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Erwin squinted as his eyes got used to the light outside.
The wind grazed his golden locks, and the sky welcomed him shining as blue as his irises. It wasn’t common for him to be able to enjoy such a gorgeous day, but he had had enough of the empty, echoing corridors of headquarters for today.
Everybody was outside because of the group training sessions. And although they were probably almost over, Erwin didn’t want to miss his chance to participate somehow. After becoming commander, he hadn’t stopped polishing his ODM manoeuvring abilities, yet, due to his busy schedule, he’d had to resign from joining the soldiers at their regular time of practice. He usually trained either alone or with the squad leaders only.
He let himself stroll and watch around. Trying -mostly in vain, when you’re tall, blond, handsome and the commander- not to stand out. He didn’t want to make the younger soldiers self-conscious.
Along his way, he shared some courtesy words with the team leaders and congratulated some soldiers for their enthusiasm and good work. That is, until he reached a hill from which he could survey most of the terrain, that gave a privileged view of one of the courses. When Erwin realized it was precisely Squad Levi that was practising there, he tried to convince himself it was just a coincidence.
Levi passed off flying rapidly, shouting precise directions to Petra and Gunther and, together, the three of them displayed a beautiful formation that was the end of a 10-metre dummy.
Levi’s movements were as neat and elegant as ever. His grey eyes determined; his grip flawless. His raven hair gliding in perfect match with his soaring wings of freedom.
Such was Erwin’s trance when Mike suddenly landed by his side.
“Yo, Commander. Nice to be honoured by your presence” he joked.
“Ah, Mike” Erwin greeted. “Good job today.”
“Thanks” the squad leader followed Erwin’s gaze. He saw Gunther and Eld performing a duo manoeuvre. “Ah.”
“What?”
“That explains your… what was that word you use, Hange?”
The auburn-haired squad leader had just landed to join them. “Hm? What word?”
“The eyes he makes when he sees Levi… existing.”
“Ah! The goo-goo eyes” they emphasised.
Erwin made an uninterested hum in response. Although he tried to let the matter sink by starting to talk about the battle formations, the shaggy squad leader interrupted him without further ado.
“So, are you going to tell him?”
“Tell Levi what?”
“How you feel about him, duh” guessed Hange.
“My… respect and admiration?” proposed the blond.
“Pff” Mike contained a shout of laughter. “Erwin, I was there when you fell for Marie. I know this case is much more serious.”
“Huh? So, the commander is also into girls?”
Erwin made a sound of discomfort. “I’m bisexual” he stated blunty. “Listen. I don’t see why we should be discussing— “
Levi appeared again, this time gliding around the trees and doing summersaults, apparently just enjoying himself. The two squad leaders looked at the captain, and then at the commander again. Hange came to the same realization as Mike.
“Oh, there they are! Those are Erwin’s goo-goo eyes. Lovely.”
Mike smirked. The blond closed his eyes and exhaled loudly.
“Ok, you might be right. My feelings for Levi seem to be past respect and— “
“Yes, we know.”
“I know! Sorry to break it into you, but I’m afraid this is an inappropriate thing for a commander to feel for a subordinate.”
There was a silence as the squad leaders meditated on Erwin’s words. Mike was the first to talk.
“Erwin, how long have you felt this for Levi? Long enough, right?” The blue-eyed nodded. “You have not been any less of a commander during that time. I believe you can keep your duty and your feelings apart. But not by forbidding yourself the possibility to love… and be loved in return.”
Erwin face was impervious, but his cheeks betrayed him as he blushed. Being in love… he was so sure that wouldn’t happen again.
Hange put a hand over Erwin's shoulder and spoke as well. “I don’t think anyone in the Survey Corps would blame you for trying, Erwin. Most of us do have a special someone -outside or inside the corps. You know this and have deliberately turned a blind eye.” They gave him a significant look. Moblit, Nanaba. How could Erwin not allow that raise of morale among his soldiers? “As long as we don’t forget our duty, I think we owe it to ourselves… not to lose our humanity.”
“And no partner is more aware of the risks than another member of the corps.”
Erwin listened attentively, without letting out any sound. He looked down and sighed. “You’re insufferable. You know that, right?” And then, he let out a shy smile. “You just want to see us together.”
He couldn’t lie. He wanted that too. And his friends’ words had moved him.
On the one hand, he took pride in being a good commander for the corps. Up to this point, he had put his duty before anything else, and his peers’ validation was surely encouraging.
