Chapter Text
Hoseok stared through the front window of the restaurant. Through the bushes decorating the window, he could see the shadows of people eating inside. He was waiting for his roommate Jungkook, who was parking his car after driving them both out here. Hoseok wondered why his roommate insisted on coming here to eat tonight, but he couldn't complain. He liked eating out with his closest friend at his favorite place. It wasn’t the first time they had an impromptu night out either. Just a few weeks ago Hoseok had taken them out to the park and they sat under the stars together, listening to music.
They had been roommates for a few years now and it was probably the best friendship he had ever gotten out of rooming with someone. Most of his roommates he barely talked to even as they were living together, and definitely not after. He had thought that it was him being too overbearing that made them not like him, but after befriending shy and quiet Jungkook, he had been convinced differently.
“Hey.” Jungkook startled him out of his thoughts with a warm hand on his shoulder. Hoseok turned his head towards him with a fond smile. Hoseok had considered Jungkook his best friend for a while now, even over people he had known for years, and he was always happy to be in his presence.
Jungkook had dressed up surprisingly nice. He was prone to wearing all black most days, but today he had a patterned button up to pair with his black jeans. It complimented Hoseok's preferred choice of brightly colored shoes.
“You good?” Jungkook asked.
“Ah yeah, I'm fine. Just wondering why you dressed up so nicely.”
Jungkook smiled at him. “Do I need a reason? Come on hyung, let's get inside.”
Inside, Hoseok rested his head on Jungkook's shoulder as they waited for the hostess to get to them. Jungkook reached up and patted him on the head, and when the hostess arrived he said, “Reservation for Jeon.”
Hoseok pulled back and followed behind Jungkook to their table. It wasn't typical for them to reserve a table, though he supposed he was usually the one planning these outings. The table was way in the back of the restaurant, the view from the window outside showing only bushes. This section was quieter too, and Hoseok wondered the reason behind the privacy.
Jungkook pulled out a chair with a grin, and waved for Hoseok to sit in it. Hoseok laughed at him, feeling a little flattered. Not that Jungkook wasn't sweet usually, but he seemed to be going all out tonight.
Instead of waiting for them to order, their waitress just said their food would be out shortly and left. Jungkook explained, “I already ordered for us so we can spend more time just talking with eachother.” He smiled and put his hand palm up on the table. “You can trust me to order what you like right?”
Hoseok laughed and put his hand on top of Jungkook's. “I think you probably know my favorite foods from here better than anybody.”
He clasped Jungkook's hand, feeling warm and comfortable. It was definitely nice to not have the noise of the restaurant stifling them. They could sit here in silence and Hoseok would be happy. He looked out the window; despite only seeing bushes, it made him happy. He could feel Jungkook staring at him, so he turned to stare back. Jungkook's eyes were shining and he had a precious grin on his face. Hoseok grinned back.
Their food came quickly, a benefit of it being ordered beforehand. They ate slowly, talking occasionally about their week; they were mostly silent, but it was the comfortable silence of people who knew eachother so well they didn't need to talk. After cleaning his plate, Jungkook mentioned he ordered dessert too. Hoseok swallowed his food and figured now was a good time to ask, “Why all the preparation?”
Jungkook cleared his throat a little, and started with, “Well, it's a very important date, you could say it's a celebration…”
“Wait, what's the importance?”
Jungkook smiled into space. “Three years ago, you did me the honor of becoming my roommate.”
Hoseok grinned. “You had a spare bed and were gonna get kicked to the street if you couldn't find someone to split rent with.”
“Yes, remind me of the unlucky crisis I found myself in.”
“And that I saved you from.” Hoseok chuckled.
“Yeah, that too.” Jungkook reached over and grabbed Hoseok's hand and held it tightly. “And you've really become my greatest friend. Like, the light of my life. The sunshine in the darkness.” Jungkook continued staring at him with fondness.
Hoseok looked at him with slight confusion, a flush rising to his cheeks. Jungkook could get cheesy, but this was over the top. He tried to remove his hand from Jungkook's, but it was in a firm grip. “Jungkook…”
Jungkook seemed oblivious and continued, “With the impact you've had on my life, I hope it's not surprising when I say this…”
“Jungkook.” He wiggled his hand a little more, finally picking up what message Jungkook was trying to get across. He rose out of his seat unconsciously, unsure of how he was supposed to react.
Jungkook earnestly looked up at him. “...I love you, Hoseok hyung.”
