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It’s funny how the simplest things are the hardest to say.
How the people who are closest to you become so unbearably distant at the blink of an eye.
How the time that seemed so long and slow, ends up so suddenly.
And when you finally take notice of all this, it’s too late.
“Thank you, come again!” The blonde bowed at the old lady carrying a bouquet with beautifully arranged flowers. Her green eyes glinted with pride at the arrangement - one that she successfully did it herself - and her smile grew even bigger when she remembered the woman’s joy upon seeing it.
“You are a lifesaver, Hinaki!” She blinked and turned around to face the other blonde which was behind the balcony, watering some flowers. “I feel bad for making you help me during your off-time, though.”
“Don’t worry about it, Mikuru-san.” Hinaki smiled and walked closer to her. “I like being here, after all.”
“Oh, you do?”
“Ah–! Yes!” The girl quickly added. “The flowers and plants are so pretty, they put you really at ease. It’s a relaxing atmosphere!”
Mikuru stared down at her, a small smile on her lips and a visually soothing aura. Her gaze, however, felt like fire burning inside Hinaki’s skin, and she looked away.
“Is that so? That makes me happy!” And went back to water the plants near the walls.
The younger one let out a small giggle and finally looked to her friend, staring at her back. Her hair looked so silky, her soft strands tied up nicely in a ponytail. The small curls of hair at the sides of her face made her look even cuter than normal, a nice change to her usual style.
The sound of the door opening knocked Hinaki out of her trance and she looked at the balcony.
“Oh, I’ll go get it!” Mikuru spoke up, putting the watering can on the floor.
“Okay!” The blonde looked as she went and sighed, covering her face with both hands.
She was doing it again.
C'mon, Hina, control yourself. She pursed her lips. Mikuru-san might start thinking that you are strange if you keep staring at her.
The short haired girl stole another glance, watching as the older one was enthusiastically talking to the new customer - a little girl who came with her father - and the way her crimson eyes sparkled while explaining about the tiny rosy flowers in the girl’s hands made her look even more dazzling.
She didn’t make it easy for her at all. Hinaki pouted.
A ticklish sensation on her hand made her blink and look down. Round black eyes stared at her with a muzzle that wouldn’t stop moving.
“Oh, Ferry, I didn’t see you, sorry.” She smiled and stroked behind the ferret’s ear, that let out a happy sound. Hinaki giggled.
Near the entrance of the store, while the customers waved their goodbyes, it was the ponytail girl’s turn to stare back at her when she wasn’t looking.
“There you go.”
“Ah, thank you.” The younger blonde smiled after receiving her cup of tea and sighed happily after taking a sip. Mikuru took a seat next to her in the sofa after pouring her share. “I thought Sumire-chan was good at making tea, but you easily keep up with her.”
The girl laughed.
“Thanks, but it’s only because chamomile tea is my specialty.”
“Whatever you say, it still is my favorite.”
“You’ll make me full of myself.” Both giggled.
The conversation died after some minutes and silence filled the room. That scene was becoming routine; every time Hinaki helped out in the gardening shop, they’d sit down to drink tea and chit chat, relaxing after their work.
Indeed, being there really put the short haired girl at ease. Having Mikuru’s presence next to her was heartwarming, almost as if it felt right, that she was right where she had always belonged.
The blonde was aware of a line, though. A line that cut between her and the other pop idol, one that she couldn’t cross. Her grip around the cup tightened as her green gaze met the teapot, and it wasn’t as if she didn’t know the true motive.
Hinaki wasn’t stupid, she was aware of her feelings. She knew how her silly crush, that had begun at the moment she first laid her eyes on the older blonde during a live performance, slowly started to grow and became heavier, deeper.
Then again, romance was forbidden for idols, even though Starlight Academy actually allowed it. It would just be too hard, for both of them.
Between their shows, interviews, trainings, rehearsals and all the other appointments in their packed schedules, finding time for each other was next to impossible, probably.
Which is why she made up her mind. She didn’t need to tell her how she felt, just spending those moments with Mikuru was enough.
Yeah, more than enough.
“Y'know, Hinaki…”
She was happy.
“Yeah?”
She could treasure those moments, they felt like they could last forever.
