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Jisung met Chenle when he was seven. Beginning a new school, the bony kid sat by himself in the sandbox, tracing wavy lines with his little hands in the sand. Looking over at all the other kids, it amazed him how everyone seemed to have made friends already. His classmates pushed each other on the swings, and sped across the playground trying not to get tagged. It was just the first day, and he already felt left out. He wished school was over already, so he could play in the comfort of his own home with his older brother. Mark always handled him with care, making sure to play nicely, since Jisung hated getting dirty, and was always a sore loser. Looking at how all the other boys had dirt marks covering their uniforms as they tackled each other to the ground, Jisung decided that maybe it was for the better that none of his classmates wanted to play with him. With his eyes following his sand trails, he almost didn’t see a kid plop right down in the middle of the sandbox, the shadow now in front of Jisung being the only thing giving it away. Slowly looking up, he saw a kid just as scrawny as him, if not just a little skinnier. His skin was as pure as snow, which was weird, considering summer just ended. The kid’s mouth was plastered in a wide smile, and after looking up, Jisung was fixated on his comforting eyes.
Just as warm as my brother’s Jisung thought.
After a good ten seconds of utter staring, the bright kid finally shot his arm up for a handshake, startling Jisung at how sudden his movements were.
“Hi I’m Zhong Chenle, let’s be friends!”
It wasn’t even a question, or even an offer, but more of an order, a friendly order. Jisung didn’t reply, he instead warily scooched a little farther away from Chenle, but still within the sandbox. Chenle didn’t bother following him, but kept his eyes glued to Jisung, with his arm still stretched out. It didn’t even phase him that there was a slight chance Jisung didn’t want anything to do with him. Jisung decided to just ignore him and return to pushing sand around.
“All the other kids are going to start playing red rover together, do you want to join?” asked Chenle.
Not taking his eyes off the sand, Jisung replied.
“No. I like the sandbox more.”
“Oh,” Chenle said, a small hint of disappointment in his eyes. That only lasted for a matter of seconds though. “Well I like playing in the sandbox too!” Sitting right next to Jisung, he began to trace his own patterns into the sand. “Maybe next time we can play red rover together.”
“I don’t like those games, they’re too dirty,” said Jisung.
“Well then guess we’ll play in the sandbox together every recess,” replied Chenle lightning fast.
“Together?” asked Jisung, finally taking his eyes off the sand and onto Chenle’s face.
Chenle gave his toothy smile for the second time that day. Chenle took Jisung’s hand, giving himself the handshake he was hoping for a few minutes earlier.
“Of course, we’re friends now!”
“But you don’t even know my name yet.”
“Well, what’s your name?”
“It’s Jisung.”
“Okay Jisung, you’re my new friend!”
And for the first time that day, Jisung finally smiled.
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After that day, Jisung and Chenle were inseparable. They sat next to each other in class and during reading time, they even shared the leftover snacks they didn’t eat during lunch with each other. Sometimes, Chenle would even brings treats from home, piling them up on Jisung’s desk, which Jisung was eternally grateful for. With Chenle being the boisterous person he was, it made sense that he would be quite popular with his classmates. Always getting picked first on teams in PE, and always getting called over to be in the other kids reading groups, sometimes Chenle had no choice but to be separated from Jisung. But Jisung didn’t mind, because no matter how many people would ask, or how hard people would beg for Chenle to play with them, Chenle would always play in the sandbox with Jisung for recess, pushing the sand around in different waves and squiggles. Chenle would always thank his classmates for the offer, but would politely decline, answering, “I’m going to play with my best friend Jisung.” It made Jisung’s heart swell just with the mention of the words best friend. No matter how many people tried to pull them apart, nothing could destroy the bond that was Jisung and Chenle’s friendship. Some kids would give mean looks to Jisung whenever he would say he’d rather work on projects by himself, or when he would willingly get himself hit with a ball in PE, just to sit on the sidelines the rest of the game after being called out. But Jisung didn’t pay attention to any of them. His best friend was Chenle, and he would rather have one Chenle as a friend than a million of other friends that weren’t Chenle.
So it was a little alarming when Chenle suddenly questioned their daily routine after five years. It was Jisung and Chenle’s last year of elementary school before they would start middle school, and they were sitting shoulder to shoulder in the sandbox.
“Why don’t you ever want to play something different Sungie?”
“Because I like it like this, and there’s nothing wrong with playing in a sandbox, dumbass.” Jisung had learnt that word from his brother, who had already started middle school last year. Jisung made sure to only say it away from Mark, after his brother almost went into hysterics after hearing “that sinful word coming out of my one and only baby brother’s angelic mouth.”
Chenle laughed a high pitched squeal at Jisung’s response, but soon regained composure.
“But you know Sungie, I went to go take a tour of the middle school, and they don’t have a playground like this one. They only have a four square court and two basketball hoops. After this year, you can’t play in the sandbox anymore.”
Wasting no time Jisung responded, “Well I guess I just won’t go out for recess in middle school.”
