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“Daddy?” almost a little shyly Emmy peeked over the side of the sofa, her brown curls sticking up in all directions.
Tom put his ipad aside and turned towards her with a smile. “Yes darling?”
Manoeuvring herself and her princess dress around the sofa, the 4-year-old climbed onto her father’s lap. For a moment, Emiliana remained silent and to pass the time she played with the wide collar of his soft, grey jumper before burying her face in it.
“What is it, sweetheart?,” Tom mumbled, holding his daughter close while her twin brother came padding into the living room as well now.
Extricating her chubby, little face from the soft fabric, Emiliana looked up at him with her twinkling, grey eyes. “Will Mummy ever come back to us?,” she mumbled, wiping a strand of hair out of her face.
Tom swallowed.
He could feel both his children’s eyes on him while he desperately tried to find the right words. He knew this situation would come eventually. So often had he talked to them about it when they were really little. Of course they hadn’t understood back then; back in the days when nappy changes and bathtime and food and cuddles from Daddy were more important than the question of ‘Where is Mummy?’.
In an attempt to buy more time, Tom cleared his throat and beckoned Benjamin to join them on the sofa. The 4-year-old didn’t hesitate a second and clambered onto the comfy seat.
“You know, love, when your Mummy left us, she didn’t do so because she wanted to leave. She loved you so very much. And she loved me very much just as I loved her. Your Mummy and I, we…we used to travel a lot because of our work. Sometimes we would travel together because we worked on the same film. While I would be in front of the camera acting, your Mummy would be behind it, making all the wonderful costumes for me and all the other actors,” he started to explain and his twins’ curious eyes rested on his lips as they listened to his every word.
“This one time, though, she travelled on her own and she had to go on a plane because she had to go all the way to America. Remember, that’s the big, big country across the ocean that I showed you on the map the other day.”
Both children nodded.
“When she was on her way back home there was a problem on the plane. There were some men who wanted to hurt some people and to do so, they took the plane and…and they flew into a building here in London,” Tom continued, trying to find the appropriate words to explain this horrible event, this horrible, life-changing day to his children.
“Did they take the plane without the pilot’s permission?,” Ben asked earnestly, cuddling up to his father.
Yes, honey, they did. The asked no one for permission, neither the pilot, nor all the other people on the plane. And your Mummy was on that plane, you know. They did not ask her either.”
Both children nodded again.
“You see, when a plane flies into a building then…then a lot of people will lose their lives. And because your Mummy was on that plane, too, she also lost her life.” A single tear rolled down his cheek but Tom tried to ignore it for now.
“Your Mummy called me while she was on the plane. She told me what was happening and…and she told me that she loved me and…and she said goodbye. She did not want to say goodbye, she did not want to leave us but…but these men did not give her a choice, you see.”
For a moment, he closed his eyes, the feeling of loss, the feeling of having lost his wife, once more overwhelming him. The twins gently cuddled up to him.
His vision was clouded by tears when he opened his eyes once more and a quiet sob left his mouth. “Your Mummy won’t come back, my darlings, but never doubt that she loves you, okay? Because she does, I know she does. She told you every day when she was still with us but you probably won’t remember because you were so little then. But she’s always with us, watching over us from Heaven wherever we go and whatever we do. And I love you, too. I love you so very much,” he cried quietly, holding his children before he breathed a kiss onto both their heads.
“We love you, too, Daddy. And we love Mummy, too, even though she had to go. Maybe she is an angel now with big, white wings. That would look pretty, wouldn’t it?,” Emiliana mumbled against his chest and Tom nodded.
“Yes, sweetheart, that would look really pretty.”