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”The tree house? I don’t think we’ve talked here before.”
Lee was resting his crossed arms on the windowsill of the tree house, gazing out over the seemingly endless rooftops of the town. Maybe they were endless in this dream world, created upon the distant memory of a child who had not seen her home in years. The neighbourhood appeared intact, as it had before the dead had risen and wreaked destruction and chaos on the living. Cars were parked neatly in driveways or by the side of the road, no crashes or fires, and none of the easily recognisable moans and groans of walkers could be heard, nor could the sound of their dragging feet, or the horrified screams of victims unluckily caught in their path.
The silence was welcomed, but unfamiliar to Clementine. She was standing next to Lee, hands in the pockets of her jacket, breathing easy for the first time in probably as long as she could remember. The tree house felt safe and grounding, like returning to your mother’s embrace at the end of a long day.
“I thought I’d pick somewhere other than the train for once.”
“It sure is a nice change of scenery. The sunrise looks beautiful, too.”
Clementine realised that it was, in fact, a sunrise, and not a sunset. She felt so tired, deep into her bones, that she thought for sure that it would only be a few minutes before she would hear her father’s voice from the terrace door, calling for her to come eat dinner. But she saw now that the entire neighbourhood was shrouded in the distinctive light blues and pinks of dawn, rather than the deep gold and purple of dusk.
Turning around, she was relieved to see that the inside of the tree house was exactly as she remembered it. Intricate drawings, paper cut-outs, pictures and posters hung on the walls, lit up by multi-coloured fairy lights strung from corner to corner. On the floor were blankets, pillows, and an open colouring book with the crayons still spread out next to it. The page showed a half-coloured pirate captain on their ship.
“I miss this place. It’s been so long, it’s like a dream I barely remember anymore.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Lee said sombrely. “Feels like a lifetime ago I was handcuffed in that police car.”
Painfully, Clementine pictured the small wooden figure of a police officer that Tenn had played with. The memory of AJ’s bullet piercing his neck and his small, frail body being consumed by Minnie’s walkers flashed behind her eyelids every time she blinked. She shuddered.
Lee noticed her expression, of course, as he always did. “I told you to come see me again when you’d gotten everyone out. You still look troubled, though, sweet pea.”
Clementine could feel his kind eyes trying to reach hers, but she couldn’t face him. Not after what she’d done. “I couldn’t get everyone out…”
“No?”
She swallowed and shook her head. “Tenn’s dead. Minnie got bit and came after us with the whole herd, and she got Tenn killed. And Louis… I got him out, but—they cut out his fucking tongue, Lee.” Every word felt like it pierced her chest, as if speaking them aloud made the heartache even more real and unbearable. The pain pricked at the corners of her eyes, but she refused to cry.
“You did the best you could, Clem. Nobody else could have done it better than you did, ‘cause you’re a fighter, and you fight for everyone you care about.”
“Yeah, well, my best wasn’t good enough,” she spat. Somewhere, she knew he was right. But she couldn’t get herself to believe it. “Even the people who weren’t injured are probably having nightmares after all the shit they had to see. Aasim and Omar had to watch while they—And AJ—He killed Lilly! He shot another person, a-and James, after what he said, about there being no way back for him if he killed again, what if it’s true? What have I made him do? What have I done to him?”
Clementine had barely noticed that her speech had become gradually faster and more panicked as the worries had spilled out, and that she’d already lost the battle against the tears, which were now running down her cheeks in fine lines.
Despaired sobs began erupting from her throat, but through the sorrow, Lee’s comforting arms wrapped around her and held her tight in an embrace that felt like it could wring out every single fear inside Clementine, like a hand squeezing a sponge. She held onto him for dear life, crying into his shirt.
“It’s okay, sweet pea. It’s okay,” his voice soothed as he put his hand on the back of her head and let her weep. “You can breathe easy now. Your battle is over. You’ve had more responsibility on your shoulders than a whole village should carry… and I’m so sorry I had to leave you alone with all that.” He sighed and paused for a moment. “But even though you were alone, you handled things better than I could ever hope to. You’ve come so far, Clem – focus on where you’ve succeeded rather than where you’ve failed. You raised a kid all on your own while you were a kid yourself, you saved a broken community and turned it into a family, you’ve got a girl who loves you and a boy who still thinks the world of you. Together, you’re rebuilding, and once you build yourself a home, you’ll never have to be alone again.”
