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When Shao Fei wakes, it’s to a too bright room and the medicinal smell of antiseptic in the air. The bed he lays on is not the most comfortable, but its warm and for a while Shao Fei is content to lay like this, floating through a haze of not quite awake yet definately not asleep.
Its in the midst of this haze that he becomes aware of the warmth around his hand, or rather the person grasping it. He shifts his head a little, in an effort to better see who’s holding his hand.
Its Tang Yi.
Shao Fei’s dimly aware that he should be surprised, should be questioning why Xing Tian Meng’s big boss is just here, asleep next to him on an uncomfortable looking chair, but honestly the drug induced haze he’s in doesn’t allow him the luxury of thinking.
Instead, Shao Fei’s just appreiciating how soft Tang Yi looks in warm glow of sunlight streaming through the blinds, eyes tracing over Tang Yi’s hair falling into his face (it shouldn’t be attractive but it is). Asleep, Tang Yi’s face has smoothed over, the furrow in between his brows gone and replaced with a blank slate and Shao Fei is struck by just how young Tang Yi looks, (how young he was when you got into this horrible business).
Unfortunately, moments like these don’t last long and as soon as he shifts to get a better view, pain flares up from his wound, fast and absolutely unforgiving. He groans in pain and Tang Yi jolts awake, eyes darting frantically before he locates Shao Fei and his eyes soften.
“You’re awake.”
Tang Yi’s voice is steady, like always, but something feels different, like there’s an undercurrent of, worry? He studies Shao Fei carefully, his stare making Shao Fei slightly uncomfortable, but the feeling’s washed over by happiness when Shao Fei realizes Tang Yi hasn’t let go of his hand. (He shouldn’t be this happy, a cop and a gang boss can’t be seen together but god, Shao Fei wants-)
“You shouldn’t be moving you know? Doctor’s orders,” Tang Yi murmers.
Shao Fei won’t admit this but the tone Tang Yi uses is so fond that it makes his chest hurt, and he struggles to formulate an appropriate reply that doesn’t tell how gone he is for Tang Yi.
“Huh? Who cares what the doctor says, I’m a cop, you think this is the first time I’ve been shot at?”
Shao Fei’s voice cracks, coming out as a croak and he winces. His throat is parched and rough from disuse, and for a split second Tang Yi looks worried before it smooths over into he’s usual blank slate. A cup of water is passed to Shao Fei and he downs it in one go after Tang Yi helps him sit up, grateful for the cool water soothing his throat. (Grateful for the brief reprieve it gives him from having to think about his feelings for Tang Yi)
“For someone who’s just been shot in the abdomen and barely lived through surgery, you sure are talkative.”
It’s a jab that Shao Fei’s used to hearing (that he’s annoying or noisy or some variation of that throughout the 4 years he’s been chasing Tang Yi) but its spoken with such a steely undertone that Shao Fei pauses and just, looks at Tang Yi.
He looks like shit honestly. There’s dark bruises underneath his eyes and his gaze is hooded, never directly making eye contact with Shao Fei. He’s shoulders are slumped and the collar of his shirt is rumpled and not at all ordered like Tang Yi usually is. His hair is free from its usual quiff, instead lying flat and messy, like he’s been running his hands through it more often. (Maybe out of worry? Shao Fei stops that thought before it even forms, he thinks hoping might crush him in the future later)
Ordinarily, Shao Fei would be replying with another jab, maybe at his disorganized look right now or teasing him for the fact he’s still here, with Shao Fei, but Tang Yi looks exhausted and like he’s aged 10 years in the past 30 minutes, so he swallows his words and says:
“How’s Hong Ye?”
He’s changing the subject and they both know it. Tang Yi only replies with a curt nod and a “she’s fine,” before silence drapes over the room again, suffocating and thick like the tension in the air between them. (It’s funny, Shao Fei thinks, he’s spent so long trying to break down Tang Yi’s walls but now they’ve seemed to all be back up again)
When the silence becomes too awkward, Shao Fei shifts, trying to pour himself another glass of water before his wound protests against his movement and he lets out another groan of pain. Tang Yi reacts quickly at that and before long there another glass of ice cold water being pressed into his hands. (Shao Fei tries not to think too hard into that, its just what friends are supposed to do, anyways)
“I’m sorry.”
