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The weight on his chest is constricting, Dan tries to move but it's useless, the darkness pushes down harder.
There is a little light shining far away.
It's a memory.
He should be somewhere else.
The light goes out.
✾✾✾
Dan is yanked out of his dream, gasping for air, images of the light still dancing behind his eyelids. He sits up on his bed clutching his chest, trying to ground himself, searching his bedroom for some familiarity. Same tiny bed, same brown walls. He is home, he is safe. He thinks about lying down again but he knows it would be useless so he lifts the blanket carefully, not wanting to wake Phil up, and gets out of bed.
The house is quiet, which is odd for a Monday when everyone should be running around and getting ready. He opens the door to his brother’s bedroom and takes a look. He’s not there. It must be later than he thought.
His mother is not around either. Dan shrugs and makes himself some coffee. He still has this weird feeling on his chest but tries to brush it off. Nightmares are the worst.
Dan opens the mugs cabinet and finds it empty. That’s weird. He opens the fridge and finds nothing there, he frantically checks all the cabinets and all the drawers. They are devoid of content, all of them. Something heavy settles in his stomach.
“Mum!” He calls, even though he already knows he won’t get an answer.
He stares at the clock hanging on the kitchen wall. No matter how hard he concentrates he can’t make out what time it is.
Something seems wrong.
Then he remembers.
Phil.
Dan races up the stairs, bewildered and confused, tripping over his own feet., He is out of breath when he reaches his bedroom. Phil is there - Why is Phil there?- still asleep in his bed, Dan doesn’t even have time to be excited about it.
“Phil,” he shakes his shoulder lightly, “wake up, Phil. Come on.”
Phil stirs, eyes opening slowly. When he focuses on Dan’s face, a little smile blooms on his lips and Dan can’t stop himself from smiling back despite the weird situation.
“Is it March fifth already?” Phil asks, clearly confused. “I don’t remember taking the train,” he frowns.
“I’m afraid something is wrong,” Dan whispers gently as if breaking bad news to a child.
“Wrong?” Phil’s voice pitches up in concern.
Dan bites his bottom lip, “come with me.”
He takes Phil downstairs to the kitchen. Maybe, somehow, Dan has forgotten how to read the hour, or maybe he has lost his mind. They stand together in front of the clock.
“What time is it?” Dan asks.
Phil tries to read the clock.
“I… I don’t know,” he glances fearfully at Dan . “What’s going on, Dan?”
“I’m not sure,” Dan shakes his head.
“Maybe we should get out of here” Phil suggests.
Dan takes a deep breath, he feels like going outside won’t make anything better, but the empty house is starting to fee lugubrious, and somehow the shadows seem to be taking up space. He takes Phil’s hand in his and squeezes hard, probably too hard, but Phil squeezes back and it feels reassuring so he decides right there and then that they can deal with whatever is outside.
“You think it’s zombies?” Phil asks as they walk towards the front door.
“I really hope it’s not.”
Dan pulls the door open.
✾✾✾
Deserted.
The neighborhood is deserted, there are no people, no cars, no dogs barking or birds singing. There is nothing.
“I don’t like this,” Phil says, stepping closer to Dan, almost hiding behind him as if Dan could actually offer him any safety. Then Phil gasps “Look up!”
Dan does.
The sky is pink. Not the soft degraded orangish-pink of a sunset, but a solid pastel pink. And not only that, Dan can see both the moon and the sun hanging. It’s weirdly beautiful. He needs a moment to take everything in. This is not the real world, it can’t be.
“It’s a dream,” Phil voices what Dan had only just figured out.
“Finally!” a strange voice behind them chimes in making Dan jump and Phil grasp his arm tightly. “You are now aware you are dreaming, congratulations!”
They turn around slowly, afraid of what they might find standing there, a monster or an ax murderer or a monster trying to murder them with an ax.
Dan almost laughs at what is actually there. A cat. A fluffy black cat.
“What’s up?” It says as it lifts a paw and gives it a couple of delicate licks.
