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His circadian rhythm’s a broken note in his body.
That is to say that Donghyuck hasn’t been sleeping right lately. He rationalizes—quite incredulously—that it must be because of all the amount of sleep he got during his quick hiatus, now taking a toll on him. A fractured shinbone really only gives you so much to work with. For days on end Donghyuck had done nothing but eat and sleep and play games on his phone. Then, his mother would come into the room with cubes of winter fruits and chide him about the effects of being on his phone too much. Something about blue lights and damaged corneas. Donghyuck usually buzzes out at the second sentence, so he’s not quite sure. This would usually leave him with the only choice: sleeping.
So, it must be that. Too much of anything is bad, he read in some obscure internet article once during his web-surfing escapades at 3 in the morning. He got too much sleep during his break so that must be the reason. His body had forgotten the tune to his proper day-to-day schedule, even more so when he flew to the US to finally participate in their concerts after months of healing. It’s a case of learned insomnia and disparate timezones. Days-long jet lags, too.
For the longest time, Donghyuck lies awake in a pacific hotel room. Laughter from Johnny and Yuta’s room across the hall has long lulled in time for the Atlanta skyline to mute. He looks at the ceiling one last time before reaching to his night stand to fingerprint his phone open, determined to finally defeat and catch Rayquaza one last time.
“Have you been staying up lately?” Jihyun-noona, the make up artist, asks. She looks concerned at the pair of eyebags he’s been sporting as of late.
Yuta, fixing his ear piece beside them, answers for him. “When is he not,” he snorts. “He’s hooked to some game again. So his sleeping habits—or lack, thereof—has probably gotten worse.”
“It’s not just some game,” Donghyuck grouches, tilting his head a little to the left as Jihyun dabs on concealer. “It’s Pokemon.”
“Ooh, which are you playing?” Johnny asks from the couch.
“Emerald,” he supplies. “I’m halfway through the game. Mark says it’s impossible to finish it in 3 days and I’m about to prove him wrong.”
At that moment, Mark enters the room, only about to get his make up done. “You talking about me?” he asks through a poorly-stifled yawn. Donghyuck turns his head to look at him. Jihyun tilts his head forcefully back to her. He flashes her an apologetic smile as she proceeds to blend the concealer and stifles a yawn himself.
I don’t like sleep is what he said during that interview but Donghyuck’s starting to think that maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe sleep doesn’t like him.
“I mean I’d understand why it wouldn’t like you—“ Jaehyun says when Donghyuck voices out his thoughts but gets cut off by his own laughter when Donghyuck throws him a pillow.
“I’m kidding,” Jaehyun grins. “Although maybe if you let go of your phone it would like you better.”
Donghyuck thinks of countless nights of staring at the ceiling. His mind and body as stubborn as ever. “I don’t think so. Sleep’s a bitch. It’s hard to please.” Jaehyun only snorts at that.
They lay in silence for a while. Even with the mountains of pillows and laundered fabrics snug against his form, he’s certain he’d still be greeting the sun again. Every night, the hotel ceilings tell him secrets about himself he never even knew.
“You know, legend says that if you can’t sleep, it’s probably because you’re awake in someone else’s dream,” Jaehyun says, breaking the quiet. Donghyuck squints through dimmed lights, turning to look at him on the other bed. Jaehyun’s still looking up at the ceiling.
“And where’d you hear that from?”
“Sicheng,” Jaehyun says. “I remember him telling me that during our debut when I couldn’t sleep.”
“Huh.” Donghyuck frowns, “And who’d be dreaming of me?”
Jaehyun reaches for the night lamp to finally turn it off. It signifies the beginning of Donghyuck’s conversation with the navy blue night. “Half of your fans,” Jaehyun says, the ruffling of the comforter louder than his voice. “Or maybe one of our members. Who knows. Good night, Haechannie.”
From then on, Donghyuck makes it his mission to find out who’d been dreaming about him. Who’d been stealing his night sleep.
He isn’t really much of a superstitious person but frankly at this point he’d take any superstition as an addition to the scarce list of reasons why he’d been sleeping less lately. He’d gladly list it down below insomnia and circadian rhythm disorders. More is better, after all.
Suspect # 1 — Taeil:
“Hyung, have you been dreaming of me?” Donghyuck asks him casually and Taeil pauses from slathering tuna all over his baguette. He says, “What do you mean?”
