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The sun was just beginning to set on Moomin Valley, tinting the river wonderful shades of golden and red. Snufkin would have liked to watch the sunset with a certain Moomintroll, but instead, he had the company of little My, who was complaining about something. Loudly.
Snufkin reeled his rod in and cast again.
"Don't you have someplace else to be?" He asked irritably. He didn't exactly mean to sound rude, but then again, she was bothering him and since he couldn't be around Moomin he wanted to be alone.
Little My turned to him, leering.
That was never good.
"I know your secret," she said.
Snufkin did not falter but he did tighten his grip on his fishing pole.
"I don't keep secrets, My." She narrowed her eyes at him.
"Yes you do. You keep all kinds, but the biggest one..."
Snufkin declined to face her as he reeled in again.
"...Is that you are in lov-" Before she could even get the word out snufkin had put his hat down on top of her. He held the edges to the bridge.
"Hey! Let me out!"
"I don't have any secrets," He said tersely.
"Well, then why are you- let me out! Let me out or I'll tear your hat!"
Snufkin begrudgingly lifted the hat. Little My brushed herself off with great effort and looked at him pointedly.
"You're in love."
"I am not."
"With mMOO-" Snufkin's hand shot out of its own volition to her mouth to cover it. Little My bit down, and Snufkin yelped.
"You're entirely too obvious. So when are you going to tell him?" She pried.
Snufkin shook his bitten hand and went back to fishing, making sure to keep a neutral expression on his face.
"I'm not sure what you mean, and I don't think I'd care for you to explain it."
"You know exactly what I mean, you stupid mumrik. You're in love."
It took all of Snufkin's willpower to not push her off the bridge.
He did not look at little My.
"Never been in love," He said. Mildy. As one who has no personal connection with love does.
"That's not what this poem says." Little My waved a piece of paper around in front of his face. That was from his tent. That meant- that meant that little My had both been in his tent and had found his-
"Give me that!" Snufkin shrieked, abandoning all calm.
"Ah ah ah!" Little My cried, holding it out of reach and running away from him. His fishing quite forgotten, Snufkin threw the pole to the side and took chase.
"His smile is worth a thousand winters, a thousand flurries of snow, a thousand months apart-"
Snufkin tackled her and they went sailing into the dirt.
He ripped the poem from her grasp and tore it into tiny pieces just as Moomin came up the hill. Talk about timing.
"Snufkin!" He called, walking faster.
Oh dear. Was that his own heart?
For good measure, he stomped on the tiny pieces that now littered the ground.
Little My rolled her eyes at him.
"Snufkin! I'm so glad I found you! Snorkmaiden and Sniff and I were just...."
Moomin kept rambling, but to be honest, Snufkin hadn't heard a word. All he could focus on were Moomin's movements, Moomin's smile, Moomin's everything.
"So... would you want to come? ...Snufkin?"
Snapped out of his reverie, Snufkin hastily nodded.
"O-of course." He would figure out what Moomin had asked him on the way.
"Psst!" Little My whispered. "He just asked you to a dance, and you said yes!"
Moomin smiled and skipped away.
Oh, he hated dances. Forced interaction, weird snacks, people he didn't really know asking him how he'd been...and of course, dancing, which... well, when you weren't dancing with the right person it wasn't fun at all. The only good part was Moomin, and when Moomin left his side for whatever reason, Snufkin was completely alone and vulnerable.
But when Moomin was there, Snufkin felt awkward, and like he was saying everything wrong in front of the one person he cared about saying things right around. He could not for the life of him figure it out. On the one hand, he wanted to be near Moomin, more than most. Moomin was his best friend, of course. But on the other hand, when he was near Moomin, he was uncomfortable, like at any moment his insides might decide to jump right out of him and go their own way. So how could he possibly manage, when he couldn't be without Moomin and he couldn't be with him?
"You're turning the color raspberry," little My said, entirely unhelpfully.
Snufkin pulled his hat over his eyes and willed Little My to leave him alone.
She did not.
In fact, she kept following him.
"So when are you going to tell him?" "Moomin's probably getting all dressed up, and here you are hiding in your hobo clothes." "I know that Moomin loves you, so why don't you just accept the fact that you've lost to yourself?"
"Because I haven't!" Snufkin finally snapped. "I haven't lost anything! I haven't lost my freedom or myself, and I'll certainly never lose it for anyone! He doesn't need to know anything! I may well just never tell him, ever! I might not even come back to Moomin Valley next year!"
Losing steam, he realized he'd basically just told little My that there was something to tell in the first place.
"You will," Little My said assuredly. "You can't resist."
"I can too!" Snufkin said hotly. "I'll leave for good!"
Little My shook her head sympathetically.
He hated that. That condescending look that made him feel infantile.
But he wasn't going to blow his top again. He was going to get up and go inside his tent.
"And don't read my writings!" He called as an afterthought.
"I won't if you're honest with Moomin!" Little My said back, rather snidely.
