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Stiles's favourite afternoons are when he gets to spend his free block with Scott, they got lucky enough to be able to share one this semester, and both of their houses are empty in the afternoon, since both of their parents work. They often skip another class or two, just to spend some extra time together, which they both feel they can never get enough of lately. They mostly go to Scott’s house to smoke, because Stiles gets paranoid when he’s high and Scott’s mom is less likely to come home during the day, as the hospital in Beacon Hills tends to be very busy these days. After all, trying to keep a whole town safe is difficult, and the least they can do is allow themselves to have a few bong hits to wind down.
They prefer to smoke from a bong because it gets them high much faster, and that gives them more time to spend together. most days they order pizza and play classic nintendo games, but today was different. Ever since Stiles had come back, he’s had trouble sleeping, and today in particular, Scott had noticed the dark circles under his eyes and his vacant stares in class. He had noticed his shaking shoulders and the beads of sweat dripping down his forehead and he heard his heartbeat speeding up and knows he has to help, he has to keep him calm. He knows that this will be one of those days that they don't return to school, and tells himself that it's what's best for Stiles, that he really deserves the time off, and while this is true, he also knows that, at least in part, he's being selfish. He wants his friend to himself for the afternoon, and hell, he deserves some time off, too. He doesn't care if his mom catches him, he's got more important problems these days, and she knows that he's doing much better in school lately, despite having his mind on other things.
Stiles pulls his favourite pipe out of his bag, it's yellow and pink and beautiful, and has obviously been recently cleaned, as the light reflects off of it in a way that makes it look brand new. Stiles didn't feel like bringing the bong today, they always spent a longer time smoking from a pipe, and he wanted to spend as much time there as possible, he wants this to last. He passes the pipe over to Scott, who puts in a glass filter and pulls out a small zip-lock bag of already-busted weed, before packing a much larger bowl than usual because he knows Stiles needs it. Stiles stares fondly as Scott curls his lips around the clear glass, breathing in the first hit before letting go of the choke and holding the smoke in for as long as possible before putting the pipe to Stiles’s mouth and watching as he inhales and begins to blow smoke rings; as they rise from his lips, Scott thinks that he has never looked more beautiful. As they get about halfway through the bowl, Stiles watches Scott’s large brown eyes start to glaze over, and he tries to look away but he can’t, and he feels an ache is his chest, and for the first time, it's a good ache. He doesn't stop staring and he doesn't try to hide it, because he can't stop thinking of how good he’s got it, of how much he loves this boy, and how much he has fallen in love. They have pointless conversations but they both spend most of their time in their heads, thinking of each other but not really communicating, Scott falls into giggle fits from time to time, as Stiles tells dumb jokes that he wouldn't have laughed at a few months ago, but any joke is great, any joke is perfect, because dumb jokes are what makes Stiles Stiles. He begins to curl himself into Scott’s arms and is overwhelmed with love for his friend, and he wonders if he's in love with him too, but if he's learned anything, it's that it doesn't matter, because even if he doesn't love him back, he knows that Scott has always loved him. And Stiles has always been good with words, has always known how to communicate his feelings but for the first time he's at a loss. He doesn't want to get this thing wrong, he doesn't want to ruin the best thing he has.
They finish off the bowl and Stiles’s eyelids begin to get heavy. When Stiles got particularly bad, Scott invited him to curl up in his arms so he could rock him to sleep. When he finally doses off, Scott whispers “i love you’s” into his ear, and he kisses the top of his head and smiles because he means it, because he knows that he has never meant anything more in his whole life. And because this is what matters, this is what has always mattered. He has never felt more safe. Stiles feels Scott’s strong arms around him and he knows that he’ll never be alone, that he’ll always be protected, and for a brief moment, he feels guilty. He feels so, so guilty because he’s all sharp knees and breakable bones and hides behind sarcasm and sharp wit, and Scott is strong arms and sunshine smiles and he knows that he’ll never be able to protect him in the same way. All he's got to give is love and he doesn't know if that will be enough, he knows that Scott deserves more. But he's selfish and he needs someone to hold him together, until someday he is capable of doing the same for him. He lets himself forget about all this, just for now, just to focus on the warmth of his body and inhales his smell as he begins to fall asleep. When Scott finally thinks Stiles has fallen asleep, he does what he always does. His voice breaks as he whispers the usual “I love you’s” into his ear and this time his smile is sad because he doesn't know if Stiles loves him back. He doesn't know if Stiles could ever love him back because he's weak lungs and a heavy heart and Stiles is light hidden in the dark and a world hidden inside of a boy and he's strong despite not taking the bite and he knows that he'd be no one without him.
His heart has never felt so full and he feels like crying because this is what matters, he is holding the most important person in the world right here in his arms. This time Stiles hadn’t quite fallen asleep yet, and he hears Scott’s soft whispers and decides to open his eyes. He grins and he knows he doesn’t have to say he loves him in return because Scott knows, Scott has always known. He props himself up on his elbows and kisses him softly, before laying his head back on his chest and falling asleep to the sound of his heartbeat. He braces himself for the nightmares, but for the first time, they don’t come.