Chapter Text
Then why am I still here?
Stephan. He was the kindest person I knew. He was one of the few people I trust. And he worked here because he liked me. He really liked me. He never said it but we both knew it. And I never gave him anything back. I'm a terrible person. Tears are streaming down my face. I wan't to cry out loud but I can't.
Mom. She would have comforted me. But now she's gone, too. I breathe heavily. Her death is my fault. I should've asked the doctor about her. But I thought I would see if something were wrong with her. But I did not. It was Toni. I'll never forgive myself for that.
I feel someone coming into the room. Maybe they don't see me if I stay still. I feel a gentle touch on my shoulder. It's Gereon. I can feel it. I turn to him. Why is he here out of every person? Why is the world so cruel to me? His eyes are worried. He pities me. I lean to his shoulder and try to calm down but tears are coming faster. He smells good. He smells familiar. Like home. Home that I don't have. I can't go home anymore, I remember. "It was my fault" I cry. Everything was. "Shephan worked here because of me." I raise my head just enough to see his face. He touches my hair gently. "No it was the other way around. You worked here because of him". He looks me in the eyes trying to calm me down. He is an idiot. I want to cry again. I lean towards him. How can he be so stupid? Our foreheads touch. I breathe his smell, trying to calm down. Then why am I still here? I want to ask him. But I don't say anything.
Maybe one day he'll now why I really stayed here.
Because of him.