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Everything about him was a lie, and there wasn’t a single person he could tell the truth to. The only person he could be truly honest with was himself (and Jarvis, but did it really count when the only person with his full trust was one that he had created?). But Tony was no idiot- in fact he was known as a genius, and for good reason. He was well aware of the fact that humans had very bizarre views of the world, and were strangely opposed to anything that wasn’t exactly like them. Even his closest friends wouldn’t really understand.
Which is why everything about him was a lie. What other choice was there? He’d already been banished from one home, and he refused to be kicked out of this one too. But as he stared at a photo of Loki that had been taken just moments before an entire Shield building had exploded in a burst of blue light, he couldn’t help wondering if a total collapse of everything he cared about was even possible to avoid.
Pepper and Coulson were both looking at Tony curiously, and he closed the file folder and handed it back to Pepper, all while maintaining eye contact with the agent. “As utterly fascinating as all of this is, why would you come to me with it? I was already turned down for your little boy band, remember?”
Coulson nodded. “I know. But Shield is willing to offer you a position as a consultant. You have resources and intelligence that we could use. You’re looking at a picture of an alien, Mr. Stark. One who already attempted to cause a lot of destruction to our world. And in this particular visit, he’s been quite successful at that so far. I’m sure that you don’t want to see the world end anymore than anyone else around here does?”
Tony sighed. “I’ll help.” He thought about setting some conditions on his cooperation, but knew that in the end it would only bring up too many questions that he couldn’t afford to answer. He just resolved to himself to make sure that Loki never saw him with his face showing. As long as he kept the Iron Man helmet on during direct encounters, he would be safe from getting recognized.
As he landed down in Germany in front of Loki, he couldn’t help feeling a pang in his chest at the thought of just how familiar this all was. It felt as though he’d stood here like this in front of Loki a thousand times, though in the past there had never been so many layers of metal and horns between them. “Nobody here is going to bow to you, pal, so why don’t you just head on back to wherever you came from, and we’ll call it a draw, no harm done?” When Loki shot a blast of bright light towards Tony, he quickly dodged aside. “Right, got it, you’re resisting arrest. Duly noted.” Then he prepared himself for what was sure to be a long and drawn out fight-
Only to have Loki captured and on the plane in almost no time at all. It had definitely been way too easy, and as one of the full people who knew the full extent of Loki’s powers, Tony felt entirely uneasy at the thought of something weird going on. And since when had Loki’s eyes ever been blue?
“Everything good, Stark?”
Tony looked over at Natasha, still trying to reconcile with himself the fact that she had gotten away with his personal assistant for such a long time. At least a few months (maybe longer, his memories of that time were pretty vague and fuzzy). It was proof of just how messed up he had been to not notice that she was definitely more than the average PA. “Fine,” he grunted out. But then he thought about it for a moment, and decided that it might not to be so bad to let her know at least a little bit of what he was thinking. “Well… is it just me or was getting Loki way too easy? I mean, we all saw what he did in New Mexico. Was the guy who did all of that really not capable of putting up a bigger fight here?”
Natasha frowned, and there was a thoughtful look on her face. It was good, because it meant that even if she brushed aside his concern, it would still itch at the back of her mind until she tried to figure it out for herself. “Sometimes people just have a bad day. I’m sure that it’s nothing.”
Tony shrugged. “Yeah, yeah I know. It was just a weird thought. Forget about it.” Then he turned back to what he’d been doing, which was thinking about the best place to plant a coding bug so that he could figure out what was going on with Shield and Fury. Because obviously they hadn’t told Tony everything, and he couldn’t help feeling as though he had a vested interest in whatever it is that they were doing. Earth was his home too, or at least it had been for the past few decades, and if Shield was going to do anything to screw it all up, Tony was going to be royally pissed.
And then suddenly the plane was being rocked a bit by the force of the storm around them. Tony flipped his helmet back down before walking into the bay where Loki had been seated. Rogers was giving Loki a condescending look. “Scared of a little thunder?”
“I’m not overly fond of what follows,” Loki muttered.
Tony sighed. He didn’t think that there was any chance of Thor recognizing him, since they’d only ever met the one time, but he didn’t want to risk it, which meant keeping himself completely masked until all of this was over, whatever this was. He ended up having a bit of a spat with Thor after he tried to retrieve his brother, but in the end Rogers interfered and they all got back onto the plane, which was supposed to take them to the nearest Shield headquarters. He wasn’t all that surprised to find out that headquarters was a helicarrier. It seemed like exactly the sort of over the top stuff that Fury loved.
