Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Seokjin groaned, resting his hand on the wall, and taking deliberate breaths to clear the suffocating sound of blood throbbing in his ears. Music played in the back, but Jin coudn’t hear it over the thrumming of his head. He walked over to his phone slowly, reaching down and pausing the track.

He grabbed the item, and quickly stood back up, wincing as his back twinged with the suddenly moment. Still, his lips quirked up at the thought of Jungkook seeing that. The maknae could be a brat, but he was their brat and Jin can’t help but laugh along with him, even if he’s the butt of JK’s joke. Jin’s heart squeezed in his chest as he looked around the dark room, there was no Jungkook, no anyone, but it’s for the best, it was getting much too late anyhow.

He grabbed his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder, and fit a mask over his ears, stuffing his phone in his back pocket absentmindedly. He flicked off the lights to the room, a hidden smile appearing under his black face-mask as he started on his way home.

Two things distracted him from his journey, both at the same time, and both stole his attention the second he stepped foot from the practice room. First was the lights, though the hallway was dark, fluorescent white light lit the back of the hall, filtering from underneath a door. Secondly was the music, it was quiet, but there, turned up enough to hear over heavy breaths, but turned down enough that it wouldn’t be hard to miss. Jin had too much experience with that specific volume.

His thoughts first sped to his members, frantically logging who had hard evidence that they were at the dorm. Except they all did… Jin frowned, remembering the selfie of the 6 of them Hoseok had sent to their group chat, poking fun at him for electing to stay. (It was all in good humour, Jin understands that too, they’re sure he won’t push his own limits, and he didn’t.) So, if it wasn’t his members, who…?

Oh.

Jin could smack himself, he kept forgetting BigHit’s youngest group had access to these training rooms too, now. Damn… It must be one of the kids.

Jin had years of experience dragging his own maknae line from practice at unholy hours… but they were as close as brothers. However with schedules, age gaps, on top of BTS’s status of ‘sunbaenim’, Jin hadn’t really had a chance to bond with his junior group. He already regretted that, but his uneasiness about it suddenly increased tenfold.

However he swiftly strode to the source of his anxieties, rapping on the door lightly. The results were immediate, as Jin suspected they might be. Hurried footsteps echoed out and the music cut out soon after. In his mind Jin quietly went through TXT’s members.

He was most worried it would be one of their maknae’s. He wasn’t worried Taehyun and Kai wouldn’t listen to him, he knew them well enough to understand the boys were a respectful pair. Yet Jin had to acknowledge he was ten years older than them. He definitely didn’t want to intimidate or scare them. Beomgyu was their middle child, but still a maknae. Though he had two dongsaengs, he had two strong hyungs as well, and Jin felt selfish for wishing it was one of those two in his position right now.

Of course, unless it was one of the oldest of the group behind the door. Yeonjun would, obviously, be the easiest for Jin to relate to. As the oldest hyungs in their respective groups, Jin would like to think he could give valuable advice to the young man. Soobin, though, reminded Jin of a young Joonie… Hardwarking, shy, insecure, but shouldn’t be.

The mystery boy’s shuffled steps gained volume as he approached the door, the handle turned and the door creaked open uncertainty.

“Seokjin-sunbaenim!” He cried out in surprise, bowing deeply at the waist.

“Soobin-ah…” Jin breathed out, frowning at his fidgeting dongsaeng.

The boy nervously stood back up. He was drenched, sweat rolled down his face, and his hair stuck out every which way.

“Aish,” Jin sighed, “It must be past one AM, don’t you have a schedule tomorrow?”

Soobin looked down, pointedly avoiding eye-contact. Shrugging lightly, he brought his hand up to the back of his neck.

“Soobinnie, you’re a hard worker, I understand, I have to deal with a whole group of ‘em,” Jin smiled, trying to lighten the mood slightly, Soobin didn’t react, so he trudged on, “But overworking yourself only hurts you and the people around you. You’re a smart kid, I know you know this…” Jin kept his voice low and quiet, but Soobin continued to stare at his shoes as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. Guilt washed over him upon hearing Jin’s patented ‘Hyung Voice.’

