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The lights were a hazy dim blue, single spotlight in the centre briefly blinding Kihyun as he stood underneath, face to face with Hoseok. From here he could see every single feature of Hoseok's, from the slope of his nose, to the lip piercing mark that never really faded. He could see that tiny scar usually covered by makeup and tiny beads of sweat clinging his hair to his forehead. The tiny dusts of hazel that outlined his eyes and his long, black eyelashes. He couldn’t remember the last time he was this close to Hoseok, to the point where he didn’t know where he ended and Hoseok began, their bodies inching to get closer and closer.
He could feel a sort of tension in the air he never noticed before, or maybe he noticed but desperately tried to ignore. Hoseok's eyes were soft as they stared back at him, wide and daring Kihyun to move, to do something.
Kihyun wanted to do nothing more than to close the gap, run his fingers through Hoseok's hair, taste the strawberry lip balm he always wore on his lips, hear the sound of his name come out through Hoseok's mouth in a whispered fervour. Kihyun swallowed, not missing the way Hoseok's eyes darted to his lip, his throat, immediately.
“I-” He cleared his throat, “did you wanna run through that again?”
Hoseok blinked, confusion etched onto his face as he stepped back a bit. Kihyun wanted to grab on, tell him to move forward, tell him what he’d been thinking since he’d seen Hoseok all those years ago as trainees.
Instead, he nodded, unwillingly stepping back and walking towards the stereo, hands shaking as he fiddled with the controls.
“That was a good run, but I think in the bit that we hold on to each other’s hand and move to the left together we could-”
“Let go of each other’s hand instead? Or I let go of your hand and move towards the left?”
Kihyun wondered how Hoseok always did that, speak his thoughts for him like he could read him. Maybe he could. “Yeah, since the song’s about separation.”
“Yeah.”
Kihyun stood back, moving into position as the song, Hoseok's song, started up again. He drew in a breath as Hoseok moves behind him, gentle hand touching Kihyun’s shoulder. Kihyun could see him in the mirror, his expression and demeanour changed, getting into character as always. Hoseok often praised Kihyun for his voice, it was no secret Hoseok was probably his biggest fan. Kihyun wished he could do that, shout to the world about how much he loved watching Hoseok perform. His ability to change his every movement to match the song, to be subtle when needed, powerful when demanded for, cute, sexy, fluid. Hoseok was a chameleon when he got on stage, unpredictable and captivating. Maybe too captivating.
That was one of the reasons he’d jumped at the chance to be a pair with Hoseok for their fan meet. The rest had paired themselves up until only Hoseok and Kihyun were left; Kihyun knew somehow, he’d have Minhyuk to thank for that, judging by the sly smile Minhyuk had sent him during their first rehearsal. Kihyun had thought he’d do a duet with Hoseok, after all their voices worked well together.
So when Hoseok suggested a ‘sensual couple dance’ with a smile Kihyun couldn’t make out, he couldn’t refuse, despite every single cell in his body advising him against it.
He wished now he had refused.
He could feel Hoseok's entire presence as they ran through the movements, every little touch from Hoseok seemed to ignite a fire inside him and he could barely look away as they launched into the point dance, the moment that was meant for fan service more than anything. Hoseok leaned forward, left hand caressing Kihyun’s cheek slightly and trailing down to rest on Kihyun’s jaw. Kihyun met him halfway, entwining their fingers before turning to the right. As per the choreography, Hoseok should have let go, move towards the left, leaving Kihyun in the spotlight.
Kihyun’s brows furrowed as he glanced at the mirror at their still entwined hands and at Hoseok watching him.
“Seok, let go.”
It didn’t matter now anyway, they’d miss their mark, the song almost over. But the weight of Hoseok's hand in his, their fingers fitting perfectly together in the most cliché of ways, Hoseok had to let go before Kihyun did something he was sure he’d regret.
Hoseok pouted like he always did when he was thinking about something and Kihyun turned around to face him.
“Seok.”
“I can’t.”
“What?”
Hoseok stepped closer, bringing their hands down, fingers gripping even tighter to Kihyun’s.
“I can’t let go.”
“You prefer the first choreo?” Kihyun asked. He knew what Hoseok was talking about, he knew it wasn’t about the choreography, but he couldn’t, he couldn’t let things go further.
“Kihyun.” Hoseok said, almost whined and it shouldn’t have been cute. It shouldn’t have made Kihyun feel like kissing his pout away, shouldn’t have made him want to forget anything that wasn’t him and Hoseok.
“What?”
“Can we just- can we stop pretending?”
Pretending. Kihyun knew that’s what they were doing. What they had been doing for a while. Pretending they didn’t feel anything, whatever that thing was. Pretending that Kihyun’s heart didn’t beat faster on nights when Hoseok wanted to sleep beside him, which was more often than should have been purely platonic. Pretending that the extra mile he went for Hoseok, cooking for him, recording guides at god awful hours of the morning were for purely platonic reasons. Pretending that he didn’t see the way Hoseok looked at him sometimes, when Kihyun looked his worst, voice straining as he sang his best in times where he’d rather be in bed. Hoseok didn’t look at Hyunwoo, Jooheon, anyone else like that.
They were good at it, him and Hoseok, pretending. Or maybe not.
“Hoseok-”
“You like me.” Hoseok stated. It sounded loud against the soundproof walls of the studio, sounded loud to Kihyun’s ears; sounded sure and true. Kihyun winced.
“I-”
“And I like you. Can we stop pretending?”
“We can’t do this.”
“Why?”
Why? Kihyun didn’t know. Didn’t know what was stopping him from closing the distance, from being happy. It wasn’t like his members would mind, nor would they be shocked. Hell, even their manager knew at this point. But closing the distance, holding on meant new dynamics, everything in the open, and if it crashed and burn, it wouldn’t just be them they’d take down. They couldn’t be that selfish.
“Don’t overthink it.”
“I have to.”
“Ki-”
“I have to. It’s not that simple. You and I both know that.”
“I do. But ignoring, pretending isn’t that simple either. For neither of us. I’m tired of pretending. I just- nothing has to happen that you don’t want but I couldn’t just continue ignoring.” Hoseok said, finally dropping Kihyun’s fingers. “Ready to go again? I’ll let go this time I promise.”
Hoseok smiled, walking away and turning the song back on. Kihyun watched as he got into position, expression perfectly masking the feelings Kihyun had seen on his face just moments ago. Kihyun’s eyes darted over to the stereo, the old stereo Hoseok had gone to lengths to find for Kihyun because Kihyun wanted it.
“Because I’d do anything for your happiness Kihyunnie.” He had said in the most annoying, sweet voice on Kihyun’s birthday, even wrapping the obvious stereo underneath the badly patched wrapping paper.
“Stop.” Kihyun said, voice louder than he meant for.
Hoseok paused, turning to him.
“Just. Ugh-”
“What?”
“Just get over here and kiss me I’m tired of you.”
Hoseok laughed, closing the short distance between them in a heartbeat, lips on Kihyun’s before Kihyun could catch a breath. He laughed into the kiss, as if unable to contain his excitement and Kihyun smiled, not minding at all how messy everything was, how their teeth clashed a little until they finally slotted together, perfectly fitting like how everything about them seemed to be.
Maybe Kihyun should have stepped back, regained his practical side, maybe tell Hoseok it wouldn’t work. Anything before things got even further than a kiss underneath a spotlight in a soundproof studio.
But right now, he wasn’t willing to let go.