Once Loki was secured away in a big container that could supposedly hold even the hulk himself, Tony felt himself relax a little bit. He still didn’t want to take off his helmet in case Thor was around and happened to remember his face, but it was still good to know that Loki, his biggest threat, was out of the way.
He sank down onto an empty seat and let out a loud sigh, but nobody else would be able to hear it because of the filters in the suit. He closed his eyes and started mentally going over one of his latest projects, and almost didn’t notice that someone else plopped down next to him. “What’s wrong?”
Tony peered over at Natasha. “Nothing. Why? What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing. You just seem tense. You know you can take off that suit, right? Nobody’s going to steal it away right in front of you.”
Personally, Tony found that slightly difficult to believe considering what he knew of Shield, but at the moment, the integrity of his suit was the least of his problems. “I prefer the view from in here,” he said with a light chuckle. “Now it’s only fair for me to ask why you’re so obsessed with me. I mean, you just keep following me around and it’s starting to border on stalkerish.”
Natasha didn’t seem bothered by the comment. She just shrugged, and leaned back in her seat. “Consider yourself lucky that you’re interesting enough to be stalked by me.”
Tony laughed out loud. “I’ll try to keep that in mind.” Maybe having to spend some time with this particular group of people wouldn’t be so bad after all.
,,,
The moment the helicarrier was attacked, Tony knew that it was because of Loki, and no excuse of being locked up on the helicarrier would work. Instead of heading outside immediately to try and spot the problem, Tony decided that for once in his life he would try to have faith in other people’s abilities to get things done on their own, and instead headed to the containment unit.
There was a smug look on Loki’s face and it made Tony grind his teeth together to see it. Not because it annoyed him, but because it was such a familiar look on Loki’s face, and Tony had always used to love seeing it there. It was usually accompanied by a mischievous glint to his eyes that was missing here, though, which only drove home just how wrong all of this was. He had never before been so grateful to have a voice modulator built into his suit, because now was definitely not the right time to be recognized. “What is your plan? Because I can assure you that we’re not letting you out of our sights no matter how many bases you bring down.”
Loki shrugged. “Whatever I have planned is none of your business, Stark. Though I am rather interested in you. Surely you would not keep yourself hidden away like that without a reason? Some disfiguring scar? A naturally ugly face?”
Tony scoffed. “As if. I’ll have you know that I have an absolutely beautiful face. And also, you’re a dick.” He would have said more, but over the comms he could hear how bad things were getting, and knew that he needed to join the others and aid them in keeping the helicarrier afloat. There were a lot of lives on the line if this thing crashed, and Tony had never been the one who’d accepted the idea of innocent casualties, especially not in a war that they knew nothing about.
,,,
Loki had gotten away, Coulson was dead, Barton was unconscious, Banner was missing in action, Thor was nowhere to be seen, and everyone had the same glum, demoralized looks on their faces. Of course none of this was Tony’s fault, but he couldn’t help feeling as though there should have been something, anything that he could have done to prevent all of this disaster. Maybe he shouldn’t have been such a coward, and should have just let Loki see his face. It would have at least served as a decent distraction from everyone else. Tony may be attached to his life here on Earth, but he wouldn’t let anyone else get hurt if there was a way to stop it, with himself being the only loss.
It’s not like it would be all that big of a loss anyways. Afterall, everything that anyone here knew about him was all lies, and if anyone knew the real him, they would surely despise him. Continuing to stay hidden at this point just seemed so selfish, and yet he couldn’t help feeling as though there were knots in his stomach at the thought of coming clean. This was Loki he was talking about here. Loki was definitely not the type to make it a quick and painless death, and Tony couldn’t help being somewhat of a coward.
,,,
It felt like everything was going from zero to a hundred real quick when suddenly there was a full-scale alien invasion going on, and Tony wondered at how lucky it was that the invasion should occur in the same city where a whole bunch of superheroes just happened to be located. It was almost like Loki didn’t want to succeed at what he’d set out to do.
He was a bit surprised by the sound of the elevator doors opening, since very few people had penthouse access. But maybe he shouldn’t have been so surprised, when he turned around and saw Loki stepping out of the elevator. “Sir, there is an intruder in the tower-” Jarvis started.