Jin glanced up, looking into the practice room. A phone, which he assumed was Soobin’s, lay near a burgundy backpack. Two near empty water bottles lay next to the bag, but no one else’s stuff was there.

“Soobin, can you please look at me?” Jin requested, Soobin’s head shot up and Jin pretended not to notice the red rims staining his brown eyes. “Does anyone know you’re here?”

Soobin shook his head miserably, and Jin waited to see if he’d answer any more. He didn’t so Jin pressed on.

“Does Yeonjun know where you are?” Jin knew it was a low blow asking about his hyung, if his members were any example.

He had been on the receiving end of a teary eyed Jungkook, Taehyung, or Jimin, guilty apologizing for concealing the truth from him, more often than he’d like to admit. Hoseok, and Namjoon too, but less so. It even happened with Yoongi once, but Jin couldn’t tell anyone under threat of death.

“...I said I was staying at a friends house.” Soobin spoke up meekly, his voice hoarse from overuse.

Jin’s frown deepened, Soobin had obviously planned to stay this late, if not later. Though his excuse wouldn’t work for very long, Jin reasoned with himself, it’s likely this was only his first or second offense, of this kind.

“Alright… Okay,” Jin muttered absentmindedly while collecting his thoughts, “Well I can’t let you stay, you know that.”

Soobin nodded slowly, his gaze returning downwards.

“So go get your things, I’ll wait out here.” That made Soobin’s head snap up once more.

His eyes were almost comically wide, and he gaped, opening his mouth before closing it again as if changing his mind about speaking. Jin raised his eyebrows, standing firm on the spot. Soobin quietly spun around, collecting his things at a snail's pace, Jin almost wanted to snort at how obvious his adversition to the older staying was, but he resisted.

There wasn’t too many opportunities for stalling in terms of packing up. So after Soobin put one of his water bottles in his bag, one in the recycling, and stuffed his phone into his pocket, he stood and paused, as if looking for something else to do.

“Your dorm isn’t far if I remember correctly,” Jin started, and Soobin turned around, his brow furrowed, nodding uncertainty, “PD-nim pointed it out to us once, I’m not a stalker, don’t worry Soobin-ah.” Jin continued, humour in his tone.

Soobin burned bright red, and walked out of the room while Jin laughed softly. Well as softly as he could, his laugh isn’t exactly known for its dainty quality though.

Soobin spun on his heel, bowing again, “Thank you for looking after me Seokjin-sunbaenim. I won’t let this happen any more, and I will try harder to conduct myself better in the future.”

Jin was slightly taken aback, he didn’t think he would ever get used to his statis being viewed as higher than others. But he knew that right now he was in a position of power, and he had a responsibility to care for the younger man in this situation to the best of his ability.

“I’m glad to hear that Soobin. I really am, but the reason I checked you were close was to make sure this old man would be able to make it there.” Jin joked.

“Wh- N-No, you don’t… you don’t have to-” Soobin started frantically, his cheeks turning red once more.

“I do have to, and I’m going to. It’s a nice night anyway, clear skies and all that.”

Seokjin was quite content, finally an opportunity to bond with one of his hoobaes. Sure it wasn’t under the best circumstances, but maybe he’ll have to opportunity to give the junior some advice he wished he knew when he debuted. Give him some advice as a leader that he wished he had the confidence to give Namjoon back in the day.

Soobin, on the other hand, wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Not only did his biggest idol just find him practicing in the early morning, and scold him for it, now he’s actually escorting him home. He’s never going to live this down.

Chapter Text

The air was icy, the kind where sharp gusts sliced into your bones like glass knives. Soobin chewed on his lower lip, downright refusing to let his body shiver. Jin had guided the pair to the side exit. Probably to lower the chance threat of them being spotted or, god forbid, mobbed. A side-effect of that decision, though, was the heavy metal door they had to pass. It shouldn't of been a problem, but Soobin was lost in his own world, and practically jumped out of his skin when the door inevitably slammed. So much for trying to look tough.

