Chapter Text
There was no water, but Jungkook knew he was drowning.
Darkness was all around him, and he screamed but there was no sound coming out of his throat. It was cold. So, so cold, that his body started to feel numb; only the burning pain reminded him that he was still alive. He could no longer tell where the pain ended and where he began; everything was a blur. The sounds and the flashing lights were too far from him, and with every second they only got further.
It was like drowning in the ocean, seeing the light-house right before the waves swallow you, and you black-out. You know it’s too late.
The moment you realize it’s over, is the moment you stop fighting. You open your mouth and let in the water; you let it fill up your lungs and that aching hole in your chest. In the movies, drowning is loud, and dramatic: the victim often cries for help until their last breath.
In reality, drowning is peaceful. You let the cold water silently hug you, and eventually, the pain will stop. And if you close your eyes, the waves will gently rock you to sleep.
Jungkook was exactly there: half asleep with his eyes closed and soul at peace; ready to let go.
The last thing he heard was a familiar voice calling for his name, right before the waves swallowed him.
He woke up to an oddly familiar beeping sound.
The darkness was gone, and the waves eased - Jungkook was left with nothing but an empty feeling in his chest. The pain, the sounds, the drowning - everything disappeared, and after opening his eyes, he saw blank whiteness everywhere.
It reminded him of a desert.
Still feeling dizzy form the painkillers, Jungkook needed to blink a few times until his vision finally cleared, but he soon recognized he was in a hospital room.
So I failed again, didn’t I?
He felt a lump in his throat, and with tears in his eyes, he tried to stare into the lamp, to stop himself from crying.
In the next moment there was a knock on his door, followed by an oddly familiar person entering the room.
“Hi”
“Namjoon?” asked Jungkook with a surprised and confused expression. He tried to sit up, but as as soon as he tried to move his injured arm, he felt a sudden wave of pain. “Shit!” hissed he.
“Don’t move your arm!” alarmed him Namjoon worriedly, and hurried next to him “Your wound is really deep, and still fresh, it can easily start to bleed again!”
“What are you doing here?” asked Jungkook.
“Still working here as a resident. I heard they brought in someone after a suicide attempt, and I wanted to be sure that it’s not you but… turns our it is you again”
“Yeah, being here is a disappointment for me too” said Jungkook ironically, but he only got a reproving look as an answer.
“If you ask me, it’s a miracle. You had to be reanimated twice, and once you were technically dead for 4 minutes. They almost gave up on you”
“They should’ve” whispered Jungkook. He was pretty sure that Namjoon heard it too, but the older still decided to ignore it. “How did they found me? I was alone in the house”
“I’m not exactly sure, but I think the ambulance received a phone call. I think I can ask them for the name if you’d want to know”
“It doesn't really matter”
“Do you feel any pain in your arm?” asked Namjoon.
“Only if I’m moving it”
“And other than that how do you feel? Do you have headache, or feel dizzy? Or do you experience anything else like nausea, or feeling numb?”
“No, I’m fine”
I don’t feel anything at all
“Okay. Now, you will be kept in for a week just for sure, but after that you’ll be released. We already contacted your parents and your therapist too, so you can discuss what will be the next step. They will be here in a few days, until then please try to rest.”
“Okay” nodded Jungkook.
“If you need anything you can call me or the nurses. They will come in later to switch your bandages, but you can use the nurse call button anytime”
Namjoon quickly showed him how the call button worked, then got up to leave but suddenly stopped in the door.
“Oh, I almost forgot! Your friends were here right after you’d been brought in. They wanted to see you as soon as possible, but as you’ve been in a critical state, I had to tell them to go home… but one of them insisted on staying. Officially you’re still not allow to see visitors but he’s still here, if you wanted to-”
“I don’t want to” cut in Jungkook, in an ice cold voice.
“I don’t think he would give up without seeing you. Are you sure you-”
“Just tell him that I don’t wanna see him. Tell him that
I
want him to go home”
“...Okay” said Namjoon sadly. “Jungkook?” he called the youngers name, but Jungkook turned his face away mutely.
“
I am so sorry
” muttered Namjoon in a low voice, before leaving the room.
In the moment the door closed, the ice cracked and Jungkook broke down in tears.
***
Taehyung was running.
Everything was dark and blurry around him, and he couldn’t tell where he was going but he knew he had to get there in time. His heart was beating fast, he was gasping for air, but he couldn’t stop. If he did, something bad would happen, he knew that for sure. So he had no choice but to keep run.
