Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

[Astroboy has created a chat]
[Astroboy has changed the chat name to ‘Old Warriors!’]
[Astroboy has added marvellous, Taylor, optimusprime, Fish_are_Friends, and acuteangle to the chat]

Taylor: What’s this

Astroboy: a groupchat

Fish_are_Friends: we can see that, supertights.

Astroboy: So we can talk. Yknow. Outside of...things. Now. that we’re here.

acuteangle: ooh great idea Vance.

marvellous: ooooOOOooooooOOo

Taylor: Put those oo’s away, Speedball

marellous: singular. It was only 1 oo

marvellous: cmon thrash why so serious all the time i mean ur gonna giver urself like, an ulcer or somethin

marvellous: ur almost as anal as supertights

Taylor: That is an awful way to phrase that

Fish_are_Friends: agreed

marvellous: whhaaat????

marvellous: whats wrong with anal

optimusprime: …...pfft

optimusprime: oh man robbie thats the gayest fucking sentence yet

Fish_are_Friends: thanks btw, Vance, a new way to listen to Robbie’s bullshit.

Astroboy: what have I done?

acuteangle: there there

=======

[acuteangle added breakaleg to ‘Old Warriors!’]

marvellous: holy shit sil that username is awful

breakaleg: :D

optimusprime: SIL! Helloooooooo

breakaleg: hi richie

breakaleg: so what have you idiots been up to without me?

marvellous: the usual. Saving the world. Eating cupcakes.

breakaleg: cupcakes?

optimusprime: oh my god sil theyre so good vance made them

optimusprime: there’s caramel

acuteangle: it could be poisoned but you’d still take it and call it amazing if it was from vance.

optimusprime: guilty as charged.

breakaleg: im coming now to steal all of the cupcakes

marvellous: you can take these cupcakes out of my cold dead hands, Sil.

breakaleg: Is that a challenge, Speedball?

optimusprime: ur a dead man, robbie,

optimusprime: never get between a woman and snacks

[breakaleg is offline]

marvellous: hhansfdisaUAGJJIIIISKDMLKSMD

[marvellous is offline]

acuteangle: rip Speedball he will be missed

optimusprime: eh

optimusprime: he had it coming.

=======

marvellous: IM ALIVE

Taylor: ...yay.

marvellous: :(
marvellous: i dont like ur tone

Taylor: Too bad.

Marvellous: :(

Taylor: :)

=======

Fish_are_Friends: Image Attached: sleepingthrasher.jpg

acuteangle: :0

optimusprime:

marvellous: awh cute

marvellous: in a Dwayne sorta way

Astroboy: He almost looks nice

Fish_are_Friends: he’s gonna kill me for taking that pic but its so worth it

marvellous: hell yeah

=======

optimusprime: question.

Astroboy: Yes?

optimusprime: why is the chat name ‘old warriors’ ???

Astroboy: we’re old now, rich

Astroboy: also the official chat is already named New Warriors and this chat is just us

optimusprime: im like 20 fuck u

Astroboy: you wish. Are those grey hairs?

optimusprime: im hurt. my grey hairs are off limits, supertights.

Astroboy: Nothing’s off limits, dick rider.

Taylor: Stop being horny in the group chat you’re almost as bad as Speedball.

Astroboy: what.

optimusprime:

acuteangle: pfft

Astroboy: what??

[Taylor is offline]

=======

[Taylor added Fish_are_Friends, acuteangle, ElvinusedRage, and turbine to ‘Without the Idiots’]

Taylor: I cannot stand another moment of the looks Richard and Vance keep giving each other.

acuteangle: ahh Vance, forever absolutely fucking hopeless.

acuteangle: he’s lucky he’s so cute.

turbine: oh my god yeah I went on a mission with them the other day it was so bad

turbine: does Vance know Rich is super into him???

Fish_are_Friends: Is Vance ever aware of anything going on around him though that doesn’t involve social justice or baking?

ElvinusedRage: true

turbine: man makes a killer cinnamon bread

acuteangle: why am i seriously the only one he hasn’t baked for yet

Taylor: He’s too busy being neurotic and trying to decide what to bake you that he never actually makes anything

Taylor: Anyway. The topic on hand.

ElvinusedRage: hasn’t rich always looked at vance like that though

turbine: oh yeah, the man is not subtle. Never has been.

Fish_are_Friends: you can say that again.

acuteangle: if he breaks Vance’s heart ill break his spine.

Taylor: If they don’t do something soon and stop this pining shit I’m liable to break both of them.

turbine: fair.

ElvinusedRage: Rich’ll probably ask Vance out by the end of the week.

Fish_are_Friends: is Vance even bi

acuteangle: dont say anything to him he doesn’t know yet.

Taylor: The man had the biggest crush on Spiderman I’ve ever seen what do you mean ‘he doesnt know yet’?

acuteangle: his mind is a weird little thing. I don’t question it. Not my job anymore.

Taylor: Fair enough.