“Jungkook.” He was sure his face was redder now, but not from elation or happiness, but instead from an anxiety he hadn't felt in years. He didn't want this.
“And I don't mean just as friends, I know we've said that a lot to eachother, but I really want to be more.” Jungkook's eyes were shiny, both his hands on Hoseok's were excessively warm. “I want to be your boyfriend.”
“Jungkook.” Hoseok pulled his hand out finally, and stepped away from the table. “I'm sorry.” He felt his eyes filling with unshed tears. “I'm sorry, I don't like you this way, I don't want this I'm.. I'm sorry.” All his words come out at once in a rush, the tears threatening to burst out of him, and he turns and runs out of the restaurant, leaving a gaping Jungkook behind.
Hoseok was curled up in bed when Yoongi knocked on the door. He had called him in desperation, being one of his only contacts that lived close enough to be reasonable to call. Yoongi let him sleep in his spare room, but Hoseok didn't tell him why. He didn't leave the room for a day, not even for food, so he wasn't surprised when Yoongi's voice came through the door, “Seok, I've got food.”
Hoseok carefully climbed out of bed, knowing he probably looked a mess. He opened the door to find Yoongi looking worried. Hoseok didn't like that; though they had grown distant the last few years, Yoongi was his oldest friend and he didn't like to see him worried. He gently took the bowl of soup Yoongi was offering in one hand, then turned and shuffled back to the bed.
Yoongi took the left open door as permission to come in, and settled on the floor next to Hoseok's legs. Hoseok stared into the bowl, almost seeing his eyes reflected back at him on the surface of the broth. He didn't look as bad as he expected. The soup looked much better than him though. He picked up the spoon and sniffed it, the warmth of the broth filling his senses.
“Have you left the room at all?” Yoongi asked.
Hoseok nodded slightly, and slowly because his head hurt. He had left the room for the bathroom earlier, though he wasn’t sure why he had needed to pee when all the water in his body had left through his eyes. He slowly took a taste of the soup, but didn't feel like eating enough to continue.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Part of him vehemently did not, but some part said that maybe talking to a caring, listening friend would help. After setting his soup on the nightstand, he slid down off the bed and knelt across from Yoongi, staring at the floor.
“I wish I loved him.” He mumbled. His voice sounded hoarse. He put his hands in his lap, and stared down at them. He wasn’t even sure Yoongi could hear him, confirmed by him asking, “What?”
“Jungkook.” What did he feel towards him? It was something he thought about a lot the last few days, and he still didn’t have an answer. “He’s my best friend. I don’t want to lose him,” he says quietly but clearly. He doesn’t want to, but he can’t help but be open to Yoongi. He was so scared of losing Jungkook’s friendship.
“Ah…” Yoongi starts hesitantly. “I don’t think you could lose him. You two are so close, whatever it is you’ll settle it.”
Hoseok sighed and settled his head on Yoongi’s shoulder. It felt like such a large problem… Why doesn’t he love Jungkook? Their friendly cheer and banter didn't line up with that flower filled romance that filled the dramas he liked to watch. Even if things were hard, those characters still had their love for eachother, but he wasn't sure he did. Was there something Jungkook could sense between them that he couldn't? What did he miss?
Yoongi gently rubbed his back. “It’ll be okay Hoseok. You can stay here as long as you need.” He gave him a gentle hug.
Hoseok appreciated the comfort from his oldest friend, but it didn't ease the worry wearing on his heart. He pulled back and gave him a weak smile. “I’ll eat now hyung. Thank you.”
“Let me know if you need anything, okay?”
Hoseok nodded, then sat and waited for the door to close behind Yoongi. He carefully crawled back into bed, not wanting to worry Yoongi further. Yoongi's reassurances were kind and nice, but he still couldn’t see a way forward to a solution. What was he going to do if he couldn't figure out how to explain to Jungkook why his confession made him so panicked? How could he answer anyone else’s questions when he couldn’t even answer the ones he came up with?
He huffed and rolled over. His thoughts were no different than the previous day's. No amount of thinking had seemed to help him, so he had been playing games on his phone, watched some videos mindlessly, but those ran out of any distraction value for him fairly quickly.
In the past, he had never felt super strongly about any friend. Jungkook therefore wasn't unusual in this respect. But those friends, he never found it easy to open up to. Even with Yoongi, who so graciously accepted him into his home, and who had been his friend for so long, Hoseok found that he couldn't express himself easily, straying away from any deep emotional conversations with him.
