Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s been almost a year since my best friend, Makoto Tachibana went to a university in Tokyo. He does come home here in Iwatobi once in a while, but that is not enough. We’ve gone our own separate ways but our meeting last time made it clear that he was not dependent of me as I was of him.

We met at the usual coffee shop we both liked when he got back in town. He was wearing the same bright smile and was dressed fashionably as girls tried to sneak a look when he passes by. I looked away before the brightness that is Makoto Tachibana consumes me. Observing his behavior was something that I haven’t done as often before. But whenever we see each other, I've always seemed to be interested in whatever he was doing. Be it the small gestures, the tone in his voice, how his hair flutters in the wind and even his sparkling green eyes.

And there we were, sat together as he ordered for both of us, knowing that I’ll order mackerel, something that isn’t even on a café menu, he did it without asking me. It was an awkward silence after that as we tried to think of topics to talk about. As always, he’s the one that breaks the silence.

“Hey, Haru. How is it like being at your school?”

“. . .”

“Being in a dormitory must be rough, huh. My apartment is great, but it’s quite far from my university. Good for you, it only takes a few minutes to walk…”

As he went on to talk about the difference between being in Tokyo and Iwatobi, I can’t help but stare and observe the way his lips moved. Edges are usually pulled back, allowing him to smile widely even as he talks. The sound coming out from them began to fade and mute over the sound of my heart beat until…

“Haru. Hey, Haru? Is there something wrong?”

I realized what I was doing and quickly turned to the side and looked away.

“I just,” I said as quietly as I could, almost a whisper, “I missed you.”

I took a glimpse to see his astonished face transition into a wide grin. He then laughed a hearty chuckle and said “I missed you too.”

I couldn't help but smile at that too.

Our order arrived. It was just iced coffee and a slice of cake for each of us. As if the food mattered for me anyway. I was able to see him. Maybe I should try to open up a topic myself. I've never tried that with Makoto before.

“So umm…” I started awkwardly, “have you made any… friends?” It has always been the two of us since elementary and middle school. It was only until after high school that I've considered Nagisa, Rei, Gou, and Rin friends. So I assumed that it might be a good topic. But I was wrong. It made me feel worse.

“Yeah! There were a lot of really cool people. I've gotten myself in a group of five. It’s funny because our schedules match really well. When I don’t have classes, they’re also on their breaks. We always go out and have fun after a week of busy school work.”

“That’s… good to know.”

“What about you, Haru? Have you made any friends?”

I didn't know what to say. I've never been the friendly person before. I couldn't bring myself to talk to anybody. When they do talk to me, I could only manage to reply back in short sentences that would quickly end the conversation. I was the loner. Even my roommates don’t talk that much to me. But it was not something that bothered me anyway. I would wait for them to fall asleep and take my time soaking in the bath tub. The same goes for mornings. They would take off before I go in the bath and soak all my worries away.

“Just a few acquaintances.” A safe response.

“Ah. I see.” I saw him frowning. He might have been worried about me. He’s always been like that. He does everything for my comfort even if it means sacrificing his own. I realized that this kindness might someday be his own downfall.

“If only I could be here for you,” He said softly. “I should have stayed here…” His voice broke with regret.

“You don’t have to worry about me, Makoto.” I shyly took his bigger, slightly rough hand and clenched it with my own. A small gesture, but I did hope that he will be alright with it.

He turned to face me, surprised. But then he made a small chuckle.

“Ahahah. Okay.” He also held my hand and grasped it firmly.

I can’t help but feel blood rushing through my cheeks. I looked to the side and pulled my hand away before I turn completely red.

“I'm really happy, Haru.” He flashed another smile.

Before I start blushing again, I decided to concentrate on my cake instead.

After we finished eating, we shopped and visited music and game stores. They were things Makoto and I would often do back in high school. Even when I'm on a simple errand, he would insist on accompanying me. It used to annoy me before, but now it feels so refreshing and satisfying.

When twilight came, we decided to head home. I could go back to the dorms, but I would like to spend more time with Makoto who’s already going back to Tokyo tomorrow. I might even decide to sleep over at the Tachibana household later. We walked up the familiar marble stairs that both he and I missed. We were also greeted with another familiar face as were halfway up. Makoto gleamed.

“Hello there! I missed you too.” He bent down and sat on the marble stairs to stroke the white cat on its chin and cheeks. It purred enthusiastically, seeming happy to see Makoto as well.

“You know, Haru…” Makoto smiled earnestly while looking down and petting the cat, “I think I like a girl.

