Chapter Text
As a general rule, one wasn’t supposed to try and out-glamorize their partner. Not that the pair in question played by the same set of courtship rules as were commonly accepted. Most humans couldn’t agree on what proper wooing etiquette to follow on a good day. Any self-respecting android would acknowledge the differentiating gap between the mentalities of man versus machine, particularly when it came to the subject of attraction.
Unfortunately for our particular RK900, insecurities weren’t so easily swayed without confiding some extent of them in his human counterpart.
Even more unfortunately, Gavin Reed could be counted on for sound romantic advice the same way one couldn’t count on boxer shorts in a blizzard.
It didn’t anywhere near enough important parts.
——-
To some extent, Noah was used to being laughed at. His patchwork pedigree made it unavoidable. But never had he been guffawed at to his face, so loudly, and so prolonged those others present in the station were starting to look their way with eyebrows raised. Falling back on his machine-like impassiveness, he set his face to neutral, his own eyebrows held low, staring straight ahead without so much as a blink. At the very least, by not reacting, he could make Detective Reed’s laughter seem all the more overblown and manic in comparison.
Two minutes after the fit started, it wound down enough for him to speak:
“It’s not that funny, Detective.”
But he should have known better than to think Reed wouldn’t find it amusing.
Eh, details, details.
“Oh, fuck, you think not? It’s so - fuckin’, like, doubly funny, because it’s you!” Looking at Noah’s blank face again, Gavin let out another howl of laughter, physically doubling over with it. “Ohh, shit, man. I don’t care what anyone else says. You are fuckin’ gold sometimes, N.”
Feeling something akin to a pair of pliers clamping their tines over his temples, Noah closed his eyes and sat back in his chair by way of demonstrating exasperation. To anyone else, he might have looked as if he were mustering up patience.
In part, he was.
In reality, he just wanted to rewind the last five minutes of his life, so very badly. But even androids didn’t have that kind of time-space power.
“I regret telling you already.”
“Okay, okay, fuck, I'll stop.” Laughter abruptly cutting off, save for a few more recovering breaths, Gavin seemed to attempt to become more serious, even if it was only slightly so. “Okay, yeah, I get it, you embarrassed yourself, and her. Shit, dude, if it's only your first time doin’ that, you're doin’ fucking good I would say.”
“First time so publicly.” Leaving his admission at that, Noah risked a glance around the bullpen. Thankfully, even if their colleagues were now in the know, or wondering just what Reed found so uproariously hilarious, they were turning their own eyes back to their work. Thank rA9 for small mercies. “I was - a little too overzealous.”
Which was a fancy way of saying ‘excited to try out the idea of gift-giving’. Because even an RK900 could fall victim to moments of overexcitability, even one as relatively ‘long lived’ as himself.
He would think twice next time, of when and where it would be appropriate to bestow such gifts. New rule number one - no audiences.
But so long as they were on the subject, why else was he discussing it?
“I gather you’re implying it won’t be the last time, either?”
“Nah, man, I mean, isn't it like a shit ton of any relationship just bein’ a fucking idiot?” Sounding all too confident for a man who hadn't ever been in a steady relationship for more than a couple months, tops, Gavin nodded along to his own words. “It's like, you act like an idiot once, then the other person gets to, and it's just that sorta back-and-forth shit. You'll be fine, just don't think too hard about this stuff.”
Now there was an effectively useless nugget of ‘wisdom’. For the better part of his life, all Noah did was think. Computers were made for that. This affair shouldn’t be so different.
“Lilly isn’t an idiot.” Catching just what he had blurted out once his own ears heard it, Noah slapped a hand over his face - another learned behavior of disbelief. “I mean - how does that add up? You’re saying relationships are basically built on a foundation of mistakes?”
“Well, duh! I mean, that's what makes fuckin’ sense to me.” Throwing his arms up, as if he expected Noah to instantly understand and agree with his assessment, Gavin let out a huff. “I ain't sayin’ she's an idiot, either, just that you just make mistakes all around and that's what makes you stronger if you stay together, or some shit. Right?”