“I’m going on a tour.”
Or so she thought.
The small smile froze on her face, her green eyes slightly widening and the tea burning down her throat, and she stopped.
“Eh?”
“Yeah! I’m going on a tour, can you believe it?” The other blonde smiled sheepishly and put her cup down. “I mean, it’s not like I didn’t go on tours before, but this time is going to be a first!”
“And… And why is that?” She managed to put on her best normal expression and pushed back to the ends of her mind the sound of something breaking inside of her.
“I’m going to America!”
The sound became a bit louder.
“A- America?!” The grief in her surprise was easily hidden in time and Mikuru giggled.
“Yeah. I thought it could be a good challenge!!” She looked back at her. “After all, if I want to become an even better idol, I need to surpass my limits, right?”
“Hehe, yeah.”
Louder.
“Ah, I will miss this place, for sure.”
“It will go by in a flash.” She put her cup down, her hand was trembling. “How long will it be?”
Louder.
“6 months.”
Too loud.
“6… Months? Wow, that’s… A lot.”
“Yeah, I know.”
And the sound became unbearable.
“Wah!” Hinaki feigned taking a glance at the clock and got up. “Look at the time, I have to go.”
“E-eh?” Mikuru blinked. “Is it six thirty already?”
“Not yet, but I have to go a bit early today, hehe.” She quickly put her school coat on, avoiding meeting the girl’s gaze and walked towards the door. “But I’m happy for you, Mikuru-san. You have my full support!”
“Hinaki!”
But when her right hand grabbed the doorknob, the other idol’s voice promptly froze her down to her feet, trapping her. She took a deep breath and looked back at Mikuru, eyes blinking curiously and forcing a smile.
The eyes that stared back, burning and indecipherable, made all the air leave her lungs. She couldn’t tell what the other was thinking, but she couldn’t look away either. The seconds stretched on as both stood there, tension almost like a knife barely brushing her skin.
Then, Mikuru smiled.
“Nothing. Thank you.”
And just like that, the moment was gone.
“Un!” She smiled back and went out the door, trying not to think about what had just happened.
“Eeeh?!” The honey brunette had her phone almost glued to her face, her magenta eyes were round like plates and her mouth was open in an ‘o’ like shape.
“What is it, Akari-chan?” The girl next to her, with long lavender-colored hair, spoke up with a curious tone. All the other girls in the table followed her and stared at their friend.
“Mikuru-san’s going on a tour!”
Hinaki looked back at her plate.
“What?! Seriously?!” It was Madoka’s turn to be surprised, her poofy pink twin tails bouncing as she held herself against the table. “What more does it say?”
“It says…” Akari continued. “It’s going to be 6 months long and it’s going to be in America.”
“A- America? Amazing…” Rin whispered, blinking in awe.
“And she’s going next week.”
The short-haired blond almost dropped her fork.
“Wow, so soon!!” Juri exclaimed with an excited smile. “I can’t imagine how pumped up she must be for this!”
“I know, right?” Her unit partner with pink hair agreed, nodding.
“Un! It would be nice if we could see her off!” She smiled back. “Right Hinaki?”
When her childhood friend didn’t answer, she quickly looked at her, who was staring down at her plate. The red-haired girl blinked.
“Hinaki?” She tried again, and it finally caught the other’s attention.
“A-Ah! Sorry, Juri, I was a bit distracted.” She scratched the back of her neck. “What is it?”
“Mikuru-san’s going on a tour, did you know?”
“Yeah, she told me… I didn’t know she was going so soon, though.”
“Oh, I see.”
“But well, like she said, it’s a great thing to challenge yourself, so I’m supporting her on this!” She smiled and got up from her chair. “I’m going now for a walk, see ya!”
The girls waved back.
“Ichigo went to America too and now Mikuru-san… I wonder if I should give it a go.”
“The only tours you did were with Luminas and the last Aikatsu8 and they were both in Japan, so it would be a nice change of pace!” Sumire nodded.
“I agree!” The younger cool idol nodded as well.
“You would do great, Akari-senpai!”
“Ahaha, thank you…”
Amidst the conversation, the red-haired girl stared at the door where her friend had left, eyebrows furrowed.
