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"Where the fuck do you constantly keep disappearing to?" Sicheng asked bitterly the moment a tired Chittaphon walked into the living room. The Thai boy noticed the book that the younger began reading two months ago laying on their coffee table. Only a third of it in. That's unlike him. He understood that his boyfriend was becoming paranoid because of the uncountable late returns home, ignored texts and calls, secrecy. He was not going to hurt the Chinese boy as he was hurt by his previous partners. Sicheng was his one and only, but he was terrified to let him know the horrible news he learned to be true just an hour ago. His privacy has been the cause of many fights that month. The younger boy has been having more and more trouble controlling his anger.
It would always begin with Chittaphon returning late and avoiding answering all the questions related to his recent activities out of fear of the worst, which was now unavoidable. As one would keep raising his voice, the older would fall into silence. Sicheng would scream in desperation and storm into their bedroom. Chittaphon would fall onto the floor and cry until he'd fall asleep. But he would always wake up next to his lover of four years in their bed.
He understood why Sicheng would break, he didn't want to trust the wrong person again. They work on his trust issues until he let Chittaphon in. The older's anxiety forced him to hide as well. But they were meant to fall for each other the moment they appeared I'm each other's life one rainy summer's night when they were trying to hide shelter at the same cheap motel from the upcoming storm. They ended up spending six hours talking that night. By the time the sky became clear they have already made arrangements to meet once more.
And now they could only enjoy their peaceful passion on the days when Chittaphon returned at his usual time. He couldn't understand what kept him drowning in secrets when his soulmate was an angel. But those nights the storm would cloud their lives.
The older could feel the heavy air thickening as he sat down on the couch before Sicheng, staring at his hands. The younger was ready to repeat himself when Chittaphon raised a teary gaze up at his eyes. They both sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. Lost, confused, lonely.
Sicheng had to try a different approach. As they were still staring at each other, he reached out his arms and Chittaphon fell into his embrace and began to cry. It was raw and loud. All that was bottled up was being let out and Sicheng whispered how much he loved him while caressing his boyfriend's slim frame.
Minutes, perhaps hours have passed before he could calm down and sit back up. "I need you close." It was barely audible. More like mouthing out what he wished to speak. Sicheng pulled him onto his lap and wrapped his arms around his waist tightly, securing him in care and affection as Chittaphon draped one arm over the Chinese boy's shoulders, the other hand gently resting on his cheek, feeling the warmth of the smooth skin. He kissed his sweet lips carefully and then locked their eyes. Sicheng could see the sheer terror and feel the trembling body.
"It's okay, my angel, I'm with you." He assured the elder. "I'll never leave your side."
As he rested their foreheads together, a tear rolled down his cheek. "I never wanted to hurt you." His voice sounded so small and exhausted, full of doubt and disappointment. "I just didn't want it to be a reality... I didn't want the doctor to be right." Sicheng fell the worst pain in the pit of his stomach. How come he didn't notice how terrible the other felt. The guilt was drowning him in anger. "I-... I'm ill, my star. I'm starting treatment tomorrow, but it's not a promise it will save me. There's a chance, but no certainty."
"What is it?"
"Menin-... menig... Meningioma?" He chuckled with sadness. "I think that's how it's called..." A sight didn't calm Sicheng down as he still didn't understand what it meant. "It's a... A cancerous brain tumor." At that Sicheng's heart sank lower than he thought possible. "I'll have my first chemotherapy tomorrow... I want you there- if- you'll feel comfortable. I know you lost people to cancer before..."
"I'll go with you."
A shy and lovely smile painted Chittaphon's delicate features. "Thank you."
"If... It doesn't go as planned... Will they do surgery?"
"Yes. But that still doesn't secure the chance of living."
"I'm with you, my love. I'll always stay by your side."
He was lovely, even as he was scared and looked defeated. But the fight has just begun.
Lovely boy... Oh, love, please don't fade away...