Right.
Wait.
A tad flustered, and not too shy in admitting it, Noah pinched the bridge of his nose by way of a snap-out-of-it gesture. “No. What makes sense to you versus me are two very different things, Detective.” Shaking his head, he turned his focus back to the terminal, swiping forward to review a waiting autopsy report. “Nevermind, I’ll figure it out later. I’m sorry for involving you even this much.”
“Woah, woah, hey, whoever said I was done? You need advice, I'm givin’ it!” Leaning a bit forward, Gavin grabbed his shoulder, snapping his fingers to try and get his attention back. “Come on. How am I wrong? Mistakes are what made our friendship work. It's what works for all of them, dude.”
True, perhaps there were some parallels. But there were even more aspects that didn’t line up. Chief among them was the fact theirs was a working, ‘professional’ relationship - not the kind of intimate, private dynamic that involved kissing and tactile interfaces.
Potentially.
As yet, he hadn’t pressed either gesture, and neither had she.
Just the contrast of the thought made Noah want to cringe. For the moment, he covered it with a deadpan glare and slapped Reed’s hand away. “I didn’t say I’m in need of an indefinite supply of it, though.”
“Well, you didn't seem to have a whole lotta options, either, huh?” Glaring at him for the hand slap, Gavin at least begrudgingly retreated a half step away, but didn't let up on whatever quest he had made to bestow all the advice he thought he had. “All I'm sayin’ is, you're stressin’ out way too fucking hard over how you think it should go, you know? Bein’ an idiot for a moment is how it works. So don't bring shit up again and try to explain yourself, that'll just make it awkward.”
It was already awkward. To mention the failed presentation to Lilly at any point in the near future, of course he hadn’t planned on it. And yet the fact Gavin was suggesting he do exactly that was only recasting it with another fresh layer of doubt.
Was it better to let the mishap lie, really, or try and smooth it over?
Noah lowered his voice as dispatch chatter abruptly lit up the squad room. “But I owe her an explanation, at least. An apology, bare minimum. I don’t want her to think it’s - how I always am.”
Great - what began as part deflection turned part insecurity, pushing past whatever wall he was trying to erect. In numerical terms, he had only managed a questionable sixty-percent valid excuse there.
Snap.
“What's there to explain? You fucked up once, man, big deal. Can't you just… assume she already knows what you meant to do?”
Tempting as it was to argue, say it wasn’t the same thing because knowing was always better than assuming, Noah bit his tongue and glanced away instead.
Gavin wasn’t there. He hadn’t heard what their hecklers threw their way. And it was all too fresh in the android’s short term recollection.
(“You think that’s how it works, just up and copying what you see? It isn’t. Get outta here with that shit, think up your own customs, assumin’ you even can.”)
So went the sentiments the crowd/mob had hurled their way. Singled out as they were, abruptly given room as if there were some contagion the humans were afraid of catching, Noah hadn’t thought his simple plan could go so sideways. Nor did Lilly seem prepared for how instantly ostracized they had been. Their mutually-bemused silence only seemed to incite the naysayers. Voices were raised to the point security guards from inside City Hall trekked out onto the stairs.
Bidding each other awkward goodbyes, both androids quickly cleared to the scene to attend to their respective duties.
Replaying the incident behind his eyes, Noah scoffed, staving off another wash of shame. He shouldn’t have gotten so ahead of himself. That was all it boiled down to.
“I was an idiot at her expense. She knows that as much as anything, good intentions or not.”
“At her expense? Eh… I mean, yeah, maybe you should apologize, then. For a fucking ring…” Shaking his head at that, Gavin scoffed in turn. He wasn’t dumb. He knew what the symbolic mishap represented. “Yeah, I wouldn't think I would hafta fuckin’ apologize for that.”
The latter remark wasn’t muttered quietly enough. And that was one reason, out of a probable countless multitude, as to why thirty-six-year-old Reed was single.
But did that make him a better default sounding board than no one at all?
The jury was still out.