Chapter Text
The sun was setting, casting a pink glow on the faces of the two boys laying together in the bed of the truck. Jinyoung and Jaebum were trying to enjoy the most of their Sunday, before Monday came again. It’s hard to find a moments for just the two of them, so it’s kinda become their thing.
Laying together in the back of Jaebum’s truck until the sun sets, and it gets too cold to stay out.
This started ever since Jaebum got this truck when he got his license. Even before Jaebum was legally allowed to drive other people (it took a lot of convincing on Jaebum’s part to even get Jinyoung to step foot in the car), they would drive to this secluded spot, their spot, and just be with each other.
Jinyoung looks over and sees that colors of the sunset reflect on Jaebum’s face. It’s breathtaking. Jinyoung wants to see this sight everyday; spend the rest of his life in Jaebum’s arms.
Sometimes they talk about it. Jinyoung has made it very clear that he wants to start a life with Jaebum. Jaebum has never disagreed with this, though he’s never showed the same excitement as Jinyoung.
Really, how could he? It’s always been Jinyoung’s dream to have a house with his own family. He can’t wait until he could raise his own family and start a life with someone he loves. And, to Jaebum, it doesn’t sound that bad if it’s with Jinyoung.
“Less than 2 months until my graduation,” Jaebum says, not with any real purpose, it just slips out.
Jinyoung sighs and snuggles closer to Jaebum and asks, “Have you decided what college you’re going to go to?”
“Let’s not think about that right now.” Jaebum knows that’s not what Jinyoung wants to hear. They’ve had this talk many times. Jaebum is a year ahead of Jinyoung in school, so they've been thinking about what Jaebum's graduation meant for them.
“Jaebum, graduation is so close. You should start trying to make your decision,” Jinyoung says to Jaebum. Jinyoung’s worried that Jaebum’s going to wait too long until it’s too late. “You know I’ll be there for you no matter what, right?”
“Of course. I love you,” Jaebum says as he goes to hold Jinyoung’s hand. He knows that Jinyoung will follow him wherever he goes, but Jaebum doesn’t know if that’s what he wants. He’s not sure what he wants.
Jaebum actually has thought about his future. A lot. He knows what Jinyoung wants: to go to a local college and to start a family. But is that what Jaebum wants?
“I love you, too. I’m just worried,” Jinyoung responds.
What Jinyoung doesn’t know is that Jaebum’s been considering colleges far away. That he applied and got accepted into a college that is miles away and didn’t tell anyone. That he’s been looking in majoring in subjects that would take him away from this small town. Away from Jinyoung. That he’s been think about how he should tell him. If he should even tell him.
Jaebum doesn’t want to lose the love of his life, but, besides Jinyoung, there’s nothing left here for him.
“Thanks for dropping me off,” Jinyoung says as Jaebum pulls up to his house. “I love you,” and then he leans over the console to kiss Jaebum.
“See you tomorrow at school,” Jaebum says to Jinyoung as Jinyoung gets out of the car.
Once Jaebum gets back to his house, he goes straight to his room. Graduation seems like it keeps getting closer and closer, that also means that the future is getting closer and closer.
Jaebum is terrified. Terrified of the choices he needs to make. Actually, he’s not having trouble deciding which option to choice. He’s always known which choice would be the best for him… and that’s the scary part.
He knows that what he wants, what he’s always secretly wanted, is to leave. To follow his dream away from here. Find happiness in a bigger city, producing music.
But it’s safer to just stay here. Stay in a town where he already knows his way around. If he stays here, he avoids the possibility of failure. There’s no uncertainty of his future here. He’d settle down with Jinyoung.
Jinyoung. Jaebum truly does love Jinyoung. He’s has always been there with him, and he can’t imagine what his life would be like without Jinyoung. It’s always been the two of them. Jaebum and Jinyoung. Jinyoung and Jaebum. It makes since that it’d be like that after graduation, too.
Jinyoung and Jaebum. Living in a small house together. Jinyoung will probably a preschool teacher. He’ll come home happy from a day of watching kids that Jinyoung just loves so much. Jaebum... Jaebum doesn’t know what he’ll be doing. Doesn’t know what would make him happy. At lease here.
And that’s why Jaebum’s so scared. He knows what choice to make.
Sometimes Jaebum thinks about asking Jinyoung about it, if Jinyoung would be willing to move with him. But Jinyoung has always seemed so content here. Jinyoung is comfortable here, and Jaebum already knows.
Deep in his heart, Jaebum knows that he can’t ask Jinyoung to throw away his dream for him, just like Jaebum can’t throw away his dream for Jinyoung.
Morning comes way too early. Jaebum spent most of his night thinking about his future, a habit he recently required, and it took a while until his mind calmed down enough for him to sleep. But it’s now 6 a.m., and the lack of sleep really hits him.
However, Jaebum does make it to school on time. Lucky for him, he’s always had a more casual style, so he threw on some a big t-shirt and some sweatpants, and he was good to go,
He walked into school and met up with Jinyoung where he normally does.
Jinyoung smiles when he spots Jaebum. “Good morning,” he smiles, his eyes crinkle up in the cutest of ways.
“Good morning to you,” Jaebum says back as he kisses Jinyoung. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m really nervous for my English test. I just have this fear that everything I’ve read will just escape my brain as soon as I see the questions”
“You’ll be fine. I believe in you,” Jaebum says as he grabs Jinyoung’s hand to give it a reassuring squeeze.
“I love you. I’ll see you at lunch, yeah?”
“Of course. Love you too.” Jinyoung gave Jaebum a final peck before he walked to class while Jaebum walked to his locker. Him and Jinyoung don’t really have any classes together because they are in different grades, but they’ve made it a point to see each other at school the most that they can.
Jaebum is at his locker when Mark and Jackson walk up to him. Mark and Jackson are in his same grade, and, after Jinyoung, they’re both his best friends. Again, being in such a small town, they’ve all been in the same classes since kindergarten. At least Mark and Jaebum were; Jackson didn’t move here from China until 5rd grade. Mark is from America, but he moved here at a younger age.
“You look like shit,” Jackson says when he sees Jaebum. Mark hits Jackson on his arm
“You look normal,” Mark tries to reassure him.
“Yeah, which is like shit,” Mark hits Jackson again.
“Wow, thanks,” Jaebum says, closing his locker after taking out his Econ notebook.
“I’m just joking. You look chic and sexy as always.” Jaebum just rolls his eyes, and him, Mark, and Jackson start heading to their Econ class.
“You do look tired though,” Mark notices.
“Oh yeah. I stayed up late thinking about graduation”
Mark just groans. “Don’t get me started. All my life, I had always been so excited to graduate, but now that it’s so close, I don’t think I’m ready”
They finally reach their classroom and take their seats which are next to each other, but they still have a few minutes until class starts, so they continue talking. “Jinyoung and I were talking about it last night, but have you guys decided on where you guys are going to college?”
“I’m still planning on going to a university back in China, but i’m just not sure on which on. I’m leaning more towards the one in Hong Kong since it’s where I grew up,” Jackson responds. Jackson’s parents moved here when Jackson was 10, but the rest of Jackson’s family still lives in Hong Kong, so Jackson decided that he’d like to go to college there.
“I don’t know what choice will be best for me in the long run. How do you assure yourself that you are making the right choice?”
“Well,” Jackson pauses to think, “I’m not. I just want to go out and find what’s right for me, and I think I the best way for me to do that is to go out and experience different things to find what sticks. And I miss Hong Kong, and I think it’ll be a fun to study there for a few years. Like, that right thing is out there for me, I just look for it and find out what it’s not.”
huh.