Shao Fei pauses from taking a sip of his water. The apology hangs in the air, heavy with meaning. Tang Yi still isn’t meeting his eyes and he so deperately wants to tilt his head up from whatever he’s staring at but thats overstepping boundaries they’ve never set and-
“You shouldn’t be involved with me, not after it got you hurt.” Tang Yi pauses, and his voice wavers before he says, “I don’t think we should be meeting anymore.”
And wait, that was not what Shao Fei wanted. At all. Panic wells up from the bottom of his heart at the prospect of not meeting Tang Yi anymore, of not being ables to go to stupidly awkard lunches and seeing the soft smile Tang Yi sometimes has and-
“I should go,” and damn Shao Fei must have left the silence going for too long because Tang Yi’s is getting up and leaving him and his hand is being let go-
Like hell Shao Fei would allow that.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Shao Fei grabs on to Tang Yi’s sleeves and Tang Yi pauses.
“You don’t know that, if you had-“
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Shao Fei cuts him off and Tang Yi turns around and his eyes finally meet his and oh-
Its shadowed with guilt, bloodshot from lack of sleep and Shao Fei’s heart lurches he and stumbles over his words to reassure Tang Yi that its not his fault.
“Last I checked, it was me who was shot and my own dumb fault that caused it, so yes, I can definately tell you whose fault it is and it’s not yours.”
Its been a while since he’s spoken this many words and his throat is screaming in protest but he needs Tang Yi to know this, because he doesn’t think he could bear to leave Tang Yi now, desperation clogging his throat and all he can do is cough weakly, wound protesting all the while.
Whether it was what Shao Fei said or his face obviously scrunched up in pain, it gets the job donw and Tang Yi sits down worriedly, hands already position at his shoulders to stabilize him from doubling over.
“How do you treat it so lightly? You, you almost died, hell could’ve if the shooter was anymore skilled than he was.” Tang Yi says and it’s the first time Shao Fei has heard him so openly vulnerable.
Of course Shao Fei knows the magnitude of the issue, knows he was a foot away from death. (His mind flashes back to moment he heard the gunshots, back to when he was pushing Hong Ye into the car and saw the glint of metal out of the corner of his eyes, remembers the moment the bullet teared through his stomach and the horrible,burning pain shooting through him, remembers-)
He shakes his head to clear his thoughts.
“Because it was what I would’ve done anyways, with anyone. Because its what cops are supposed to do, to protect people around them, gang members or not. Because I’m still alive, I’m still here, breathing, next to you-“
Its a testament to how drugged he is that he only realizes he’s rambling (inner thoughts slipping out his mouth like sand through his fingers) after Tang Yi’s eyes widen at the last part, and mentally he curses whatever that doctor has him on (obviously there was a truth serum in there, otherwise-). He shuts his mouth quickly, cheeks burning and tries to stammer out an explanation that no, what he meant was he’s alive and definately just happy to be next to anybody right now and not specifically him.
Except Tang Yi leans in close, hands grasping his (when did that happen) and his eyes are full of an emotion he can’t put words to, and Shao Fei’s traitorous heart skips a beat and he rendered mute again.
“Thank you.”
Whatever shitty excuse Shao Fei thinks of is dashed by these two simple words. Its probably concerning how many times Shao Fei has been rendered speechless by Tang Yi, considering he’s a cop and he should be better at talking damnit-
“Uh, I mean sure I guess? For what though I really didn’t do anything except maybe taking a bullet for Hong-“
He’s so absorbed in his ramblings that the kiss comes out of nowhere. Shao Fei’s voice catches in his throat. It’s just dry lips against his, no fireworks exploding behind his eyes, but god, the fire in Shao Fei’s chest burns and happiness thrums in his veins. He relaxes against Tang Yi, eyes slipping closed and fingers clutching the collar of Tang Yi’s shirt.
Shao Fei would be content to just stay in this moment and basks in the addicting elation he feels, but as Tang Yi breaks the kiss, he murmers against his lips.
“Thank you. For teaching me to want a normal life, with you.”