Chapter Text
It was a slow day in the city, no calls from the ever elusive commissioner who I've never talked to, no distressed wives coming in rambling about how their hubby is dead or wants them dead (okay so the wife thing is something I only seen in old boring movies with not nearly enough violence for me) or whatever. Nope, nothing, nada, zilch, zero. And I wanted to keep it that way, today is the day were I plan on doing nothing but watching T.V, no matter how trashy it gets. Or it WAS, until Sam ran out of those new frozen treats he’s been obsessed with lately, the “ coconut jazz flavored popsicles (NOW WITH XTRA NUT) ”, I guess it has to be good if they ditch the unnecessary E in extra. Now why didn’t I just say “no” to Sam? Tell him to get his own goddamn “jazzies” ? That smile he gave me when he begged me to run to the only store in town that sold them. THAT.GODDAMN.SMILE. So that’s why I’m here at the local coperiate chain supermarket, in line, buying popsicles,for my best friend, whom I have a massive crush on, which I had said crush since childhood. I always been weak for that stupid, goofy, cute, irresistible, kissable smile. It makes me want to slap him across his face, pin him to the wall and kiss the loving crap out of him, or have him pin ME to the wall but details, details.
After paying for the “xtra nut jazzies” I started the walk back to the office. The walk back was taking a while due to the store being twenty blocks away and me being marketable-ly short.This gave me enough time to mentally prepare myself for Sam’s sometimes unbearable Sam...ness. His love of frozen treats, banjo-playing and- wait, when did I make it back to the office? Am I really that far deep? So far deep that I would lose time just thinking about him? “Come on, Max pull it together.” I tell myself. I try and lie to myself about how I will be fine and how it’s “just Sam”. I take a deep breath and open the door to the office. The second the door closes Sam comes running with a huge smile on his face. Oh no, I’m gay, help. “Did ya get ‘em?” Sam excitedly said. Ok hold it together, Max you have this. “Yeah here ya go Sam, here are your stupid “Jazzies”. Ok so far so good, acting like my normal-ish self. Sam then reached down into the box, pulled out a popsicle and shoved the thing WHOLE INTO HIS MOUTH . The overjoyed expression on his face, the dripping white fluid that looks like something else if somebody has a dirty mind (Spoiler alert: Me) coming out of the corner of his mouth and, of course the little happy moan he made was all enough to send me to the verge of tears. “Are you alright there little buddy?” Oh crap, I’m staring! I need to think of some excuse, quick! “How much TV did I miss Sam? Please tell me I didn't miss anything violent like, “ Canada’s most comically brutal police chases ”?” I smoothly Liar ask him as I make my way over to the TV. “Nah just some, “ Cognizant of the Kashmiris ”. Replied Sam. Oh good nothing of value was lost. As I settle into my spot in front the TV I realize that there was no reason that Sam could have just DRIVEN to the store and pick up the popsicles in the first place. “Hey, Max- I mean, Sam?” “Yeah little buddy?” Sam said as he sat beside me. “Why didn’t YOU pick up the treats?” Sam looks at me and with his still Jazz covered face and replies, “Oh, I just felt like doing nothing today except watch TV and eat frozen treats, Max.” …. What? EX-FRIGGIN-CUSE ME?! Did that little-? Oh ho he’s going down! “YOU-!” ”Hey Max, thanks for grabbing the Jazzies for me, I know it’s kinda a walk and all. I owe you one, little buddy.” And of course he givens me the sweetest smile know to the entire history of our damn planet, the white smudge on his muzzle gives it that extra edge of cuteness that just kills me, resurrects me and then kills me again. And now I’m paused mid angry chew out and have no more anger left. “Oh right, were you going to say something, Max?”
Crap. “...You got Jazzie on your face.” I finish lamely. “Oh.” Sam then proceeds to use his tongue (oh god his tongue) to lick up the mess on his face. “Did I get it, Max.” Sam asked as he he gave me another life shortening smile. “Yep.” I then look at the TV away from him as I hear him shift to get more comfortable. Ha, ha, I am so screwed!