Work Text:
A Recipe for Disaster
“Why are we here?” Scott asks, using one hand to sweep a line of salt off of his uniform. “What even is this place?”
Logan steps over an upturned barrel, tilting his head upwards and sniffing at the sour air. “Xavier told us to come here because Kingpin was last seen doing deals at the salt works factory,” he wipes the back of his hand over his sweaty forehead. “Don’t see why he’d be getting terebene from a salt factory, but hey - each your own, I guess.”
Bobby looks around - taking in the tipped over barrels, piles of salt, and bare walls of a once busy, vibrant place. “There’s nobody here,” he informs the other two - crossing his arms with a huff. “We’re basically following a dead trail.”
The three boys follow the chaos - walking along lines of salt while they shift through crates they pass, keeping an eye out on the skylight above them. Eventually, Scott spots an odd drop of liquid on the floor - and then the tiny stain of other evaporated drops surrounding it. He kneels down on the floor before falling forwards, bracing his upper body with his arms as he eyes it up-close.
“Hey, guys? I think I found something!”
Logan and Bobby - who was freezing a barrel over and then stomping through it for the fun of it - look up and see Scott observing something before jogging over to see what it was.
“You’re the one percent of germs hand sanitizer can’t kill,” Logan tells Scott. “Get off the damn floor, idjit.”
Scott huffs and moves so he’s squatting on the floor, pointing the small drop of liquid he was observing. “I saw this weird drop of liquid...it’s like, water, but...not.”
Bobby walks over and claps one hand on Scott’s shoulder. “Pretty sure our only piece of evidence wouldn’t be some weird liquid on the floor, buddy,” he helpfully offers. “But good job!”
Logan leans down and sweeps the liquid off the floor with the tip of his finger, before licking it up nicely. Scott yelps from where he’s squatting - reaching up as he lets strangled noises fall from his mouth. Bobby shivers and moves behind Scott, disgusted.
The Canadian smacks his lips a couple of times before licking them. “Doesn’t seem that bad,” he offers. “If anything, it just tasted a lil’ dirty...Seems like Jean’s been poisoned-”
“Hey, hey hey, what’s going on here?” a voice came from the distance. “Is this a secret X-Men convention or something?” Through an open window, a blazing figure came soaring into the warehouse.
“Johnny?” Bobby asked, shielding his eyes. “What are you doing here?”
“Flame off!” the boy yelled, the fire around him subsiding to reveal a grinning blonde. “How’s it going, Bobby? Long time no see!”
“Bub, I don’t want to ruin your fun, but we really don’t need another sarcastic little sh-” Logan was cut off by Scott nudging him in the ribs. Logan sighed. “If you’re not here to help us, get lost.”
“Well, what’s up? What do you need?” Johnny asked, leaning against a salt crate.
“Nothing from you,” Logan grunted, turning around.
“Jean ate a cupcake ‘enriched’ with terebene. Turns out, according to Logan, it wasn’t terebene at all,” Scott muttered.
“She was poisoned!” Bobby exclaimed.
“We tracked that cupcake back to Kingpin, and Kingpin back to this salt work factory.” Scott informs, standing up straight.
“The problem is, Kingpin isn’t here anymore!” Bobby finishes, crossing his arms.
“Have I got the solution to that!” Johnny exclaims. He holds a spherical device out. “Grab this. Quickly.”
Confusedly, the X-Men lay their hands on the device, and in the blink of the eye they were all now within a futuristic building.
“What the hell?” Logan asked, his claws protruding from his hands.
“X-Men, meet Baxter building,” Johnny smiled, racing into another room - an enormous lab.
“So what’s your genius solution, flame-brain?” Bobby asks, scurrying after him.
“To introduce you all to the genius! Reed Richards!” Johnny opened his arms to introduce....an empty desk. “Wait - huh? But he’s always here...”
“Nice genius,” Logan quips. “Seems like he’s pretty solid.”
“Look!” Scott says, hustling over to the window behind the desk, where a flying liner hovers above Manhattan. He spots a shady, round figure - its belly bubbling with laughter. “I think that’s Kingpin!” He quickly shoots through the glass and leans outwards, craning his neck upwards to see a rain of cupcakes falling from the sky.
“Great. Another thing to fix in this building. Flame on!” Johnny yells, engulfing in flames and blasting out the window - creating yet another hole in the glass.
Bobby shoots up, body icing over as he leaves a trail of ice behind him. Scott and Logan look at each other before sighing and jogging downstairs, taking the mundane way out. Once they’re outside, Johnny turns around mid flight and scoops them up, almost forgetting to turn off the flames on his arms. Logan grumbles as Scott accidentally touches one of the flames near his shoulders, yelping.
“We had to run down 70 flights of stairs,” Scott screams, trying not to look down as Johnny flies past a couple of cupcakes, one nailing Logan in the right eye. The canadian merely huffs and uses one hand to pluck it off of him, before letting it plummet to the city below them - his eye unable to see due to the thick frosting covering it. “If you flame us, I swear on professor X I will make you explode!”
As Johnny flew up to the ship, he gained sight of the remaining 3 / 4 of the Fantastic Four already fighting Kingpin’s goons. Johnny dropped the duo onto the ship, Scott fumbles on his way down, tripping over before quickly picking himself back up. Logan swipes at his eye, flicking as much of the frosting away from him as possible.
“There you guys are!” Johnny calls out to his long-time teammates.
“Yeah, here we are!” Ben Grimm, the Thing, yells, knocking a few goons unconscious. “And where have you been?”
“Licking the floor,” Bobby yells from behind them, jumping off a curve of ice and besides the Thing. He turns to Sue, winking. “Bobby Drake,” he greets, sticking one hand out. “How you doin’?”
Reed peeks over from over his wife’s shoulder, stretching his arm out to shake Bobby’s hand. “I’m doing fine, thank you for asking.”
“That wasn’t me licking the floor!” Johnny hollers, shooting flames at his combatants. “And Bobby… totally gross.” Bobby rolls his eyes in response.
“Can we fight already?” Scott screams. “God, and I thought Magneto was talkative.”
“You think Magneto’s talkative? Try Doctor Doom. At least we’re not that bad,” Johnny scoffs.
The team turns to where Kingpin is, who merely watched them from above, bemused.
“Ay yo, moonface!” Scott hollers - shooting lasers at a bucket of cupcakes near his feet.
The Kingpin raises an eyebrow. “‘Moonface?’” he questions. Johnny snickers, and Ben stifles a laugh. Kingpin frowns in response. “Your insults won’t save you from the retribution that’s about to come.”
“Yeah, yeah, Al Capone ripoff,” Johnny says, flying into the air. The Fantastic Four and X-Men readied, sending slight smiles to each other. “You may be ‘mighty’, but you’re no match for our families.”