Work Text:
Liam’s been acting weird. Not in a overly abnormal way; he isn’t suddenly treating Zayn different or partaking in strange behavior, but Zayn is pretty sure he’s hiding something. It’s in the way he starts talking about something, only to stop halfway through like he only just realized he was about to give something away. It’s in the way that he’s started coming home later than usual—it’s not a super noticeable time difference, in fact Zayn hadn’t even noticed it the first couple of weeks. It’s also in the way that Liam is seemingly purposefully vague when Zayn asks him about his ‘boys night’ with Louis. It’s most noticeable when he’s quick to hide his phone from Zayn when he gets a notification.
At first Zayn was fine just ignoring it. He trusted Liam, and if there was something wrong he knew Liam would eventually tell him, but it’s been almost a whole month since Liam started his shady behavior and Zayn was past curious. He was suspicious and angry and okay…hurt. Liam keeping secrets from him hurt. He knew, logically, that Liam didn’t have to tell him everything, but that never stopped him before. They’d always been completely honest with each other; up until now they’ve shared every secret they had with each other. Zayn didn’t know what it was about the particular secret that made Liam so resilient in his efforts to keep it. He hated himself to admit it…but it made his thoughts stray to the worst.
He knew Liam. He didn’t think the boy was ever capable of doing anything to hurt Zayn, but there was something Liam was keeping when he’d never done anything like this before. And what could be so bad that Liam couldn’t tell him? The only thing Zayn could think of was unthinkable.
Liam would never cheat on him, would he?
Everything in Zayn scream no—Liam loved him and he showed Zayn that daily—but there was the small part of his brain that said Liam’s actions just didn’t add up and this was the only explanation. That’s why Zayn waited so long to say anything—because he just couldn’t convince himself that that small part was right. He knew Liam.
Or at least he thought he did. He thought he did right up until they were sitting on the couch, destressing with shitty television after a long day for both of them and Liam’s phone went off on the coffee table in front of them. It caught both of their attention, but before Zayn could even process whose phone it was that dinged, Liam was darting forward, unlocking his phone to type a quick reply and then tucking it under his thigh—away from Zayn—just as fast.
Zayn almost let it go, and he would’ve too, if he hadn’t seen the name that flashed at the top of the notification. A name he didn’t know. A decidedly female name he did not know.
“Who was that, Li?”
“Hmm? Oh, just Louis. He wants to set up a lads night for this weekend. Told him I’d get back to him.”
And it was one thing for Liam to not tell him things, that he could over look, but to outright lie to him? Liam had never done that. Zayn’s brain kicked into overdrive, wondering if he really knew Liam as well as he thought he did. If Liam was lying to him now, how long had he been? What else had he been lying about.
“I’m going to ask you one more time, Liam,” Zayn started. His voice had dropped, a dark undertone that he felt Liam stiffen at next to him. “Who just messaged you?”
Liam shifted next to him, turning until he was mostly facing Zayn on the couch. “What? I just told you, it was—”
Zayn sprung up from the couch, turning on his heel to face Liam. “You’re lying!” He shouted. “I’m not an idiot, Liam. I know it wasn’t Louis texting you just like I know you’ve been keeping something from me for the last month. You might think I’m incredibly stupid, but I am not—”
Liam shot up from the couch, mirroring Zayn’s tense position in front of him. “I don’t think you’re stupid! I never said that!”
“You didn’t have to say anything, Liam! It’s in your actions! You stay later at work and then come home and pretend like you didn’t, like I wouldn’t notice!” Zayn couldn’t help the way his voice twisted around the word work, implying something with just that one word that he wasn’t ready to give voice to yet. “You’re vague about your ‘boys nights’ when before you wouldn’t stop talking about them! You’re keeping secrets, Liam, and I want to know what they are. I want the truth. Now.”
Liam’s face was a mix of emotion. Zayn could see small traces of anger and confusion, but more than anything he saw the regret echoed there; a guilt that Zayn didn’t want to acknowledge. It made a weight settle in Zayn’s stomach, and he suddenly had to fight the urge to throw up.
