Chapter Text
“I don't hate Matteo,” David says, but he sounds defensive about it. Leonie and Sara exchange a knowing glance. “I don't hate anybody.”
“So you just severely dislike him, then?” Leonie has this condescending smile that, David knows, is supposed to encourage laughter but it only ever frustrates him. He doesn't like being so seen. Leonie notices everything about him every day, and she points it out every time. It's infuriating.
“No, I just,” David sighs. “There's just no active reason to like him. He knew your boyfriend was cheating on you and did nothing.” Then, to Sara, “And he's mean to you.”
“He's not mean,” Sara says quickly. “He's just going through a lot with his mom.”
“No, I'm on David's side with this one.” Leonie leans back on her elbows and stretches her neck. Around them, their classmates slowly spill out of the locker rooms while dressed in their gym clothes. "You're going through a lot with your mom and you aren't a jerk to him.”
“You guys are being too critical.” Sara huffs and her pale cheeks blush pink. “He really cares about me. He does. And that's hard. Because we've got Abi and family and friends, too, and sometimes it doesn't all work out. But he's trying. That's what we should judge him on. That he's trying.”
Matteo Florenzi is not trying.
When David arrives at the apartment, he smells the weed before he sees anyone's face. A song is playing, something strange-sounding and English. When Matteo answers the door, he says, “Hans is trying to impress some guy he met in Alex.” And also, “He's gay,” by way of explanation.
Not a great start. David hopes his face is neutral.
“Are you ready to study?”
“Yeah, yeah, come in.”
His apartment looks like shit. It has a sort of manic, hectic energy: the blasts of music, the scent of weed, the feel of stickiness to the air. There's a bra hanging in the kitchen. Matteo notices David staring at it and goes, defensively, “It's clean.”
David nods like, Of course it is. Why else would I be balking at a bra over your kitchen sink?
Matteo either doesn't understand the sarcasm or chooses to ignore it.
“So, he's homophobic,” David says. Leonie shakes her head. “No, he is. He was being rude about his roommate.”
“There's no way Matteo is homophobic. Jonas would've dropped him years ago.”
“Why?” David asks. “Is Jonas gay?”
Leonie shrugs. “Probably.” And then she smiles. “Why? Are you interested?” She backs into her bedroom wall and eyes him, expectant. She has pretty eyes. Big and batty and flirty. She presses into the wall and he presses into her. She lifts her chin and raises an eyebrow. “Everybody wants my seconds…”
He laughs. Jokingly: “Shut up.” And they spend the next hour kissing. Small pecks, here and there, between the pages of abandoned textbooks and commercials of cable television.
“You want a joint?” Matteo keeps at least one blunt on him at all times. Now, it's pressed firmly behind his right ear lobe, and the way it pushes his hair back makes it look more like an accessory than a drug. David realizes now that Matteo is kinda hot. He doesn't think that's fair.
“I want to help you study,” David says.
“No, you don't.” Matteo leans back in his seat. “I know you're only here because Sara asked you. It's fine; I don't care.” David stares. “You okay?”
“I don't like smoking,” he says.
“Okay. Just thought I'd ask.”
“Right, you were being polite.”
“Yeah…?” Matteo’s eyebrows cinch together in confusion. David sighs.
“If you were really being polite, don't you think you would've asked if I was okay with smoking before you did it in front of me? What if I had asthma or a sensitivity to it?”
“So,” Matteo says after a long pause. “You don't like me because I didn't ask if you had asthma?”
David’s hands squeeze into fists. “Why does everyone think I don't like you? When did I ever say that? We're fine!” He explodes. “And even if I didn’t like you—who cares? We don't have to like one another, do we? Just because our girlfriends are friends doesn't mean we have to be.”
As David speaks, Matteo removes the joint from behind his ear, fumbles through his pockets for a lighter, and lights up. He sucks in a hit, holds it, waits for David to finish (which is actually quite polite of him, David thinks), and exhales.