“Uh…” Phil begins, “that’s what we’re wondering?” He sounds so unsure, this whole situation is bizarre.
“Oh, right,” the cat says as it just remembered what it was doing. “Before we continue, Daniel, I would appreciate it if you stopped calling me ‘it’, my name is Marvin.”
“Can you… read my thoughts?” Dan asks, incredulous.
“I’m part of your psyche so…” The cat- Marvin says, as it made any sense.
“Marvin,” Phil says, “Can you tell us what’s going on?"
“You're dreaming, dummies”.
“Like... together?” Phil frowns. “How is that possible?”
Marvin stares at them for a second and gives a languid roll of its shoulders. Was it shrugging? Cats can’t shrug! Dan thinks.
“How do we wake up? We're already aware of the dream, shouldn't we just wake up now?” Dan questions the cat.
“I’m just a cat, I don’t know those things.”
“Oh, great,” Dan rolls his eyes, “we're stuck here.”
“Not exactly, you can get out. Just find the key.”
“What key?” Phil asks now, crouching down to Marvin's level.
“The key to the door.”
“Stop being cryptic!” Dan demands.
“The cat yawns sharp teeth on display, and flicks its tail. “Follow the blue path.”
Dan looks around, “there’s no path!”
“Look again,” Marvin purrs.
Dan reluctantly does so. There’s a blue path on the ground that leads to a thick forest. “Oh, fuck you! That wasn’t there a second ago!”
Marvin stretches his little body and starts to walk away.
“Please wait!” Phil calls after him. “Where’s the key?”
“You’ll know when the time is right,” he pauses, “And Dan, a word of advice. Don’t lose Phil.”
Then Marvin disappears, just as he came.
Dan grunts, “fuck this!” and pinches himself on the arm, hard. “Ouch!”
Phil stares, clearly concerned for his sanity, “maybe don’t do that?” Dan squints at him. “Let’s follow the path, we have literally nothing to lose.”
“Well, apparently I could lose you.”
“Marvin was just being cryptic, come on.”
“This is so stupid!” Dan complains. “Why can’t we just wake up?”
“It’s not that bad, Daniel,” Phil takes hold of Dan’s arm and starts pulling him towards the woods.
Dan looks back then, to the place where his house was just a couple of minutes ago, everything seems to be engulfed in shadows now, slowly swallowed by darkness. The anger in him is replaced by something else, the heavy feeling returns to his chest. The only way out of this place is forwards. Dan cuts his last string of resistance and follows Phil.
✾✾✾
“But this is insane,” Phil says, he has been chatting mindlessly for a while, Dan knows that it’s out of nervousness, that he feels like he needs to fill up the blank spaces, talk more so none of them can actually spiral too much trying to find explanations for the inexplicable. “Were you thinking about me when you went to sleep?”
Dan is startled by the question, for a second he just stares at Phil, his brain taking a minute to process what he asked.
“Yeah?...” It sounds more like a question and Phil laughs.
“Were you then?”
“We were talking before going to bed, I guess I was thinking about you. Why does it matter though? Is not like I didn’t think about you all the time anyway,” the statement is bold and Dan immediately feels like hiding away, he bows his head down and wonders if he can blush in dreams.
Phil knocks his shoulder against Dan’s not unlike a playful cat.
“You’re always thinking about me?” he teases Dan.
“Shut up,” Dan mumbles. “And who says it’s my fault?” He looks up then, challenging Phil who only laughs again.
“It’s no one's fault, Dan. I’m just guessing that if we both were thinking about each other before going to sleep maybe that connected our dreams.”
“I don’t think that’s possible.”
“It’s just a theory,” Phil shrugs.
“Maybe I’m going mad and you’re just a figment of my imagination,” Dan half jokes.
“You’re not going mad, don’t be silly,” Phil reaches out for Dan’s hand and interlocks their fingers. “Let’s just enjoy this virtual time together.”
