Work Text:
Jeongyeon is on her way to work. It’s still early but she’s got nothing to do anyway. She’s been taking more shifts since October and even more so in December. Her friends think she’s overdoing it but to her, it’s the only way to keep her mind busy and to keep herself from breaking down. It’s already a struggle for her, just trying to keep herself from crumbling and the mood of December just makes it worse.
Christmas is just a couple of weeks away and the streets of Gangnam is packed with people due to the Christmas rush. The cold doesn’t seem to stop the people from roaming around. The streets are decorated with beautiful and colorful lights. Couples holding hands, stopping to window shop. Families stroll around and the little one’s high fives or takes a picture with a person in Santa Claus costume. The atmosphere of the whole place screams of joy and happiness.
To Jeongyeon this was supposed to be the case as well, if only she didn’t feel miserable and lonely, and maybe a bit bitter. It would have been truly the case but not right now, walking in this kind of atmosphere is painfully suffocating.
She curses under her breath and a scowl on her face as she halts, a familiar figure blocking her path. It’s Jihyo. She resumes her march, looking forward, trying to ignore the puppy eyes and concerned look Jihyo is giving. She’s almost past her when Jihyo suddenly moved in front of her, prompting her to stop once more.
“Jeong, please.” Jihyo pleadingly interrupts.
Jeongyeon looks up as she sighs a curse to the air. She looks back down and instantly meets Jihyo’s wet eyes, tears threatening to fall, clenched fists and desperate expression. Jeongyeon could do nothing but sigh as she looks down, guilt taking over her heart.
“Jeong, look at me.” Jihyo’s voice breaking as tears starts to fall.
Jeongyeon looks at Jihyo with a defeated expression.
“Let’s get something warm to drink first. We’ll freeze if we talk here.” Jeongyeon answers while forcing a smile. Jihyo just nods and wipes her tears, a soft and satisfied expression on her face.
They went inside a small and quiet cafe. A familiar cafe to Jeongyeon to say the least. She’s been here countless times before that it was like second nature to be there. They sit in a secluded portion of the cafe. The table was hidden behind a wooden wall where a freedom hall was hanging. Jeongyeon curses herself for sitting there. Too many memories.
They stir their coffees in silence. Jeongyeon looking down at the whirl and Jihyo staring at her.
“Chaeyoung told me you’ve been going to the restaurant an hour early of your shift.” Jihyo breaks the silence as she takes a sip at her coffee.
“I’ve got nothing to do after my shift ends at the convenience store. Might as well be a good employee and come early.” Jeongyeon answers dryly.
“Unbelievable. And now your also working shifts at a convenience store?” Jihyo questions in disbelief.
“Classes are over, and I’ve got nothing to do. Might as well earn some extra cash.” Jeongyeon answers in a monotonous voice as she takes a sip.
“Aren’t you going back to your parents-”
“Just cut the crap and get to the point Hyo.” Jeongyeon cuts Jihyo off with a desperate tone in her voice.
“Please. Just spare me the small talk.” Jeongyeon lowers her voice, trying to compose herself. Jihyo understands and just nods before continuing to talk.
“Please stop overworking yourself.” Jihyo talks sternly with a sudden seriousness in her demeanor.
“Hyo. I’ve told you a million times already. I am not overworking myself.” Jeongyeon answers with a sigh.
“The black spots under your eyes say otherwise.” Jihyo scoffs at her answer while taking another sip.
Jeongyeon lets out another sigh before taking a sip. Puts down her cup and looks at Jihyo who’s watching her with crossed arms. Jeongyeon is now regretting letting Jihyo have her way with her because Jihyo is not letting her escape. Jeongyeon would’ve just walked past Jihyo if it were someone else but because they’ve been best friends since elementary school, Jeongyeon just can’t. She just can’t do that to Jihyo when she had such a desperate look on her face.
“It’s just been getting harder for me to sleep Hyo.” Jeongyeon starts to speak.
“Ever since I’ve been sleeping alone, I keep getting the same dream.” Jeongyeon trails off as she stares into her cup.
“Are you still dreaming about that day?” Jihyo asks in a low voice as she puts her hand over Jeongyeon’s, rubbing circles on her thumb. It made Jeongyeon look up staring into her eyes with conviction.
“Every day Hyo. Every single day.” Jeongyeon answers with a painful tone in her voice. Jihyo just nods in silence, she doesn’t know what to say anymore.