Soobin turned to Jin automatically, his shoulders relaxed slowly as he watched Jin’s hair bounce up and down as he laughed.

“Seokjin-Sunbaenim!” Soobin whined, but the grin on his face was radiant.

Though Soobin was often labelled as ‘the shy one’, his bubbly personality easily surfaced when he felt comfortable. Jin sombered up quickly after the quick reprimand, though his lips were in a tight line, and it was easy to see he was suppressing laughter.

Soobin smiled widely, and his eyes crinkled slightly at the sides. But after a few seconds of silence stretched past, his anxious brain stuttered back, reminding him of the situation again. He, Choi Soobin, was out with the Kim Seokjin… His smile dropped and his eyes glued themselves to the floor once more.

Jin seemed to notice his drop in energy, as he stopped laughing, and instead turned to Soobin with a kind smile, “You know the drill, masks on, and since my memory isn’t what it used to be, how about you lead the way?” He grinned slipping a black face mask on himself.

Soobin dove his hand into his pocket, and retrieved the mask he had in there. He grimaced noticing it was slightly damp from the hours of practice, there was another one in his backpack, but he didn’t want to hold up Jin anymore than he already had, so he slipped it on over his ears.

He glanced at Jin who motioned forward, and started to walk quietly. Usually he took the walk home to ponder, but tonight his mind was burnt out, so he just let his eggs lead the way.

He focused in on the sounds of the night, the way his shoes crunched on dry leaves littering the sidewalk, and how the wind whistled. The occasional bird chirped, or flapped their wings, but they practically invisible under the low amber light of street lamps. Occasionally a car would pass by, and he turned his head automatically.

“You always turn away from the cars,” Jin spoke up softly from his left, and Soobin jumped once more.

Soobin turned to the voice, glad for the dark sky that shielded his otherwise obvious embarrassment. Jin wasn’t looking at him, probably to make him more comfortable, though he obviously wanted to start a conversation. Soobin felt a warm spark in his chest, if they were in a video game their level of friendship would have gone up.

“I guess I just do it… I don’t know, really. I started doing it after we debuted.” Soobin started, more heat lit up his cheeks.

“I… Jungkook did the same thing when we doubted, and again when we first started gaining popularity. You know, he was worried about being recognized.” Jin spoke slowly, carefully.

Soobins’ shoulders relaxed, though he felt weird about knowing a personal thing about Jungkook, somewhere between special and scared.

“Yeah, I suppose… I… I guess I’m worried, I’m just… embarrassed too. I don’t like the idea of someone looking at me, and recognizing me.” Soobin confessed, “I know that might sound dumb because I choose to be an idol, to be a— I mean, like, to have people recognize me, but… I don’t know…” He trailed off, glancing up at Jin, whose eyes were now focused on him.

“No, that makes total sense, I’ve always been shy, when I started in BigHit I was excited for my future, but terrified at the same time. Thinking about people knowing who I am, it scared me, I loved recording, and singing, and photo shoots, but I hardly ever let myself speak up or be myself. I think it’s normal, especially if you’re not extremely extraverted.” Jin responded.

Soobin nodded, logically he knew Jin was shyer when he debuted, but it was hard to imagine compared to his well-known goofy and outgoing personality today.

“Sooo~ Got any questions for me? Comments, questions, concerns, lamentations?” Jin asked happily after a few seconds stretched out.

Soobin shrugged, “I don’t know, really.”

“C’mon, let me give some advice! All your other BTS-hyungs are stubbornly sure they have their lives completely figured out.” Jin chuckled.

It wasn’t that Soobin didn’t have any questions, he had a million, he just really didn’t want to make a fool of himself. One thought suddenly popped to the front his mind, “That locked room, on the 5th floor, the staff refuse to tell us what happened in there.” Soobin blurted out, and to his surprise Jin burst out laughing.