But with Jungkook… it was easy with him. It was so easy to come home after a rough day and not have to say anything to get the comfort he needed. Jungkook always understood somehow. And when he wanted to talk about it, he made it so easy, the way he would sit there and listen, and absorb everything he said, and even if he didn't always say the right thing, he did the right thing. There had been a few times where they got angry at eachother, but ended up working it out and chatting cheerfully soon after.
Hoseok rolled over again, smiling. He missed him. Jungkook… made him happy. Jungkook always seemed to know what he wanted, always cared. Jungkook loved him.
Jungkook loved him. And he had hurt him with his rejection. He didn't want to hurt him. But he also didn't want to ruin what they had. He could go back and say “I don't love you, sorry” but it would ruin... everything. He never wanted to see Jungkook's heart broken.
Hoseok buried his face in a pillow, unable to face the world.
It'd been three days. Three days in which Jungkook had been alone in their apartment. Three days his best friend hasn't talked to him. He missed him.
He had focused on his schoolwork, not daring to wallow in the loneliness. He had looked for jobs he would like, continuing where he left off last week. He made dinner for two and stored leftovers for later. He worried about Hoseok, wondering what he had overlooked or misinterpreted.
It was nice of Yoongi to tell him where Hoseok was. He wasn't worried about his safety. Yoongi didn't say anything about what had happened, but Jungkook was okay with giving space. He didn't want anyone to pressure Hoseok.
Even with all his distractions, he still ended up thinking. He pressured Hoseok first. He had read into something that wasn't there and messed up. There were so many things he thought were signs that Hoseok loved him too: His shiny eyes watching him whenever he spoke, the excited greetings whenever one of them came home, the goodbye forehead kisses when Hoseok left for work.
“Maybe he does love you and he's just a coward.” Seokjin commented, sipping his milkshake. Namjoon, sitting beside him, gave him a rough shove while Jungkook stared despondently into his drink. They were sitting in the milkshake shop that Namjoon and Jin had dragged him out to when they decided he had hermited enough. Jungkook hadn't even thought he was staying inside all that much until they physically dragged him out.
Seokjin backed down, “Okay, okay! In a nicer way, maybe he was overwhelmed by your dramatism.”
Jungkook snorts. “I don't think you can be one to say that, hyung.”
Namjoon interrupts before Seokjin can protest. “In all honesty I thought you two were dating already before you told us about your plan.”
Jungkook stared at him wide-eyed. That explained the look of shock he got when he had asked the two to help him execute his plan to take Hoseok out on the best date of his life.
“Too bad it fell through,” Seokjin swirled his straw around. “It would’ve been so much fun.”
“Hyung, Jungkook got his heart broken, we could have some respect!”
It would've been fun. Jungkook and Hoseok had been on picnic dates before, and while he had wanted to go on one that night, to prove that nothing totally changed between them once they were boyfriends, it needed something special. The pair across from him came up with wild ideas, ranging from releasing a flock of doves to live music. They eventually settled on organizing a small, short firework session with some professionals. “I know some people” is all Seokjin said when asked how he would manage that.
He would've loved the fireworks.
“You know,” Jungkook started. “You two are like super close 'bros for life’ too, but you aren't dating. I don't know why you'd assume we were.”
Seokjin smacked his hand on the table. “Jungkook. Please. You look at him like he put the stars in your eyes.”
Namjoon stops sipping his drink to say, “We don't really do 'couple things' either. We just hang out a lot.” He pointed his straw at Jungkook. “You two call your little outings date.”
“And also cuddle a lot.”
“Hold hands.”
“Hug goodbye.”
Jungkook shook his head and hands in frustration. “Okay, enough!” Their listing of the things they did together made Jungkook miss it. Made him feel sick for ruining all of it. Made him angry and upset and want to cry.
The two turned somber at his expression. “Jungkook…” Seokjin started.
“We're sorry.” Namjoon continued. He reached over and placed his hand on the table next to Jungkook's, so their fingertips almost touched. “Hey, it'll be okay bud.”
“A bond like this, I'm sure it'll be okay.” Seokjin looked at Jungkook kindly, even though there was no way they could see eachother’s faces. “I promise you, be patient and open and it'll work out.”
“Especially with someone like Hoseok. He's too sensitive to leave it like this. How do you think he might feel?”