Dan looks back down to the blue ground beneath his feet and grants himself the liberty to be vulnerable for a moment. He squeezes Phil’s hand and pulls him closer.
“I think I just have been missing you like… a lot,” Dan confesses
“Dan,” Phil tugs playfully at their linked hands, “I miss you too.”
“You think that we miss each other so hard that our subconscious got connected somehow?”
Phil gives him a warm smile and a little shrug, “maybe.”
“I hate not knowing what's going on,” Dan whispers like there could be someone eavesdropping them. In a dream. In their minds.
Phil nods silently. Dan wants to be in control… of what exactly? This is their minds, after all, mixed together somehow. They must have some sort of control.
Still, there’s nothing more terrifying than being trapped in your own mind.
“Greetings wanderers,” says a posh voice.
Dan whips his head up. There is someone standing in front of a little fence that cuts the blue path in half.
The slender figure is dressed in what looks like a long and colorful garment, but as they get closer, Dan can see that they are actually covered in butterflies hundreds, maybe even thousands of living, moving little insects are poised on this entity's body. A long arm stretches out, its thin hand clutching a very big and very purple flower as if it were an umbrella. And the oddities don't cease there, the hair on the creature's head is an emerald flare that seems to dance in the wind, and a third eye blinks at them from the middle of their face.
“Hello,” Phil says as if nothing weird is going on and he is just greeting an old friend.
“You look like a clever little one,” they tell Phil, looking him up and down with their three eyes. “I have a riddle for you!” They smile a toothy smile and lean their head to the side. “Tell me, what starts with "e", ends with "e" but only has one letter?”
Phil seems to think about it for a second, goes as far as tapping his chin in a contemplative way. Dan is still trying to process all the new information that is entering his brain when Phil makes a triumphant sound.
“An envelope!” He says.
“Well done,” the entity cheers. “Now you can walk through my garden. Careful with the flowers, they like a little gossip,” they blink their third eye to Phil. Dan is only mildly disturbed while Phil looks completely delighted by the whole situation.
They start walking towards the open door on the fence, Phil leading the way but just as Dan is about to walk through, the door closes.
“Not so fast little one,” they stop Dan. “I have a riddle for you too.”
“Uhh, I-”
They interrupt him, “What belongs to you but others use more than you do?”
Dan is speechless, frozen to his place; utterly and bloody confused, to say the least. His brain just can’t analyze this right now.
“I don’t know,” he tells them.
“Come on sweetheart, you have it on you,” the butterflies on the entity’s body flap their wings as to encourage him.
Dan tries to think about it because he wants to go, he wants to wake up and apparently the only way out is through this path. He racks his brains until something lights up in his head. The thing with riddles is that once you see it, you can’t stop seeing it, and more often than not, the answer is painfully obvious.
“Your name!” Dan yells and goes as far as giving a victorious jump.
“Hurray!” The entity celebrates with him. “Now you can continue,” he opens the door for Dan. “Farewell wanderers!”
Phil waves vigorously at them and they wave back. The butterflies take flight and the entity disappears with them.
“That was so cool,” Phil says. He is excited.
Dan can’t help but smile too because… well, it was quite cool after all.
“Also, look at this place,” Phil continues his chatter. “These flowers are so pretty!”
Tall, vibrant flowers rose along both sides of the path, all kinds of them. Roses and lilies and tulips and others that Dan can't name. The most vibrant colors adorn their petals, the wind carries the fragrance of them, a scent as sweet as the feeling of getting out of the train at Piccadilly Station to see Phil. The smell is warm and familiar and Dan finds himself at peace for the very first time since waking up inside this dream.
A strange murmur reaches his ears, it seems to get closer and clearer and after a moment Dan is able to make out what they’re saying.
“I think he drools when he sleeps.”
“What?” Dan wonders out loud, confusion tinting his voice.
“And he snores too,” there is a laugh followed by other many laughs.
“You are hearing that too, right?” Dan asks Phil.