On the other hand, his friends knew of his softer desires. Their words were also inviting, tempting him to indulge himself.
Once he had dreamed of a family. Having lost his father at a young age, he craved for unconditional love. But this was so different from what he could have imagined when he was a trainee. Was it ridiculous to pursue a relationship with the reformed thug of the Underground? Humanity’s Strongest. The grumpiest, sweetest man he ever knew.
Hange and Mike stared sympathetically at his friend, waiting patiently for his next words.
Erwin made up his mind, raised his sight and let his blue eyes light up the sky. “Do you think… he’s interested in me?”
Only Petra and Oluo seemed to remain among the trees. The sound they made delayed a few seconds what would have been an immediate answer: Hange laughing scornfully.
“Why, of course! He’s always hanging around your office. Cleaning. Preparing tea. Keeping you company. And have you heard the way he pronounces your name? Like you were Wall Maria itself.”
Mike nodded.
“Oh, and he doesn’t miss a chance to talk about you.” They frowned and put on a neutral expression. “’That’d have been what Erwin would have said’, ‘We should trust Erwin’s judgement.’”
Mike laughed.
“Yeah… but I mean” Erwin hesitated. “Interested as in… more than a friend or a commanding officer.”
And Mike sniffed. “You can trust my nose, Erwin. Pheromones don’t lie.”
“That’s kind of disgusting, Mike” the commander pointed out. And yet Hange continued.
“If you want my professional opinion, Erwin” they declared, putting on their expert investigator look. “I’d say Levi is only into men. If he is into human beings at all. Probably Erwinsexual.”
The three of them were so caught amongst hesitation, doubts and laughter, they didn’t hear a third person landing behind their backs until a characteristic, unamused tone broke in.
“What are you doing here? Are you mocking my soldiers?”
“Why, of course not, Levi!” said Hange nervously as they turned around.
Mike faced the captain too and continued explaining. “We we’re just happy to see— “
“Erwin” Levi completed, as the blond turned around as well. His face didn’t change, yet his eyes and pupils visibly widened. Hange didn’t miss their chance. Again.
“And there you have it.”
Levi frowned menacingly at them. Mike was satisfied. Erwin, blushing apprehensively.
“Those are definitely Levi’s goo-goo eyes.”
“What are you spouting about, shitty glasses?”
Erwin laughed nervously. “Levi… I think we need to talk. In private.” He added, peering at both sides, were his two friends feigned innocence and ignorance.
The captain kept the frown on his face but conceded. “Ok, Erwin.”
Then, the two squad leaders watched proudly as the captain and the commander returned to the building.
Their walk towards Erwin’s office was very quiet. Disturbingly so.
The blond hadn’t felt a silence this awkward in the company of the raven-haired in a long time. Unfortunately, realizing how natural it was to spend time with Levi was of no comfort. It only made him wonder how long he had been denying his feelings. Well, truth was, he had unconsciously decided never to speak of them. And now that he had been pretty much forced into confessing, he wondered whether he had Hange and Mike to thank or to blame.
No, he knew he couldn’t blame them. It was him who wanted this. He wanted him.
“Erwin!”
“Huh?”
“Are you alright? You wouldn’t listen and your face’s all red.” He reached his forehead with one hand. “Sit down” Levi ordered.
The commander complied. Levi stood in front of him and cupped Erwin’s face between his hands. His lips started to approach his face and all he could do was stare, dumbfounded and blushing. Was he peering at his captain with… goo-goo eyes? Time had been reduced to this very moment, and the world, to Levi’s small, cold hands.
When Levi’s lips touched his forehead, he wasn’t sure whether to feel disappointed or relieved.
“W-what are you doing?” he managed to say.
“You don’t seem to have a fever” he explained calmly. “My mother used to say it was easier to check this way. Lips are more sensitive.”
It took Erwin all he had not to gasp. Lips are more sensitive.
And Levi? He just behaved as this was the most logical thing.
“Oi, do you want me to make tea? The merchants brought my favourite brew.”
Of course he knew the merchants had brought black tea. It was his doing after all.
Erwin was granted precious minutes whilst the raven-haired was busy. And yet, the damned cogs in his brain refused to function. How long had it been since he had last talked of his feelings for someone… to that someone? A couple of years? Five? Probably more. He was a completely different person now, and among that person-he-was-now characteristics, professing his love wasn’t listed as one of his strengths.
Professing. His. Love. Was Levi even interested in such a thing?