Jungkook took a breath and held it, looking directly towards the sky in an attempt to not cry in public. “Probably embarrassed and overwhelmed.”
Namjoon smiled. “Yeah. Just give him time bud. We'll be here in the meanwhile.”
Jungkook brought his head back down. “Thanks guys,” He said, wiping his tears. “Now I'm overwhelmed and embarrassed.”
Seokjin came around the table and hugged him. “We love you Kookie.” Jungkook leaned into his embrace, glad that his hyung's body hid his crying from passerby.
“You wanna go home now?” Namjoon offered a hand to help him stand.
Jungkook sniffled. “Can it be your home?”
“Of course,” Seokjin patted Jungkook's back. “We'll go home and have a fun time!”
Jungkook laughed smally as they led him away from the store. Maybe it'll be okay.
The morning of Day Four, Yoongi walked in on him lounging on the couch in front of the TV.
“Glad to see you out of your room,” he said. He glanced at the table. “And eating.”
Hoseok groaned and flopped over the arm of the couch. “You knew I love kimchi fried rice. You tempted me.”
“Well, it wasn’t really intentional. I just made food.” Yoongi sat near Hoseok on the couch. The younger immediately flopped the other direction onto his lap.
“Pet me.”
“What are you, my dog? Why should I?”
“Because I haven't been pet in sooo long. I need attention.”
Yoongi patted his head gently, twice, and then moved away from him and got off the couch. “You feeling better?” He picked up the dishes leftover from Hoseok's snacking.
“Ah, maybe.”
“Do you wanna talk about what happened?”
Hoseok looked at his feet. “No…”
“Okay.” Yoongi left the room with the dishes, and Hoseok could hear running water.
He was too nice to him this whole time. He was gonna have to find some way to repay him.
Hoseok laid down and stared at the TV blankly. He really did miss getting pet. It was typical after a long day for Jungkook to pet his hair as he relaxed. Before him, he hadn't really let anyone touch his hair, other than his mom.
He thought that he was an odd contradiction sometimes. He considered himself a really touchy, clingy, cuddly person, but it wasn't often he actually wanted to cuddle and cling to someone. He was cool with hugs, handshakes, shoulder pats, but despite his desire to cuddle he never usually wanted to cuddle with someone. He liked his personal space most of the time. Except for Jungkook.
Of course when they first met, they weren't instantly close. Hoseok was bubbly and friendly but kept his distance, and Jungkook hid in large hoodies and answered minutely. However, once they got comfortable, it was rare to not find them hanging on eachother. Jungkook would randomly come into his room to sleep, wrapping his entire body around him. Hoseok would kiss and hug him whenever he did something ridiculously cute. He never did that with anyone else.
Hoseok pondered on this for a bit. It was hard to feel anything anymore, so he just thought. He never really did have the urge to kiss someone else, even when they were cute. He never kissed Jungkook on the lips; forehead, cheeks and nose were all fair game though. Hugs, however, hugs were good from anyone. Who was his friend.
A memory popped up in his head. It was a party at college, probably during his second or third year. He couldn't remember the time as well as he remembered the event. He wasn't someone who drank much just because of personal preference, but there were so many obviously drunk people dancing around. He was crowded and hid in a corner, where most people ignored him. However, one friend noticed him. Really, he was more like an acquaintance; they ate lunch together with some others, but they hadn't swapped cell numbers. The first time they had met he seemed rather normal, but afterwards he occasionally got too close and flirty while they were eating. This day was the worst instance though.
This dude, whose name he barely knew then and couldn't remember now, spotted him as he tried to get away from the jamming bodies, and approached him. He ignored his obvious discomfort as he got in Hoseok's space, and grabbed him, asking to dance. Hoseok's nose crinkled from the alcohol on his breath and he leaned away, refusing. His memory didn't have exact details, but he remembered what he said: “It doesn't have to be a one night stand between you and me, I'll take you on dates, we can have a lot of fun.” Hoseok got the feeling what he considered fun would not be what Hoseok considered fun. He was pressed up so close and Hoseok had felt so disgusted by this whole situation and this man. He pushed him off, and rushed through the crowd as quickly as possible, not caring if he shoved or touched anyone, as long as he got away.
Hoseok felt sick at the memory. He laid there on Yoongi's couch, his face scrunched up and bile in his throat. He wondered why this memory had decided to pop into his head, just as he was starting to feel better. He sat up and felt tears rush down his face. Suddenly feeling the need to wash his hands, he wiped his tears and climbed off the couch, heading into the bathroom.
