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“You shouldn’t be here.” Ryan leaned against the bedroom doorframe, eyeing Mike. Mike was sprawled out on Ryan’s bed, the sheet low on his hips. He knew instinctively that Mike was naked under the sheet. “Last night was…”
“Don’t say it was a mistake.” Mike sat up, running his fingers through his hair. Ryan felt a slight twinge of guilt. He didn’t regret what had happened the previous night. It had been one of the best nights of his life, despite everything that had happened. But Mike couldn’t still be here. Getting close to him, sleeping with him was a death sentence. Claire had found that out – too late. Mike had almost died more than once because of him. Ryan didn’t want to be responsible for that actually becoming a reality.
Ryan lowered his head as Mike climbed off the bed. “Sit down, Mike. I’m not going to kick you out.” Mike picked up the boxers he had discarded the night before, slipping them back on. He sat on the mattress, feet firmly on the floor, and picked at a stray thread on the duvet cover.
“You don’t exactly sound happy to see me.”
“You know why.” Mike was a smart kid. His level of Ryan-related knowledge bordered on creepy, but he was smart nonetheless. Ryan didn’t want to corrupt Mike any more than he already had. Mike had been tortured because of his involvement in the Carroll case. He had been kidnapped multiple times, shot at, beaten, stabbed. It was Ryan’s fault that Mike wasn’t so innocent anymore. That bright-eyed kid had disappeared, replaced by someone a little tougher, darker (stronger?).
“We’ve all got demons, Ryan.” Mike pulled his knees up to his chest, wincing a little with the movement. Ryan noticed that his position completely hid the scar on his stomach. “And we can’t deal with them by ourselves.” Mike looked up at Ryan, blue eyes wide. “I’m not just talking about myself here. You can’t keep pushing me away. You think last night didn’t mean anything? You think I’m too damaged? You think this is too dangerous?”
Before Ryan could blink, Mike was on his feet, striding towards him. “I know you’re still upset by what happened to Claire. It’s understandable. But I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not going to let you dig yourself into another hole. I don’t care if you don’t want a repeat of what happened last night.” Lie. He wanted desperately for Ryan to get close again. He wanted to taste him, wanted Ryan inside of him, wanted.
Mike suddenly drew short, his chest barely inches from Ryan’s. He looked deep into those guarded blue eyes, searching for some kind of answer.
Ryan put a hand on Mike’s chest, over his heart. “I can’t ruin you too. I’m too broken.” He laughed humourlessly. “You said that everyone has demons. But I’ve got more than the average person.” Mike put a hand on top of Ryan’s. He could feel his heart beating, strong and steady.
“I’ll help you fight them. Don’t push me away again.”
Slowly, Ryan closed the distance between them. He leaned forwards until his forehead was resting against Mike’s. A hand combed through his hair, and Ryan let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. He was just so tired of being stuck in this self-imposed state of loneliness.
“Promise me you won’t leave.”
“I promise,” Mike whispered.