Before he knew it, time was up. A warm, sweet-smelling cup of black tea was steaming from his hands and Levi drank calmly by his side.
“So, what did you want to talk about? Is it about my squad? It’s weird of you to supervise the trainings.”
Maria, Rose and Sina. Levi was completely oblivious to what he wanted to say.
“No, I just happened to have some spare time and took advantage of it. I miss the group trainings.”
“Yeah, I miss seeing you there too.” Erwin felt his heart touched by a sudden spark of electricity. “You’re getting rusty, old man.” And the spark was gone.
Erwin laughed sheepishly. “And then, I was ambushed by Hange and Mike.”
Levi took a long sip from his cup. “What was the deal with those two today, anyway? They were asking me weird questions just before starting the training.”
Erwin raised a brow. “What kind of questions?”
The captain placed his cup over the desk. He made the shape of a circle with each of his hands and put them around each of his eyes. “’Hey, Levi, we were wondering, do you like the commander?’” His impersonation of Hange was terrible. Erwin would have laughed if he wasn’t upset. Those two. They had set them up.
“And what did you say?” Erwin tried not to sound eager.
“I like you.” Levi declared, back into his normal stance. “I thought you knew. I wouldn’t spend time with you if I didn’t.” He drank some more tea. “But then they continued.”
“Hm?”
Now Levi put some of his hair over his eyes and used a finger to pretend he had a moustache. “’But do you like him, like a lot?’ Tch. I don’t even know what that is supposed to mean” he grumbled. “Were they shitting you as well?”
“Why, yes” Erwin said, his grip tensing. He drank the last of his tea quickly, put the cup back over the desk, and turned to face Levi. “So… do you like me a lot?”
“Shit, Erwin, you too? I just told you I don’t know where you’re coming at.” He seemed rather flustered. “I like you. I like Mike. I like my squad. Fuck, I even like shitty glasses.”
Levi worried when Erwin’s expression grew sadder. “I like you better, if that’s what you wanna know.”
Erwin laughed dismally. “Listen, Levi.” He put away Levi’s cup and took the captain by his hands. He carefully approached the shorter man to let his deep, blue orbs cast all of their intense, mesmerizing charm. “What Hange and Mike meant…” Levi cheeks were shyly turning a tender shade of pink “…when they asked if you like me a lot…” the raven-haired followed his gaze attentively “is whether you like me like…” Levi grey irises started to disappear under his dilating pupils. His goo-goo eyes. “Like a lot… really, really a lot.”
Levi snapped, his pupils contracting again. “What the fuck, Erwin?”
He tried to withdraw his hands from Erwin’s, but the blond held them fast.
“Sorry, sorry” rushed Erwin. “Let me try again.”
“Ok.”
The blue-eyed felt himself boiling red, and it wasn’t the tea. “They wanted to know if you like me more than just a friend. Or a commander. If you would like me as a partner, or as…” The words dashed out of his mouth. “Orasalover.”
“What?” asked Levi, with that confusion that only lasts the couple of seconds it takes to decipher the words. For a second, he froze. “Oh. Oh.”
Erwin let go of his hands and went back to sitting straight. He confessed. “Well, actually, it is I who would like to know that. Not that I asked them to ask you!” he explained, without looking at the shorter man. “It’s just… I think I wasn’t concealing my feelings as well as a I thought.”
There were several moments of reflecting silence after that. Minutes or just seconds, Erwin couldn’t tell.
Levi tilted his head a bit, to watch Erwin’s low gaze.
“Are you ok with that?” he whispered.
“With Hange and Mike messing around? I can’t say it— “
“No. Not that.” The raven-haired interrupted. “This.” He got up to stand in front of the commander. The blond followed his movements as Levi gently put his right hand over Erwin’s heart. “You, having feelings… for me. And…” he flinched. “Hell, Erwin.”
“What?”
Levi sighed and let his embarrassment just take over his body. “Me, having feelings for you.”
“You too?” he asked dumbly.
“Shit, Erwin, are you ok with that or not?” the captain groaned.
“I- I’m sincerely not sure what you mean.” He stammered, his hands hovering around Levi’s thin silhouette, hesitant to touch him.
Levi grunted. He planted his hands over Erwin’s shoulders, to make him look up, directly into his determined, snake-like grey eyes.