He stared into the bathroom sink and spat, then turned on the water to watch it wash down the drain. He looked up into the mirror and inspected his face. He looked tired.
He stuck his hands under the running water as he heard Yoongi call from the other room. “Hoseok-ah.” He leans into the doorway, and Hoseok looks over at him as he shuts off the faucet. “I'm having some friends over tonight, do you want to hang out with us?”
Hoseok stares back into the mirror, and watches his mouth say, “Sure.”
Yoongi's friends weren't bad. They were loud and kinda fun and had good taste in movies and food. They were also way more cuddly than he wanted, especially with eachother, but were fairly cuddly with Yoongi too. The shorter, whose name he learned was Jimin, attempted to greet Hoseok with a hug, but Hoseok shook his head and stuck out his hand for a shake instead.
The most startling part was probably when the other friend, Taehyung, kissed Yoongi's cheek and then the rest of his face. Red-faced Yoongi explained that Taehyung was actually his boyfriend, not just a friend.
Eventually, Taehyung and Jimin became curious as to why Hoseok was staying with Yoongi. After his short explanation that it was because of his roommate, Jimin exclaimed, “Wow, is he that bad!?”
“No, he's wonderful.” Hoseok responded almost defensively. “We've been roommates for years and he's my best friend.”
“Oh no, trouble in paradise? What'd he do?” Jimin questioned him all too sweetly.
“He confessed.” Hoseok startled himself when admitting it. He jerked his head to look down at his hands, so as to not see their reaction, but he could hear it.
“Whoah!” came the deep register of Taehyung, “Damn dude.” from Jimin's tenor, and a little bit after, an astonished “ That's why you're hiding at my place?” Hoseok let his head up to look into Yoongi's face, whose expression was a mix of surprise and confusion. “Why is that so shocking?” he challenged him. “Wouldn't you be worried about your best friend hating you after you rejected him?”
If anything, Yoongi's face became more convoluted. “I seriously thought you guys were already together and that you were just like, having relationship problems.”
Hoseok looked at him ludicrously. “What in the world made you think that.” He realized late that he was leaning out of his seat, his voice sounding high pitched and loud.
Yoongi didn't rise though. “Almost every time we talked in the past two years you'd talk about how something I said reminded you of him. I tried to meet up with you but you had a plan with him already. I've never even met him and I feel like I know him.”
Jimin interrupted now, noticing the rising tension. “Okay, let's calm down,” he said gently, with his eye on Hoseok. Hoseok sat down, deflated. “You seem to really like this guy huh.”
“He's my best friend,” Hoseok said weakly, his head in his hands, covering his face. His voice sounded hoarse, and he hated it. Hated the emotional distress it represented.
He felt the couch shift weight a little to his right side, and an arm rested on his shoulders. He felt too tired to complain, and wished distantly for Jungkook, but he couldn't go back yet.
“Okay.” Jimin's voice continued. “When you guys go out, what do you do?”
Hoseok wiggled and shook his head, feeling uncomfortable. He didn't want to talk about Jungkook yet. The arm is removed, but the waiting presence beside him didn't leave. “Just like. Normal friend things. Movies, dinner.”
“Okay…” Jimin said hesitantly. “What kind of dinner do you have together?”
Hoseok smiled behind his hands, unable to help himself. “I took him out on an evening picnic a while back. And he returned the favor, and it's been a… thing we do.” He paused, realizing he didn't really answer Jimin's question. He pulled his hands off his face and held them in his lap instead. “There's a few restaurants we go to that we like a lot.”
“You ever go with anyone else?” Taehyung interjected. Hoseok felt him join the couch on his left side.
“Not really. Don't have other mutual friends.”
“Do you hold hands?” Jimin asked.
“Sometimes.” Hoseok answered.
“You're really close and cuddly it seems.” Yoongi said. “During the few times we've met since you've been rooming with him, you've been much more affectionate than you used to be.” Yoongi knelt down into Hoseok's eyesight. “Hoseok… I think you need to stop hiding your feelings, physically and mentally. I don't think it's helping you any to stay here.”
Hoseok sniffed, giving Yoongi an unsteady smile. “I'm fine, see? Fine.”
Yoongi patted his knee. “I don't think so. Listen, I'll let you stay here a little longer, but you really need to go talk to him. At least go back to your apartment. Based off what you've told me, I don't think he'll hate you.”
“But he loves me! And I don't love him.”