“Jisung-”
“No Chenle,” Jisung said before Chenle could say anything further. “I don’t like to play those kinds of games.” Jisung was comfortable with his life the way it was already. Just him and Chenle in the sandbox.
“But you have to at least try Jisung.”
“No.”
“But middle school is so big, there’s going to be new people that might want to be your friend.”
“Stop it.”
“You don’t even know if we’ll have the same classes together.”
“Chenle-”
“We might not even have the same recess-”
“I said stop it!” Jisung finally yelled with his chest puffing out, which shut Chenle up. Seeing Chenle’s stunned and almost scared expression made Jisung deflate immediately.
I made him scared Jisung thought. Chenle’s scared because of me and he won’t want to talk to me anymore. He’s going to leave me for someone else at recess tomorrow because I yelled at him and-
“Hey, Sungie,” Chenle said, which snapped Jisung out of his inner crisis. Looking back at Chenle he saw nothing but those warm eyes he laid eyes on the first day of first grade. Being reminded of those times almost made Jisung want to cry. Chenle was the only thing that made him get up from his alarm and make it to school. If he couldn’t be with Chenle, Jisung would have nothing. Maybe he should have made more friends while he had the chance in elementary school, because now he realized he might be all alone again when starting the new year in middle school.
“Do you like sandcastles?” Chenle asked Jisung.
“Of course, but I don’t have any shovels or buckets or anything.”
“Well then how about I bring my sandcastle stuff from home tomorrow for recess, and we can try doing something different than just pushing sand around.”
“But I like just talking to you while pushing sand around.”
“We can still talk, but this time we’ll make a sandcastle.”
Jisung cracked a small smile, happy to hear this change won’t impact that much of Jisung and Chenle’s best friend routine.
“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow,” said Jisung.
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Except when Jisung came to class the next day, Chenle wasn’t in his usual seat. Being only twelve, Jisung didn’t have phone, and he didn’t know where Chenle’s house was. Chenle had piano practice after school everyday, so they could only really hang out during school. Jisung thought Chenle was just sick, so he went about his day, excited for tomorrow for when Chenle would build a sandcastle with him.
But Chenle didn’t come to class the next day either. Or the next, or the one after that. After a whole week of no contact with his best friend, there was a small pit in his stomach, telling him this wasn’t just Chenle being sick. Finally asking his teacher, shocked would be an understatement when Jisung learned that Chenle had moved.
The last few weeks of elementary went by in a blur for Jisung. With no Chenle, Jisung thought of no point in trying at school. Sitting by himself in the sandbox again, he pushed the sand around with his now comically large hands.
“You know what big hands mean, don’t you?” Chenle started to suggestively say that year, teasing Jisung for how big his hands had gotten compared to the rest of his tiny frame. Jisung heaved a big sigh and fell forward, laying down in the sandbox, encasing his body with itchy grains of sand. His classmates and teachers looked at him with pity, knowing Chenle was his only friend for five years. Some of his classmates began to ask him to sit with them during reading time, which Jisung declined. A girl he didn’t even know the name of gave him one of her cookies during lunch, but that only reminded Jisung of when Chenle used to give him snacks. So Jisung just returned the cookie back on that sweet girl’s desk, his head hung low.
It wasn’t long before summer break started, and Jisung was not having any of it, locking himself in his bedroom for almost the entirety of his vacation. There was so much he was going to do that summer with Chenle, Jisung thought. Chenle mentioned he was going to quit piano lessons after graduating elementary school so he could have more time to join clubs in middle school. Piano really took up all of Chenle’s free time, and Jisung was going to take that chance in asking him for his home phone number, or maybe even his address. Chenle would have surely given it to him, and they could’ve had so much fun over the summer before classes started. He even thought of asking Chenle to teach him how to ride a bike, as he was always too scared to, but Chenle made everything safer, so maybe he could’ve learned with his help. If he learned fast enough, Jisung would have maybe even asked Chenle to ride their bikes together to and from school, but now he couldn’t because Chenle was gone and now no one was comforting enough to teach him. Wallowing in his own gloom, Jisung’s bedroom door slammed open, hitting the wall with a deafening bang. In came his older brother, who looked angry with stress and possible worry underlying.
“Tell me why in the hell you’ve been laying in this bed for the past two months,” Mark ordered.
“I’m not feeling up to doing anything,” Jisung muffled into his pillow.
“Jisung, I’ve literally only seen you out of your room to eat and maybe shower. What’s going on?” Receiving no answer except for shallow breathing, Mark sighed and sat down on Jisung’s bed, pulling Jisung’s face up from the pillow and moving him into a sitting position.
“School starts tomorrow, and you haven't even bought your supplies yet. Aren’t you excited to go back and see your friends again?”
That’s when reality really hit Jisung. Middle school was starting tomorrow, and he would be all alone. His worst fear imaginable had come to reality and he’d be by himself. He’d have to figure out how to get around the building in five minutes or less between classes, he’d have to pick a place to sit at lunch that’s away from cliquey groups already formed, he’d have to figure out what to do at recess now that there’s no Chenle, and there wouldn’t be a sandbox to sit at anymore.