“They refuse to tell you? Oh my god, that’s hilarious.” He paced his hand on his chest, leaning his head back as he giggled, absentmindedly he pushed the mask of his face, “That was thanks to your youngest three hyungs. It used to be a practice room. Instead of using it to rehearse, they were messing around, and somehow Taehyung thought it would be a great idea to throw an open water bottle. Long story short, Jimin slipped, smashed a mirror, and made everyone around have a mini-heart attack. I was furious at the time, but honestly their faces were priceless. And it’s a company secret now, that’s so funny. I suppose they never got ‘round to fixing it and didn’t want you to try anything” Jin grinned ending his story, which Soobin had been intensely listening to.

The younger cracked a smile, perhaps imaging BTS’s maknae line panicking shouldn’t have made him giggle but it did. Jin wasn’t that much different from him, the thought struck him suddenly, sure he was older, more experienced, but he was still in his twenties, and figuring stuff out.

“Kai’s convinced it’s haunted, don’t tell anyone, but I was starting to believe that too.” Soobin smiled.

“Ah, I see. My lips are sealed,” Jin mimicked a zip going over his lips, firmly pressing them together.

Soobin rolled his eyes, but couldn't help but compare Jin to Yeonjun. Everyone always exclaimed how similar the oldest members of the two groups were, but Soobin never really saw it up to now.

“We’re about 5 minutes away, you don’t have to walk me all the way home.” Soobin said absentmindedly, not wanting to inconvenience the older. Though to be honest, he wasn’t sure if he wanted him to stay or go.

Jin didn’t respond at first, and Soobin looked towards him, furrowing his brow when Jin shook his head furiously.

“Hm mmm mhmm hhmph.” Jin mumbled, motioning to his mouth, Soobin facepalmed.

Jin wheezed, laughing in his staple windshield wiper way. Imaginary zip forgotten.

“Really sunbaenim?” Soobin asked, he might of gotten away with sounding annoyed if you didn’t notice the giant grin plastered on his face.

“Aish, just call me hyung, ‘sunbaenim’ makes me feel old,” Jin let out a melodramatic sigh, and Soobin giggled.

“Sorry, hyung~” The younger drew out the word, trying to poke a little fun.

Though Soobin’s face flushed red once more as he realized the embarrassing amount of times he’s dreamed of Jin coming out with that exact request.

Jin smiled, but his demeanor seemed to morph into something more serious. Soobin trusted the older, but still couldn’t help but feel on edge at the changed atmosphere.

“So, now as your hyung, it’s my job to make sure you’re alright.”

Soobin stared at his shoes, “Uh, yeah I guess.”

“Soobin-ah, you’re a smart kid, why did you stay? Do you really need more practice time, or is something else going on? I swear I won’t judge, but on that note I’ve seen every excuse in the book, please just tell me.” His tone was firm, but calm.

Soobin squirmed, half-hoping he had forgot, apparently not, “I… It’s embarrassing su- uh, hyung. It’s… something I should figure out myself.”

Jin didn’t respond for a second, “You know… I went to Australia for some time when I was in school. The culture-shock was pretty extreme. It was insane to see the kids disrespecting their parents, or teachers, even considering themselves equal in rights shocked me. I was so used to keeping to myself, keeping my head down, and my problems hidden. I also thought Korea was so open, and in many ways we’re an extremely communal society, but we’re always taught to keep our problems to ourselves, and if there’s one western ideology I’ve tried to adopt into my life, and show to my friends and family, is that fact our problems shouldn’t be something kept to ourselves. Now I’m not saying Korean culture is forcing you to keep quiet tonight, I’m just saying, as your hyung, and someone who cares for your well-being. It’s not a burden for me to carry your problems too, everyone has them… If you still don’t believe me, think about others, if Kai or Taehyun, or any of your members, friends, family, were suffering, would you like them to do so silently?”