Donghyuck beams at him. “I just figured you did since we see each other 24/7 and all. I’d probably dream about you too, if I had enough sleep.”
Taeil chuckles. “Well I wish I dreamt of you, Haechan-ah,” he says, going back to his baguette. “But all I ever dream of is my childhood home. I think it’s my subconscious reminding me I haven’t gone home in almost 2 years now. I miss my mo—oh shit, do you think this is too much pepper?”
Suspect # 2 — Doyoung:
“Good morning,” Doyoung greets, barging into his and Jaehyun’s shared room, rubbing a knuckle to his left eye. A pink towel and clothes hang from his hand. “Taeyong died in the bathroom I think. Can I use yours?”
“Yeah, sure,” Donghyuck says, looking up from his game. The sun dances on the hotel floors. “How was your sleep, hyung?” Then, he remembers, “Dreamt of me?”
Doyoung glances pointedly at his printed pajamas. “I did and in that dream, you woke up early, didn’t slave over your game, and immediately took a bath because we had a schedule early in the morning,” he says, taking a detour to the door with a shake of his head, “Go take a bath, Donghyuck. I’ll be robbing manager-hyung’s bathroom instead.”
Donghyuck loses the Mareep he was trying to catch. He groans loudly.
Suspect # 3 — Jeno:
“I’m just saying, Jeno, that I know you must miss me real bad right now,” Donghyuck says on the phone. He’s a starfish in the middle of the stage, taking a break during rehearsals. The stadium’s bigger than he imagined it to be and he pictures it filled to the brim. A lime sea of lights.
“What are you on?” Jeno laughs from the other line. “The 127 hyungs not giving you enough love?”
“You’re not giving me enough love,” he says, tacking in a whine to his voice. “Why can’t you just admit you miss me? Don’t you dream of me or something?”
“If Jeno dreamt of you, it wouldn’t be a dream, it would be a nightmare, Haechan-ah,” someone else from the phone laughs.
“Fuck off, Renjun,” Donghyuck says with no real bite to his voice. Renjun laughs again as something metal clangs loudly on the other line. “Why are you even listening in?”
“You’re on loudspeaker. We’re trying to help Jaemin make desserts in the kitchen,” Jeno says, and whispers a say hi to someone off the line. “Hi, Donghyuck!” Jaemin’s voice comes, “Hope you’re having a blast in America!”
“I am. I wish you guys were here,” Donghyuck sighs.
“Well it seems that you miss us and not the other way around,” Renjun says, stealing the phone. “Maybe you’ve been dreaming of us, hm?”
Donghyuck snorts. “I wish. I barely even sleep.”
But the three are suddenly, already yelling at each other on the other line. Something about spoiled milk and wrong bowls. It sounds disastrous. Donghyuck also realizes the last minute that even if Jeno dreamt about him, it wouldn’t affect him since they’re in different timezones. “Renjun’s gonna kill someone, I think,” Jeno says, voice staticky. “Got to go! Oh, and tell Mark-hyung we said hi!” And then they’re off.
Which reminds Donghyuck.
The last and final suspect. Suspect # 4 — Mark:
“Good morning!” Donghyuck chirps, high on two-dollar coffee. Mark and Jungwoo’s shared room is much neater than his and Jaehyun’s. “Rise and shine!”
Someone’s taking a shower. When he sees, Mark’s still bundled up in his bed. “Wake up! We’ve got a big, big, big day ahead of us!” he says, walking to the occupied bed. The city skyline waves in greeting.
Mark cracks an eye open and groans.
“Manager-hyung sent me to wake you up,” Donghyuck says. “So wake up! It’s 7am!”
“We don’t have schedule until 11am though?” Mark complains but he’s already starting to sit up.
“That’s right so we have this morning to stroll and look around!” Donghyuck chirps, “C’mon, I need you to go shopping with me.”
“Alright, alright,” Mark sighs, rubbing his eye. His hair sticks up different ways. “You seem lively. Slept well?”
“If managing to accomplish two hours of sleep equates to sleeping well, then yes,” Donghyuck says. “I did.”
“Guess you’ll be sleeping in the waiting room again, huh?” Mark says. “How do you live?”
“How do you live?” Donghyuck laughs, looking at the trail of drool drying up at the corner of Mark’s lips. “You’ve done nothing but sleep lately.”