Fish_are_Friends: if things go well that’ll be Rich’s job.

turbine: lucky him.

=======

optimusprime: I have another question

Astroboy: Yes?

optimusprime: whats with all of the bread

marvellous: vance has taken up stress baking

optimusprime: Oooh okay now all of the cupcakes make sense

optimusprime: whats got ya stressed supertights??

Astroboy: have you ever lived with robbie

marvellous: HEY

optimusprime: good point carry on this bread is delicious

=======

Chapter Text

Fish_are_Friends: So.

marvellous: so??

Fish_are_Friends: This mountain teleports?

marvellous: ya pretty nifty right. Totally awesome base.

Fish_are_Friends: Its definitely a step up form the crash pad

optimusprime: the crash pad was a classic.

Fish_are_Friends: A classic dump.

optimusprimce: okay but does this mountain have a hot tub?

marvellous: …………….okay point made.

Fish_are_Friends: ...It was the best purchase you ever made.

optimusprimce: I keep telling you people that im a real genius

marvellous: how could we have been so blind

Fish_are_Friends: truly

optimusprime: ya dont gotta be so mean about it.

Fish_are_Friends: Me, mean? Never.

Fish_are_Friends: i am a delight, Rider.

optimusprime: a delight huh.

Fish_are_Friends: you heard me, trash panda

optimusprime: wait why am i a trash panda

Fish_are_Frieds: your aesthetic.

marvellous: its a classic aesthetic

optimusprime: okay whatever im proud stg

marvellous: trash panda pride? Just in time for pride month?

optimusprime: ...yess

optimusprime: get me a rabies pride flag thats all i need

marvellous: oh my god

=======

[marvellous has added breakaleg, optimusprime, Fish_are_Friends, Taylor, turbine, ElvinusedRage, and acuteangle to ‘New(er) New Warriors’]

optimusprime: about time

turbine: this chat is ours now >:)

Samwithaplan: ew more old people

optimusprime: what was that punk

Samwithaplan: :)

turbine: oooh its mini nova. I heard u hit robbie with a crowbar. Good job.

marvellous: hey!! >:(

Samwithaplan: ye

turbine: ur cool in my books

marvellous: mickey i thought we were friends :(((

turbine: u know that one scene in hetalia where bulgaria is smacking italy with a stick?

Samwithaplan: cursed. No. stop.

turbine: ur italy, robbie.

marvellous: so what im hearing is u watch hetalia u nerd

turbine: i only know it cuz of you, toothpick

Samwithaplan: I’d like to quit the team k thanks.

optimusprime: ditto^^

marvellous: sam, rich, noooooo

======

[Chat: New(er) New Warriors]
[Astroboy is online]

marvellous: HAPPY BIRHTDAY VANCE

Hummingbird!: HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYomgyoureold

Haechi: Wait it’s vance’s birthday?

Sunnyskies: o shit is it

ScarletSpider: oh

Astroboy: thankss

Astroboy: robbie whatever you have planned, dont.

optimusprime: welcome to being thirty how does it feel

Astroboy: depressing

optimusprime: u get used to it

acuteangle: is everything okay vance??

Astroboy: just peachy

Astroboy: I gtg to work, I’ll be on later.

[Astroboy is offline]

ScarletSpider: the hell was that about?

Hummingbird!: :( Does this mean no to the exploding cake and fireworks?

marvellous: ill cancel the cake but were doin fireworks

Hummingbird!: :DDDDDD

ScarletSpider: no one let either of them near the fireworks

======

[Private Message: optimusprime > Astroboy]

optimusprime: Hey how about lunch, help you get your mind off of whatever’s going on?

Astroboy: sure, yeah that sounds nice.

optimusprime: awesome. I’ll swing by and pick you up once you go on break :)

Astroboy: :’)

======

[Chat: Old Warriors]

marvellous: i think vance just needs to get laid tbh

marvellous: when he gets laid u can always tell cuz he gets all floaty, like cannot touch the ground floaty, and soft and super nice

acuteangle: i wouldnt know :/

marvellous: oh yeah rip

Fish_are_Friends: wait you and vance never???

acuteangle: nope

Fish_are_Friends: f

Taylor: f

optimusprime: f

marvellous: f

breakaleg: f

optimuprime: we could buy him a stripper

Fish_are_Friends: Didnt you already try that once

optimusprime: YEAH the hell kinda teenage boy refuses a fuckin stripper??? Smh

optimusprime: i know damn well he’s not ace idk what his deal is

marvellous: idk his faithfulness is endearing

optimusprime: tru

optimusprime: whatever im about to pick him up for lunch, ill figure somthin out to cheer him up

marvellous: 👀

acuteangle: 👀

optimusprime: dont look at me like that

marvellous: bite me

acuteangle: i think he’d rather bite vance whoops

optimusprime: …ur not wrong

Taylor: Shut the hell up and go

optimusprime: ;)

[optimusprime is offline]