Soobin blinked, not sure what to say… and for a little while he said nothing at all. The leaves had been cleared from the sidewalk, and their footsteps were the only sound penetrating the eerie silence. Jin didn’t interrupt, but looked up into the sky. Soobin followed his gaze. Stars lit the night sky, they were dulled from his perspective, Seoul’s smog giving a grey hint to the brilliant blue expanse, littered with shimmering white pinpricks of light. Yet, it was still beautiful. Soobin’s mind couldn’t help but spin metaphors out of the image. He smiled slightly, somewhere between sad and hopeful.

“I…” Soobin sighed, “It’s harder than I thought.”

“How so?” Jin sounded almost surprised that Soobin responded.

“Like… I don’t know, just, I knew practice was going to be hard, and schedules, interviews, all that stuff. But just… it’s so much, millions of people know my name, it’s insane. There’s so many expectations, and so much I don’t understand. I feel like, I don’t know, we’ve been thrown in the deep end without learning how to swim. It’s scary, I don’t want to be scared… I guess that’s why I’ve been pushing myself, practicing, learning choreo, it’s the only thing I can control. There’s so much I can’t, but that, that I can get perfect, and so I don’t have to be scared about it…”

“I knew you were a smart kid… Honestly yeah, you have been Soobin-ah, put in the deep end I mean—”

Soobin snorted, cutting him off, “Thanks.”

“Well it’s true,” Jin chuckled, “Think about this though… there was so much fuss over TXT, so many meetings, consultations, tests, I’m sure you’re aware of, but I’m telling you from the other side, it was a huge deal. They didn’t just assess your abilities as an idol, they saw who gave training their all, saw who was compassionate, but strong, who could deal with it, who could manage to be supported, and support others. You were picked Soobin, not only picked to be a member, but their leader. I’ve seen so many jokes about PDnim loving tall leaders, and though that might be slightly true,” Jin cleared his throat, “He chose you because you’re strong, and capable. Level-headed, and kind.”

Soobin was bright red. Hearing this from BigHit, and Jin, an absolute idol of his, was completely different. Doubt still seeped into his mind, but Jins words had certainly pushed out a huge portion of it, at least for now.

“Not to ramble,” Jin continued after a pause, “but you really do remind me of Namjoon. He was so uncertain. His intelligence and insecurities combing into something poisonous over time. Don’t let yourself fall into that hole, trust your instincts, and combat those voices with logic, I trust you can. And let your hyungs take care of you,” Jin shoved his arm playfully, and smirked, “It’s a little late for life epiphanies, but promise me, not to stay this late again, and talk to your members, or family, or someone if you’re scared. It is scary, truly, but you can do it, but not alone. Okay, you promise?”

“Pinky promise,” Soobin giggled holding up his hand in the signature ‘Promise’ pose.

Jin grinned happily, and Soobin had to look away. He was smiling though, just quietly resigning himself that he’ll always have an inner-fanboy when it comes to Jin, and BTS.

As he looked away he noticed his dorm building looming closer and closer. A wave of exhaustion washed over him, and suddenly he was ready to collapse into bed.

“That’s me hyung,” Soobin pointed, stifling a yawn, “Thank you for walking with me,” He turned and bowed quickly.

“You’re welcome,” Jin started, smiling mischievously, “But we’ve come so far, I’m making sure you get home safe and sound.

“I- Hyung, you really don't have to!” Soobin stuttered.

“I insist.” Jin laughed.

“Hyung, it’ll be kind of embarrassing, don’t you think?” Soobin asked, hoping Jin would take a hint.

“Now Soobin. I said I would be there for you, and I am, however I never said I wouldn’t embarrass you.” Jin snorted, and Soobin groaned internally.

“Lead the way, young padawan.”

Soobin pouted, and trudged forward, hopes of sleep slipping through his fingers. It was going to be a longer night than originally anticipated.