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One thing that I'm constantly told about myself is that I'm a light sleeper. Almost everyone in the league has complained one time or another about how easy it is to accidentally wake me up when returning from patrol. Though, on nights such as this one, I sleep like the dead. At least, that's what I tell myself in the morning when I wake up alone, knowing that Dabi had snuck out of my room without a sound. The terms we'd silently agreed made it a bit easier as well. We fuck, and he's gone before I wake up in the morning. Simple, short, easy. So it can't be hard to imagine my surprise when I woke up to fingers carding gently through my hair.
My whole body tensed when I felt Dabi laying against me, warm in such a perfect way that made me want to just curl up against his chest like a cat. But I didn't. Instead, I pushed myself back a bit to stare at him with wide eyes. He paused for a moment, staring down at me before giving a half smirk. “Morning sunshine.” Dabi said easily, as this was the most normal thing in the world.
“What the fuck are you still doing here?” I asked roughly, but not really trying to push him away. His bare skin was hot under my hands, and some deep part of me thought about what it was like to have it under my tongue or between my teeth. I brushed the thought away and glared at Dabi from behind my bangs.
Dabi bit his lip for a second, as though thinking something over. “I... Wanted to talk to you about something.” He explained a few moments later, meeting my eyes. “But I knew you wouldn't hear me out unless we were like this.” Dabi gave a vague gesture, but I knew what he meant. Though, it wasn't very hard to at least guess the meaning when we were laying like this.
I clicked my tongue, shifting so that I could lay on my back. A light twinge of pain shot up my spine, but I held back a wince. “Fine. What do you want?” I asked harshly, glaring up at my ceiling. Dabi shifted in my peripheral vision, propping himself up on an elbow. He just sat there for a long moment until I looked over at him. “Well? Out with it.”
Dabi gave a slight sigh before speaking. “I want to make this something... I don't know. Something more.” He told me. I stared at him for a long minute, and he must have somehow seen the confusion on my face despite the lack of light because he continued. “Like, why can't this be a real thing? No one's gonna judge us, and if they do then they know better than to say anything about it.”
“Hold on, wait. You what?” I asked, backtracking a bit as my mind did a quick reboot. “Did I hear you right?”
Dabi gave a small laugh, reaching up and brushing a strand of hair from my face. I flinched away, and he put his hand back down with a frown. “I would hope so. But I'll reiterate it for you just in case.” He met my eyes, a serious look forming in them. “I want to be in a relationship with you. A real one. Not this thing we have going right now.” He gave a smirk. “As much as I enjoy seeing you writhing beneath me, I can't help but wonder what it would be like to have you laying against me on the couch. No insinuations, no ulterior motives, just... Enjoying each others company like a couple or something.”
My heart fluttered a bit at that, mind racing a little. Did he really mean that? There was no way he could, but... Even in what little light there was, I could see there was no falsehood in his eyes. A part of me wanted to agree with him, but the thought barely surfaced before my mess of a mind shoved it back down roughly. “Why the hell would you want to do that?” I snapped instead, glaring up at the dark haired man. “I'm perfectly fine with our arrangement.”
“Well it's hurting me!” Dabi snapped back suddenly, and I watched him close his eyes to take a calming breath. He reached a hand up and ran his fingers through his hair, opening his eyes again and giving me a sorrowful look. “I'm giving you a choice here.” He said, placing his free hand on my waist. I tensed slightly, glancing down at his hand before looking back up at him. “Either we make this something, or I'm done Tomura. I can't do this fuck buddies thing anymore. It's up to you in the end, but I do want this.” Now, he placed a hand on my cheek, and I flinched slightly. He didn't seem to notice. “Please... Let's make this something real...” My whole body tensed as he leaned in and connected our lips, soft and hesitant and so unlike how he usually kissed me. There was no lust, no teeth, no rough hands, it was just... A kiss.
Without even thinking, I shoved Dabi away from me. He fell off the edge of my bed and onto the floor, staring up at me with wide eyes. “What the fuck do you think you're doing!?” I growled out, placing a hand over my mouth. There was still a hint of heat from his lips on mine, and it made me glad that the room was mostly dark so that Dabi couldn't see the red covering my face. “Why the actual fuck would I want something like that with someone like you? If that's how it is, then get the fuck out of my room. And don't ever call me Tomura again.”
Dabi stared at me for a long moment, and I could almost see a hint of hurt in his turquoise eyes. But then the moment was over, and his expression hardened. I only watched as he stood and started collecting his clothes, sitting on the edge of the bed as he dressed. “Right. Should've figured that'd be the answer.” He said in a low voice, as though he was talking to himself. When he stood and pulled his shirt on, he glanced back over at me with a blank expression. “Offer's still on the table if you ever want to change your mind. Not that you're ever going to...” And with that, he walked out the door without another word.
I sat there staring at the door for a long while, just staring at the dark wood. Finally, I let myself fall back onto my mattress, pulling the covers back over myself. My eyes began to burn a little, so I brought a hand up to rub at them, but paused when something wet touched my skin. I wasn't supposed to cry. I was stronger than that. But right now, it was almost like I couldn't help it. The tears fell silently as I laid there, mentally cursing myself for being too weak to admit how much I actually cared about the dark haired dumb ass.
But he was right... It wasn't something I would be able to do, not with the kind of life I have to live. So I sat there in silence, alone and grieving for the person I could never admit to wanting.