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“You’re not listening to me—!”
“Because we have nothing to talk about, Logan, okay?”
“Julian, for the love of—"
“You’re not in love with me. You never were. I will deal with it. End of story.”
“Is that what you’ve been telling yourself all this time? To try to hide the truth?”
“What?”
Logan has an arm thrown over his eyes, his hand gripping his pill bottle so hard it’s denting. Tears are rolling down his face, his jaw clenched. His pillow is soaked with tears.
He doesn’t look up when Derek opens the door further and enters the room.
“Lo?”
Silence.
“He’ll be back, you know. He always comes back.”
He still receives no acknowledgement. He waits a beat, then sighs. He’s about to leave the room when he sees Logan’s ironclad grip on his pill bottle loosen, the plastic bottle’s contents causing it to noisily clatter as it hits the floor.
Logan sounds raw as he whispers.
“He said he was tired of me.”
“You’re scared.”
“I’m—”
“You’ve been telling yourself that there isn’t any hope that we could work, because the truth is that you don’t know if we could, and that scares you. You’re too scared to even try.”
Julian’s backstage in a dressing room. He’s staring at his reflection in the dresser mirror like he doesn’t know who he’s seeing, but he doesn’t like him. He puts his sunglasses on. His hands are clenching the dresser’s table edge. Tears trace down his face silently and fall on the table, staining the wood.
There’s a knock at the door.
“Mr. Larson? Your car is here.”
Julian wipes at his cheeks and breathes in deeply. He closes his eyes and sees a flash of green.
“You know that I’ll always come back, don’t you? No matter what I say…you’ve got me.”
He breathes out. He opens his eyes.
“…I know.”
The driver smiles at him through the rearview mirror. Julian tries his best to return it. He can tell from the man’s expression that he wasn’t very convincing.
How dreadful. The one thing he’s meant to be good at is lying.
“Where would you like to go, sir?”
He has an audition in an hour.
It’s only a few blocks over.
“Take me to the airport.”
“I know that there isn’t a chance—I’ve always known, you never, not once, looked at me—”
“I didn’t know it was a possibility, Julian, if you’d have just said something—”
“What? You would’ve instantly fallen in love with me? It doesn’t work like that, Lo. You’re not in love with me, you—”
“Goddammit, Julian! Stop putting words in my mouth!”
“It’s the truth!”
“It’s not!”
“God, just—just leave me alone! I’m so tired of you, I can’t deal with all of this anymore.”
“Julian—”
“No.”
The anteroom is dimly lit by the light coming from underneath Logan’s door, when Julian arrives. He hesitates as he unlocks his own door. It’s late, even for Stuart, and it’s likely that Logan simply fell asleep with the lights on. He’d left over a week ago, in the dead of night, without telling anyone, and he hasn’t been checking his phone but he knows that Logan must be furious.
The decision is taken out of his hands when Logan’s door opens, a tired and red-eyed Logan shuffling out with an empty coffee mug in his hand.
He does a double take when he sees Julian.
“You came back,” Logan whispers quietly. His eyes roam across Julian’s face, taking in every feature, as though he’s reassuring himself that it’s truly Julian standing in front of him.
“Of course I did,” Julian replies. He notes Logan’s clothes — an old pair of pajamas Logan had once said he hated and would never wear — and how swollen his eyes are, like he’s been crying. Worry begins to gnaw at him.
“Logan,” he whispers. “You knew I was going to come back, didn’t you?”
Logan doesn’t immediately reply. He leans down and places his mug on the coffee table. Julian notices that it’s the one he bought for him a few birthdays ago. The piano key design encircling the mug has faded from time and use.
Logan stares at it as he whispers back. “You left without saying goodbye. You didn’t answer any of my calls. The last thing you said was…was that you were tired. Of me.”
Julian drops his bag.
Logan looks up as Julian envelops him in a hug. He hesitates for a moment before returning the embrace.
“I’m sorry.” Julian whispers into his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, too.” Logan replies, running his hand up and down Julian’s back.
Julian leans back to look at him. He looks vulnerable. Logan’s arms tighten around him.
“How can we make this work?” Julian asks, voice tinged with hope.
Logan smiles softly. He brings a hand up to cup Julian’s face, smile growing when Julian leans into the touch.
“You have to trust me. And we have to try.”