Yoongi smiled patiently. “I'm sure that'll all work out, Hoseok. Just talk to him. It'll cause you less heartache to admit your feelings, trust me.”
Hoseok looked up at Jimin, who was wearing the same expression as Yoongi. He looked over at Taehyung, who was now holding Yoongi's hand, the one that had been on his knee. “You think I love him?” There was a high, slightly panicked upturn in his voice. Taehyung nodded as Jimin said, “I haven't known you long, but I'm fairly positive.”
Hoseok looked down at Yoongi, who looked serene as he held Taehyung's hand. He took a breath. “Okay. I'll go home. Tomorrow.”
Yoongi grinned slightly. “Okay. We'll let you have some time to gather yourself.” He grabbed Jimin’s hand, and dragged both him and Taehyung into another room, leaving Hoseok alone, who only now realized that the credits of the movie were rolling. He muted it and ran his hands through his hair, wondering how to approach Jungkook on his return.
Day Five meant a lazy Thursday afternoon for Jungkook. He had one class in the morning and a lecture to listen to by Saturday, but other than that he was free for a day. Free to think. None of the jobs he applied for had gotten back to him, and he was oh so tired of looking at jobs and doing classwork for distractions. Netflix never engaged his mind enough to stop the thoughts, but he had it on anyway.
Usually, Hoseok would be home by now. They'd cuddle on the couch while Hoseok talked about his day. Hoseok was on his feet all the time at work, lifting boxes, and Jungkook would massage his shoulders as he sat on his lap and complained.
Today, he didn't have his cuddle buddy. That constant warm presence had been in his life for so long it was strange to not have him here. He was trying not to miss him but it was hard. Yoongi had said a couple days ago, just after his chat with Namjoon and Seokjin, that it was probably best to leave Hoseok alone for now. It didn't prevent him from staring at his contact on his phone. “hope 💕”. Hoseok put it in himself, saying Hope was an old nickname from secondary school.
He was staring at the blinking cursor of the textbox when the doorbell rang. His heart leapt and he sat up to stare in the direction of the door like an alerted dog who had been waiting for their owner. He snorted in embarrassment at the mental comparison, thinking how all too accurate it was. Hoseok knew the code though; it was his home too. Realistically, it was probably Namjoon checking up on him again. He huffed and eased out of his couch dent and shuffled over to the door.
Despite his satisfactory convincing, he didn't lose hope. And when his dream was realized, he nearly fell over, for when he opened up the door, there was Hoseok, looking as much like an angel as always. His eyes were pointed at the ground, and his hands were at his sides, curling up the hem of his shirt. Jungkook blinked twice, trying to be sure that this was real, and opened his eyes wide in time to see Hoseok looking at him, perhaps just as surprised that he was standing there.
“Hi.” Hoseok dropped the edge of his shirt and smiled smally at him.
Jungkook had too many questions that wanted to come out at once, but what came out was, “You could’ve opened it yourself.” His voice sounds a little shaky; he wanted to hug him, but he didn’t know if Hoseok would be okay with that.
“I didn’t know if you’d want me here.” Hoseok sounded scared and uncertain, and it broke Jungkook’s heart.
“Of course I do, of course. It’s your home.” He stepped aside to usher Hoseok inside. Hoseok stepped in to be just inside the house so Jungkook was able to close the door. When Jungkook turned around, Hoseok was looking up at the walls as if he had expected their pictures to come down or for something else to have changed. He still looked so small that Jungkook couldn’t resist anymore. “Can I hug you?” he asked.
Hoseok startled and turned around to look at him. Jungkook managed to notice how tired he looked before Hoseok stepped forward and opened his arms. Jungkook reached around his shoulders and gently pulled him closer, and felt his arms slide around his waist. He nuzzled his nose into the hair behind Hoseok’s ear and whispered, “I missed you.”
Hoseok gripped him harder and buried his face into Jungkook’s shoulder. "I'm sorry I left you all alone," he whispered. Jungkook was simply glad he was home.
They didn’t talk that night. Jungkook made him dinner and they relaxed on the couch, watching whatever Netflix autoplayed to. He curled up into Jungkook’s side and drifted off to sleep, finally feeling comfortable. Jungkook didn’t hate him. They still had to talk, but he didn’t hate him. He had missed him.