“It’s because I messed up. If only I was a bit more mindful and careful of her, she would-” Jeongyeon trails off. Breaking into tears as she looks down again.
Jihyo quickly got up her chair and hugs the crying girl. She hushes her by drawing circles on her back.
“Hey. I thought we were over this. It wasn’t your fault. It was an accident and you had no way of knowing. None of us does, Jeong. None.” Jihyo speaks with a consoling voice. She hopes that it would help calm Jeongyeon down, but it only made the sobbing girl cry harder. Her hands crumpling Jihyo’s sweater, as she wails with Jihyo’s body as the muffler. Jihyo just continues to run her fingers to Jeongyeon’s shoulder length hair, all the while continuing to draw circles on her back.
Jeongyeon eventually calms down, she separates herself from Jihyo and wipes her own tears.
“I need to get going now, my shift’s going to start in 30 minutes.” Jeongyeon stands up reaching for her black leather coat, taking her wallet out from one of its inner pockets. She grabs a few bills and some coins. Places them on the table near her cup and gives a nod to Jihyo as she starts making her way towards the door of the cafe.
Jihyo quickly reaches for her shoulder bag to grab her wallet. She also grabs a few bills and some coins. She hastily places them perfectly on the table alongside her cup. She grabs her white winter coat and chases Jeongyeon to the door.
“Jeong!” She shouts after she finally got past the door, making Jeongyeon look back and stop walking. Jeongyeon turns around completely and walks back towards Jihyo who’s just standing still, unable to find the words she wants to tell Jeongyeon.
It doesn’t really matter if Jihyo had nothing to say because Jeongyeon knows Jihyo has done enough by just being there for her. To be able to cry in Jihyo arms, to admit that she’s not okay. It was all Jeong needed to continue.
“Thank you.” She speaks with sincerity as she embraces Jihyo in her arms and Jihyo returning the gesture. Jeongyeon has missed the feeling of warmth from just being locked in a tight embrace. She hugs Jihyo a bit tighter, trying to let the hug convey her utmost gratitude to her best friend.
Jihyo feels everything in the hug, she knows that Jeongyeon only ever says ‘ thank you’ but wants to express more.
“I’m sorry for constantly worrying you.” Jeongyeon breaks the short silence of the hug by murmuring the words on Jihyo’s neck.
“It’s not like that Jeong.” Jihyo breaks the hug, cups Jeongyeon’s cheeks to find her eyes, tears reflecting the street lights like diamonds.
“We’re family, aren’t we? We’re supposed to be relying on one another.” Jihyo continues while shaking her head with a smile, her curly hair swinging with her.
Jeongyeon just nods and smiles genuinely.
“I wouldn’t want to disturb you and Tzuyu.” Jeongyeon teasingly smirks at Jihyo, earning her a smack on her arm and a gummy smile. It lightens the mood. It lightens their heart full of fears and worries. But most of all, it lightens Jeongyeon.
Jeongyeon breaks the silence that drowned their thoughts amidst the bustling sound of the world.
“Hyo, please let me do this.” Jeongyeon speaks up with resolve in her voice.
“It’s the only way I can atone for my si-.”
“Sins you didn’t commit.” Jihyo comments dryly, cutting off Jeongyeon. She knows what the taller girl was going to go about.
“Even so. It’s the only way I know.” Jeongyeon pleadingly replies.
She grabs both Jihyo’s hands against her own and intertwines them, warming each other’s cold hands.
“I love her.” She speaks softly as she locks gaze with Jihyo.
“I understand. If that’s what you really want to do, you know I can’t really stop you.” Jihyo forces an answer and a smile.
“Thank you.” Jeongyeon speaks warmly with a smile, making Jihyo’s smile look more natural as she holds Jihyo’s hands tighter.
“When will you be leaving?” Jihyo asks a hint of concern in her tone.
“Next week. I’ve already asked Chaeyoung and Dahyun to cover for my shift.” She replies softly.
“Are you going to be staying with Sana again?” Jihyo questions still feeling anxious for Jeongyeon.
“Yes. We’ll be visiting together with Momo.” Jeongyeon responds with a tone of assurance as she traces Jihyo’s facial features, seemingly looking for something in the shorter girl’s big round eyes. Jihyo beams and nods, as if answering the question in Jeongyeon’s eyes.
