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It's their third safe house this month, located in an urban town in the Netherlands.
They are renting the house from an older lady called Marie, a sweet woman who lets them stay there for an indefinite amount of time.
Y/N doesn't know what she can do to make sure her appreciation for Marie is known, and so she does what she does best: she bakes a pie.
With plums, because that's what their house is stuffed with.
It's all Bucky's fault, Y/N thinks grimly as she cuts the plums in neat, thin slices. All these plums and no one to eat them because he's the only fucker here who likes them.
She hums a song as she puts the plums in the pie and puts it in the oven.
When she looks up and puts her hands on her sides, she notices what a mess the kitchen is.
Plums. There are plums everywhere. Everywhere.
Damn you, Barnes.
Steve has taken the boys out for a mission and Nat is out to buy new clothes for all of them, so Y/N has the house for herself for a few days. Is she happy with it?
Yes and no.
The bed feels empty without Steve next to her.
But it's so nice and quiet. She doesn't have to hear every single one of Sam and Bucky's squabbles and neither does she have to clean up Nat's weapons. Seriously, that woman leaves her weapons everywhere.
Y/N throws the last plum in the bin and looks around with a smile. The kitchen is beautifully clean again, sparkling in the sunlight that streams through the kitchen window.
Sunlight is rare in the Netherlands, and Y/N has already learnt to enjoy it when she can.
She puts on a bathing suit and some sunscreen and puts a chair on her balcony.
With a book, she can leave the real world behind her and forget about all the shit that's going on.
She brings the pie to Marie the next day, after Nat's texted her that she'll be away for a few more days because she can't find a perfect dress. Y/N knows better than to believe her, but she doesn't comment on it because she knows Nat could kill her with just her pinkie finger.
Marie thanks her in broken English, but Y/N knows joy when she sees it, and so she smiles and says, "Alstublieft," because she's studied a few Dutch words.
Y/N doesn't really know what to do with the rest of her time, so she gives the house a thorough cleanse and at five in the afternoon, curls up in the bed she and Steve share and tries to sleep.
The sleep doesn't come, however, because she can't sleep without Steve's arm around her and his bare chest pressed against her back.
She blinks away the tears and instead opts to read another book.
The world turns slowly as the days pass and the sun disappears.
The rain clatters against the windows when she gets a call from Nat.
"Hey," Y/N says softly, stirring her chocolate sauce for her vanilla cake.
"Afternoon," Nat says, and she's heaving.
Y/N lifts an eyebrow. "Wanna tell me what you're doing?"
"Eh- running away. I think?"
"Need me to come and pick you up?"
"I'm almost there," Nat says softly, and she's stopped heaving now.
"Listen, I need you to pack whatever shit you and Steve brought and get the hell out of that place. They're onto us again."
Y/N tenses. On the floor above her, she hears footsteps.
"They're already here," she says softly, and she puts the bowl on the counter top.
Nat curses.
"Hold on, I'll be there," she says and then there is a soft bleep. Y/N sighs and puts the phone on the counter. I hate you, Steven Grant Rogers, for convincing me to come with you.
She doesn't know exactly what happens after she takes the cake out of the oven, but Nat finds her against a wall, hands and clothes red with blood, and two bodies at her feet. She's crying.
"Shh, ssh," Nat whispers, lifting her up from the ground. "It's okay. You're okay."
Y/N lets herself get cleaned by Nat and later she also lets Nat crawl into bed with her.
"I know you can't sleep without him," says Nat softly as she puts off the light, "so I'll sleep with you."
The next morning, Y/N finds the wall suspiciously clean and the two bodies are gone.
She doesn't ask and Nat doesn't tell.
"So. Plums. Apples. Flour. Eggs. Something else?"
"Yeah, something like food that is nutritional and healthy. As much as I love your pies, darling, I would like to eat meat or fish again and maybe even some veggies," Nat says with a light smile.
Y/N nods. "Alright. I'll go down to the market and get all that. See you soon." She puts on her coat and her hat, and leaves the house.
I hate this world, Y/N thinks as she puts the bags with groceries on the wooden table. Nat is nowhere to be seen and there's no note, but Y/N knows better than to ask so she simply makes dinner for herself and watches tv before stepping in bed.