Once Hoseok realized that Jungkook didn't have any classes or anything scheduled for the next few days, he wished Yoongi had given him some slack in returning home. He had no time to himself to sort out his head. Yoongi had practically pushed him out his door, and now Hoseok was in the warm loving presence of Jungkook constantly. He woke up in his bed on Friday morning, with breakfast already cooking and Jungkook's smile awaiting him.
Nothing was different. Nothing had really changed, it was normal to spend time together like this, but somehow everything had. Hoseok couldn't help but realize behind Jungkook's actions there was love, romantic love, that Jungkook had asked to be his boyfriend. He wanted to accept it wholeheartedly, to just return to normal, but at the end of their meals together he would find himself hurting inside. He kept their hugs shorter, sat a little more distantly on the couch, slept in his own bed more often. He missed cuddling, but he felt scared to, now. He didn't want to lead him on further, he argued to himself, he didn't want to feel anything but comfort whenever Jungkook touched him.
Yoongi kept in better contact now. He seemed to realize now that his friend needed him, and tried his hardest to keep the conversation going when they talked. Hoseok was grateful for him. He had Jimin’s and Taehyung’s numbers now too, and they would text him occasionally with random things they were doing throughout their day. They never talked or pressured him about the topic, and Hoseok supposed it was because of Yoongi. Yoongi, on the other hand, pressured him more than anyone else. Jungkook didn’t seem to notice that he was being distant, and never mentioned it or brought up That Night, but Yoongi did. It wasn’t too bad, since Yoongi was gentle and Hoseok believed he needed a little pressure, but he would always find some way to turn the conversation towards the topic. He seemed convinced that Hoseok was simply hiding his feelings and should confess. Though Hoseok tried to explain why he thought that wasn’t true, he could never come up with a reason that sounded plausible, even to himself. He was starting to believe that maybe Yoongi was right, maybe what he felt was love and he really should confess to Jungkook in return. He just had to figure out how to do that.
Jungkook was beyond happy to have Hoseok home. Knowing Hoseok, he would rather forget whatever had made him upset until he had fully thought it over, and Jungkook respected that. He never brought up that night or how he felt; he kept up his normal tasks of making food for the both of them, washing their laundry and keeping an empty space in his bed in case Hoseok decided to join him. He perhaps went above and beyond though; there were always fresh flowers somewhere in the apartment, and Hoseok’s favorite snacks conveniently filled the cupboards and were laid out in bowls on tables throughout the rooms.
He did notice that Hoseok was distant though. He wouldn’t linger during their hugs, wouldn’t cuddle as often, and stared at his phone or computer instead of Jungkook’s face. When Monday came and Hoseok started work again and Jungkook focused on his classwork again, it was a little easier to forget that things had changed, but just barely. Sometimes during the week he’d find himself staring off into space in the middle of class, thinking about things he wished to do with Hoseok.
He found later that their cupboards were lacking important ingredients for dinner, and though it was annoying to have to leave home, he hoped to spend some time with Hoseok. Soon into their friendship they had begun going to the local mart for groceries together. It became almost a tradition to go if both were free when they needed food, and Hoseok had even bought cute reusable bags for it. Jungkook looked at the one in his hand sadly, reminiscing.
One time when they had gone shopping, Hoseok was feeling exceptionally clingy and wouldn't let go of him, which made him bump into things. He eventually knocked over a box of cereal and busted it open, which they then paid for, but it was okay because they were laughing together. Jungkook made sure to cuddle him lots after they got home.
Today Jungkook was quiet as he shopped. Hoseok had declined to join him when he asked earlier, looking distressed. He tried not to be disappointed but it was hard now, standing in the store with no roommate to cling to. Not every day was exceptionally wild, but they were always very touchy and loud. Jungkook was sure that the local shoppers and store staff knew them well.
It was an interesting coincidence that one of the staff members showed up as he was staring down vegetables. He heard a cheerful voice over his shoulder, “Finding everything you need?” He turned to find a woman whose nametag identified her as Yongsun. Her gaze was kind but concerned.
“Yes, thank you.” He smiled a little, attempting to avoid talking about personal matters with a stranger. Alas, he failed.
“Where’s your partner? You two always shop together, I almost miss the noise.”
Jungkook felt his fingers fidget, his thumb rubbing along the straps of his bags. “He’s not feeling well and decided not to come.”
“Ooh.” She gave him a sympathetic pout. “I hope you two make up soon.” Jungkook's eyebrows rose and opened his eyes wide, wondering how she could know enough to make that comment. She corrected herself, “I hope he feels better.” She gave him a smile and a look he interpreted as pity, and left him to his empty vegetable aisle. He stared back down at them, feeling suddenly exposed and rather done with his shopping.