Matteo says, “Well, I don't like you.” And when David doesn’t respond, he says, “You're so secretive. Always hiding. There's no need to be so mysterious.”
David says, “You dress like my grandfather.”
And Matteo says, “You've worn the same hoodie for 3 weeks.”
“Your taste in music sucks.”
“You think you're too good for me.”
“You're homophobic.”
“Homophobic?” He leans forward, a smile forming on his lips. “I'm not homophobic. Jonas would've dropped me years ago.”
“So I'm told.”
“You talk about me?” David begins gathering his things.
“No,” he says. He forcefully shoves his textbook into his bag. Matteo offers him the joint again. David glares down at it until he moves it away. “And I don't think I'm better than you. I don't think of you at all.”
Unfortunately, he thinks of Matteo many times after this.
This is his favorite hoodie. He looks great in black. Fuck him.
Okay, so he hates Matteo. Whatever. Like, literally why does it even matter? Who cares?
Everyone cares.
We're getting ice cream after class, David, but Matteo will be there. Is that okay?
David, Carlos might bring Matteo to study tonight; is that a problem?
The party tonight is at Matteo’s place. Are you still coming, David?
“Yes!” David yells. Students at a few tables nearby send worried glances their way. Sara blushes and fiddles with her fingers. He says, “Sorry.”
Leonie’s like, “You're so sensitive when it comes to Matteo.” Oh, really? he thinks. I hadn't noticed. And then she goes, “Babe, your eye is twitching.”
Matteo is good for parties, at the very least. The lights and the apartment and the cool roommates and all of that. The music still sucks, though.
Sara drinks like it's the end of the world, and when Matteo tries to cut her off, she pushes him away. After one attempt, Matteo moves on, chatting with the boys along the wall. David rolls his eyes and sets his own drink down. He takes Sara’s bottle.
“No!” she laughs and snatches it back.
“This won't make you feel better.”
“But I do feel better.” Well, it’s hard to argue with that.
Instead of leaving her, though, he tracks her throughout the night to make sure she's safe. Leonie joins him, then shakes her head.
“Matteo’s not helping at all tonight, huh?” she asks. David shakes his head. David sips his beer. “I have to take her home. Make sure her parents don't find out. Can you tell him we're leaving?” And because she knows he'll refuse, she walks away as soon as she finishes asking the question. David rolls his eyes, finishes his beer, and moves through the crowd.
He finds Matteo on the dance floor. With a boy.
There are many things wrong with what David is seeing. First, this should be considered cheating. Sure, they aren't making out, but it's obvious from the way the boy looks at Matteo that he wants something romantic, something sexual.
Also, he wasn't aware Matteo liked boys. Does he like boys? Is he just straight and clueless, just dancing with a friend? Or is he interested in boys? Suddenly, this is pertinent information. David would like to know.
Finally, and most importantly, Matteo now exists on a sexual spectrum. Before, he was just that guy who smelled like hash. Then, Sara’s boyfriend. (Though David would be lying to himself if he said he'd never noticed how pink Matteo’s lips were when they kissed, or how Matteo’s hands would come up and wrap around her, or how his hair fell into his face. How he would allow his head to drop back and let Sara kiss at his neck while his lazy eyes traveled around the room and, more often than not, settled on him.) It is one thing to objectively acknowledge Matteo is cute. That exists on the same plane as assuming he's straight. It prevents any emotion from forming, institutionally, by blocking your brain from going any further. It eliminates Matteo as an option, as anything worth thinking about.
Matteo is not romance. He is not sex. He is not subjective. He is your nice friend’s annoying boyfriend. You barely care about him.
Matteo dancing with a boy somehow disqualifies all of that.
The boy grabs Matteo’s face, pulls him forward, and kisses him. It's awkward and awful and abhorrent. Matteo pushes him away and moves further into the crowd, disappearing in the people.