She can't sleep. Again.
She tosses and turns and eventually gives up, moving to the only empty room in their house.
It has a few of Steve's boxing bags and something Sam uses to lift.
Y/N puts on her music and starts moving through the room, practicing her fighting style.
She's sweating when she's done, but it's six in the morning and she's hungry.
She eats breakfast and cleans the kitchen again. In doing so, she finds a throwing star in a pan. Grumbling, she puts the throwing star on Nats bed.
She is awoken by her ringtone and picks up the phone still half-asleep.
"Y/N-- Y/N, you need to get..-"
Y/N shoots upright in bed as Nats voice falters and the connection breaks.
The room is dark and when she looks at the clock she knows she's slept only an hour.
Not merely enough, but it'll have to do.
She takes one of the bags out of the closet and starts pushing all her clothes in it.
During missions, the boys take all their clothing with them, to make sure that if they have to run, they don't have to buy everything again.
Y/N rummages through the drawers to look for her personal stuff when she stumbles upon a small photograph. It's one of her and the Avengers. They're all laughing. She's sitting on a stool, with Tony behind her and his hands on her shoulders. She's looking up at him with a small, mysterious smile like they're sharing a secret that nobody knows about.
Y/N swallows and touches the medaillon around her neck.
Then there is a faint click that she knows all too well and she freezes in her movement.
"You're going to turn around real slow," a voice growls behind her. "And you're going to tell us exactly where your companions are."
She doesn't get the chance to turn around, because then there is a soft gurgling sound, and a gun clatters to the ground.
A warm hand lands on her shoulder and she flinches.
"It's me," Nat says then, and Y/N turns around.
"We need to leave. Now." Y/N nods, still a little dazed, and throws the photograph in the bag, together with all the other things that she managed to take with her - which is basically nothing.
There are literally no advantages to being on the run, she thinks as Nat pushes her in their car.
"I already signaled the boys."
"But- what about Marie?"
"She'll be fine," says Nat after a sigh. "Hopefully nobody will look at her."
They drive through Europe for hours and eventually Y/N takes over from Nat and the redhead falls asleep.
It's the only time Y/N sees her this unguarded.
They stop in a motel, and Nat wakes up.
While Y/N showers, Nat calls Sam to let him in on the details.
"Yeah, she's here-- she's fine... Steve, she's-- okay, okay, I'll get to her."
Y/N steps out of the bathroom in her pajamas. Nat smiles at her and hands her the phone. "Steve wants to talk to you." After that, she disappears in the bathroom.
Y/N crawls on the big bed and presses the phone to her ear.
"Hey baby," she hears, and a smile grows on her face.
"Hey," she answers.
"We've already found another safe house where we can stay for a while. Sam just texted Nat the address. How are you?"
"I'm fine," Y/N answers. "I miss you, though."
Steve chuckles. "I miss you too sugar. I'll see you soon, 'kay?"
"Mkay."
"I love you." He hangs up after that and Y/N stares at the phone in surprise.
When Nat steps out of the shower in an old shirt from Clint, Y/N's already under the covers. The phone lays on the bedside table.
Nat takes it and breaks it with her heel.
Then she steps in the bed and curls up against Y/N. The girl's soft breathing lulls her to sleep.
What the hell?
Y/N frowns at the agents further up the road.
"Shit," Nat says, and she stops the car. There's no one else on the road and the agents have spotted them now.
"Y/N..." she says, but Y/N's already got the bags in her hands. She unlocks the door.
"Run like hell," Nat says sharply, and Y/N doesn't let herself be told twice. She starts running like hell, while the agents start shooting.
Ten minutes later she's leaning against a tree, with blood pouring out of her shoulder and a bullet in her hand.
Nat hisses and takes out an emergency kit.
"This is going to hurt," she warns, and Y/N nods, face contorted.
There are tears streaming down her face but Nat is good at these kind of things and with a quick bandage, they're good to go. Without a car, though, and four heavy bags to carry.
Y/N doesn't complain and simply follows Nat through the woods.
They meet in France.
Nat knows where to go and she takes Y/N to a lovely house in the countryside, where there are literally no other living creatures, and for the first time in a year Y/N thinks that this might work out.
