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She was the new girl who works hard and who is by the book.
She was the girl that accepted mistakes and change them one by one.
She was the girl who is weak at heart just like what Kuroda-sensei said.
But.
She is also the girl i already saw before she saw me.
Shiraishi as usual is the first one to come in the hospital and she quickly changed into her blue scrubsuit and tied her hair in ponytail for some reason her eyes are red because of crying. Last night was very terrible for Shiraishi, hearing her respected doctor tells them “I wish i hadn’t met all of you” because for them Kuroda-sensei is someone they look up to.
Shiraishi was affected of what happened and cannot even face Kuroda-sensei even for a mere seconds. There she stood in front of her locker after everything.
“Shiraishi? Are you okay?” the worried Hiyama Mihoko asked.
Shiraishi nodded and Hiyama breathes heavily ranting on how she was scared of seeing Kuroda-sensei today and she just stopped because Shiraishi stared at the blank space again.
“Hey, it is not your fault” Hiyama said while consoling her colleague.
They went to their designated areas once again and left the locker room and Shiraishi bumped with Aizawa as usual.
“How are you?” he asked suddenly, normally he’ll just stop her but today it seems the air is very different.
“I am fine” Shiraishi answered and avoided eye contact because of her red eyes.
“Oh” Aizawa replied and walked his way to the elevator. Shiraishi stopped in the middle when she saw Kuroda-sensei walking. She rushed to the elevator where Aizawa is.
The elevator closes.
“Why did you ran away?” Aizawa initiated a conversation.
“Because Kuroda-sensei is walking towards my way... i just do not want to cause any more problems to him” Shiraishi answered.
“It doesn’t mean you are causing him problems if you saw him on the way that’s not like ----” Aizawa did not finish what he will going to say.
“I caused Kuroda-sensei trouble if only i did not hesitated to do things he want me to do it will not happen and i already have a premonition of this” Shiraishi said and the elevator opens indicating someone will leave and it turns out it is Aizawa’s floor already.
“Do not blame yourself, Shiraishi” Aizawa said before turning his back.
“Then who will i blame?” Shiraishi asked herself when the elevator door closes.
“You cannot do this Kuroda-sensei” Tadokoro-sensei said.
“I made my mind up if i will not be a help i will leave” Kuroda-sensei said while looking at the window facing the Doctor Heli.
“Just because one of the inter--” Tadokoro-sensei did not finish his sentence.
“I am not blaming Shiraishi, i am blaming myself for being useless and for being not a good teacher to them” Kuroda-sensei said. Tadokoro-sensei handed the resignation letter back to Kuroda-sensei.
“I just do not want Shiraishi to see me everyday and keep on blaming herself for what happened. She’s good and she is weak at the same time so please accept this resignation letter” Kuroda-sensei said and went out of the office.
Upon closing the door he saw Aizawa.
“Aizawa” Kuroda-sensei said and it is not his usual tone.
“What do you think of Shiraishi?” he asked and they walked towards the empy chairs.
“She’s weak but at the same time carries a lot of burden” Aizawa replied.
“I guess we have the same thinking, Aizawa” Kuroda-sensei said.
“Shiraishi still blames herself for what happened to you” Aizawa began.
“I saw her earlier but she walked on a different direction” Kuroda-sensei added.
Aizawa stared at the white hospital wall wondering if only this did not happen to Kuroda-sensei will he be still staying?
“Aizawa, Shiraishi might be weak but she already knows a lot but i know you with your help she’ll forget what happened.. it is my choice to leave, my son needs me and my family. Being a doctor robbed my time to my family so please you have to watch her with all that you can” Kuroda-sensei said.
Aizawa nodded and Kuroda-sensei patted Aizawa’s back.
“Megumi, is that you?” an old woman stopped Shiraishi from walking.
It turns out that it is Aizawa’s grandmother Kinue.
“Hai, obaa-san” Shiraishi walk towards her and scooted down on her level.
“I heard what happened are you okay now?” she asked suddenly adjusting her gaze to meet Shiraishi’s.
“Hai, I’m fine obaa-san” Shiraishi replied. Shiraishi felt comfortable talking to Aizawa’s grandmother and nothing bothered her at all, it is just that she feels sad when she heard Kuroda-sensei was leaving.
“Megumi do not blame yourself because of this, i know you can do better” Kinue-san said.
Shiraishi nodded and took Kinue-san’s advice positively but there will always be a hole in her heart because of what happened to Kuroda-sensei.
“Now, take your lunch and think positively” Kinue-san said.
“Hai!” Shiraishi replied.
After a few rounds Shiraishi went to the canteen and planned to eat with the others but she only saw Aizawa sitting on the corner, Hiyama might still be doing rounds and Fujikawa might be working on different deparment not near the hospital’s canteen.
Shiraishi walked towards Aizawa but sitting at a seperate table.
“I met your grandmother” Shiraishi started when she placed her tray on her table.
“It seems that she is just like you, you all know me... am i that easy to read?” Shiraishi added and took a bite.
“Ah” Aizawa replied.
“But your grandmother’s words made me calm today, i know that it is not my fault but because i was with Kuroda-sensei that time i was scared” Shiraishi said.
“Gomen i might be disturbin-”
“Shiraishi, it is not your fault so do not jump on conclusions, Kuroda-sensei’s job as a flight doctor robbed his time for his family and that makes things worst and because his child does not know him anymore” Aizawa said.
“Aizawa-kun? Am i that weak?” Shiraishi asked suddenly.
I saw you first.. i saw your pain, your everything and that encourage me to be someone not just a doctor that treats diseases. When i saw what happened to Kuroda-sensei i immediately thought of what will you say or do because i know you’ll break down for a reason blame yourself even if it is not your fault.
But Shiraishi this world is different if you do not know how to fight, you are not weak but you are always the person i look first before anything else because i already saw you....in your strong, weak form.
I already saw your pain before you saw yours.
“You are weak” Aizawa said.