Phil nods, “I am,” he looks puzzled too. “Umm, sorry. Who snores?” Phil inquires.
“Dan,” replies a delicate voice, “Dan snores.”
“And drools,” another voice chimes in.
“I don’t!” Dan stutters, indignant.
Phil looks around, trying to find who these voices belong to. Then Dan remembers what the owner of the garden said.
“The flowers,” he tells Phil. “They like to gossip,” he laughs.
“We don’t!” a bunch of flowers say at the same time.
“We like information.”
“Alright,” Dan claps his hands together. “We’re fine with that,” he takes Phil’s hand and drags him further along the path. Dan can see the end of the garden and he wants to get them out before the flowers drive them mad.
“Phil is messy.”
“So messy.”
“He leaves his socks everywhere.”
Dan can’t help but laugh at that, he already knows that from the times he has been at Phil house, in Phil’s rooms. He can’t say he minds that much.
“This is kinda fun,” Dan tells Phil.
Phil pouts, “I’m not having fun.”
“You are in love, aren’t you?”
“Can you believe Dan is whipped for Phil?”
“So smitten.”
“They’re cute.”
Bowing his head to hide his huge grin, Dan continues walking with Phil right beside him. And the flowers continue blabbing away.
“You’re enjoying this quite a bit, eh?” Phil says.
“Can’t deny it’s funny,” Dan shrugs
“Well, I’m glad you’re not grumpy anymore.”
“I was not grumpy!”
“You were!” One of the flowers says just as they are reaching the end of the garden.
“Thanks!” Phil yells back.
Dan punches his arm lightly and Phil shoves him away playfully.
They walk, following the path in comfortable silence, enjoying the view of trees and pink skies. Dan can spot some mountains in the distance. He feels calm, maybe even happy. He allows himself to close his eyes, to breath, to forget that this is a dream. A light breeze hits his face, the ground feels firm under his feet… until it doesn’t.
A hand grips his arm quickly, Dan can barely leave out a little yelp before he is falling to the ground. He looks around, startled. There’s a fucking cliff.
“Holly shit!” Dan yells.
“Your eyes were closed?!” Phil yells back.
Dan just lets his back hit the ground again, he covers his eyes with his hands as a burst of hysterical laughter is ripped off his chest. Phil throws himself over Dan’s torso, his body shaking with Dan’s.
“Fuck!” Dan says between laughs. “Thanks for pulling me back.”
Phil shakes his head, face still buried on Dan’s chest, “that appeared out of nowhere.”
Dan pats his back gently.
They get up of the ground eventually and take a look at their possibilities.
“We can’t build a bridge,” Phil points out, “the space between the cliffs is too wide.”
As if on cue, a fluffy white cloud descends from the sky and places itself close to the edge of the cliff.
Dan looks at it, distrusting. “We’re not gonna jump on it.”
Phil seems to think about it, “it might be the only way.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Dan mutters under his breath. Phil’s probably right.
Dan accepts his fate, he runs as fast as he can till he reaches the edge and then jumps. He closes his eyes and doesn’t open them up until he feels the soft surface of the cloud under his body. Phil follows him seconds after.
“Now what?” Phil asks.
The cloud starts moving. It’s a gentle and consistent movement, it almost feels pleasant. They fly past the limits of the other cliff, furrowing the skies. Dan looks down, a purple river flows through the woods and as they move forward, the colors of the trees change from green to the softest yellow and orange and blue.
They land after a couple of minutes, and the cloud lets them down before flying away again.
But things aren’t over, Dan can feel it. The path becomes narrower and narrower, flanked by tall bushes on both sides. They reach a bifurcation, and Dan thinks he knows what's going on. They’re in a maze now. He turns around to tell Phil what he figured out, but Phil is not there.
“Phil!” He calls.
No answer.
“Phil!” He tries again.
Silence.
“Phil!!” He screams.
Phil’s not there. Dan lost him, as Marvin had warned earlier. He had lost Phil.