Steve and the others step outside as they come closer and Y/N forgets about her shot wound and runs up to him. He hugs her and lifts her in the air, spinning her around a few times as he presses kisses in her neck and whispers how much he missed her.
"I missed you too," she confesses as he lets her stand on her own legs again and behind them, Natasha laughs.
"Let's leave these two lovebirds to get reacquainted. I'll keep you up to date while Sam makes us lunch."
Steve pulls Y/N inside and nobody is surprised when they go upstairs immediately. Sam simply whistles to which Y/N blushes furiously.
Once they're inside one of the bedrooms Y/N guesses belongs to Steve, he plasters his lips on hers.
She welcomes his touch which feels like fire and lightning and closes her eyes as his hands roam her body.
Their clothes end up on the floor and they stumble onto the bed.
Y/N giggles.
"You're eager, aren't ya?" She asks, and Steve smirks. "I haven't seen you in weeks," he says softly, laying a soft kiss on her stomach. "I think I have the right to be eager."
"Yeah you do-- oh!"
Later, they're pressed together on the sheets.
Steve is tracing the scars on Y/N's back with his index finger. She hums softly and shifts, turning around to face him.
"We made an agreement with T'Challa to let Bucky stay in Wakanda," Steve says.
"And then?"
"We split up. It's easier for them to find us when we're together."
Y/N doesn't answer and simply slips out of the bed. "Okay," she whispers, and she disappears in the bathroom.
Steve lets her go, wondering if this is the point where she will slip away from him forever. Being on the run is taking a toll on all of them, but at least he and the others still have each other. Y/N had been Tony's best friend before the Accords. She has lost a lot, too.
They stay in France for a few days.
Y/N lays in the same bed as Steve but she still can't sleep and she thinks that maybe this is the part where they're going to split forever.
When he's asleep, she caresses his cheek and pushes back her tears because it feels like this is the end and she's nowhere near ready for it.
Steve takes Bucky to Wakanda alone, after they've all said their goodbyes.
Nat disappears after that, and Sam decides to take Y/N with him.
They find a house in Italy.
Y/N has Italian origins and speaks the language fluently. Nobody looks up when they're shopping on the markets or when late at night they can't sleep and sit on the roof of the building.
"I miss him," Sam says on their fifth night. Above them, the sky is dark with beautiful specks of light in it. The moon emits a silver glow on the roofs but Y/N can't bring herself to love it.
She looks at him. Steve or Bucky? She doesn't ask.
"I know," she says instead, and she puts her hand on his knees. He squeezes her hand and she lets him because they both need comfort.
She almost gives in, when Everett Ross calls her a few days later.
"How did you get my number?" She asks immediately. She puts her cake in the oven and looks at the kitchen. Her eyes sting when she notices there are no plums and that there are no weapons in the kitchen and she's missing the chatter that usually irritates her.
"Doesn't matter," Everett says calmly. "You can still back out of this. Give it up and tell us what you did- confess to us and we'll let you go."
She frowns and twirls a note in her hands with Sam's handwriting on it.
Why did I do this? Why did I leave all of them behind for a future that I knew I could never get?
There are a million thoughts swirling in her head and she wants to cry and scream and let go, because there is a void in her soul that can't be filled.
But nothing, nothing indicates that she can betray them.
She hangs up and crashes the phone against the counter. Then she screams, as loud as she can, until she's sobbing and she sinks to the kitchen floor and wraps her arms around herself because she doesn't know what to do anymore.
Sam finds her like that, a mess in the kitchen, and he wraps her up in his arms and carries her to his bedroom.
It's the first time in months that she sleeps without any nightmares.
They split up after Everett's call and promise to reach out to each other every month.
Y/N wades through rivers and walks through forests until she can't anymore and she finds a farm with a father and his daughter.
They take her in and take care of her and for the first time in forever she feels like the void in her soul becomes smaller.
Steve comes by a few times, and she tells him that she doesn't know what she needs to do anymore and he simply lets her crawl onto his lap and he holds her, listening to her ragged breathing and her sobs.
And he tells her it's going to be okay and she wants to believe him so badly but there's this small part in her mind that knows the truth.