“Zayn, I…” Liam didn’t finish, staring at Zayn and so obviously trying to come up with an excuse. Zayn had just told Liam he wanted the truth, and Liam was still standing in front of him trying to lie. Zayn was suddenly, impossibly angry. He spoke, spitting words at Liam before he had a chance to properly think them through.
“Are you cheating on me, Liam?” Zayn took a step forward, advancing towards Liam as he all but shook with his explosive anger. “Running around behind my back, thinking you won’t get caught?”
Liam’s face, previously expressing his every thought, completely closed off at Zayn’s words. Zayn watched as Liam shut down in front of him, locking himself and his thoughts away from Zayn. When he spoke again, his words were careful—obviously well thought out—but Zayn could feel the venom dripping from them.
“Do you really believe I’m cheating on you, Zayn?” And no, he really, really didn’t, but how was he supposed to be thinking logically when Liam was keeping secrets—he was still trying to make excuses when Zayn had just called him out on it.
“Well you haven’t exactly denied it, Liam.”
“I shouldn’t have to deny it, Zayn, because you should know me well enough to not accuse me of it in the first place!”
Zayn was tired of this, tired of the back and forth without answers. All he wanted was for Liam to answer a fucking question, but apparently that was too much to ask. He was going to get his answers, one way or another.
“Show me your texts then, Liam.” He held his hand out in the small space between them, trying to keep the shake out of his hands. He needed answers, but with his hand hanging in between the two of them he wasn’t entirely sure if he wanted them. “Show me your texts or it’s over.” Zayn watched a startled look pass over Liam’s face before he was able to push it back, his expression hardening once again. Zayn felt a little dirty for the threat, but he was so tired. So fucking tired.
There was a fire behind Liam’s eyes—Liam was so good at hiding his emotions, only displaying the ones he wanted everyone to see—which is why Zayn almost missed the hurt hidden in their depths as he wordlessly handed his phone over.
Zayn let the eye contact linger for a second more before taking Liam’s phone, quickly typing in the code and going to his messages. He clicked the first group of messages, his heart dropping as he read them over.
Received: Hi, Liam! Hope your evening with Zayn is going well! I’m just texting to let you know that the venue had been reserved, and the ring has finally come back. The engraving looks wonderful, and I have no doubt that Zayn is going to say yes! Let me know when you’d like to stop by and get the ring, or if you have any other questions 😊
Sent: I’ll stop by after wrk tomorrow, should be around 530. Thank u so much for everything. Here’s to hoping he says yes 🤞
Zayn let out a soft gasp, his heart still sitting in his stomach. Liam had been secretive because he planned to propose. He was planning a fucking proposal. He wasn’t cheating on Zayn, he wanted to marry him. Zayn felt a bubble of happiness balloon inside him, a smile making it’s way to his lips before he remembered—he had just accused Liam of cheating. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Zayn’s head swung up, his own regret written in every line of his face. “Liam, I’m so sorry, I—”
“’S’alright, yeah? I get it. You thought the worst of me. ’S not like I gave you a reason to believe anything else.”
Zayn bit his lip, tears springing up behind his eyes because Liam didn’t get it at all. His words were laced with hurt and anger and his face was still so closed off. Liam had given Zayn a reason to believe literally anything else but this. He was still impossibly sweet when they were together—he was still affectionate and tactile. He hadn’t pulled away from Zayn at all emotionally or physically, but still Zayn had let his insecurities get in the way of his logic. He let them get between him and Liam and he felt horrible.
Zayn had fucked up. He’d fucked up so bad.
“No, no Liam you don’t get it,” he said. His voice was shaking, but he didn’t care. He needed Liam to understand. He didn’t think the worst of Liam. He didn’t. He stupid thoughts weren’t the side effect of Liam’s actions, they were the side effect of seeing years of ruined relationships alongside his own fucked up thoughts. “I don’t think the worst of you. I don’t. I just noticed the difference in your behavior and started overthinking. I went straight to worst case scenario, which wasn’t fair to you. Sometimes I get so caught up in my head that I don’t act reasonably. I’m so sorry I accused you of cheating. I never really believed that in the first place.”
