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Kieren doesn’t really plan it out, how he’s going to tell Simon. It’s not quite spontaneous either. He knows how he feels about Simon. It took him a while to realise, and the love was different; it wasn’t that hard, all encompassing, painful love that it was with Rick. It wasn’t the platonic, I-enjoy-spending-time-with-you love that it was with Amy. It was a happy medium, almost.
There’s things about Simon that bother him to no end; like how he avoids eye contact very often. When they’re having a serious conversation, for example, that makes him feel exposed, he hunches his shoulders and looks down at the floor, at Kieren’s chest, at his lips. There’re milliseconds where he’ll glance at his eyes and then look away just as quickly. It’s infuriating because he finds it hard to read Simon, sometimes, and him not looking at him makes it even more difficult.
It annoys him that Simon sleeps on the edge of the bed, tucked in and away, whenever they share a bed together, as if he’s afraid to take up too much room, or get in the way, like he’s worried Kieren will kick him out of bed or shove him off or away. It annoys him that when Kieren will scoot close and press against his back and wraps arms round him tightly, Simon seems so surprised by the fact that Kieren, who kisses him often and has a drawing of Simon pinned to his wall, and will look over all of Roarton when he’s on house arrest, wants to be close to him. It annoys him, because it’s kind of heartbreaking.
There’s also things about Simon he finds endlessly adorable, which is ridiculous, he doesn’t know how an Irish extremist who almost killed him (yeah, they’ve had that conversation. It didn’t go well, Kieren yelled, Simon almost cried, but they got everything out. Simon offered for Kieren to punch him, hit him, kick him… Kill him. It was an emotional conversation that Kieren did not expect to have, what is it with his boyfriends being asked to kill him? Seriously.) can be as adorable as Simon Monroe.
Once Roarton had settled down after Maxine Martin left, Kieren insisted that Simon visit the Walker residence relatively often. His dad actually seemed to respect Simon very easily, his appearance and presence still made him uncomfortable to some extent, and Simon understood that. Simon did not understand what was happening when Steve offered for Simon to choose a Blu-Ray for them to watch after lunch. Kieren nudged a slightly stunned Simon to their collection and smiled at the awe stricken and nervous expression on Simon’s face as he had a look through the DVDs that he had no idea about. He hadn’t watched a movie since… since his trip to America at 21, so he rummaged through and found an old classic that had been re-released and hoped they wouldn’t mind. Jem bitched, and Steve looked impressed. Kieren couldn’t forget the proud look Simon got on his face when Steve commented “good choice!”.
Simon is understanding and opinionated and he tries so hard to make people he cares about feel comfortable and loved and needed, and it’s so different to the Twelfth Disciple who wants people to feel uncomfortable and enraged and endangered so that they understand that they are not above those redeemed. It’s so odd to compare the two sides of him.
When Kieren realises that despite the oddities, the differences and the annoying habits, he would still not change a single thing about him, he realises he needs to tell Simon he loves him. Even the stuff he hates, he loves.
He realises this while they’re sat together in Kieren’s room. Simon’s got a habit of bending books so far back he splits the spine, and he’s done it to too many to count that are around the Bungalow. Were around the bungalow, most of them take residence in Kieren’s room now, Simon’s almost moved in; he might as well move in. Kieren notices the book he holds in his hand is no exception and grunts out an annoyed sound before shifting to sit up against his headboard next to where Simon lays propped against the pillows a little further down.
Simon begins to read out loud to Kieren, barely makes it a third of the way through a poem before Kieren is tugging the book from his hands to flatten it out and uttering the words “I love you” fondly while doing so.
Simon goes completely still, watching Kieren’s hands smooth out the dog-eared pages and broken spine, bent front and back covers.
He looks even more astonished than when Kieren initiates a kiss or a touch that he isn’t expecting, but this time, Kieren finds it more than endearing.