I wish I had never fallen in love with you, she whispers in her mind in the middle of the night, when Steve lays naked next to her.
I wish-- I wish I was stronger than this.
Wanda returns.
Steve asks her to come with them, to seek refuge somewhere else, but Y/N finds she can't leave her new family. She declines and kisses him goodbye.
Wanda makes her promise to be careful and then she's alone in the corn field again.
But there are no more tears and her anger is gone and there's only resolution because she did this to herself.
She simply sighs and smiles and turns around to start milking the cows.
It's been two years since she's started running and she's still on the farm.
One morning, she wakes up in bed and she just knows.
She tells them during breakfast, and Lily is old enough to understand now, and Chris nods and tells her that it's okay.
She kisses them goodbye with tears streaming down her cheeks and promises she'll be back.
Chris only smiles and caresses her cheek.
"I know you will," he says, and then she walks out the door to see the jet hovering above the field.
In the opening stands a familiar face, and before she knows it she's running and jumping in his arms and he twirls her around and for a second she's back in France and it feels like the world is perfect and everything is okay.
She kisses him and kisses him and whispers she's sorry, so, so sorry but he simply shakes his head and smiles.
"It's okay," he says as he guides her inside where the others are.
She leaves his side for a minute to greet Sam and Natasha. She eyes Rhodey for a bit until he smiles and steps up to hug her. Bruce only smiles at her, a little hesitant, and Wanda and Vision seem so caught up in their own things that she doesn't speak to them.
The air is tense and nobody speaks until Steve goes up to the cockpit and talks to Sam about the coordinates and what he needs to do, leaving Y/N with Nat.
"I know it's been hard for you," Nat says softly.
Y/N smiles. "I had people to stand behind me," she answers. "It's okay. I love him and he loves me, that's all that matters."
Nat smirks and shakes her head. "God, I do hope that Steve knows what he's doing," she mutters. "Or else we followed him into a pit for nothing."
Y/N doesn't respond to that because she knows that what they did - follow Captain America without question - was very, very wrong and it has a lot of consequences none of them are ready to face.
Steve holds her hand as they step out of the jet but lets her go as soon as he spots T'Challa and she steps backwards to fall into step with Sam.
"Wakanda is beautiful," she ponders.
She opens her mouth to say something else when she hears someone call her name.
"Y/N. It's good to see you." She turns and smiles as she spots Bucky, who lets Steve go and wraps her in a warm hug.
She nods as they let go. "It's been a long time," she says, and he nods too. The King leads them inside and that's that.
Y/N doesn't know what do - she's been a part of the original seven Avengers since the Battle of New York but this is not her area of expertise.
And she knows that Steve doesn't need someone controlling him, so she visits Shuri in her lab and watches the young Princess take care of Vision.
The fight begins all too soon and Sam swoops onto the battlefield and drops her on the grass next to Nat and she bows down, her fingers in the earth and starts searching for life energy in the earth's core.
"Don't release yet," Nat says. They're all tense.
Then a part of the shield around Wakanda opens and lets Thanos' army through. The warriors cry a battle cry, and Y/N grits her teeth in annoyance as everyone starts running.
Four members of the Dora Milaje stay with her, protecting her with their spears.
"Almost," Sam says, and she pulls a string of life energy in the earth. Her energy is pulsing under her skin, waiting to be released, but she waits for their orders.
"Now!" T'Challa barks, and she slams her fist on the ground. There is a loud crack, and something roars.
From the trees, two giants appear. They start slamming themselves a way through Thanos' army. Y/N heaves, because it's costing her a lot of energy to keep the giants working.
"Watch out!" Sam yells and he dives in front of her, taking on one of the creatures. Y/N heaves, and the Dora Milaje enclose her like a shield, already fighting off these creatures.
Shuri swoops in and ducks, covering Y/N with a large shield.
"Are you alright?" She asks, and Y/N frowns because Shuri should be in her lab working on Vision.
"Fine," Y/N answers, and she takes a deep breath.
"Just.. need to gain a bit more energy."
The Princess nods and she's off again, firing off blast after blast, with two Dora Milaje running behind her.