"W-What?"

"She’s part of the group of friends I told you about. When I go back, I plan to ask her out.”

It hit me. It hit me hard and left my chest scorching hot like a branding iron pushing against my flesh. He said words I didn’t expect to hear, or rather, words I never wanted to hear. The last time I felt this way was when Makoto nearly drowned, his pulse weak, and I thought that he would leave me forever. I looked down, hiding the anguish inside.

“I’m happy for you,” I said monotonous and void of any emotion, “I’ll--- send you off tomorrow. Goodbye.”

I ran up the stairs as fast as I could, clutching my still aching chest. I can hear Makoto screaming “Haru, wait!” behind me. If he catches me, it’s over. I don’t want to face him, I don’t want him to see me in this situation. 

Good. The door of my house is now in sight. Just as I reached to open it, Makoto pulled at my other hand and forced my body to turn and face him. I kept my head down as he held my shoulders.

“Haru, what’s wrong? Can we at least talk about it?”

I shrugged and slapped his hands away from my shoulders, opened my door, dashed inside, and locked it behind me. My knees began to shake. I used the door behind me as a support, but I still slid down until I sat on the floor. I then pulled my legs towards my chest and lay down in a fetal position as I tried to mute out Makoto's forceful knocks and pleads for me to open the door. 

Chapter Text

No. No. No. What is this? Why does my chest feel this heavy? I lay on the floor, panting, trying to grasp for air. I feel like I’m drowning. A heavy pressure pushing down against me; the surface invisible, unreachable, unthinkable. I can’t breathe. How am I supposed to swim away out of this feeling?

Makoto… Of course, Makoto would someday get a girlfriend. A wife even. I didn’t show much interest in women myself, but Makoto did. Of course he would. I’m not a tiny bit surprised about that. What stunned me was how insanely painful it was for me when I realized that. The burning sensation on my chest was beginning to spread. It was a sickening feeling I’ve never experienced before. Water. That’s right. Water. I need water. I just might be able to extinguish this infliction.

I got up, ran towards the kitchen sink, and yanked the faucet knob upwards for it spurt out cold water on maximum. I didn't even bother to get a glass, I scooped up the water and splashed it on my face. I repeated the process again but this time drank the water as rapidly as I could. Again and again until the pain subsided slowly. I took a deep breath in, held it for a few seconds, and finally breathed out.

I couldn’t hear insistent knocking or Makoto’s voice on my door anymore. He might have given up, but he might still be there. He is one who has known me for all of his life and he knows that when I've decided on something, I’m going to do it. When I say no, it’s a no. He will try to persuade me yet he could still sense the times when I won’t give in. He knows that no matter how hard he tries to talk me out of it, I will never open that door. He has no other choice but to let me be.

I stood there, drenched in my clothes. I felt the water travel from my throat to my stomach, slightly washing away the pain. I’m a lot calmer than I was minutes ago. Water really was the solution. Since my clothes were all wet, I decided to take a bath. After I stripped off my clothing, I was contemplating whether to keep wearing my jammers or not. I mean, it’s been awhile since I've taken a bath with absolutely nothing on.

“Oh, well.” I said, stripping off my jammers and immediately stepped inside the bath tub. I turned the shower on and felt refreshed at the feeling of pitter-pattering water through my skin. I watched the water level rise and felt its cold sting slowly wrap around me. Without realizing it, I fell into slumber.

*

Makoto stood there waiting for me. He beamed and waved as soon as he saw me. I made the tiniest smile I could manage and started walking towards him.

Hmm… That’s weird. I've been walking for almost a minute now but it seems that I haven’t even moved an inch. I decided to walk faster and before I knew it, I was already running. This time, Makoto made signals for me to come over. I kept running as fast as I could, but to no avail. Then I saw him frown. As if I was not giving enough effort. As if I was ignoring his calls.

Out of nowhere, a woman appeared beside Makoto. I couldn’t see her face clearly, but she had long shiny black hair which flowed in the wind. He turned his gaze towards her and smiled the same smile he would often greet me with. He held her hands and the two of them turned their backs at me. The woman gave me a single glance and smirked. I felt a pang in my chest and this time I screamed.

“Makoto, wait!” But nothing came out. My mouth opened and closed but not a single sound could be heard. They kept walking as if I was no longer there. In a few seconds, they have disappeared into the distance. “MAKOTO!!!” I gave one final cry.