Hoseok took every chance he could to have some time alone. He still enjoyed Jungkook's company, but it was hard to have a clear head when he just wanted to cuddle. The forced lack of contact was really tiring; he hadn't felt this much emotional drain in a while, and the only way he would be able to recharge was to fix the problem.
He asked Yoongi for help; if he had a boyfriend then surely he'd have some idea of how to confess to someone. Yoongi emphasized that it was different depending on their circumstances. Something that worked for him and Taehyung wouldn't work for Hoseok and Jungkook, especially when Jungkook already tried it. He suggested that Hoseok just tell him. “Be straight with him. Well, not that kind of straight, seeing as this is pretty gay.”
Hoseok was never the best at coming up with elegant words though, so he turned to the internet. He looked up questions like, “What to do when you love someone” and “How to confess to someone”. The advice to “be confident” wasn’t terribly helpful but he did pick up on ideas to write down what he would say and practice. Knowing himself, he decided the specific words would be best in the moment, but he wrote down a checklist of what to say: wait for the right opportunity, don’t make it dramatic --he kind of already missed the mark on that one--, apologize for making it dramatic, explain why he made it dramatic, and of course, actually confess. He decided on the weekend, so that if it went downhill neither of them would have to worry about work or school while he emotionally combusted.
Saturday morning came, and he practiced once more in his head before he decided it was time. They had eaten breakfast together already, being fairly early risers, and Jungkook had settled into their one armchair while Hoseok left to his room to change out of his pjs. He messed with his hair in the mirror hung up on his door and sighed, deciding he was never going to be more ready.
He shuffled out of his room and dragged a chair over to sit next to Jungkook. Jungkook looked up and set his phone aside, seemingly understanding the seriousness of the conversation about to happen. Hoseok settles in his chair, feeling Jungkook’s eyes boring into him as he stares at his hands.
He takes a breath. “Okay. So, we need to talk. And I have a lot of things to say so I’d appreciate if you don’t interrupt before I finish because I may lose my nerve.” He looks up and sees Jungkook nodding. He bites his lip and presses forward.
“I think I may actually like you.”
Jungkook’s jaw drops and a confused noise leaves his mouth.
Hoseok wrung his hands. “I was scared, I wasn’t sure of my feelings and I really liked you as a friend and I know you… like me as more than that but I was still… nervous about ruining our friendship.” He rubs his arm, looking down at the floor. “I’m still kind of nervous. I realize that it probably hurt you a lot running away like that instead of just, saying I needed time or something, but I wasn’t sure what else to do. I was scared you’d hate me or something.”
“I couldn’t hate you,” Jungkook mumbles gently, obviously trying to not interrupt Hoseok’s’ little speech. Hoseok smiles weakly.
“You know I’m not good with expressing my emotions in general, I don’t really like to be open about things. And something like… a relationship. With you. I just hadn’t considered it before. I didn’t think it would even ever come up. I was really comfortable just being… us.”
Jungkook was biting his lip, staring at him wide eyed. Hoseok stared back down at his hands to regain his nerve and tried to finish up. “I talked with a few people, and looked some things up, and thought a lot. And I guess they all saw something I didn’t because everything they said lines up with how I feel about you so… I think I love you.”
He looked up to see Jungkook on the edge of his seat, holding back a smile. “You can talk now,” Hoseok reminded him. However, instead of saying anything, Jungkook rose, pulled Hoseok out of his seat and hugged him tightly.
Jungkook soon let go of him though, and held him by the shoulders at an arm's length. “I missed you but I still need to know something. What… what do you want out of this?”
Hoseok flushed, embarrassed he had to say it out loud. “Well. You–uh, you said you wanted to be my boyfriend. So maybe? That?”
Jungkook smiles lovingly. “Really? You want that?” Hoseok nodded quickly, and Jungkook pulled him close again, looped his arms around Hoseok’s torso and nuzzled his nose in his neck. “Boyfriend,” he whispered softly into the baby hairs on Hoseok’s neck.
Hoseok smiled, feeling embarrassed and awkward despite it only being them in the apartment, but he had missed Jungkook’s close hold. Maybe this wouldn’t change as much as he feared. He relaxed into Jungkook’s arms and let his head rest on his boyfriend’s shoulder. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.