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It was supposed to be your big day, because it was your birthday. Eighteenth birthday, which meant, you were going to be more or less an adult. Since the very morning, you were so happy, thinking about what will you do that day and forward on. You just didn’t know, that first thing you see in the morning, was going to be your parents arguing. Again. Lately, it happened more and more frequently, and you didn’t know what to think about it. It hurt you, seeing them like this, since you were always a happy family. Why did it have to be like this?
Well, it was the first thing, that made your mood less cheerful, but you didn’t want to get ahead of yourself. It could always get better, right? Well, it didn’t. The next thing you knew was, that your parents wouldn’t be coming with you and your best friend’s family for the vacation, that was planned three months before this day! They were apologizing to you, and you took it somehow well.
You went alone with your best friend Anna and her family. Anna’s parents in one car, with all the needed things, and you, Anna and her twin brother Michael in the other car. And there was another car. For some reason, the car you three were riding in, started acting funny. Just perfect! you thought. You had to call a car service to help you, because the car wouldn’t move at all.
It was only then, the day was getting better. Because while you were waiting in the rainy weather, all of you in a bad mood, because you had told Anna and Michael about your parents, the car service arrived. A man got off from the car. Dark hair just above his shoulders, very nice build and… Damn! A metal arm, that looked so freaky cool!
“(Y/N)?” Anna looked at you from the back seat, smirking at your expression. Her was the same, however, and the same goes to her brother.
“My day is finally starting to get better…” you murmured, looking at the approaching man. He looked really hot and even from a far, you could make out the blue eyes.
“You mean OUR day.” said Michael, starting to grin. Oh yeah, you almost forgot, this fella was a gay and could steal off anyone.
“Are we going to try… to do something?” Anna asked in a whisper as the man knocked on the window at the driver’s side.
“Definitely!” you and Michael said in unison, as he rolled down the car window.
When your eyes met the man’s, you could feel your heart skip a beat. It was then, you knew there will be something happening. The feeling just came as quick as a lighting.
Once the man, who introduced himself as James Barnes, took your car into his workshop, it was already too late. You had to stay for the night. James was nice enough to let you sleep over, while he worked on fixing the car.
Anna and Michael fell asleep pretty quickly in the spare room, but you couldn’t. You were just too restless about everything. This day was supposed to be the best day ever, yet the only good thing that happened, was you meeting this very handsome mechanic. But the thing with your parents was still bugging you.
Not being able to just lay there in the bed, you needed to get some fresh air. Who cared it was one in the morning? When you couldn’t sleep, you just had to get out. Listening to the sounds from the workshop, you went that way. The sight in front of you made you smile, almost imagining something naughty. Your teen self was slowly getting ahead of itself. There was James with just jeans and white tank top. He was bend over the car, looking at the engine. Suddenly, he turned to look your way. His look was alert, but once he spotted you, his gaze softened.
“Hey… Can’t sleep?” he asked, smiling a little at you and turned his body to you, leaning against the car. He folded his arms on his chest, looking at you. His gaze was piercing into yours and you could feel your body electrizing.
“No, I can’t.” you shook your head, walking a bit closer to him, tracing your hand above the car. He was following your every movement. Your eyes avoided his, looking just at your hand. You felt something burn up within you.
“Is the bed uncomfortable?” James straightened up, which made you look at him with raised brows.
“Are you kidding me? I am glad that I can sleep at least on a bed.” you chuckled, stopping few steps in front of him. “It’s very comfortable.” your lips curved into a small innocent smile. Not that you weren’t innocent, but the images in your head were just betraying you.
“Then, is something wrong?” his voice sounded concerned. Your heart clenched in your chest. You would love to spill everything to him, but the fact you barely just knew him, was stopping you.
“Nothing, you should be worrying yourself about, I guess… I was just getting emotional because of something, so I needed a fresh air.” your reply was clear. You wouldn’t talk about it. You smiled sadly at him and looked back at the car, examining it. You didn’t understand a thing about it, but it did interest you, all of a sudden.
“I understand…” he sighed, tapping him fingers on the edge of the car, still looking at you. You could feel his gaze on you. Oh God, it was so… “So, have you fixed the problem?” you cleared your throat, biting on your bottom lip.
“Yes, of course. It’s my job after all.” the proudness in his voice made you smile. Of course, he would have already fixed it. What question was that? “Nothing big. You will be able to… drive away tomorrow.” James’s voice trailed off, as if he didn’t want you to go away. Once again, your heart clenched.