He was scared. So, so scared, and he couldn’t even tell why. Was he running from something or towards something? Was he scared for himself or for someone else?
Then everything happened so fast.
There was a sudden glimpse of light, a sound of someone laughing, and Taehyung reached out to catched his hand,
but he hold onto nothing but the emptiness.
Taehyung woke up to a sudden touch on his shoulder, and almost fell off of the plastic seats he had been sleeping on in the hospital’s corridor. He was still shivering and breathing heavily, but soon recognized his location.
What he couldn’t recognize, was the stranger bending above him, observing him with a shocked expression.
“I’m sorry… I didn’t meant to startle you” apologized the stranger. He wore a white mantle, glasses, and a stethoscope around his neck.
“Are you a doctor?” asked Taehyung.
“Just a resident. You’re here because of Jeon Jungkook aren’t you?”
“Yes… how did you know?”
“I take care of him. The nurses said his friends where waiting here, and that one of them refused to go home. So I supposed that it was you” answered Namjoon. There were no other guest in the waiting room, only Taehyung
“How is he?” asked Taehyung in a shaky voice.
“It was a narrow shave, but he made it. He just woke up” answered Namjoon.
“Thank God…” breathed the other boy. Namjoon could almost hear the weights falling off of the other boy’s chest “Can I see him?”
“He is not allowed to receive visitors yet” said Namjoon in a sad voice.
“When will he be allowed? Can… can I wait here until then? I have to see him, it’s really important so-” Taehyung voice cracked.
“I’m sorry that I have to say this… but he told me, to ask you to go home”
“What?” The world took a 180 degree around Taehyung. He knew he messed up,he really did. But this was the moment when it hit him, how big of a mistake he just made.
“Look, I know I have nothing to do with this and I have no idea what’s going on. But if you wanna talk about it, my shift ends in like 15 minutes so…”
“No, it’s okay, I’m fine” answered Taehyung, even though he sounded anything but fine. He forced a smile on his face, and stood up from the plastic chair, ready to go. His tears glittered under the white light of the lamps as he left the waiting room.
“I’m fine”
***
Taehyung was anything but fine. Jimin could tell this, in the moment the other boy entered their apartment at five in the morning with red eyes, puffy cheeks, and dark clouds in his eyes.
“Taehyung! God, Are you okay? I tried to call you a hundred times, I was so worried!” Jimin jumped up from the couch, rushed to him immediately, and hugged Taehyung tightly.
“I’m sorry” whispered Taehyung with a raspy voice.
“It’s okay. I’m glad you’re fine. Where were you?” asked Jimin, pulling away but still staying close.
“I was walking”
“What?”
“I waited for the first bus, and then I just walked”
“Why didn’t you call me? I could have pick you up!” said Jimin. His voice was still worried as he knew something was wrong. Taehyung never disappeared like this before and he never ignored Jimin’s calls. Even when he ignored everyone else, he never ignored Jimin. Until now.
“I wanted to be alone. I’m sorry. Sorry for not answering the phone” apologized Taehyung and he took off his shoes. He sounded like his world had ended and he had nothing to do about it, but accept it.
“Could you talk to Jungkook?”
Taehyung flinched at the question.
“He didn’t want to see me” whispered he quietly. When he looked up at Jimin, there were tears streaming down his face as he repeated it louder “He didn’t want to see me”
Jimin hugged him again but this time Taehyung’s legs gave in. But Jimin held him strong, and let Taehyung to lean on him.
“I messed up. I messed up so bad, and now he doesn’t want to see me. He hates me, and he has every right to do so” cried Taehyung.
“Shh… Tae don’t say that. Jungkook would never hate you. Everything will be alright, he just needs some time”
Jimin tried his best to comfort the crying Taehyung, and started rubbing his back. When Taehyung started to shake he hugged him tighter, as an attempt to hold together his broken pieces.
“I messed up… It was my fault… Jimin, he almost killed himself because of me” sobbed Taehyung “I was so stupid and now I ruined everything”
“Shh… It was not your fault”
“But I hurt him and then I just left him and… I didn’t think about it… I knew about him but I forgot then and now I almost killed him… I lost him”
Jimin couldn’t say a word. The person who always had something to say, always had a way to comfort other was suddenly at a loss of words. All he could do was to hold Taehyung, and tell him everything will be alright even though he wasn’t eternally sure about it. They stayed like that for a while, without any words. Only Taehyung’s now quiet sobbing was audible.
“Jimin, I love him… I love him, and I lost him”