promised, and Tony believed him– believed that he was physically fine, at any rate.
“Well, good,” Tony replied. “Now, look. A lot of things happened this past week—”
“And I apologise for all of it,” Loki cut in. “It was an unfortunate effect of the spell– that I would act on things I never would have before.”
“That you’d act on them– but it didn’t create the feelings in the first place?” Tony checked.
“It was regrettable,” Loki muttered, ignoring Tony’s question– and Tony almost wanted to get in past-Loki’s face and say ‘I told you so’, but the notion was quickly lost amongst the realisation that if Loki did regret—
Then—
“What are you sorry for, exactly?” Tony asked. “Are you sorry for what you said? For what you did? Are you sorry for how we became closer friends, or sorry for the fact that you spent time with me at all? Or was it—”
“No,” Loki replied, the suddenness of his response seeming to surprise him just as much as it did Tony. “I’m not… sorry for any of those things.”
“Then what, hmm?” Tony raised a brow, though his smile remained soft. And he probably should have worked his way up to it– made sure that Loki was comfortable with everything first, that he wasn’t stressing too much over everything that had happened before he dropped such a large bombshell.
But with Loki still looking so lost, Tony couldn’t stand to hesitate.
So he reached out to brush his fingers along Loki’s jaw, and when the god looked up at him with shock, Tony asked softly.
“Are you sorry that you made me fall in love with you?”
Loki’s eyes widened, his breath catching. “What?” he whispered hoarsely.
“Are you sorry,” Tony repeated slowly, “that I love you?”
“Anthony, no, you can’t—”
“Why not?” Tony asked, letting his hand drop and crossing his arms. “I think I’m qualified to decide whether or not I love someone. I’ve known you for years, and this past week has only proved—”
“That was not me,” Loki cut in, his voice pained.
“I think it was,” Tony replied. “You spent a whole week telling me that it wasn’t just the spell, and that you were in your right mind.” He arched a brow. “Were you lying?”
Loki drew in a deep, shuddering breath, his eyes falling closed. He didn’t say anything, but Tony thought he had his answer regardless.
“Hey,” Tony said gently. “Just tell me this, then. Was it true, when you said you had feelings for me before the spell?”
There was a moment where Tony half thought Loki was going to flee. He was already as tense as a bowstring, and at the question his whole body seemed to shut down for a moment, his shoulders hunching together and his lips twisting in agony. But the moment passed as Loki seemed to steady himself, and when he opened his eyes, he did so with that kind of acceptance that spoke of a last goodbye.
“Yes,” Loki said hoarsely. “Every word.”
It hit Tony like a ton of bricks– he’d known already, he’d worked it out, but hearing it said was something else entirely. He couldn’t help but think back to that first day, when Loki had talked about the things that he wanted to do. How he’d ached with not just the desire to kiss and fuck and everything in between, but to have and to hold and to love, to be with in every way possible. It made him feel warm and nervous and elated all at once, and he had to swallow it all down so he could keep his voice level and calm for Loki’s sake.
“Then why are you fighting this?” Tony asked. “Why are you still afraid?”
“Because even though it wasn’t a lie, it still wasn’t me,” Loki insisted. “I am not… I am not a pleasant person. I don’t speak my mind, and I am not kind, nor willing to sit around for hours in the same place. The past week I was clingy and sweet, and that is not who I am.”
“I love you whether you’re clingy or not,” Tony whispered. “I just want you.”
“You can’t know that,” Loki said, and Tony felt like he was fighting an uphill battle. But if he knew Loki – and no matter what Loki thought, Tony knew he did – then there was one more thing he could try.
“If you’re so sure that I won’t enjoy it,” Tony said, opening his hands in challenge, “then why don’t you come over here and prove your point?
Loki bit his lip, the indecision warring in his eyes—
Oh, fuck it, Tony thought, grabbing Loki by the lapels and pulling him down and into a kiss.
Tony poured everything he had into that kiss, every torturous feeling and perfect moment from the week before rolled into one. Every touch, every promise, every time Loki had said or done something that Tony had wished he could respond to– he drew on it all, losing himself in the sensations of Loki finally pressed against him, of Loki kissing him back. He only stopped when he felt his lungs burning with the need for air, pulling away with a gasp but still lingering close enough to see Loki’s expression in perfect detail.