“I thought you didn’t want this. You told me you’d rather have no partner nor family so nothing could distract you from your main objective. And I respected that” he paused. “And now you’re asking me, all of sudden, whether I reciprocate your feelings, which you’ve never mentioned before. Well, excuse me if I don’t understand what you want anymore.” Erwin frowned, ashamed. Feeling like a mess, he opened his mouth to try to explain himself. “No, don’t” commanded the captain. “Just answer. You’re telling me you now want to pursue a relationship… with me?”
Levi didn’t remember seeing Erwin’s face showing fear before. Yet now he was whiter, wide-eyed and apparently starting to sweat.
“It would appear… that I do.”
What had changed? All of what Levi had just mentioned was the truth. Those were his words. He even thought those were his words until this very same morning. Clearly, he didn’t feel them anymore. What was different now?
He let his eyes wander from Levi’s cravat up until he reached the captain’s eyes. Levi was also looking directly at the vibrant blue orbs. He studied the shape of his eyes, the intensity of their expression and, in the sunset light, he could recognize Levi’s different shades. Ash, silver, marengo, charcoal. Those were the new shades of his own life.
Erwin carefully placed his hand on the small of Levi’s back whilst he recovered some of his commander’s stance. Levi’s expression unintentionally softened when he felt the blond’s warmth reaching his body.
“Levi, let me apologize. I never intended to lie to you. It’s true that I once -and for a very long time- pictured my life alone. It hadn’t been brought to my attention, until today, that this have been gradually changing. And now I realise the reason why” he gently cupped Levi’s right cheek with his hand. He steadily felt how the heat reached Levi’s face. “You.”
Levi tilted his head to receive Erwin’s affection. He slowly started to close his eyes, relaxing. And all of sudden, he decided he didn’t like this. He snarled, frowned at Erwin, walked some steps away.
“Tch. What a waste of time.”
“Levi?” Erwin exclaimed frightened.
And as fast as he had retreated, he took two long strides towards Erwin, grasped him strongly by the lapel and kissed the commander.
It was most certainly the angriest expression of love the blond had ever received, but he wouldn’t have had it any different. He somehow managed to keep up with the fast succession of events. He was even surprised as to how quickly he did not only answer the kiss, but also got ideas of his own. Erwin had just started enjoying Levi’s taste when the captain’s lower lip was already between his teeth. The raven-haired growled softly and bit him back. And as Levi’s grip started to relax, so did his body.
As their kiss deepened, their distance shortened. Levi straddled Erwin’s lap and the latter pulled him closer, rejoicing in their height difference. The captain entwined one of his hands firmly in his golden locks. And their tongues brushed in a gentle swirl of sweet, low moans.
They separated a few centimetres to recover their breath, panting faintly. Both their eyes half-lidded, they admired each other in the dim light of the room. Neither recalled being looked at this lovingly, blue and grey melting together at long last, creating a sincere tunnel of trust and devotion.
But surely, the captain and the commander agreed that sentimentality could wait, for they nuzzled and got ready to lock lips repeatedly again. That is, until Levi’s always-on-call senses alerted him of a menace.
He turned his head right violently and stared piercingly at the window. It was there just a second, but he had clearly seen a foot.
He sat up, leaving a bewildered Erwin on the sofa, still with extended arms, and headed for the window. He opened it rapidly and shouted.
“Show yourselves, you morons!”
Giggles could be heard, and, one by one, Mike, Hange, Moblit and Nanaba appeared by the window. They were all using ODM gear, because Erwin’s office was in a higher a floor.
“Congratulations, you two!” celebrated Hange, as if they hadn’t been spying on them. Moblit blushed guiltily, wearing his usual they-made-me-do-it expression.
Erwin couldn’t help but laugh, feeling more relaxed at last.
“Shouldn’t you be like” complained Levi, “minding your own business or something?”
“We know, we know.”
“We’re just glad to see everything’s order” explained Mike. “Captain, commander.” Nanaba smiled brightly at their friends.
The four of them saluted and took their leave.
Levi closed the curtains harshly and turned around. Erwin was still laughing. The other man frowned.
“Sorry, Levi. I’m just… happy” he smiled.
The shorter man crossed his arms. “Now, where were we?”
“I believe” said Erwin, standing up and walking towards Levi, pushing him onto the desk, “we were making out and staring at each other with goo-goo eyes.”
Levi snorted. “You’re insufferable too, you know?”
“I know” he replied casually, almost missing it. “Wait, what did you say? Were you listening to our conversation on the grounds?”
“Hm? Was I?” he answered; his tone neutral. “Just shut up and kiss me.”
Erwin peeked at him suspiciously.
“Ok, Levi.”