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It was as if the last five years hadn’t happened. Clint arrived back at the farm and there they all were - Laura and the kids, just as they had been the day they disappeared. If only he could pretend nothing had changed.
But the whole world had changed. Bringing everyone back didn’t solve the problem of the people who had moved on in the meantime and might not have the same room in their lives for those who had vanished. It didn’t solve the problem of the people who might have been glad certain others in their lives were suddenly gone, and now how to deal with them reappearing.
It didn’t solve the problem of all the things Clint had done in the intervening time. And it didn’t solve the problem that, while Laura and the kids were back, someone else was irrevocably gone.
After the first overjoyed embraces, when Clint couldn’t quite believe his wife and children were in his arms again, things were weird. For Laura, it was as if only five minutes had passed, but Clint knew she could tell he had changed. And not just because of his stupid haircut. She also had a hell of a lot to come to terms with, trying to get her head around everything that had happened while she’d been gone.
To begin with, Clint didn’t want to let any of them out of his sight. He watched them with haunted eyes, tracking their movements and following them around the house. He was afraid to sleep, in case they weren’t there when he woke up.
Then came the day he fell asleep on the couch in the middle of the afternoon and woke up panicked. He scanned the room. All three of the kids were present and correct. But no Laura. He leapt up and rounded on Lila.
“Where’s your mother?”
Lila looked up, startled. “I don’t know.”
Clint ran through the house, calling Laura’s name, fear rising up his throat and threatening to strangle him. The sound of a car engine pulled him outside to see her driving up to the house. She climbed out of the car and stopped dead at the sight of him.
Words ripped themselves out of his throat in a growl. “Where were you?”
“I went to get groceries.”
Her reply was so calm, but rage was swamping the fear in Clint’s chest now and he felt as if he was drowning.
He fled to the barn. His breath was coming in gulping sobs as he fell to his knees behind the tractor. Laura, of course, was right behind him. She knelt beside him and laid a careful hand on his shoulder but didn’t say anything.
After a while, Clint forced his breathing to slow. He kept his eyes on the dusty floor.
“I’ve seen what I become without you,” he whispered. “And I don’t want you to see it.”
“Is that why you tried to sacrifice yourself on Vormir?”
Now Clint looked up at Laura, his eyes wide. “How did you know about that?”
Laura shrugged. “I have my ways. And I know you wouldn’t have let Nat go without a fight.”
The tears overflowed again and Clint struggled to speak. “She exchanged her life for all of yours. And I have to be glad she did. But…”
Laura put her arms around him and held him close. “I know. She left a hole that can never be filled. But I’m glad she did it too. We’ll all miss her, but not nearly as much as we would have missed you.”
“You don’t know what I did.”
“I don’t. But I can probably guess. And it’s a part of you I accepted long ago. You’re going to need to accept it too. Otherwise, we’ll never be able to find our way through this.”
“You really think we can do that?”
Her reply was matter-of-fact. “I think we owe it to Nat.”
The words were like a sucker punch and a bucket of cold water all at once. Clint huffed out a breath. “Well, that’s some grade A psychology right there.”
Laura managed a smile. “I try.”
“And I will too. It’s not going to be easy, though.”
“I know.”
Clint took Laura’s hand and they climbed back to their feet together.