Loki’s eyes remained closed, his lips curving into a perfect smile. There was a bit of motor oil on his cheek, and the dark rings under his eyes were still far too prominent. But he seemed lighter, happier, and when his eyelids finally fluttered open, he looked down at Tony with such adoration and love that Tony felt it as a tremor down his spine. And then, Loki was leaning back down—
Tony groaned as their lips connected once again, and this time, the kiss was somehow so much more. Loki’s arms were around his waist, pulling them so close Loki was bent over to make up for the difference in height. Tony’s hands raked through Loki’s hair, probably streaking it with oil as well but neither of them cared. Tony could feel Loki’s acceptance in the intensity of his movements, in the fervent strokes of his tongue and the possessive press of his fingers.
“Do you believe me now?” Tony asked, the words mumbled against his lips.
Loki paused. “No,” he said– but before Tony could panic he added, “I think I might need to continue, to ensure that we have both made the right choice.”
“For science, then,” Tony grinned, happily leaning back in once more.
They didn’t go any further than a kiss, perfectly content in the closeness they had both finally come to terms with. It wasn’t a sudden end, or a conscious choice. They simply slowed, passion lingering in small brushes of lips and caresses of fingers, their skin pressing together wherever they could reach until they were simply holding on tight, breathing each other in and coming to terms with the fact that this was real.
“I cannot believe I have Amora to thank for this,” Loki muttered, turning his face into Tony’s neck.
“Yeah, you still haven’t entirely explained what all that was about,” Tony replied, leaning back slightly. “You said the spell just, what? Took away your inhibitions, like when you’re drunk? Is that why you were so sure you’d be fine?”
“In a way,” Loki said.
Tony tilted his head in obvious curiosity, and Loki gave him a fond smile.
“I believed I would be able to resist the spell, because I have gained so much practice hiding the way that I felt these past couple years,” Loki whispered. “I did not expect you to allow me close, to hold me and, to just be kind. That made it so much harder.” Tony parted his lips to say something, but Loki leaned down and caught them in another soft kiss before saying, “I should have known better. I should have known that you would be impossible to resist.”
“That’s me,” Tony said, smiling brightly. “Impossible to resist. I should put it on a T-Shirt.”
“I have tried to resist you for so very long,” Loki said. He offered Tony a small look. “I suppose I should that I should thank you, for loving me back.”
“My pleasure,” Tony replied, leaning forward a little. “Really—”
Loki cut him off with a shake of his head. “No, let me finish.” He waited for Tony to nod before continuing, and although his words were harsh, they were spoken with a softness that made Tony want to pull him close and never let go. It was brutal honesty, and it needed to be said– but it wasn’t intended to scare Tony off. Merely so that they could be certain of what they already knew. “I meant everything that I said, Anthony– everything. I’m not pleasant to live with. I will leave at odd hours without telling you, I will argue and I will lose my temper, and I will not be openly adoring in the middle of a crowd.” He reached up and trailed his fingers over Tony’s cheek, his smile turning sweet. “But I promise that will cherish every moment I spend with you, and I will love you with all my heart, if that is what you wish.”
“Well, you know. I’m not all that pleasant to live with either,” Tony pointed out with a shrug, his tone just as soft as Loki’s had been. “I spend long hours in the workshop and I forget to eat a lot. I’m horrible in the morning before I’ve had a coffee, and I have some really annoying quirks and a hell of a lot of baggage. So yeah, neither of us are exactly the best kind of people, but you know what?” Tony matched Loki’s smile, and leaned close enough that their lips brushed for the briefest of moments. “I still think it sounds perfect, because I love you too. And really, I think that’s all we need.”
And when Tony pressed up on his toes to give Loki another gentle, loving kiss, Loki finally relaxed into it with a happy sigh.
There was a lot between them, and Tony knew that they had a lot to work through– but for now, they were happy, they were in love, and there was no longer anything stopping them for reaching for what they desired.
Except, possibly, DUM-E and his attention complex. But if their relationship could survive a spell and their own insecurities, then they sure as hell could manage having the rest of the motor oil dumped over them. And hey, Tony was never going to turn away from the chance to shower with his beloved– especially not now that they were both completely and entirely certain that it was something they both wanted.
(And if Tony snuck down to the workshop after to give DUM-E a grateful pat, then no one had to be the wiser.)