“You need to go now, or you’ll actually be late.” Jihyo announces, letting go of Jeongyeon hands.
Jeongyeon takes this as permission to go. Permission to let herself go and thread the path she has chosen, the path she will pick over and over again.
Jeongyeon starts trotting backward, still looking at Jihyo, her hands now inside the pockets of her leather jacket. A wave of goodbye from Jihyo finally makes Jeongyeon turn around. A few steps farther and she looks back to Jihyo, only to see the girl standing still, looking at her with worried eyes. She stops and for a moment, thinks of turning back. But Jihyo rolled her eyes and motions a ‘shoo’ with her hands while miming a ‘go’ with her mouth.
Jeongyeon nods with a sigh, facing forward and starts to walk again. She doesn’t look back anymore. She can’t betray their determination. She can’t betray the warmth that melts her worries of ice.
Jeongyeon is now far away from the bustling streets and is standing still, looking at an empty playground. Memories play in her head as she traces the playground. A swing, full of memories of uncontained laughs and giggles. A bench, full of memories of whispers of love and kisses of intimacy. A playground full of happy memories that now makes her heart thump in pain.
Lost in her thoughts, Jeongyeon is interrupted by a cold feeling on her face. A snowflake found its way on the bridge of her nose. She looks up and witnesses the first snowfall of winter.
A memory crept from the confines of her mind and into her eyes. She broke free from the snowy sky that captivated her gaze. She turns around and sees a silhouette she knows like the back of her hand, running towards her. Tears fall from her eyes as the shadow now becomes a person. A person her heart has been missing for the past miserable months of her life.
Jeongyeon instinctively opens her arms to catch the person but is only slapped by the terrible truth of the moment. The truth that the person was nothing more than an image in her memory and that her arms only caught the snowflakes falling through the cold air of winter.
She falls to her knees, holding her arms against her chest to prevent her shattered heart from completely falling apart.
“Jeong?”
“Hmmm?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Minari.”
“Jeongyeon...”
“Yoo Jeongyeon...”
“Jeongyeon, wake up. We’re almost there.” Sana shakes a sleeping Jeongyeon, obviously tired and fatigued.
Jeongyeon hums in response, opening her eyes to see green trees coated with white by the snow.
“A dream.” Jeongyeon mutters under her breath. The words taste bitter on her tongue that makes her deflate in frustration. It's a first for Jeongyeon to dream about such memory and she wishes she could bask in that dream because it felt so real.
Jeongyeon, along with Momo and Sana are on a train bound to Kobe to visit the hospital where Mina is currently being taken care of. Jeongyeon has been doing this, traveling to Japan every month since October to visit Mina.
Mina has been in a vegetative state ever since September. On her way home, Mina got into a traffic accident. A truck had tried to beat the red light while Mina was making a turn towards a corner of the intersection. Though Mina noticed the truck coming and hit the brakes, the truck couldn’t stop in time. Mina was rushed to the hospital, a couple of broken bones and wounds but she was safe. Though Mina was not totally safe. Mina was in a state where responsiveness and awareness are absent due to brain injury. Mina’s dad decided to move her to a hospital they own in Kobe, so she can be monitored and taken care of properly.
Mina’s head doctor has advised for Jeongyeon to visit Mina as often as she can. Since Jeongyeon has spent the most time with Mina for the past 5 years, her presence is considered a big catalyst for Mina’s recovery. Mina’s dad was supposed to sponsor the trips but Jeongyeon’s guilt of the accident makes her deny the financial help, talking about how it’s her responsibility that Mina is in such state. It’s an expensive trip to take every month for a student, thus Jeongyeon decided to work more shifts to support her endeavor. Sana also helped a lot just by letting Jeongyeon sleep at her place.
For Jeongyeon, it isn’t just another visit, it's their 5th anniversary. A lot of emotions and memories trying to resurface, and she continues to hold all of it back. She can’t be facing Mina with a sad expression on her face.
They arrive at the station and is greeted by a car that takes them directly to the hospital. Mina is staying in a controlled room where everything in it feels like her home for the past 5 years. Even though Jeongyeon has been inside multiple times, she's still amazed by how it feels like her and Mina's apartment.
