Work Text:
Olhos fechados
Pra te encontrar
Não estou ao seu lado
Mas posso sonhar
Aonde quer que eu vá
Levo você no olhar
Aonde quer que eu vá
Aonde quer que eu vá
Felicity Smoak
They say the eyes are the window of the soul, it’s through them we express our emotions, our feelings. And although we all have the terrible habit of hiding behind a polite smile or a happy face, forging armor for the world around us and pretending that everything is perfectly fine, our eyes aren’t able to lie, to simulate feelings that don’t exist or hide emotions when they are impregnated in us.
No matter how good an actor or actress you are, your eyes will always show your truth.
They will glow with euphoria when something makes you happy, they will narrow themselves stealthily when you are suspicious of something and become wide-awake when you are surprised. Our pupils even dilate when we see something we desire.
There are so many things that a single look can express.
And there are also the tears. If our eyes are the window of the soul, our tears are nothing more than the flow of feelings so strong that even our soul cannot hold. They can pass through a crack in the window or because, in our distraction, we forget it half open, it doesn’t matter, they are that part of ourselves that we aren’t able to control or hide. Our vulnerability.
Sometimes we will cry with happiness, relief or because we have found something good in life and it has touched our heart in a way we never imagined before. Smiling, sighing when we feel the peace and a feeling of fullness take care of us, after we dry those happy tears. But there are also those other tears, hot and salty, that tread a path of pain on our face. They appear when our heart is bleeding out, because even the soul needs to release some of the pain, or we are bound to drown in the sea of sorrow we keep within us.
Hopefully, we will go through life with more tears of happiness than tears of pain.
I was one of those lucky people.
I cried many times, but most of them were bliss. And even when I cried with sorrow, I had soft fingers on my face ready to wipe away my tears, I had strong arms that gripped my body in an affectionate and comforting hug, and it was even better when I look up a little and found a pair of beautiful blue eyes in front of me saying “I love you”.
Oh, yes, because eyes can also say "I love you" and in a way even more powerful than words, because words can lie, but not eyes.
You can see someone's love in his eyes.
And I saw it in Oliver.
I was sure his look at me would never change.
I saw the first glimpse of love the day he stole a kiss at the waterfall where we used to go with some friends back in college. But on that hot summer day, it was just the two of us. After a few funny games in the water, Oliver just came over, took a wet lock of my hair, I felt the atmosphere around us change, I felt everything inside me change and then Oliver simply pulled my face gently closer to him, our breaths mingled and he kissed me. It was in such an intense and passionate way, that I was frightened by my own reaction. I needed Oliver, I needed his kiss, his touch, I needed him so desperately in my life that I had ever needed anyone, and that's why I pushed him away as I stepped out of the water.
Trying to force some distance between us.
Trying to understand how that a single kiss changed everything inside me.
Oliver followed me apologetically and said that he should never have gone beyond the line of friendship, but that he could no longer contain himself when he was with me. I looked into his blue eyes, so sincere and full of love and I simply kissed him, stopping to run away and giving me that new feeling inside me.
Love was also in your eyes on our first encounter, the second and the fiftieth, always growing gradually.
He said he loved me with his eyes when we made love.
I also saw your love for me when on a starry night in the same place where we exchanged our first kiss, Oliver knelt down the edge of the waterfall and asked me to marry him. I saw his love, overflowing with tears of happiness when a few weeks before we got married I told him I was pregnant. I saw this love in his eyes on our wedding day, when before the ceremony he managed to dribble our mothers and his sister and come to me, ignoring any rule that it would be unlucky to see the bride before the wedding. His gaze to me was pure adoration, making the tears of happiness pass through the small crevice of my soul's window as I realized I had that something good which most people spend their whole lives searching for.
I knew that at the moment I intertwined my life with Oliver, there would be only love.
And today, five years later, I saw that same shine of love in the eyes of my little Mia, who was on so many levels physically similar to me, except the eyes. She had her father's expressive blue eyes.
Always showing her love.
But I didn’t see anymore, the love in the eyes of the one person I would give anything to see. I was lying beside him on the bed, looking at his pretty and peaceful face, his head resting on the pillow, his hair a little larger than he liked, as well as the dense beard that took over his face from above of the jaw, down to the chin. I got closer to his body, but not too much, because I was afraid to touch him. So, I just dared to place my hand gently on his chest, feeling the warmth of his skin through the fabric of his shirt and comforting me by listening to the rhythmic beats of his heart.
He seemed to sleep so peacefully.
Anytime he would wake up, I would see that lazy smile spread slowly across his face as he realized I was lying next to him. Oliver was going to turn his body in front of me, and he would brush his nose with mine in a loving way, his beautiful blue eyes would find mine and be lost there for a long time while he would say that he loves me with just one look.
I blinked my eyes, the salt tears there making them burn. I felt the dense, hot tear roll down my cold skin, reach up to the tip of my nose and fall, joining the wet spot of others tears on the pillow. I still stared at his face as I did every morning and waited foolishly for him to open his eyes and look at me like that, with his eyes full of love as he always used to look at me, and I waited, even though I knew it wouldn’t happen.
And it was not because Oliver didn’t love me anymore.
But because Oliver hadn't opened his eyes for five long years.