He had to go to the dance. He had to because he'd promised Moomin, no matter how he despised them. When he walked into the clearing, Moomin was there immediately, his eyes lighting up the minute he saw Snufkin. And then he was running over and pulling him towards the party. The noise and the lights. Snufkin dissolved inside but kept a calm face on, for Moomin.
Every minute seemed to last hours, but he was not going to flake out. He was going to be there for his friend, he was going to sip his gross drink and watch Moomin waltz around with his girlfriend. One of the many reasons Snufkin couldn't say one word about his... feelings.
And then finally he couldn't take it. Maybe it was that Moomin looked so happy without him, twirling around and laughing and smiling and it was making Snufkin far too tense for comfort. Not that he didn't enjoy seeing his friend happy, no, it wasn't that, but it was like there were dozens of trout swimming around in his insides and making him sick to his stomach.
Maybe he was ill, that would explain it.
Moomin runs over to him excitedly, and this is where he could make his exit.
"Moomin, apologies, but I need to go catch dinner. I've had a lovely time," (he's lying, but what does it matter? If it makes Moomin placated.) "I'm afraid I must be off. See you tomorrow."
Moomin's entire face falls and Snufkin must've said the wrong thing but he has no idea what.
"Oh, but Snufkin, we didn't even get to..."
At that moment, Snorkmaiden prances over to talk to Moomin, and Snufkin makes his retreat.
Moomin looks like he has more to say, but Snufkin gives him a wave and gets out of there as fast as he can walk without looking scared.
Because he's not scared. Really, what's to be scared about? It's just a party. He just hates them, is all.
He finds himself on the bridge outside Moomin House.
He can't bring himself to play the harmonica, so he sits in silence and stares at the water and tries exceptionally hard not to think about Moomin.
It fails, but then, it always does.
He sighs and puts his face into his hands. What is he going to do? Little My called his bluff, of course she did. He could never leave Moomin for good.
And then there's the soft voice he misses every time he's away from it.
"Snufkin?"
Snufkin looks up miserably.
"What is it, Moomin?"
"Are... are you busy fishing? Because well... you said you were going to fish, but..."
Obviously, he's not fishing. Moomin can see that. Moomin knows he lied.
"N...no, I decided it's too dark," Snufkin says. Moomin nods as if this makes perfect sense.
"So... I wanted to know if you... well, I mean if you wanted... would you want to... would you maybe..."
Moomin offers him a hand.
"Dance with me?"
There is no way to say no.
They fall into some kind of step, without music, turning on the grass, just the two of them.
Snufkin's insides twist, but the rest of him is floating. Everything is conflicted and confusing and he can't get rid of the twisting.
Moomin is staring at him.
He is in love, isn't he?
This is the worst thing that's ever happened to him.
He wants to get as close and as far as he can from Moomin, forever. He wants to hug Moomin. Also, he wants to walk off the face of the earth.
But only one of those options is possible, so he settles for the first one.
Moomin makes a noise of surprise.
That only makes Snufkin want to hug him more. He's probably crying, too. Of all the things.
Moomin pulls back a little.
"Are you okay?" He asks in such a tone that it only makes Snufkin cry harder.
"Of course I'm not. I got too attached." He tries to pull away but almost falls in the process.
Moomin looks extremely concerned.
"Do you need to sit down?"
"No," Snufkin mumbles. "I need to leave forever."
"What?" Moomin asks, horrified.
"Well, I can't stay here," Snufkin wails. "Now that I know I love you."
"What?" Moomin yells.
Snufkin turns on his heel and tries to walk away.
Moomin grabs him by the arm.
"Snufkin! You can't just say something like that and then walk away!"
"That's exactly why I have to walk away!"
"But- You can't just!" Moomin sputters.
Many seconds pass, where they're just looking at each other, and they don't know what to say. Snufkin doesn't know what's happening anymore. Moomin is just staring at him. The air is getting tenser and Snufkin feels someone has to speak or he'll explode.
Moomin turns out to be the one to do just that, because right now Snufkin probably can't force himself to produce words.
"I... I love you too. Clearly. You knew that," Moomin mutters.
"I didn't, but that's good to know," Snufkin responds. He's dying inside. Moomin loves him. He loves Moomin. Does that mean he's trapped?
They nod at each other. Snufkin wonders if maybe he can dig a hole so deep he could burn at the center of the earth.
"Can we keep dancing?" Moomin finally asks.
Despite the awkwardness, despite the fact that he might be trapped forever to come back to Moomin valley just so he can see Moomin again, Snufkin practically leaps into Moomin's arms.
Perhaps some secrets are alright at times.
He wouldn't want everyone to know about this, but now that Moomin knows how he feels, the tightness is mostly gone and all he feels is bliss. Anxiety for what is to come, yes, but that's in the back of his mind.
All he needs to think about right now is the grass, the fireflies, the river, and Moomin.