The chilly breeze caressed her cheeks as green eyes looked blankly at the blue sky. Her fingertips were starting to hurt a bit due to the cold weather, but the girl didn’t really seem to care at all.
Her thoughts were somewhere far, far away.
Next week, huh…
She’d be gone for 6 months.
It wasn’t the end of the world, she would come back, but… So much can happen during half a year…
Would she and Mikuru still be in such good terms after that? Would she be able to face her like always? Would she find someone?
Would she regret it every day for not saying anything?
The blonde closed her eyes tightly. Those were questions that she didn’t have an answer to nor wanted to think about. If she kept going in that road, the deep ache that didn’t seem to want to leave her chest would never go away, and it would only make everything worse.
Hadn’t she decided to stay quiet already? Why was she getting doubts now?
“Here.”
But a scalding hot sensation on her left cheek made her jump in the bench and knock all her worries down for at least some seconds.
“OUCH!”
“Ah! Sorry!!”
Hinaki turned around abruptly and almost fell from the bench.
“JURI?!”
“Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you!”
“W- Wha…?” She blinked. “Hot chocolate?”
“Yes!” Her purple eyes sparkled and the girl quickly made one of her usual dramatic poses. “During chilly days…”
Another pose.
“Nothing better than…”
And yet another one.
“Bebidas calientes!”
Hinaki stared at her.
“In other words, hot drinks. It’ll warm you up!” She held out the can for her again.
“Well, it definitely is hot.”
“I’m really sorry, okay.”
“It’s alright.” The blonde smiled and accepted the drink, her already gelid finger making it a bit difficult to hold onto it but the warmth was good nonetheless. The red-haired idol opened her can of hot chocolate and took a seat at the bench as well.
After some minutes of silence, only cut off by the wind’s sound, Juri finally decided to speak up.
“You are sad about Mikuru-san going on a tour, aren’t you?”
Hinaki choked.
“Wha-!” She covered her mouth, the drink leaving what was definitely a burn on her tongue. “Argh, what?”
“You are sad, aren’t you?”
She stayed silent and hoped that the fact she burned herself could be enough of an excuse to buy her time to come up with something.
“Well, yeah.” She took a sip of her drink and hissed at the mild pain. “You get kinda sad when a friend travels, right?”
“That’s not the kind of sad I meant.”
The other girl pursed her lips and looked down. After not receiving any comment from her childhood friend, the purple-eyed idol spoke up once more.
“I don’t know if you are aware of this, Hinaki, but you have the bad habit of hiding your worries behind a smile.” And took another sip. “The last time I saw you like this, was after the last Aikatsu8. The only difference is that you managed to get back on your feet before I got to cheer you up.”
The short haired girl said nothing and kept sipping her chocolate.
“But now, you are so worried about whatever’s on your mind that you didn’t even notice how you haven’t fooled me at all.”
No response. Juri let out a sigh.
“You like her, don’t you?”
The girl bit her lower lip but ended up nodding.
“Did you tell her?”
She shook her head.
“Why not?!”
“It’s complicated, Juri.”
“Compli-! Wait, you don’t mean the love rule, do you?”
She gripped tightly at her can, the hot metal hurting her fingers, but she didn’t care.
“It’s much more than that, Juri. Mikuru-san already has too much to deal with and I don’t want to bother her.”
“You wou-”
“Yes. Yes, I would and you know it as much as I do.”
The girl stopped talking and closed her mouth, tapping her fingers on the wood. Finally, she spoke:
“Okay. You are right, it might be hard in many ways, but it’s not impossible.”
She didn’t reply and the other idol leaned against the seat’s back, staring at the sky. She waited for it, but nothing came.
“You two are so stubborn.” The red-haired girl mumbled. Hinaki blinked.
“… Two?”
“Nothing.” She rose from her seat and looked back at the blonde, her purple eyes were glimmering as if burning. “Alright, Hinaki, do what you want.”
“Jur-”
“But for your own good and ours too —the ones who care about you— you shouldn’t do something if you know you will regret it.”
And walked away, without a second glance, leaving her childhood friend alone in the bench, only with herself, her hot chocolate and her thoughts.