Tony snorted, and cut off the AI. “Thanks for the warning, buddy, but I think I’m good.” Then he waited patiently for Loki to come closer. Loki narrowed his eyes as he stood in front of Tony. “So this is the real reason you hid your face? So that I wouldn’t find out who you really are, Howardson?”
Tony shrugged. “What can I say? I guess you’re just too intimidating.” But instead of lashing out, Loki suddenly looked like he was about to start crying, and that definitely wasn’t supposed to be part of the script. “What’s- what’s going on? Aren’t you going to try to kill me or something?”
“Why would I do that?” Loki snapped at him. And that was preferable, really. Tony had far more experience dealing with people being angry with him than people being sad because of him, and he found it easier to know that Loki was pissed. “Have you been on Midgard this entire time?”
Tony nodded slowly, still not quite sure why Loki wasn’t even trying to fight him yet. “Yes. I came straight here, and I’ve been living as a human for all intents and purposes.”
“You cancelled our engagement to come here and pretend to be a weak mortal and to hide from me?” There was still anger in Loki’s voice, but also a tinge of hurt, and Tony wasn’t really sure how to deal with that.
He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the bar, badly wishing for a drink, but knowing that none of the alcohol on Earth would ever be enough to even get him buzzed, let alone properly drunk. “I guess it sounds pretty bad when you put it like that. But to be fair, I didn’t cancel our engagement-”
“You’re right, you didn’t. Instead you ran off without a word, and left me without even a hint of where you may have gone. I searched for you for years! I thought that you must have been kidnapped or killed, because surely you would not willingly choose to abandon me. I’ve never been so disappointed to be wrong before.”
Tony winced, but knew that he deserved that. “Look, I only did what was best for you.”
“What are you talking about?” Loki demanded, eyes looking wild, but closer to their natural color than before. “I thought that our wedding actually mattered! It was the first time in my life where I got to choose, and even though everyone told me that it would be a mistake, I chose you anyways, and then you went and proved them all right.”
Hearing the bitterness in Loki’s voice hurt, because he knew that Loki was telling the truth. He may be known as the god of lies, but he had sworn that he would never lie to Tony, and Tony had believed him. He kept one of his casual looks on, the kind that was really just a mask to stop all of his feelings from spilling out, and shrugged once. “What can I say? Only an idiot trusts a whore.”
“If you were just gold digging, you failed spectacularly. You didn’t even get any money out of me before you left.”
Tony thought of the only time he’d met Thor. He had come to Tony as an emissary of Odin, saying that they were concerned about what a marriage to Tony would do for Loki’s reputation. As second heir to the throne, and the most likely to become a diplomat working by Thor’s side someday, he needed to have a clean reputation, and Tony’s past would only sully it. He’d offered Tony more money than he’d ever seen in his entire life to just leave Asgard entirely, but Tony had turned down the money. He didn’t care about that. All he cared about was not ruining Loki’s entire future.
“Maybe we just weren’t meant to be.”
Loki stomped forward until he was right in front of Tony, and reached out to cup his face with both hands, tipping Tony’s head back so that his eyes were forced to meet with Loki’s. “I don’t believe that. And I find it very difficult to believe that you do. You told me yourself that your happiest memories are all after we met. We promised to never lie to each other, remember? Don’t start lying now.”
Tony reached up to gently touch the backs of Loki’s hands, and he closed his eyes and just enjoyed the feeling of being touched by Loki again for the first time in so long. But then he pulled away and took a step back. Nothing had changed. Thor and Odin and all the other Asgardians had been right. Loki deserved so much better than Tony. And if he had to lie to protect Loki, then that’s what he would do. “I suppose it was cruel of me to not even leave a note. The truth is that I realized I just don’t love you.” He kept his voice light, as though he was talking about something as simple as the weather.
Loki’s eyes widened for a moment, and then a dull look overcame him. “I see.” Even as he stood there, his eyes slowly started to get more blue, and Tony wondered what the hell was going on. Whatever it was, he knew that it couldn’t be anything good, and he wanted desperately to put an end to it.
He didn’t move any closer to Loki, he just took a deep breath in, and then slowly let it out. “I think that you’re possessed or something. When you touched Barton with your scepter it made his eyes the same color that yours are right now. It isn’t natural, Loki. What’s going on with you?”
“Enough inane talk,” Loki drawled. He took a step forward and raised his scepter to poke at the center of Tony’s chest. It was met with a soft clank as it hit the outer casing of the arc reactor. “What-? No matter. Either way, you will not be allowed to interfere with our plans.”