She sits next to Sam when it happens, with a sprained wrist in the grass, and tries to heal his wounds.
"Don't-" Sam says, but she pushes him back on the ground. "I can heal you," she whispers.
His face contorts into a horrified expression, and Y/N falls on her butt in shock when he starts turning to dust.
"No..." she whispers, eyes big. She scrambles on her feet and catches Rhodey's eye.
"Steve. Steve-- Steve! Nat!" She pushes through the plants and comes to a halt when she finds Steve sitting on the ground next to somebody else's ashes and god, Bucky isn't there.
And it's the first time she sees him give up.
We lost, she thinks. We lost-- oh my god, we lost.
She looks for Lily and Chris, but when she arrives on the farm there's only piles of dust and she sinks to the floor and she doesn't get up for hours.
Clint goes rogue, Scott disappears and Tony is stuck in space. (They don't even start on Thor)
There is absolutely no hope for them anymore.
And still, Y/N holds hope.
They will make it, one way or another.
She lives with Steve in her old apartment and they mourn Sam and Bucky's loss together and she knows he'll never get over it, but she doesn't give up hope.
A few months pass and they meet Captain Marvel, a lovely and fierce blonde who Y/N loves immediately.
They kill Thanos, but it doesn't bring them any closer and now Y/N is close to losing hope.
Five years later, she is baking a pie with plums on Bucky's birthday and she's humming and twirling in the kitchen with tears streaming down her face. (Secretly she wishes he enters her apartment with a bag of plums and starts complaining about how he's the only one who likes them and that the rest of them are uncultured animals)
Her phone rings and she doesn't pick up.
If it's important, they'll call again.
And then it rings again, and she grumbles and picks it up.
"Y/N, I need you to come to the Compound immediately," Steve says hastily, and she doesn't have time to answer because he's already hung up.
She quickly grabs her jacket from the couch and runs out of the apartment to her car.
When Scott tells them about a time machine, Y/N is dazed and she needs to sit down because she doesn't know what to do for a minute.
She's not surprised that Tony says no in an instant, but she stays for lunch with him and afterwards she kisses them goodbye and Tony stays on the veranda a little longer while she lights up a cigarette.
"I'm happy for you," she says softly. He smiles. It's not a broken smile and she's glad that he's happy.
"Yeah. How are you faring?"
She shrugs. "As well as I can after the end of the world. Look--" she sighs deeply, "I can't convince you and I'm not going to. You have a life here and you deserve to lead it. Just... think about Peter, okay? Think about all those others that you can save. You don't have to do anything with it, but think about it."
He doesn't respond and she hugs him goodbye before leaving in her own car.
Tony decides to help them after all.
Y/N doesn't comment on it, but she does have a horrid feeling that this is going to go so wrong.
She helps them prepare for days, and when the time machine is ready, she stays behind to ensure nothing goes wrong.
They come back without Nat, and Y/N's legs give out and she falls to the floor and the void grows bigger and bigger and it's consuming her.
Courtesy of handling life magic, she thinks later. The energy you use will consume your emotions and turn your soul black and you'll die. Right now, I think I'll take it.
Bruce's whole arm burns away when he uses the glove, but Laura calls Clint so that means it worked.
They don't have time to celebrate, however, because then Thanos comes from the past and destroys the Compound.
Y/N has just barely enough time to escape, and stands on top of the ruins to see Thanos sitting in the middle of it all.
She grits her teeth and balls her hands into fists.
I'm coming for you, Thanos, she whispers. She wants to scream it and unleash all her power on that damn Titan, but she knows she shouldn't.
Steve Rogers is worthy. I'm not surprised.
She lands on the dusty ground just as Thanos slams Steve into the ground.
"Now now," she says, and he turns around to watch her lift pieces of the Compound from the ground, "you haven't seen the best yet."
She throws and throws until she can barely breathe and she can see Steve standing up in the corner of her eye.
She lifts her hands in the air and cages him so that he can't move.
"Now, I wouldn't say I want to kill you," she says, and she smiles dangerously and for the first time she can feel that her soul is darkening. And it's wrong, it's so wrong, she knows, but it doesn't matter.
"But you killed my friends. You killed my family."