Hinaki let out the breath she didn’t even know she was holding and looked back at the cloudy sky.
The days passed so slowly she couldn’t stand it.
Since that time, she didn’t call Mikuru not even once and the girl didn’t call her back either, what made everything even worse. However, she couldn’t complain, it wasn’t as though she had to call her, text her or anything for that matter.
Hinaki had her affairs just like the other had hers. Keeping in touch wasn’t a priority.
She wasn’t a priority to her. At all. She never was.
And that hurt, oh so badly.
Still, as much as she didn’t want it and even if it pained her heart, time passed until there was only one more day to Mikuru’s flight.
The blonde slept earlier that night, forcing her eyes closed. Her mobile was in her desk, away from her sight, with the other pop idol’s contact info lighting up the screen, untouched.
At another side of the city, far away from Starlight Academy and in contrast to her, another blonde - this one with red highlights - was staring at her phone’s screen while her other hand was drying her hair.
She checked the fourth time that night, but there weren’t any notifications. No calls, no texts, just like the past days.
The girl sighed and let a small sad smile appear on her lips.
“Well, Ferry…” The ferret lifted its head and blinked. “Looks like it was only my imagination, after all…”
After taking a deep breath, she turned on her heels and smiled at her pet the best way she could.
“Let’s sleep, shall we? Tomorrow’s going to be a long day, alright!” But that didn’t prevent her from taking one last glance before putting it down.
Seriously, her heart was too mean for allowing herself to keep her hopes up like this.
Hinaki stared at the ceiling of her room, one arm over her forehead with only one eye open. The light of her room was off, leaving only the orange canvas of the sunset outside to seep through the windows.
She wished the day would be over already, and then maybe the dreadful feeling she had deep into herself would end with it somehow.
There was nothing she could do anymore, Mikuru would soon enter the airplane and be away for 6 months. It was over already.
Then why couldn’t she shake this off already?
So what if this was a crush that grew into something more? So what the girl made her so happy she could explode?! So what spending time with her became one of her favorite things?!
So what. It was over.
“Today turned out to be yet another fun-filled day.” She began to sing, out of nowhere, to the emptiness of her room. “It must have been from the laughter we… Shared.”
'Nice to meet you, I’m Shinjou Hi-’
'Hinaki-chan, right?’
'Eh?’
'I know you! You’re dazzling wherever I see you, whether it’s on TV or in magazines.’
“No matter what… Mishaps may happen to us…” Her lips trembled and her voice cracked, but the girl forced herself to keep singing. “The best thing is just… To let them all pass from your mind…”
'The world is a treasure trove of ideas. Let’s go!’
'Okay!’
“And yet the tears that I… Can’t seem to…” She sobbed. “Hold back sometimes… Have all fallen to become my… Strength…”
'Something’s up?’
'Wah! Mikuru-san!’
'C' mon, you can tell me anything.’
“Yeah, that’s what I believe in my heart…”
'The thing about flowers… Is that they bloom only as beautifully as you care for them. Their beauty comes from the effort you put in. On the other hand, if you are unable to make them bloom, you start regretting why you didn’t try harder.’
The blonde took a deep breath, failing to keep it steady.
'Whether I could be as good as Mizuki.’
'Mikuru-san…’
'But the thing is, after thinking and thinking and thinking some more, I realized something.’
“Looking at me so lively, hello you tell me to never change.”
'That I’m not Mizuki. No matter how much I struggle, what I’m capable of isn’t going to change.’
“Let’s go out and paint the town red, hello my life.”
'What’s important isn’t whether you can use a Fever Appeal or not, or whether you become the Starlight Queen or not.’
“Say it to me once again, hello and keep a smile on your face.”
'It’s when all’s said and done, whether you’re left with any regrets or not, I think.’
Her heart skipped a beat.
'But for your own good and ours too —who care about you— you shouldn’t do something you know you will regret it.’
She sat back on her bed, her hands tightly gripping at the blanket and her green eyes fixated on her feet.
“Look up at the blue skies, hello it says to smile…” The last verse was not sung, it was said with a serious and firm voice, like a promise.
Before Hinaki could even stop herself, she had already grabbed her nearest jacket and was running down the corridors of her dormitory.