She continued to cry, the weight of the past few years finally crashing down on her all at once. She tried to take Lee’s words to heart, she really did.
“B-but… Louis…” she said thickly, removing herself from Lee’s embrace to wipe at her eyes with her hands. “I got his voice taken away from him. His voice was him. He sang and he cracked jokes every five minutes and he always had a stupid comeback. He’ll never be the same again.”
Lee put his hands on Clementine’s shoulders. “Clem, look at me.”
She didn’t at first. Couldn’t.
“Look at me.”
And then she did, out of breath from sobbing, eyes red and puffy.
“You have to understand that what happened to Louis is not your fault, and it never will be. What happened is absolutely awful, and I can’t begin to imagine what that boy went through and is going through right now, but it happened because Lilly showed the worst and cruellest side of herself. If Violet had been the one to be taken, you know she would have been hurt, too, and you would’ve been beating yourself up for that, too, sweet pea. You’re not responsible for the evil actions of others. All you can do now is try to remedy it. Be there for Louis, you and Violet and all the others. Help him adjust to how things are now. He’ll come out on top and find some way to entertain and annoy all of you again, I’m sure.”
Despite herself, Clementine’s lips curled slightly at the corners. “He already does. With little handwritten notes. Aasim gave him a notebook to write in, and AJ makes sure everyone’s quiet and paying attention when he wants to say something.”
Lee smiled too, seeing the golden light of happiness and true hope finally beginning to shine through the cracks made in Clementine’s fortified walls. “See? He’ll pull through just fine. And he will because of you, you know. You and Violet.”
Clementine nodded and wiped her eyes again. “I know.” Then her smile faded. “But… what about all the people that didn’t make it? Marlon, Brody, Mitch, Tenn, Sophie, even Minnie… They’ll never get to see Texas Two.”
“And it’s a tragedy that they won’t. But if we spent all our time thinking about all the things some people have been missing out on, we’d drive ourselves crazy. Everyone has their time, and in this world, even more people are taken before their time is up than they used to in the old world – that’s just something we’ll have to live with, sweet pea, you know that.” Her gaze dropped for a moment. “The only thing left for you to do for those who aren’t with you anymore is to remember them. Spare them a thought or two once in a while, put something by their grave, if they have one. Their bodies might be long gone, but they’ll live on in the memories of those who cared about them, and who continue to care for the impression they left on the world. That’s all any of us will leave behind, anyway: Impressions and memories.”
Clementine could only nod, turning her head and letting her eyes once again scan over the interior of the tree house and the faded memory of her old toys and colouring books. She also spared a glance down her own body, and only now did she notice that in this perfect dream world, her foot was still there. A few tears kept trickling down her face as she looked back up at the still clear and radiant impression of the man in front of her. His glow rivalled that of the sun. “I’ll always remember you, Lee.”
He smiled wider. “I know, Clementine. I’ll always remember you too, no matter how long I’ve been gone for. How could anyone who’s ever met you possibly forget about you? You’re too great of a person and too big of a troublemaker to be forgotten about, you hear?”
Clementine felt her smile grow and the tears begin to stream once more, this time not of sorrow but of delight, as she threw herself at Lee, hugging him again. The motion made her feel like she was still nine years old, and it made her laugh. As they embraced, she felt the deep rumble of Lee’s chuckle bubble up in his chest, and she had never felt more at peace.
“Oh, how I’ve missed hearing you laugh,” he said.
“I’ll probably be doing a lot more of it now, when Louis’ terrible jokes about me missing a foot start rolling in.” She pulled away, but her smile lingered as she looked up at Lee’s face.
He chuckled again. “Oh, of course. You keep him in check and make sure he doesn’t get too cocky, okay?”
“I will.” Clementine turned her head and looked out the window, where the last slivers of the sun were loosening their grip on the horizon, finally letting it roam free in the sky. “It’s just about time to go, isn’t it?”
Lee nodded, also watching the brilliant rays as they filled up the sky. “It is. You got people that need you, and that you need. Take care of each other now, sweet pea. You’re all you got.”
“Thank you, Lee. For everything.”