She snaps her fingers and the thick vines circle around his throat. He hisses.
"Y/N," someone says behind her on a warning tone. She sighs. "God," she turns around to face Tony, "I just want to have some fun." She waves her hand and releases Thanos from his prison.
"So incredibly sad," she says, and then she spins around and pounds into the Titan. He groans but twists around and slams her into a pile of concrete and flashes of pain course through her body and she groans.
"Ah shit," she whispers, and she sees the blood on her clothes now.
It's over too quickly, and she sees Tony falling to the ground. She ignores Steve, who seems perfectly fine - he's not, but he's got Bucky and Sam back so she'll leave them for a while - and runs to him.
Peter is crying and she sits next to him without any tears, because she's considering her options.
Pepper kisses him goodbye and takes a step backwards, hauling Peter in her arms.
Y/N sighs.
"Stupid," she mumbles as she pushes on the suit. It opens and she carefully slides Tony's body out of it.
"You fucking bastard. Think you can just leave your family like that? Didn't think so."
She places her hands on his chest and closes her eyes, reaching for his own life energy. It's weak and barely there, but as she reaches, it grows bigger.
Her entire body is burning and there is blood dripping out of her nose.
She can vaguely hear someone call her name.
Then Tony's life energy flickers, and it's back again.
Thank god, she thinks even though she doesn't believe in god.
Thank god, Tony, Tony-- you're back.
Tony coughs and he lifts his head long enough to look at her.
His eyes grow big in horror.
"Y/N..." he says slowly. He lifts his hand and wipes away blood from her face. She smiles and blinks a tear away. When she wipes it away, her finger is bloody.
"Y/N!" She hears Steve call for her, and then it all falls away and she falls unconscious on Tony's chest.
They lay her in a field of flowers, close to the farm where she spent almost a year after the Accords.
Chris and Lily are there, and they cry and everybody is surprised because they never knew these people.
Steve sits by her side and prays to his God, and asks the Lord if he can save her, but nothing happens.
They don't celebrate.
The rest of the world does, but the Avengers don't.
They lost Natasha Romanov and Y/N Y/L/N that day, and they can never forget.
They bury Natasha's favourite weapons next to Y/N's body, which is still perfectly preserved. Her skin is as pale as it can be, and her chest doesn't rise, and Steve falters in his step because he knows it's done.
When they finally say goodbye, vines grow out of the earth and wrap themselves around Y/N's body.
"A life for a life," Doctor Strange had said when they pleaded with him to bring Y/N back. "Tony's death was not necessary, but because she saved him, the afterlife needed a soul. Whether she stays or not, that's up to Mother Earth."
Everybody blinks and nobody understands - but Tony does.
He explains it to them days later.
"Y/N is a creature of the earth," he says as he sits down. "She belongs to Mother Earth, who has granted her the powers she could use. By saving my life, earth has accepted a soul. It just needs that soul."
Weeks pass, and Steve can't cry over Y/N's loss.
Something doesn't feel right - but the air is cleared and everyone is working as hard as they can to get the world back on its feet.
Sam bursts in his room at an ungodly hour, eyes wide.
"Steve," he says. "Steve! There's something you need to see."
Steve follows him outside, and then he stands still because there stands Y/N in the field of flowers. She's wearing a sheer white gown and a crown made out of flowers and her eyes are shining.
She smiles.
And he bursts into tears.
A few hours later she's sitting on a couch sandwiched in between Bucky and Steve. Steve hasn't let her go since she appeared before him, and his fingers draw soothing circles on her back.
Bucky laughs at a joke Sam tells, and Y/N lifts her head.
Around her are her friends.
Tony is playing with Morgan and one of Clint's kids on the ground and everyone is laughing and chatting and drinking and Y/N thinks, this is home.
Much later, she's in bed next to Steve. He sits upright, reading, and she's making Lily a flower crown.
It's silent and it feels comfortable.
She looks up and meets his eyes. He smiles.
"I love you," he says.
"I love you too," she whispers and then she puts the flower crown away and leans into him and he kisses her deeply.
We'll be okay, she thinks as his hand grip her waist and tug her even closer to him and she bites back a moan. Her back arches and he kisses her neck.
It will be okay.