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Having a crush was oftentimes said to be a measure of one’s youth, a necessary step to take before one grows up.
However, JinLing feels nothing like the youths on television professing their love to the guy or girl that’s caught their heart. He’s anything but youthful. The more accurate term to describe him would probably be “half-dead”, from rushing to meet the deadlines of all his assignments and dealing with incompetent group mates.
It’s not that he hates going to college, he really does want to graduate well but there are days where he wakes up and questions if he really needs that animal science degree to help out at his uncle’s clinic. He’s sure pretty much every college student out there can relate to his predicament.
Everyone except Lan SiZhui that is.
JinLing silently sips at his latte as he eyes SiZhui from top to bottom. At a glance, you can tell that the future heir to the Lan Corporation is a model student. A teacher's pet if one were to be mean about it, but almost no one’s mean to SiZhui. A cleanly pressed collared shirt hugs SiZhui’s lean body and though JinLing can’t see what he’s wearing now, he knows that SiZhui’s wearing comfortable yet stylish black denim. A head a smooth looking black hair sits atop a handsome face that JinLing’s all too familiar with.
Said handsome face is now smiling quizzically at JinLing, a bemused smile quirking the corner of his lips.
“Is there something wrong with my face?”
JinLing startled a little at his question. He could feel heat rushing to his face at being caught staring.
Rookie mistake JinLing, he mentally scolded himself as he gave a cough and shook his head in reply.
Not that this was his first time staring at SiZhui. For about as long as he could remember now he’s been finding himself staring at his childhood friend, who so happens to be his cousin thanks to his uncle adopting him. He’s lost count on the number of times he found himself spacing out, only to realise he was not so subtly admiring his friend’s face. It’s a wonder he wasn’t caught till now.
“Probably a little tired that’s all,” JinLing sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck, stretching it to ease the knots in his shoulder. “Stayed up till almost four in the morning trying to finish my report.”
JinLing watched as SiZhui’s brows knitted down in concern. Not wanting to worry his friend anymore than he already has, he quickly added, “But that report’s done now. Besides, we’re just left with a week of school and it’s term break!”
SiZhui smiled as he took a sip from his own iced latte, “Any plans for the holiday? I think my dad wants me to help out at his company whenever I can.”
JinLing nodded, “Yeah my uncle wants me to help out at his clinic too. Said it’s to build experience, or else I’ll be left jobless once I leave college thanks to my near-empty resume and he’ll kick me out of his house if that happens.”
SiZhui laughed, “That sure sounds like something Uncle Jiang will say.”
A comfortable silence followed the conversation before JinLing heard SiZhui gasp, as if he just remembered something.
“Oh yes! Before I forget, my dads told me that they’re trying to arrange for me to go to dinner with another girl again. They mentioned something about her being the daughter of a close business partner and they think she’s nice and all.”
JinLing kept a smile on his face even though he could feel his heart sinking just a little.
“And... What did you say to that?”
“I told them no of course,” SiZhui said, and JinLing could feel his mood lifting once again. “I’ve someone I like after all.”
JinLing didn’t know if the sound of something breaking was from the kitchen behind them, or if it was the sound of his heart cracking just a little.
***
It’s scary just how much of an impact someone’s words could have on you.
JinLing knew SiZhui meant no harm with his statement, it just so happened that JinLing had a crush on him.
It’s no one’s fault but his.
It’s also no one’s fault but his that he is now avoiding SiZhui whenever the guy tries to ask him out for lunch in the campus’ canteen. He knows he’s no coward, he’s entered an amusement park’s haunted house with SiZhui and their friend JingYi without any qualms, and he’s more than willing to watch a horror movie late at night, but no way is he talking to SiZhui now. He’s not even sure if he can look his friend in the eye and not have his heart hurt anymore than it already does.
***
“Oh! You’ve someone that you like?” JinLing asked with excitement he did not feel. “Why didn’t you tell me anything about this?”
SiZhui shrugged, stirring his straw as he contemplated his answer, “I didn’t want to mess anything up. I really want this to work out.”
JinLing’s heart twinged, he knew it was pointless to be jealous of this nameless, faceless person but well, he was. SiZhui obviously cares for this person a lot, he wouldn’t be this thoughtful otherwise. That thought alone hurts JinLing more than he thought it would.
Since they were kids, SiZhui has always been his one constant. When he got bullied on the playground, SiZhui was there to bring an adult to help him. When his parents passed away, SiZhui was there to lend a shoulder to cry on. When JinLing was drowning under a sea of reports, SiZhui was there with dinner and alcohol to help JinLing relax.
The thought that one day, SiZhui will no longer be there is frankly a terrifying one to think about.
“So who’s the lucky person?” JinLing asked, faux smile still in place.
“I’m not saying, I’m scared I’ll jinx it.”
“I wish you all the best then, in your romantic pursuits,” JinLing said, though his smile this time was aimed more at his empty cup then SiZhui.
If he were looking at SiZhui he’d have noticed the weird look that SiZhui was giving him. It was as if he was looking at something all too precious.
But he wasn’t looking, and so he never noticed.
***
“Psst SiZhui,” SiZhui looked up from his notes to see JingYi running up to him. “Is JinLing not with you today?”
“JinLing mentioned something about not feeling well,” SiZhui said, turning his attention back to his notes but nothing he was reading seemed to be going into his head. “If you’re looking for him he should be resting in his dorm room.”
JingYi rubbed the back of his neck, an awkward smile hanging from his lips, “I’m not really looking for JinLing, it’s just I usually see the two of you together so I figured something must have happened.”