*

I woke up, still in the middle of my bath. Water was overflowing from the tub and my fingers were already pruney. I scampered to turn off the shower before I could waste any more of my precious water. I got out and assumed that I have only been there for 30 minutes, but when I looked at the clock, I spent about 2 hours in there. I thought about how much water I've wasted and most importantly, about my dream. How am I even going to face Makoto tomorrow? I did tell him that I’ll see him off. Whatever I did and how I reacted was peculiar. I, myself didn't know why I did that.

As I dried myself and put on pajamas, I felt my phone vibrate a few times. When I checked, it was Makoto. There were 10 missed calls and 5 messages. Really. He worries too much. But I must find a way or an excuse for suddenly running away. I lay down on my bed and read his messages.

Makoto: Haru. Are you ok?

Makoto: Should I go there?

Makoto: Haru. Please answer me.

Makoto: Did I say something that upset you? If so, I’m really sorry. (´Д｀。)

Makoto: I hope we could still talk before I go tomorrow.

After reading his messages, I felt guilty. I made him worry and he apologized even if he did absolutely nothing wrong. I should at least reply to make him feel at ease.

Haruka: I’m fine. I fell asleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.

It only took around 10 seconds for my phone to vibrate again with Makoto’s reply.

Makoto: Thank goodness! Just call me if there’s anything you want to talk about. I’ll see you tomorrow then. （　´∀｀）

Whatever I want to say to him, I’ll say it tomorrow. But first, I had to sort it out with myself. I immediately fell asleep, assured that Makoto was now free of worry. But internally, I wasn't.

My dreams were flooded with the woman again. This time, she appeared a lot more ominous. Her pale skin turned grayish, smooth hair distorted into daggers, and slender fingers transitioned into sharp claws.  She loomed above Makoto but he remained calm and smiled at her as if she didn't transform into a monster in just a matter of seconds. I was still helpless, unable to scream or move. I don’t know how many times I woke up, but it always ended with her black hair completely covering Makoto and both of them disappearing into the darkness.

Finally, morning came. It was 8AM when I woke up in cold beaded sweat. I once again experienced a state where I felt like all the water in my body was drained out of me. I had to shake off these delusions and settle them with Makoto. My mind just might be able to go back to normal. So I got up, had a fast shower, cooked breakfast for myself, and left for the Tachibana household.

 I gave a gentle knock on their door and heard people rambling inside.

“Ren, Ran. Please see who’s at the door.” It was probably Makoto.

The twins opened the door and seemed delighted to see me.

“Haru-chan!” They said simultaneously and jumped up at me. I bent down to have Ren climb on top of my shoulders and for me to carry Ran in my arms. I was about to get up when Makoto peeked out from the corner.

“Ren, Ran… Who is at the--- Oh, it’s Haru. Hey, you two! You’re too heavy for Haru to carry you both.”

“Eeeeh~~ Onii-chan is stingy!” But they both climbed down and raced back inside the house anyway .

“I’m so sorry about that, Haru. Those two… Really.”

“It’s fine. They were not that heavy.”

“So… How are you? Why did you suddenly---“

“I was not feeling well yesterday. Sorry about that.”

“I was really worried that I've upset you.”

“You didn't.” I lied. What he said troubled me but I was more upset with myself.

“That’s good to know. So, are you okay now?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.” I lied again.

He chuckled. “Actually, you’re just in time for breakfast. Come, join us.”

“I-It’s okay. I ate already.”

“Oh, really? You can at least have a bite of the dessert mom made.”

“Well, alright. If you insist.”

“Anyway, I want you to meet someone.”

“Someone?” Looking excited, Makoto quickly took me by the arm and dragged me inside the house. I feel like I know what’s coming. I sense a foreboding presence about to greet me as I turn the corner. And I was right.

I girl sat opposite of the twins on the Tachibana kitchen table. She had white translucent skin and flowing ivory hair which reached down to her waist. Each movement was graceful, it seemed Makoto’s family already took a liking to her. I turned to check his face and found him red up to the tips of his ears. I gave him a small nudge to awaken him from his trance.

“Ah—Haru. This is the friend I was talking to you about. She kind of surprised me this morning. I didn't even know she was coming over. Hahah. She had to come all the way from Tokyo. How crazy is that?“

She turned to face me and Makoto. She had beautiful cerulean blue eyes; The color of the ocean. Those eyes proceeded to study me and finally, she gave me a small smile. She did look like an angel. But I felt like there was something off about her.

“What’s interesting is that her name is also Haruka. What a coincidence, right?”

“A coincidence indeed.” I uttered as silently as I could.