Jeongyeon, Momo, and Sana were escorted directly to a nearby room, shortly after they've arrived. In the room is Mina's mom, smiling and bowing, welcoming them with open arms. There were a bunch of monitors in the room, several doctors and technical personnel, monitoring the controlled room where Mina can be seen lying in bed. After a few exchanges between them, they are then escorted to the controlled room.
The three of them enter the room forcing themselves to act as if Mina is just lying on her bed like she always did. It’s part of the treatment, for all the visitors to act normal even though it’s not. To try and hide away the pain and agony in their voices. Sana held hands with Momo as they approach the bed with a forced smile and Jeongyeon trailing behind them in silence.
“Mitang.” Momo is the first to speak, a mix of nervousness and sadness in her soft voice.
“...”
“Sana and I missed you so much.” Momo continues despite the tears welling up in her eyes, clutching Sana’s hand tighter.
“...”
“Yah Mitang!” Sana calls out desperately with traces of tears on her cheeks. Her eyes full of pain and sadness she can’t hide anymore.
Not being able to suppress her emotions, Sana let’s go of Momo’s hand. She covers her mouth as she sobs, running past Jeongyeon and out of the room. Not a second later, Momo excuses herself and chased after Sana, she too, could not keep her emotions.
Despite the sudden outburst of her two companions and leaving her alone, Jeongyeon remains calm. Keeps her emotions in confines as she inches closer to Mina with every step.
Jeongyeon has always been seated on the chair beside Mina’s bed, but today is different. She decides that if she were to act normally, on their anniversary, it should be how they always started the day. In bed and talking about anything they can think of, except hugs and cuddles are not included today.
Jeongyeon makes her way and sets herself at the top-right portion on the other side of the bed. She forces a smile as she strokes Mina’s black long hair. Her heart thumping in pain as she sees Mina’s lifeless eyes not showing even the slightest flicker at her touch.
Beautiful . She thought as she traces Mina’s face. Always been and always will.
“Hey, beautiful. Happy Anniversary!” She starts a conversation as she melts into the bed, now lying beside the unresponsive girl.
“...”
“I love you.” Jeongyeon speaks with sweetness in her tone, holding Mina’s cold hands and intertwining them. Despite the cold reaction she still smiles genuinely. Because that’s how it's always been when telling Mina how much she loves her. It was always a thing that made them smile.
“...”
“I brought you some gifts but it’s with auntie.” Jeongyeon continues despite the exasperation she’s feeling. The emotions she’s bottling up slowly but surely climbing up from her heart to be reborn into words and she can feel it welling up.
“...”
“It’s a surprise. But if you really want to know, you’ll have to-” She trails off, tears invading her eyes as she holds on Mina’s hand tightly, pulling it to her face as she places a kiss. A silent prayer that she wants to be heard.
“-wake up and see for yourself.” She continues sobbingly as tears fell to her cheeks and into Mina’s cold hands.
“I’m sorry. I just-” Jeongyeon sobbingly stops, frustration evident in her breaking voice.
“-miss you so much, it hurts.” She continues looking up to the still figure that is Mina, pain, and sorrow apparent in her breaking voice.
“Miss Yoo. Please-” A voice on the speaker is suddenly cut off. But it doesn’t really matter because Jeongyeon fails to notice.
“Please wake up soon. I want to go on dates with you again. I want to get cuddles and hugs from you again. I want to taste your kisses again. I want you back, Minari.” Jeongyeon adds, sounding so desperate and pleading. She leans over Mina, placing a kiss on her forehead that tasted like longing.
“Miss Yoo. I’m sorry but we’ll have to ask you to step out now. We can’t have you continue like this. I’m really sorry but it’s protocol.” The voice on the speaker once again announces and this time, Jeongyeon was able to hear it.
Jeongyeon nods willingly, wiping her eyes and cheeks. She slips a long kiss on Mina’s hand, another prayer before she goes. She lay Mina’s hand as gently as she has taken them. She gets up from the bed, trotting backward as she stares at Mina, still lying there unmoved.
Jeongyeon finally turns and walks towards the door but halts halfway.
“Jeong...”
A small voice awfully familiar that it haunted her. A voice she longed for so much, it brought tears to her eyes at the thought of false hope. She hesitates to look back, thinking that it might be another trick her mind is playing on her. But she turns anyway and sees the body frozen still.
Except.
The still lifeless eyes now became a fountain of tears and a whisper calls out Jeongyeon’s nickname.
It’s just a whisper. But it had life and it sounded like love.