“Hinaki-chan?!” Akari jumped in surprise, but the door had already closed with a loud noise. “Eh?! What happened?!”
“Leave her be, Akari-chan.” Juri told her, seated at the table with Sumire and the others. “She needs to do it on her own.”
The honey brunette blinked but nodded and sat down.
Crimson eyes scanned the massive crowd around her, hoping to find a hint of something familiar. The girl had kept looking around ever since she’d reached the boarding flank, and her company was starting to find it rather strange.
“Mikuru?” The blonde stopped abruptly and looked back at the girl in front of her, who had very long purple hair just like the color of her eyes.
“A-Ah, I’m sorry, Mizuki!” She scratched the back of her head while giving her old unit partner a clumsy smile. “Thanks again for seeing me off.”
“Of course.” The other idol smiled back. The pop idol, though, quickly turned her head to the side as if something caught her attention, but sighed afterward, disappointed. The girl noticed that and gave her friend an understanding smile.
“Waiting for someone?”
Mikuru blinked.
“Ah, no… I’m not, to be honest…”
“Really?”
“Yeah… They aren’t coming anyway…” The sad glow in her eyes took the other by surprised and she couldn’t help but feel sad for her.
“Well, you never know.” She put a hand on the blonde’s shoulder and tilted her head to the side. “Maybe they will come.”
“I doubt it…”
“What if you give them a chance? You might be surprised.”
The girl blinked and stared at the other one, who only had a trusting smile on her face. She looked down and bit her lower lip, one hand curling on top of her chest.
Her lungs were on fire and her legs were really close to going numb, but the short haired blond kept running as fast as she could, not having stopped since she had gotten out of her taxi and still wouldn’t stop until she finally reached her objective.
'I don’t regret a single thing.’
'Then go wild and leave nothing behind!’
That warm and delicate hand had fit perfectly in hers, that day. She didn’t want to let go of that hand ever again.
Even if they were going to be apart for 6 months, Mikuru needed to know how she felt, how much her whole existence meant to her.
Hinaki didn’t know if it was the spur of the moment or if she had gone crazy for real, but she couldn’t care less about either way.
She had made up her mind and she was going wild.
Knowing Mikuru’s flight number was no secret since all the magazines who wrote about her tour had it in, so it was up to her to get there before the airplane took off.
What was she going to tell her, she wondered.
A proper confession, maybe? In the middle of an airport? No way, this wasn’t some of those dramas Juri loved to watch.
Then, she could pull her to a more private space and tell her there. But what private space?! And wasn’t this going to make the older blonde late?!
Uuurgh, I’ll think about the details later!! The girl screamed inside her head and ran faster, dodging as many people as she could. When the flank’s sign became visible in her sight, she couldn’t hold back the wide and relieve smile which appeared in her face.
She could make it…
She was going to make it…!
However, the blonde came to a stop when an airplane crossed the window and took off as soon as she stepped foot at her destination.
Her expression froze, the smile on her face so different from the other she had seconds ago. Numbly, Hinaki walked towards the window and rested her forehead on the glass, watching as the airplane disappeared in the sky.
The blonde looked down and felt the tears coming up, covering her mouth to suppress a sob.
Of course, how stupid she was! How the hell would she manage to get there in time after waiting until the last possible second?!
It was over. Completely over.
The tears streamed hot down her face and she grabbed both the sides of her shorts as hard as she could. She bit down her lower lip and did her best to stop the sobs, but she wasn’t in control anymore.
The girl wanted to cry as loud as her throat allowed her to, not giving a single care to everyone around her, but at the same time, she wanted to lock herself up in some place and cry all of her tears quietly.
All the more ironic, the smile hadn’t left her face not even once.
Maybe she was finding funny how pathetic she actually was.
Seriously… I’m such… Such an idiot…
“Hinaki?”
The world, then, suddenly came to a stop. She slowly turned around and felt even more tears upon seeing who called her name.
“Oh my god, are you crying?!” Mikuru ran towards her and used the sleeves of her sweater to dry the other girl’s face. “What happened, are you okay?!”
The more she wiped them, the more her tears came rolling down.
“… I thought that was your plane.” She managed to mumble and the other stopped on her tracks.