“Thank you then.” you murmured, as much disappointed as he sounded.
For the rest of night, you two talked together. None of you needed sleep, because you wanted to be with each other. At least, until you had to continue your journey. He insisted on you calling him Bucky and you changed numbers. That gave you a slight hope, that maybe, just maybe, you could have some luck in your life.
____
It was exactly four years now, since you and Bucky met. Many things happened through all these years. Good things and even bad things. Your life had changed a lot since your eighteenth birthday. And lately, you are wondering if the decisions you made were right or not. Because you have this feeling, everything is falling apart.
Your parents have divorced. You didn’t want to live with any of them, because of their arguing over you, so you just chose to live in a dormitory and later in an apartment. Anna and Michael being your best friends, yes now Michael too, moved in with you too. You had one free bedroom, so you took in one student from your college named Tan. He is Korean. Those were few good and few bad things.
Bucky moved his workshop to your city, so you could meet each other very often. It didn’t last long, before you two started dating. God, he was amazing boyfriend. Many people judged you two, however, because he was eight years older than you. They always said how your relationship couldn’t last and everything. You didn’t want to listen to them. Now, though, you were questioning yourself… Were they right?
There was one big lie on your boyfriend’s behalf. One day, he came to your apartment, while your roommates were out partying. He looked terrible. Beating up, bruised, bleeding. What’s more, he looked like he gave some beating as well. It was then, you found out about him being an illegal fighter. He got into it, when he was a teenager, because he needed money. And well… It grew on him. So okay, your boyfriend was a mechanic and a fighter. You could live with that. He just liked some adrenalin. The troubles in your relationship started then. You found out about that one year ago.
Right now, you were sitting on the couch, watching your favorite series on Netflix alone. This night was just like that night. The only difference was probably only, that you were deeply in love that night, right now you were doubting yourself and your love. Bucky needed all your support, you knew, but it was too much on you too. There were many times, you pleaded, begged him for stopping that weird hobby of his. You just got into argument, however. Was all your love really just that?
A loud banging on your front door disturbed the flow of your thoughts. With wary feet, you shuffled to the door and opened them. There he was. The love of your life. You traced his body for any sign of fight, but there was none. For a brief moment, a happy feeling washed over your body. It was brushed away quickly, however. You looked into Bucky’s face. It was stained with tears.
“Oh, Bucky…” you let him in and hugged him. A scent of alcohol rushed into your nose. “Did you drink?” you asked, searching for his beautiful eyes. Right now, they were puffy and red, though. It made you wonder what happened. You never saw your boyfriend crying. He was always mostly the tough man, who tried to make everything happen for you.
“A little…” Bucky confessed, tightening his embrace around you, taking in your scent. He pulled away after a minute, cupping your face with his hands, looking into your eyes sadly, concerned. “Don’t you love me anymore?” That question crushed you. How the hell did he think like that? Or how the hell did he get this question to ask in the first place? Yes, you were doubting yourself, but him asking you put you into a tight spot. You weren’t prepared for this. You wanted to come up with a solution of your own for this. You needed time. Not like this.
“What?” you asked, numb, looking at him. Your heart clenched in your chest and you were starting to have trouble with breathing.
“I talked with Anna and she said, that you are feeling insecure about us.” Bucky explained, sniffling.
You pulled fully away from the embrace, walking to the couch and sitting on it defeated. Bucky just stood there in the hall, looking at you. The broken expression on his face. It made tears well in your eyes.
“I…” you started but you didn’t know what to say. Looking at him, you saw, how hard he tried to stay strong even though he was crying earlier, but right now you were on the average of crying. It made you feel bad. So bad… But you guess, there wasn’t anything you could do about it now. You just had to spill everything. Both of you needed to find a solution for this.
“Just say it, (Y/N) … I need you to say it.” he breathed. He sounded so done with this, almost like he was already giving in. As if he was already reconciled.
“How can I love you when you’ve put me through so much pain?“ you just said, seeing pain in his own eyes. You felt like you were betraying him. But were in so much pain as well.
Just now, remembering all the things, he put you through even without him realizing it. You didn’t blame him at first. But every damn time, you argued or you saw him in blood, all you could feel was your heart breaking in pain, seeing him like that and crying yourself to sleep.