Tony furrowed his eyebrows. “Our-?” but before he could really ask about that word choice, he was suddenly being shoved back, and he could feel his back get sliced up as the glass window shattered out behind him, and then he was in freefall. He was just able to activate his bracelet so that one of his Iron Man suits could come to the rescue, and Loki was left standing in the penthouse, looking entirely unaffected. “I guess I was right about you wanting to kill me,” Tony muttered. Then he flew away to find the others, knowing that they needed to work together as a team if they wanted to actually put an end to all of this invasion business.
,,,
As Thor pulled Loki along, hands bound in front of him, Tony was relieved to see that Loki’s eyes had reverted entirely back to being their normal light green. He supposed that it didn’t matter now whether his face was covered or not, and it was getting a bit sweaty inside the suit, so he raised his helmet. “Nice seeing you both again. Hope to never do it again anytime soon.”
Thor’s eyes widened in surprise at the sight of Tony’s face. “Anthony Howardson? Where is Stark?”
“They’re the same person you moron,” Loki said with a scowl. But then he blinked a few times in confusion and slowly turned to look at his brother. “How do you recognize him as Howardson? I never got the chance to introduce you.”
The other Avengers looked back and forth between Loki and Tony, clearly confused, but none of them said anything. “We met once,” Thor admitted. “I wanted to make sure that he was right for you, Loki. I thought that you deserved genuine happiness.”
Loki shifted to face Thor fully. “What did you do?” he growled out.
Thor reached up to scratch at the back of his neck. “I tried to entice him to leave your side for a large sum of money to see whether his intentions towards you were true-” Loki immediately looked betrayed, and Tony wanted to fly away at the thought that he even seemed for a moment like someone who would take the money. Why else would it have been offered. “-but he did not take it,” Thor finished in a surprisingly gentle voice. “I thought it to be joyous news that he was with you for you and not for the wealth you could offer him. I was not expecting him to slip away in the night without you or the money.”
Loki turned to look at Tony now, and the Avengers all tensed up, ready to jump in if Loki intended to start a fight (not that it would be very easy to do so with his hands bound, but he’d always been pretty creative). “Is this true? You turned down the offer of money but left anyways? If you honestly did not love me then why wouldn’t you take the money?”
Because Tony already hated himself enough as it was. If he’d taken the money too he’d probably never be able to go a single day without torturing himself with thoughts of all his past sins. “Look, I’m just not good for you, okay? Being with me would destroy your reputation, and you’d never get taken seriously and-”
“Screw all of that! I’d never been taken seriously in my entire life until I’d met you!” He looked over his shoulder at Thor. “Why do I get the feeling that this is all your fault?”
There was a sheepish look on Thor’s face. “I may have implied at the time something about your life being ruined if you stayed together. But I was only trying to see if he would accept the bribe to leave you, I intended no harm, Brother-”
“Do not call me that!” Loki closed his eyes and took in several deep breaths, slowly breathing in and out. Then he opened his eyes and stared straight at Tony, and it felt like he could look right into his soul. “Be honest with me right now. If Thor had not approached you, like the complete imbecile that he is, would you have left?”
Tony hesitated for a moment, but he just couldn’t find it within himself to continue being a liar, so he slowly shook his head. “No,” he whispered. “I wanted nothing more than to be by your side forever.”
There was a long pause, and then Loki walked closer to Tony. He had to be fully aware of all of the weapons pointed right at him, but he didn’t seem bothered by any of it. “You are such an idiot,” he chided gently. “If you wanted to be with me then you should have just stayed. You should know me well enough to know that I do not care what anyone thinks of me, and that I would never allow them to insult you because of your past. Come back to Asgard with us. Come home.”
This couldn’t be real. Tony never got the things that he wanted in life. He never deserved to get them. But the look on Loki’s face was so earnest, and it was so rare to see real feelings across his features that Tony knew it had to be the truth. So he nodded once, and then closed the remaining distance between them to give Loki a kiss. “Nothing would make me happier.” Then he wrapped his arms around the back of Loki’s neck, and they continued to kiss as Thor awkwardly held up the tesseract. Tony didn’t care about all of the details that were still left to work out. He was just glad that he was with Loki, and that the truth had finally been revealed.
(And from the knowing look he’d seen on Natasha’s face just before they took off back to Asgard, he got the feeling that she’d suspected something was up with Tony, but that maybe, just maybe, he could still be accepted despite being who he was.)