He runs, turning, speeding around corners, running and running and running. He is going in circles, he knows, but he is desperate to get out. The walls seem to be getting closer and closer together, trapping him. The darkness is back, he can feel it creeping behind him but he is too scared to look so he runs. He closes his eyes at some point, as he has been doing so many times in the time he has been here, but now is for a different reason. He feels no peace, all he feels is a creaking fear that makes him shiver.
Normal dreams can turn into nightmares just as light can turn into darkness.
Dan needs to breath, to get it together, to find Phil, to wake up.
He lets himself fall to the ground, hugs his knees to his chest and rocks himself back and forth. Dan needs to find control, he needs to feel like he can stop this at any moment. If this is a dream- his dream, he wants out.
The darkness goes through him, he can feel it, his muscles going tense, all the hair on his body standing up, his heart beating faster and faster… For a moment everything is pure fear, and then it is gone.
Something touches his shoulder, Dan flinches away. He can only hear muffled noises, it’s like his ears are stuffed, but even in the distance, even like this, there’s a voice he can always recognize.
“Dan, Dan, can you hear me?”
Dan whips his head towards the voice in a manner that would have given him an instant headache on any other day. Phil is here, crouching down beside him.
“I lost you,” Dan pants, reaching for Phil, pulling him closer, making him stumble a little and almost tumble into his lap. Dan holds him there. “It was so fucking awful, I just wanted to make it stop.”
“You did,” Phil tells him, rubbing his back in soothing circles. “I was looking for you but I just couldn’t see you anywhere and then you kind of just appeared”.
“What?”
“I don’t know, it was like something shifted. I suddenly knew where to turn to find you,” Phil explains.
“Do you know where the key is?” Dan asks with a breathy laugh, not really expecting Phil to say yes.
“I think I do,” Phil says slowly.
“Do you really?” Dan pulls away from Phil to see his face.
He nods, “I told you, something shifted. I think I know the way out of the maze.”
Phil helps Dan to stand up and they walk hand in hand to prevent anyone from getting lost again. It feels like an eternity before they make the final turn. The hedge ends, and they can see the trees again. They step out of the maze and Dan feels like he could cry. Phil doesn’t stop though, he keeps walking towards a large tree, Dan stumbles behind him.
Phil drops to the ground and starts digging with his bare hands, Dan is confused but he kneels down too and helps.
Dan touches it first, “there’s something here!” He exclaims, filled with anticipation.
They dig faster and soon uncover a small box. Dan pulls it out and hands it to Phil.
The key.
The freaking key is inside.
Dan leaps up and jumps in for joy, and Phil joins him immediately. He pulls Dan into a hug. Dan is crying.
“Where’s the door though?” Phil asks after a moment.
“Turn around.” Dan knows that voice, they have heard it before.
They turn to see Marvin standing there, in front of a door that wasn’t there a minute ago.
Phil steps forward, holding the key out. He opens the door.
“Uhh-”
A black void stretches endlessly on the other side of the door.
“It’s a leap of faith,” Marvin offers, cocking his head to the side.
Dan doesn’t even blink, “Well fuck it, we’re getting out of here.” He reaches for his hand. “Ready?”
Their eyes meet. There’s a feeling of complicity between them, Phil smiles. “Let’s jump.”
“Okay,” Dan smiles back at him.
“One.”
“Two.”
“Three,” Marvin chimes in.
They jump.
✾✾✾
Dan wakes up abruptly, He is back in his bedroom. He can’t believe it, he touches his chest and his face and pinches himself on the arm just in case, even if that didn’t prove anything when he was in the actual dream. The dream. It was just a dream. A crazy, probably missing-Phil-induced dream. Phil is gonna laugh so hard when Dan tells him, he thinks.
His phone rings, and he picks it from the nightstand.
It’s Phil.
“Dan?” He says as soon as Dan answers, he sounds excited. “You’re not gonna believe this. I just had the weirdest dream,” a pause. Dan know what he is going to say, “and you were there!”