“Oh… Yeah, it was.”
“… What?!”
“It was, I didn’t get on it.” The pop idol giggled, timid. “Heh, my manager is going to kill me once she finds out…”
But Hinaki didn’t smile back, she was too surprised to do so.
“…Why?”
“Hm? Oh…” She looked to the side. “I wanted to give a chance…”
And it worked, as impossible as it wa-. In the middle of her thoughts, realization struck her like lighting.
“Hinaki..?”
“Y- Yes?” The girl asked quietly while trying to stop her own tears.
“Were you crying… Because of me?”
No response. And Mikuru was about to wave it off, but the girl in front of her nodded, silencing her completely.
She felt her heart skip a beat, but stayed quiet, holding her expectations.
“Let’s… Let’s go. We are attracting too much attention.” And after saying that, she held the other pop idol’s hand.
She kept her eyes on the steam that was coming off from her teacup while one of her fingers made tiny circles on the edge. She continued to steal glances at the girl in front of her, even if she was trying to control herself.
It was too much to think of.
Mikuru managed to shove away all hopes of having her feelings reciprocated, due to the last week when Hinaki didn’t seem to show any signs of being against the fact that she was going far away for a very long time.
But then, she found the girl crying in the airport apparently because she thought she was already gone.
And she didn’t know what to think anymore.
Calm down, calm down. The older blonde took a deep breath and smiled at the other one. “Well! Good thing my house is near the airport, right? I’m glad it was only a 30-minute ride by taxi, I wouldn’t like to spend the night there!”
There was no reply and her smile died a bit, Hinaki hadn’t said a thing since they arrived, only continuing to sip at her drink and avoid eye contact.
This was getting out of hand and she didn’t know if she could hold on for much longer.
Were the tiny signs the younger one gave out just her imagination? That was the conclusion she came to and decided to stick with, but the scene before her eyes was screaming for her to change her mind.
Slowly, the blonde reached out her hand to cover the other girl’s cup, lowering it.
“Hinaki.” She tried one more time. “Look at me.”
She took her time, but eventually looked up and Mikuru’s breath was caught on her throat. Her green eyes were glistering because of the tears and were slightly red, and she looked so small and fragile as if she could break anytime that the other pop idol had to resist the urge to cross the little space between them and sweep her into a hug.
“I need to… Ask you something.”
Her gaze was so intense that the short haired blonde couldn’t look back even if she really wanted to. She nodded.
“What do you think of me?”
The younger one’s cheeks turned beet red.
“I… I…”
And finally looked down, fiddling with her fingers. The other blinked.
“About you…” She whispered. “I…”
The girl let go of the cup and put her hand over her mouth.
God, she was so cute.
“Yes?” It was no use, her hopes were already reaching the skies.
Hinaki grabbed her short’s cloth once again and closed her eyes.
“… I love you.”
At that moment, Mikuru could swear something inside her chest exploded.
She kept staring at the girl in front of her, who had cheeks as red as her eyes and lips that trembled so much. Her hand slowly reached forward…
But then, her phone rang.
“O-Oh, C'mon!” She took a step back, startled and reached out for it.
The short-haired girl blinked and looked back at the other one. Of course, she didn’t take her plane, someone from her tour’s staff might have noticed that and she would have a lot to deal with.
“Ah…“
"You know what?!” The long-haired blonde spoke up after putting her phone down. “You can wait!”
“Eh?”
She walked around the balcony and stopped after being only a few centimeters away from her.
“M-Mikuru-sa-.”
Her voice was cut off when the girl held both her cheeks and planted a soft kiss on top of her forehead. The warm feeling of lips brushing skin was so intense that Hinaki felt like swooning right then and there.
“I love you too.” She replied, still holding her at close length.
Hinaki blinked once, twice, thrice even, but slowly wrapped her arms around the other girl’s body, hiding her head in her pleasant embrace. She smelled of petals and chamomile.
Mikuru hugged her back, resting her chin on top of her head.
“Really, you should have told me sooner, you know.” The taller girl mused. “Especially if you were going to miss me that much.”
“The same goes to you.” Was the younger’s reply before tightening her hug.
She giggled.
“Fair enough, I guess.”