“JingYi, you’re my classmate. I’m sure I’m around you a lot more than JinLing.”
“Yes I know,” JingYi chuckled as he sat down beside SiZhui, not-so-covertly looking at the notes he was making. “But discounting me, JinLing’s probably who you spend the most amount of time with, and I just want to know that everything’s okay between my two friends.”
SiZhui cocked his head, “I didn’t know you cared so much about us. JinLing will be happy to hear that.”
JingYi coughed as he madly waved his hand in front of him, a soft blush covering his cheeks, “Do not tell JinLing about this. He’ll never let me live this down.”
Sizhui chuckled as he put his pen down and pinched the bridge of his nose, “To be frank, I’m not entirely sure what happened between the two of us. One day we were fine and the next JinLing was avoiding me every time I tried to approach him.”
It was not as if they never argued. They’ve been friends for years, they have had their fair share of squabbles but it was always over trivial matters that didn’t matter after a day or two. They’re fights had never lasted over a week, and this time SiZhui did not even know what they were fighting over.
“Was it something I said?” SiZhui asked out loud.
“I’unno, it could be something you said,” JingYi said with a shrug. “Think hard to the last time you guys met, it probably happened then.”
SiZhui frowned as he tried to recall what happened. The only thing that happened the last time they met was their lunch at the college’s canteen. They were both talking about their plans for the term break, then SiZhui talked about his parent’s plans for—
“I’ve someone I like after all.”
SiZhui stilled, could it be that?
There wasn’t anything else he said that could have caused this. He thinks.
SiZhui pressed a hand to his mouth to hide the smile that was sneaking up his face. Was JinLing upset at his statement? Jealous even?
JingYi looked up, a knowing glint in his eyes at the look on SiZhui’s face, “I take it you’ve figured out what happened.”
SiZhui nodded, “I think I have. Let’s hope I figured it out correctly.”
“You’re the top student in the cohort, if you can’t figure this out I don’t think anyone can,” JingYi laughed as he pats SiZhui on the back. “Good luck, and tell JinLing I said hi.”
***
“There you are, I was looking for you,”
JinLing paused as a voiced exclaimed softly from behind him in the library, “I... I was just studying...”
“Studying when term break starts tomorrow? I know you’re hardworking but this is a little too early even for you JinLing,” SiZhui grinned as he pulled out a chair from beside JinLing and sat down. “Also I’ve something I want to ask you about.”
“Oh erm... Fire away I guess,” JinLing said as he thumbed the book in front of him mindlessly, trying to ignore the panic coursing through his veins. A part of him wants to escape, but another part of him’s glad that his best friend’s right beside him again.
“Why have you been avoiding me for the past week?”
Straight to the point then.
“I was just unwell,” JinLing looked around and saw a few students looking their way. Panic rose as he thought of what to say. He waited a moment before closing the book in front of him and standing up, ready to head off. “Actually I still I have a bit of a migraine. I should probably head back and rest a little more. Wouldn’t want to make you sick after all.”
“JinLing wait,” SiZhui tugged softly at the sleeves of JinLing’s yellow sweater. “Can you listen to what I have to say first before you go? Please?”
JinLing looked down and immediately regretted it. He was always weak to SiZhui’s eyes and now he was faced with the full brunt of SiZhui’s puppy dog eyes, he even tilted his mouth into a little pout. How was JinLing supposed to say no to that?
Heaving a sigh, JinLing shrugged off his bag and sat back down. Turning away so that his heart wouldn’t melt anymore than it already has under SiZhui’s beseeching stare, “Go on, I’m listening.”
“I want to tell you about the person I like.”
Here we go.
“Okay... so what’s she like?”
“He is someone from this university. A hard-working student that tries his best to help anyone he can. His words are often harsh but he means the best for those he cares about,” SiZhui started listing off the characteristics of that mysterious person and it seemed that once he started he could not seem to stop. “He loves animals, extremely partial to the colour yellow, keeps an adorable husky that’s loyal to him and if that doesn’t speak volumes to the care and attention he gives to his pet then I don’t know what will.”
JinLing stilled as the clogs in his mind whirred, why does this person sound so familiar—
SiZhui carried on, unaware of the confusion circling around JinLing’s mind, “I’ve known him for a very long time, since childhood actually. And ever since I can remember, he’s been shining the brightest in my eyes. Sure his Uncle might be a little scary but I’m sure I can get him to like me too.”
Childhood friend? Scary Uncle? Husky? Doesn’t that all describe... him ?
SiZhui paused, “Do you have an idea of who I like now?”
JinLing frowned as he felt his blush creep even further up his face, “Y-yes... I think I do.”
“So, now that you know, I need some advice,” SiZhui said, as he slowly weaved his fingers in between JinLing’s. His voice sounded calm but only JinLing could feel the slight tremble in his fingers, and hear the slight tremor in his voice. “What should I do to get that person to go out with me? I’m so scared I’ll ruin it.”
“What’s there to be scared of?”
“His Uncle for one,” JinLing chuckled at that. His Uncle will be a hurdle they will cross another day. “Plus he’s so adorable and smart, he’s bound to catch the eye of someone much more eligible than me.”
JinLing cleared his throat and bent his head to try and hide his blush, “I think you need to stop worrying so much. I think the one you like will definitely agree to go out with you.”
“You think so?”
“I know so.”
“Well then,” SiZhui said as he tightened his grip on JinLing’s hand. They were still in the library and someone might be staring at them right now but JinLing couldn’t care less. He never thought such a moment would ever come and he’s not about to ruin it now.
“JinLing, will you go on a date with me?”