You could at least recognize me.
He tried then, but he couldn’t. When he was on the run with Steve, he felt like two streams of consciousness were coming alive in his brain. He didn’t tell his old friend that aside from remembering his mother’s name, he was also remembering a time when a red-headed woman would rest her head against his chest as they lay in the darkness, that her lips tasted like blood more times than not.
It’s been months since then. Having had stayed at Wakanda, away from all of the people who supposedly knew him, helped a lot. The children called him the white wolf, it was cute. They’d run around and play with him when he could. Most times, he’d be at Shuri’s lab where a physician would check for his health and vitals. Stable, as always. For some time, he went on without the arm, but the little genius made him a new one. It was better. It wasn’t made by terrorist scientists.
Then Steve came one day, and he didn’t come alone. There were people he’s seen before - the girl with the powers, Sam - and her. From all the things he’s gathered in his fragmented memories, he came to the conclusion that they knew each other and not just in combat. He knew her preferences for weapons, how she moved, how she fought, and it wasn’t because of a file Hydra gave him. In his dreams, there’d be flashes of red, a soft touch, a feeling of pain and longing he’s never felt before. Her standing in front of him didn’t help with that feeling and there was something with the way she looked at him that made him feel like she knew more than she let on. She had curious eyes. He didn't give it much thought then. Maybe he should have.
Then it all happened too fast. There was a lot of shooting, lots of aliens, T’Challa commanding an army, him standing beside her as Steve gave orders. He wished he knew who she was–who she had been because one moment he felt himself disappearing and the next thing he knew, it had been five years. However, the battle wasn't over.
He didn’t get to ask about her until after Stark’s funeral. Steve and his friends looked so tired and he didn’t want to ask senseless questions about a stranger he barely knew. But he felt her absence while he was standing there with all of them. It didn’t feel right. Where was she?
It was Clint who told him about what happened in a planet called Vormir and he couldn’t understand why he wanted to punch the guy in the face. After that: nothing. He felt like there was a hole inside his chest from the news of her death. He couldn’t talk to Steve about it and contemplated on telling Sam, but he didn’t know where to start. He was mourning her, but why? He thought that he had gotten better with his memories, but some of them still keep haunting him - visiting him every night. A faint laugh, a hard kiss. None of them knew what it was like to be undone, to have your brain messed with over and over again. Maybe she did.
It’s been a couple of weeks since he asked and found out that the woman he had been curious about was gone forever. He’s been staying with Steve and Sam as they attempted to rebuild what had been lost. He helped them when he could, but he wasn’t much help with the official business stuff. He was a ghost after all. When Steve left to return the stones, Bucky felt a shift in the air. He didn’t know what it was, but when Steve didn’t return to the platform his heart sank a bit until he saw a figure in the distance.
He was certain it was Steve. He could spot him a mile away, but he had a feeling that Steve wasn't there for him. Bucky let Sam talk to him first. They'd catch up after. The big guy was still trying to figure out what to do with the machine when it started whirring again. Lights were flashing everywhere and Banner warned him that someone was coming through. After what felt like forever of noise and light, a figure appeared on the platform.
It was her.
She was gasping for air on the floor, the temporary blonde was fading into the red of her roots. Bucky didn’t know why he could feel tears forming in his eyes or why he was stepping forward. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Banner attempting to come closer, but stopping once Natasha started moving.
She had tears in her eyes as well. He knew this because she was looking right at him. She struggled to get up and he watched her carefully in case she needed help but something told him that she could handle herself. She walked on uneasy legs in his direction and only stopped when they were toe to toe.
He heard Banner ask what was happening, if she was okay, but she didn’t pay him any attention. She looked so tired, just like the rest of them, but a smile still crept on her face as she reached out to put a hand on his cheek. Without thinking, he did the same. He could feel his chest swelling and a lump forming in his throat. The flashes in his memory, the dreams, how he’d feel when he thought of her - it all meant something.
He wiped her tears away with his thumb, the way his hand cradled her face felt comfortable, familiar. The name he spoke after even more so.
“Natalia.”