“Then why the fuck did you, Zayn? I know I’ve been actin shady as hell the last couple of weeks, but you could’ve talked to me about it. You could’ve given an indication that I was making you worry, or have doubts, and we could’ve talked. We could have solved this whole thing weeks ago, Zayn.”
“I know, Liam. I do know that. I just…sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve you, y’know? You’re always so wonderful, even when I act crazy. Like right now! I just. I guess sometimes I self-sabotage myself because I wonder why, out of all the people, you chose me.” Zayn finished with a self-depreciating shrug, fixing his gaze on the floor. He couldn’t face Liam right now, not with his biggest insecurity on display and Liam’s expression still so closed off.
There was a flurry of movement in front of him that he didn’t have time to process before he was enveloped in a pair of strong arms. It caught Zayn off guard, but his shoulders slowly started to relax as he realized it was Liam’s warmth seeping into him. He tucked his head into Liam’s neck, wanting nothing more than to just breath him in for the moment.
“Zayn,” Liam breathed. His mouth was pressed to the skin right beneath Zayn’s ear and his shoulders were shaking underneath Zayn’s forehead. Zayn pressed a kiss to the column of Liam’s throat, wanting more than anything to sooth him in that moment. “Zayn,” Liam said again. He pulled away from Zayn, causing a small whimper to escape the man. Liam placed his palms on both of Zayn’s cheeks, his hands practically dwarfing Zayn’s face. Zayn stepped closer to Liam, not wanting any space between them.
“Zayn, baby, please look at me,” Liam said and Zayn reluctantly brought his eyes up to meet Liam’s. The air was punched out of his lungs at the soft look in Liam’s eyes. His expression was a little fond and a little sad, but what made Zayn’s breath catch the most was the pure love shinning in their depths. Even after Zayn had accused him of the worst, Liam was still capable of looking at him that way and Zayn was, once again, overwhelmed with the feeling like he didn’t fucking deserve Liam.
“I love you, more than anything. I don’t know how you could possibly think differently.” Liam leaned forward, gentling a soft kiss to Zayn’s lips before pulling away completely, dropping down to one knee in front of him still holding on to one of his hands, and Zayn couldn’t fucking breathe. He hadn’t been able to catch his breath since Liam enveloped him and it looked like he wouldn’t be anytime soon.
“You saw me when no one else ever did. I was so lost when we first met. I wasn’t sure who I was, but you helped me find that person. You supported me through it, you encouraged me. You were there. You were my friend. You loved me. You’ve never made me feel less than I was worth because, to you, I was worth so much. It took me for ever to realize that, but every time I looked into your eyes I knew. I knew you thought the world of me. Do you even realize how powerful that makes me feel? To know that you love me that much, that I have you standing with me to support me? It’s a fucking head rush, Z. You make me so unbelievably giddy, and I couldn’t even imagine wanting to spend the rest of my life with anyone else. I would never to anything to risk this.” Liam grinned up at Zayn and it made him dizzy. The amount of love and adoration reflected there and how could Zayn ever doubt this boy for one second?
“This wasn’t exactly how I was planning on doing this, as I’m sure you know.” He gave a little self-depreciating laugh, and Zayn’s heart stuttered in his chest. “Which means I don’t have a ring and there’s no fancy dinner or—”
“I don’t care. Liam, I don’t care I just want you.”
“Okay, okay,” Liam laughed. His eyes were shinning now, unshed tears reflecting back at Zayn. “I just want you, too. Forever. I want everything you have to give me, Zayn. For the rest of my life, for the rest of yours…” Zayn let out a watery laugh at the familiar words, reaching up to wipe at his eyes with his free hand.
“Zayn, Jaan…will you marry me?” And Zayn all but flung himself down at Liam, muttering ‘yes yes yes yes yes’ over and over before finally claiming Liam’s lips with his own.