Work Text:
"Where are we?"
"We are at an idol concert"
"Idol concert?"
"Yes, they are a fairly new band, and they are also the first zombies that became popular, with both zombies and humans"
"Zombie idols?"
"Yes, you could call them zombie idols"
"Zombies?"
Sigh. "Yes, they are zombies. Do you want their DNA scan?"
"No, I would rather not come close to them"
"Ok, then just listen to the concert, brother please"
Silence. "Why are we here, dude?"
Another sigh. "We are here, because I want to help you overcome your irrational fear of zombies"
"Irrational? I mean they eat our brains, and they think we are food. If I want to save my skin, I don't see what is irrational in that"
"No, they don't want to eat our brains. They already got over that. It's not like they need to eat anything now. They are dead. Immortal, after all. Food doesn't mean much to them. Especially us or our food. So, yes your fears are irrational"
"Then why am I still working as a zombie hunter?"
"I really don't know brother. I mean your job is declining and you will soon lose all your customers. I mean we aren't even living in an area where they are zombies around. I really don't know what you hunt"
"I hunt zombies"
"Yes I am sure you do. The last time Ms. Armano called, she asked of you to take care of a zombie right?"
"Well it wasn't a zombie particularly..."
"No, it wasn't a zombie at all. It was a rat. You know I think you should stop this nonsence about zombie hunting and just go in pest control. It is a better job nowadays"
"Shut up, nobody asked you anything"
Shrug. "Whatever. Your life, bro"
"Why are we here again?"
"Do you have alzheimers?"
"No"
"Then you should know why we are here. And besides I already told you"
"But could you repeat it again?"
"Not counting my try to make you see reason, and stop discriminating against zombies, we are also here to see and maybe meet many interesting faces"
"Like?"
"Like you name it. Do you see those people there? They probably like metal music. Or those over there? They are probably zombie activists, fighting for zombie rights"
"What zombie rights? They aren't even alive"
"Maybe, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't have rights. Moving on. There are also many idol fans, and most of them are swines, but you can sometimes find a unique individual that is a normal person. Although those are rare"
"There are many reporters and journalists here. You can ask them how does working for a real job feel"
"Ha, ha very funny"
"Thank you, I rather like that joke too. Nevertheless, let's go on"
"I can also see some motorgang members, with their leather jackets and helmets, those people could be fun. Also a lot of girls are here. Maybe you meet the love of your life, right now. You can never know"
"Yeah, sure"
"Sure be a pessimist. Your going to achieve a lot in life. Nevermind now. Over there I can see a couple of priests and nuns. Though the reason for them being here, I am not sure, but we can always go and ask"
"What about those people?", He asked pointing a finger in their direction.
"They look like satanists. Or necromancers. I am not sure, I haven't meet much of those I confess, so I don't really now the difference between them"
"And you actually want me to interact with these people?"
"Yes, I do. They could be all lovely people, and you need to broaden your horizons"
"You're serious?"
"Yes, very"
"I hate you so much, you know that right?"
"Yes, I hate you as much back, brother. Never doubt it for a second"
A woman dressed in a black dress that looked like a rag, came closer and started to talk.
"Do you want my potions?"
"No"
"What is in them? What are they for?"
"Dude, you can't be serious..."
"What? I am curious, and I am just being polite"
"My potions are for everything. From love potions, to luck potions, to turning-your-parents-into-a-frog potion, then turning-your-sister-into-a-frog potion"
"And they are made from variety of objects from grass, mushrooms, frog eags to cow tongues"
"Yuch, that sounds awful"
"It surely is my son. That's kinda the point"
"I also have one where you can make someone die because of a heart attack, or the one that makes someone turn into a zombie"
"Uh, I wouldn't want that to even my worst enemy"
"There is also one where you turn into an idol fan"
"Damn, that one is a death sentence. It's even worse than turning into a zombie"
"Yes it is"
"No it is no. What's with you people?"
"I also have a weather potion, for changing the weather. And the rest is the ways you want someone to die. By hanging, car accident, choking, drowning. I have a plethora of choices"
"Interesting. Do you have a turn-my-brother-into-a-frog potion?"
"Hey! I am right here!"
"No unfortunately I ran out. It is a pretty popular item, these days"
"A shame. Well thank you anyway witch!"
"You are welcome, young man. If you ever need my services, here is my card. Call me"
"I will"
The woman in rags walks away.
"Do we still have to be here? Can we go home?"
"Not until you talk to someone"
"I haven't come here to make friends"
"Yes you did"
"No I did not"
"Then why have you come here?"
"I have come here to... uh.... Hunt zombies! Yeah that's right!"
"There are no zombies here"
"You just said those idols were zombies"
"You can't kill the performers!"
"Watch me"
"Brother, please! At least choose a less conspicious target"
Grumbling. "Fine. I will go and talk to people and see who of them are zombies. Satisfied?"
"It's close enogh. So yes I am"
"Now go away. I have a job to do"
"All right. Good hunting"
"Thanks. Stay safe, dude"
"And you try not to kill yourself"
"I won't"
"I really hope so"
"Goodbye"
"Bye"