Mark wrinkles his nose. “I don’t sleep that much.”
“You didn’t. Now you do,” Donghyuck grins. “What do you even dream of anyway? Do you dream of me?”
At that, Mark startles. Like he’d dreamt of falling and woken up alarmed at the last minute. “What do you mean,” Mark scrambles, “I don’t, uh. I don’t dream. I’m too deep in sleep for that.” Then, he immediately stands up to grab his bathrobe and walks to the bathroom. “I’m taking a bath.”
“Jungwoo-hyung’s still in the bathroom,” Donghyuck says, mildly amused. “Too deep in sleep to hear the water running?”
“Something like that,” Mark mutters, looking at Donghyuck once then away. “Whatever. I’m borrowing Taeyong-hyung’s bathroom.”
And that’s that.
Miami’s warmer than Atlanta.
The sunlight’s kind to the streets though. Kinder even to the glass walls separating the burger joint from the beach side pavements. Under the lights, Mark comments on the bags below his eyes.
Donghyuck frowns. “Does it look bad?”
“No, not at all,” Mark reassures. “I didn’t even notice it until now. And it’s probably only because of the light.”
Donghyuck sighs. He really hasn’t learned the real reason for his sleeplessness yet, superstitious or not. His interrogations and ambush interviews proved to be fruitless. None of the members have apparently dreamt of him in a long time. It’s the fans then, Jaehyun had laughed when Donghyuck complained to him. Thousands of teenage girls dreaming about you.
Then why don’t you get sleepless? And why is this happening only now? Donghyuck had asked. And at that, Jaehyun only smiled and said: Maybe the legend only works for certain people, hm?
“Bullshit,” Donghyuck mutters.
Mark looks appropriately offended. “No, really, I’m telling the truth—“
“I wasn’t talking to you.”
“Oh.” Mark visibly relaxes. “Who are you talking to then? The table napkin?”
Donghyuck throws said napkin to his face. It muffles Mark’s laughter. “Lucky bastard. Just because you get to sleep properly and I don’t,” Donghyuck huffs although the corner of his lips stretch to a smile.
Mark tucks the napkin to his side, away from murderous hands. He smiles, “Yeah, well.”
“Anyway, you counting down the days till we go to Vancouver?” Donghyuck says.
“20 days,” Mark grins, mirth in his eyes clear as day. “I can’t wait to show you guys around.”
“Oh man, I can’t wait to see ugly baby pictures from your mom,” Donghyuck says and laughs when it’s Mark’s turn to throw the napkin to his face. Mark proceeds to buzz about his favorite places back in his hometown, his hair as golden as his eyes. He remembers Mark’s statement.
I don’t dream.
Huh, Donghyuck thinks offhandedly, looking at the wink of scintilla in Mark’s irises. If you don’t dream then how come your eyes are made of it?
It’s the kind of thought he has learned to discard far away to the back of his mind.
Donghyuck’s mind does get tired from all the sleeplessness and when he does, he sleeps everywhere. Usually, he’d pick a member to sleep on for the rest of the day. The choice depends on who he sees first during his state of morning drowsiness.
Today, it’s Johnny.
“Hi,” Donghyuck says, shuffling to Johnny seated on the couch.
Johnny looks up from his phone and smiles. “Hi. What’s up?”
“What’s down,” Donghyuck mumbles, and Johnny leans forward to hear him properly but Donghyuck’s already pressing his cheek to his lap. “Me. I’m going down. I’m about to die. Good night.”
The last thing he sees is Mark looking at them from the corner of the room. Then, Donghyuck whites out.
Donghyuck sometimes feels like he could burn the moon. Pixelated games and binaural beats never seem to help him sleep and he’s so frustrated he wants to take it out on something. Tonight though, tonight is different.
Tonight, he catches up on sleep in Dallas.
It comes in small bouts at first. He’s half-submerged in a sea, he feels like. Floating, fluid, not knowing where the tides will take him. Even the dreams start off watery.
In this, he’s sitting at the edge of a pool. Blue-green sparkles from the distance and when he turns to the right, Mark’s laughing. Coaxing him to the water. Saying don’t you want to dive in? Don’t you want to take a chance? And when Donghyuck finally does, the water embraces him. Almost as if he’s in the arms of something more corporeal. The water stretches out to the distance, kisses the pink skylight. He reaches out for Mark but he finds nothing. He finds that he’s all alone.