“Sungie?” his brother asked worryingly, noticing the tears welling up in his baby brother’s eyes. Chenle called him Sungie. Or at least used to before he moved.
“I don’t have any friends!” Jisung exclaimed, surprising Mark, and that’s when the waterworks started. The thought of being alone that had been eating up at Jisung for the past how many years have finally caught up to him, and now he was suffering the consequences.
“Oh, Jisung,” his brother cooed, and cradled Jisung in his arms as he continued to wail. All his brother could do at this point was whisper assurances to Jisung, promising him that middle school would be fun, and if he ever needed help he could always find him, even if they were two grades apart. Jisung couldn’t even talk, his sobs choking his throat so much it started to hurt to breathe. The sound of cries were excruciating, especially as they had been locked up in someone for years. Jisung cried himself to sleep after a painful hour of being a puddle of pure sadness in his brother’s arms. His brother slowly lowered him back onto the mattress, wiping away the tear stains left on Jisung’s face.
“You’re going to be okay,” Mark whispered to him. His brother got up and closed the door behind him.
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The next day Jisung groggily got ready for school. Noticing new school supplies on his dining table as well as a new backpack, one with a cup holder and everything, Jisung reminded himself to thank his brother later. A fifteen minute walk to school and Jisung made it to his homeroom, surprisingly without getting lost. His teacher told all the students to find their name tags on their desks, as that’s where they would be sitting for the rest of the year. It took a while to find Jisung’s own name tag, since there were twenty some people in his class, but he finally found it. His seatmate wasn't there yet, so he curiously looked to see who he would be sitting next to him for a whole year. Maybe he knew the person from his old elementary school. But Jisung had to rub his eyes to make sure he was not hallucinating because his seatmate’s name tag read-
“Jisung!”
Zhong Chenle.
Whipping his head to where he had heard his name come from, he found Chenle standing at the front door of the classroom, skin too white for it just being summer, and eyes just as warm as he remembered. Anger took over Jisung as he stomped right over to where his best friend was standing and slapped him right across the face.
“What was that for? I haven’t seen you in months and this is the welcome I get?” Chenle said as he gave Jisung a fake pout, cradling is face with his hand.
“Where were you? You just left me and the teacher said you moved?”
“I didn’t move, but I had to leave with my family for a while.”
“You didn’t tell me that!”
“I don’t have your number Sungie.”
Jisung’s defensive wall broke, and he would have probably been embarrassed about crying on the first day of school if it weren’t for his situation.
“Jisung? What’s wrong?” Chenle questioned. Jisung looked so vulnerable, so fragile to Chenle. It was like he’d been broken and put back together, just to break for a second time.
If Chenle thought he looked vulnerable, Jisung thought he looked straight up pathetic. Fat tears ran down his face with his arms slack against his sides at the front entrance to his homeroom class.
“W-we never got to build our sandcastle together,” Jisung spit out through his sobs.
If hearts could literally break, Chenle knew that his would have been shattered by now. Reaching his arms out, Chenle encircled Jisung into the biggest hug he could muster. Jisung’s face hid in Chenle’s hair as he continued to cry.
“I’m so sorry Jisung,” Chenle said gently. “My grandmother from China died, which is why I had to leave so suddenly during the school year. I thought we were going to come back a few days after the funeral, but my parents wanted to stay with our family longer. Since it was so close to the end of the school year, they just decided we should stay in China for the summer until I had to be back for school this year. Jisung I am so so sorry I couldn’t tell you.”
Jisung was stupid. Here he was guiltily accusing his best friend of abandoning him when Chenle was probably heartbroken over the death of a family member in another goddamn country. How could Jisung have thought of his own needs before his best friend’s? It was hypocritical really, Jisung didn’t know anything about how to take care of himself, but yet he was acting so selfish. Jisung knew he needed to learn how to be his own person, and it was some miracle from god that Chenle was still in his life to assist him through it.
“I missed you so much. You’re the only friend I have, Chenle,” Jisung managed to say.
“You’ll always be my best friend, Sungie.”
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Turns out besides homeroom Jisung and Chenle had two more classes together, but didn’t have lunch, which meant-
“We won’t have recess together this year,” explained Chenle.
Nevertheless, Jisung smiled, and took Chenle’s hand.
“That’s okay, I’ll find something to do at recess. Besides, at least I know you’ll still be here if I ever need you.”
Chenle smiled back his familiar toothy smile. “Great! And I was wondering if you wanted to come visit my house after school, we could try building that sandcastle?”
Jisung looked back to his schedule, comparing it to Chenle’s. They were so different, but Jisung didn’t feel too scared about it with Chenle by his side.
“Actually, I was wondering if you could teach me how to ride a bike,” answered Jisung, the happiest he’d sounded in a while.
Slightly taken aback by Jisung’s answer at first, Chenle’s face eventually softened.
“Sounds fine by me.”