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The kiss placed on the corner of his mouth scared him. Niè Huáisāng gave him many of such kisses and already stopped blushing like an idiot whenever it happened, but this one was different. It was not as light, not as short, there was something very wrong with it, something desperate, not sweet - instinctively he grabbed Niè Huáisāng’s sleeve.
'You are not telling me something' he stated, because there was no need to ask about it, he was sure. 'A-Sang' his mouth was getting dry. 'What are you planning to do?'
'I miss my brother.'
Jiāng Chéng wanted to shout that this is nothing new but his brain short-circuited.
'No.'
He never kissed Niè Huáisāng first... not like this. Kissing his palms, temple, hair - he has done it many times, but anything more was always initiated by Niè Huáisāng because Jiāng Chéng always felt awkward when he thought of doing it. But this time he kissed Niè Huáisāng first, and it was he who deepened the kiss and did not let the other break it too soon. And when they finally separated it was Niè Huáisāng who was more breathless, and that was exactly how Jiāng Chéng wanted him to be.
'You said it earlier, he would not like you following this path so knock it off. If you are feeling down come to Yunmeng, I will hide you there until you feel up to the tasks again. But stop being overly dramatic and rush your decisions, you idiot.' His voice was steady, but he did not feel steady. He was not even sure if he would be able to stand up. This fucking idiot scared him to the core through his actions and words. And then he had done it for the second time, by staying silent. In this silence Jiang Chang's realised that Niè Huáisāng was a too good actor to give himself away so easily - that kiss was so telling! - Unless he desperately wanted help or was so out of it that he was not able to control himself. Based on the past, the first one did not really seem like an answer. There were so many other ways in which Niè Huáisāng asked for help. This... this was something different. So he was so out of it, so out of balance that he could no longer hold his shit together - he, Niè Huáisāng. Jiāng Chéng doubted he can help anyone, but he had to try — there was no one else who could, only him in a dark room, only his arms cradling Niè Huáisāng, only his voice that could reach this man.
'I can't tell you that you will stop missing him. It will be with you always' like he was missing his sister ', but you will manage. I will make sure of it. Just let me, just stay with me, talk to me' his voice started to be erratic, words less and less intelligible. 'Please, Huáisāng I...' it felt so wrong to say it, but he could not swallow words that wanted to get away so much. 'Please, stay with me, so many people have already left me, please, Huáisāng.'
The man in his arms shivered, and Jiāng Chéng knew that he made him cry.
'I'm sorry. I'm selfish, but Huáisāng...'
Two slender fingers on his lips made him fall silent.
'We are so broken' Niè Huáisāng whispered. 'You should not be here, you should not ask me for such things. You should spend your evening with a wife and a child or two. Not me. And I should...'
'But we are here. Without wives because I scare off all ladies and their fathers and... Huáisāng?'
Niè Huáisāng chuckled and shook his head. He still had tear streaks on his cheeks, but his eyes looked more familiar, more grounded.
'You scare their fathers first, ladies later. Many of them would probably marry you hoping to soften your temper with time, but you do not lean into their fathers’ ambitions, so they can't. But somewhere has to be someone who you will like enough to bend a bit or a woman for whom you will go a bit against your rules just to be with her. And you will marry. You deserve it and...'
Jiāng Chéng had enough. The kiss he offered was rough, not meant for comfort, but to make Niè Huáisāng breathless again and to silence him. Because he was right about it all, but for now Jiāng Chéng did not want to think about it.
'I won't marry' he whispered into Niè Huáisāng’s lips 'until I'm sure that you are safe from yourself.' He cupped Niè Huáisāng’s chin and brushed his thumb against swollen lip before he slipped it down to other's throat, over the layers of clothing on his chest to finally put it around his waist and bring him closer to himself.
'Are you trying to blackmail me, sect leader Jiang?'
'Yes.'
Niè Huáisāng said nothing more.