When he startles awake, he’s all alone too in the sea of sheets. It’s 10:31PM. Jaehyun has just entered the room with bags of clothes from the night market.
“You’re asleep early,” Jaehyun comments.
“Yeah.” Donghyuck blinks, “Yeah. I dreamt of Mark.”
“Really?” Jaehyun places the bags on the table. “What happened?”
Donghyuck stares up at the ceiling, decides that he needs more sleep if he wants to do well at the concert tomorrow. “I don’t know,” he says. “I don’t remember anymore.” And the conversation ends when he closes his eyes.
It happens again the next day. And the next. Phoenix is his lucky city, he decides.
He and Mark are in a big supermarket this time. Everything easily towers over them. Cereals and boxed juices and inflatable pools in the shape of aquatic animals. When he looks down, Mark’s holding his hand.
You know, if you’d have told me the first time, then this wouldn’t have happened. Mark says, and only when Donghyuck wakes up will he realize that Mark’s voice sounds like Donghyuck’s own.
Whatever, let’s just get out of here.
The hand on his is the only vivid thing he remembers for the rest of the night. Even with all the too-bright lights and the singing bags of candy and the bouncing beach balls, it’s the only eventful thing he holds on to. When he wakes up, it’s ten minutes to three. His phone’s awake as ever, buzzing with messages from the Dream group chat.
chenle: i swear i didn’t steal your limited edition face masks, renjun-hyung! why don’t you believe me :(
renjun: you visited the other night
jaemin: i just came back from a schedule what’s going on
donghyuck: yeah what goes on
jeno: hyuck isn’t it like 3am over there
chenle: i was in the living room the whole time with jisung! also hi donghyuck-hyung
mark: why is everyone so loud
Donghyuck stares at Mark’s icon. A half-assed selfie dating all the way back to the Dream concert. He wonders why Mark is awake as well. He learns that Mark’s in the lounge when Donghyuck texts him about it. Sleep’s beckoning to him and he really, really should go back to bed but, oh well. Stealing Jaehyun’s hoodie off the floor, he heads out the door.
Mark’s emptying the vending machine when Donghyuck arrives. “Hey,” Donghyuck greets, staring at the empty cans of peach colas on the table. “Are we even supposed to be here?”
“Probably not,” Mark says, going back to his seat with a box of milk this time.
“Why are you still up?” Donghyuck asks, taking a seat next to Mark.
“Couldn’t sleep,” Mark sighs, peeling the plastic off the straw. “Haven’t been able to for three days now.”
For some reason, he hears Jaehyun’s voice in his head. “Huh,” Donghyuck says distantly. “That’s weird. Why?”
“Dunno.” Mark shrugs. “How ‘bout you? Still can’t sleep properly?”
“I’ve been sleeping well the past few days actually,” Donghyuck says. Mark pokes the straw into the box and surprisingly hands it to Donghyuck without looking. Donghyuck takes it with furrowed eyebrows.
“I’ll just get some for my own,” Mark mutters, then stands up. Donghyuck stares at his figure, remembers his dreams for the past few days. If you can’t sleep, it’s because you’re awake in someone else’s dream. His mind drifts back to pools and supermarket lights and bright smiles.
“I dreamt of you tonight, you know,” Donghyuck tries cautiously.
Mark doesn’t look at him.
“We were being chased by a giant ball in a supermarket,” Donghyuck continues. “I don’t know. The whole thing was weird.”
When Mark goes back to his seat with another box of milk, his eyes look wary. He says, “And? What else happened?”
Donghyuck looks at Mark’s hands. He shrugs, clenches his own. “I, I don’t know. That’s the only thing I remember.”
Mark clears his throat. “I’ve been dreaming of you too.”
Lightning shoots up his mind. It sparks at Mark’s choice of words: been dreaming. Been dreaming. It has happened more than once. He ventures, “Yeah?”
“Yeah. They’re uh, normal dreams mostly,” Mark says, scratching his cheek, obviously embarrassed. “Running at the beach, performing in our pajamas at the concert, walking around with the hyungs in Vancouver. Stuff like that.”