“But I know, I have put you through pain as well.” first tears have spilled. As soon as Bucky saw that, he rushed to you, kneeling in front of you, placing his hands on your knees. “Maybe, much more than I, myself, realized. I wanted to find a solution to my confusing and hurt feelings. I didn’t want you to know about this, because I knew you would blame yourself for this, as much as I am blaming myself, because we should have talked about it in the first place. I know that. But I couldn’t… Whenever we met and talked about it, we ended up arguing. Perhaps, it’s not out relationship I started questioning but myself…” you whispered the last sentence, making Bucky furrow his brows. His hands were rubbing small circles on your knees and lower thighs. “Maybe, I was just searching for an excuse to all my problems, and this was the only one I could form…”
There it was. You being selfish. There was nothing more to it and you could feel yourself, being ashamed. Right now, when you were explaining to him, you realized that you were the one in fault. You were just finding excuses to being the pitiful one in this, but no… You were the witch here. You could feel it.
Bucky suddenly hovered over you, making your eyes go wide. He looked suddenly so scary. His eyes were dangerously piercing into yours. His hands supported his body on the couch behind you. His face just few inches away from yours. You swallowed hard.
“You are right. It’s your fault.” he said in cold and stern voice. More tears rolled down your face, making your breath hitch in your throat. “If you had told me about your insecurities, you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself.” his jaw clenched.
Your boyfriend hated when you weren’t believing in yourself. He always made sure, you were proved wrong in one way or another. He always made sure to show you, what you meant to him and all you did for him is this. This is how you repaid him.
“The blame is on both of us. Baby, if you told me, you were hurting like this, I would have stopped with fighting a lot sooner!” his blue eyes were scanning your face, drying up all the tears with his hands. “You stopped?” you asked breathlessly, crying again. Now he actually stopped fighting? Just for you. You were just impossible.
Once again, Bucky wiped away the tears and sat down on the couch next you, pulling you close to him.
“Of course, I did. I did it because of you. Because I wanted to make you proud of me. I was working all day and night, without telling you, because I wanted to make a surprise for you. But then Anna came and told me, what were you thinking… I won’t lie, my heart sank. I was at the breaking down peak. I needed to talk to you, but when I come here, I hear you talking this shit…” he growled, glaring at you, which made you avoid his gaze quickly. Your cheeks were flushed red with shame. But he wanted to see into your eyes, so he tilted your chin gently with his fingers. “Baby, come on. There’s many things going on and you didn’t share them with me. If you did, I would have helped you. I would do anything to help you. Dammit! I’m even planning this for a while now!” he said, jerking his head forward, chewing on his bottom lip. Just a moment ago, he had all the authority and now, he looked like a nervous kid.
“P-planning what?” you asked, genuinely scared. What could he be planning? It made your heart hammer against your rib cage in fear.
“Marrying you, sweetheart.” he breathed out, looking back at you. He leaned his forehead against yours, closing his eyes. Your breath hitched in the throat again.
“What? B-but Bucky… After what I did… What I said… You can’t be serious.” You pulled away, looking at him confused. How? How could he be so forgiving? After what stunt you just pulled off? Really? Is this man playing with your or what? This can’t be true after all…
“And I am dead serious, doll. Without you, my world would break. I can’t live without you. Not anymore. You showed me the best. You showed me that I can be a great person, even without being a fighter. That I can make great things. And that’s you, whom am I grateful for that! Doll, you are everything to me. If you have ever again insecurities about us or yourself, I will prove to you, that there is no couple like us in the world. That there is no such love like ours in the world.” he slid down from the couch, kneeling before you, pulling out of his pocket a small velvet box and opening it. “That I will love you forever and ever more, because with you anything is possible. (Y/F/N) (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N), will you marry me and make me the happiest man alive?”
You stared at him, shocked. He was being serious. This man, in front of you, was the hell being serious! You never saw him this serious before! Never in your life have you imagined something like this. This was the most beautiful and amazing thing, that could ever happen in your life. Tears of happiness were now rolling down your cheeks. You didn’t know what to do, but for all you knew, there was only one word that could made this beautiful moment even more special.
“Yes… Yes, of course. Anything for you, Bucky.” you said quickly, jumping around his neck, making you both fall down, lying on the carpet. You were kissing every inch of his face. Not just because of the proposal. But for that he has forgiven you. That’s all you needed. Because you were more than convinced, you didn’t deserve this and this man.
“No… Anything for you, doll…” he cupped your cheeks, pulling you down for a delicate and deep kiss.
After all, everything bad is good for something. And after this, you knew that if there was any problem, you could solve it. Together.