Donghyuck feels like there’s more to it. Details Mark is withholding, like the hand-holding in Donghyuck’s dreams he’s not quite sure he’s ready to disclose yet. It’s alright though, if they both aren’t ready. They’ve got all the time in the world to talk about the things they need to talk about. “You know, Jaehyun-hyung told me about this one legend,” Donghyuck starts, “It says that if you can’t sleep at night, it’s because you’re awake in someone else’s dream.”
At that, Mark slowly blinks.
“If it’s true, that’s probably the reason why you haven’t been able to sleep for the past three days,” Donghyuck admits, feeling like his thoughts had been stripped bare. 3AM Donghyuck’s his most vulnerable state, his most honest thoughts. And Mark just happens to be here for that. “Because I’ve been dreaming about you."
The silence that follows make Donghyuck want to swallow the stars.
“Well,” Mark adds apprehensively, and Donghyuck just wishes everything was a dream, “That’s probably, um. The reason why you haven’t slept right for the past month.” Mark’s ears are delightfully red. “Because I’ve been dreaming about you too.”
And oh, okay. This is a dream, Donghyuck’s sure. The glow on Mark’s face when they catch eyes doesn’t seem realistic. None of this is.
Still, dream or not, Donghyuck feels like he can grin his face sore. He laughs, and Mark laughs too and everything’s okay. They don’t even care about the absurdity of the situation anymore. Donghyuck’s phone vibrates in low battery minutes later. He quips, sudden, “By the way, I won. I finished Pokemon Emerald in 3 days.”
Mark gazes at him. “You’re kidding.”
Donghyuck grins. He opens the game, shows him the statistics. 61 hours. “Where do you even get all your time?” Mark gapes and Donghyuck just winks at him as he three-pointer shoots the box of milk to the trash can.
The moment Mark yawns, Donghyuck calls it a day. They retreat to their rooms half past the witching hour. Donghyuck spooks Mark with the idea of a woman staring at him at the corner of the room and gets a mouthful at the Dream group chat. Only then does it actually sink in that this is real. Despite all these distractions creeps in him the unreal thought that the legend’s true and that Mark, suspect # 4 with sandman dust on the corner of his eyes and mind lush with different possibilities, dreams of him too.
The universe decides it’s the perfect time to let Mark walk in front of him the minute Donghyuck feels drowsiness creep in. Donghyuck looks at Mark as he claims his place in the front of the van.
He immediately rushes in, just as Yuta tries to sit beside Mark. “Called it!” he says, fixing his sweater where Yuta bundled it up to unsuccessfully yank him away. He clings to Mark’s arm. “I got here first.”
When he turns to see, Mark’s looking ahead but he’s smiling.
“Hi,” Donghyuck says, smiling himself when Mark looks at him, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel warmth from where he has his arms wrapped around Mark’s as he leans on his shoulder. “Good night.”
“Good night,” Mark whispers. He doesn’t move his arm away.
Donghyuck decides he’s had too much of cityscapes and creeps into Mark and Jungwoo’s hotel room in Chicago.
Mark immediately springs awake the moment the bed sinks under his weight. “Don’t yell, it’s just me,” Donghyuck mumbles, squeezing into the comforter. He doesn’t see Mark’s face properly but Donghyuck hears the relief in his voice.
“What are you doing?” Mark whispers.
“Trying to sleep, what’s it look like?” Donghyuck whispers back. Mark’s feet are cold against his but he somehow likes it better than the warmth of his own duvet. “Stop dreaming of me, I can’t sleep.”
Donghyuck imagines the embarrassed flush creeping up Mark’s face. “I—it’s not like I can control my dreams.” Hah, he didn’t even deny it, Donghyuck thinks smugly. Then, Mark pokes at Donghyuck to save his own embarrassment: “You’re not even supposed to be here. Why are you even here?”
“I figured if I’m with you then you don’t have to dream about me anymore,” Donghyuck says. “Like, at this point, your reality’s better than your dreams, right?”
“Ugh. Whatever. Just don’t move around too much,” Mark grumbles, relenting. Donghyuck happily puts an arm around him. “You know,” Donghyuck adds, mouth moving against Mark’s collarbone, “Renjun told me last night about this other legend. It says if you hold hands with another person while you sleep, your dreams become interconnected.”
“Now you’re just pushing it.”
“But it’s true! Ask Renjun—ouch! Hey! That was my eye!”
(His circadian rhythm’s found the perfect tune again, it seems.)