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Sam and bucky fell in love.
They didn't know it themselves, but to others it was as clear as day.
Thanos snapped, they both turned to dust, leaving the world to mourn, and yet when all of that was over they somehow came out of it in love.
Steve tried to be happy for them, he really did. But it was hard to see two people that he loved, die and then come out of the other side so happy.
He listened as the lovebirds shared fond memories of the afterlife, the dust realm, or the soul stone. Wherever they were, it was the place Steve had fought his hardest to get them out of, and now he didn't even know if that's what the truly wanted.
So maybe that's why he left. Why he went back in time and stayed in 1945 with Peggy. He knew it was impulsive and selfish, but after seeing the two of them so in love, he realized that he still craved that, no matter what he told himself.
"Why did you do it?" Sam asked, walking up to the bench where Steve was sat. Steve scooted over to make room on the hard bench and smiled at Sam.
Steve glanced at the ring on his finger. It felt so familiar to him, he wouldn't even be so aware of its strange presence if Bucky and Sam weren't glancing at it uneasily every few minutes. He knew that both of his friends were eager to find out about the seventy years Steve had spent apart from them, but he couldn't bring himself to share the details, especially when it made him feel guilty every time he thought about the impulsive decision.
Steve glanced as Sam's eyes still focused on the silver band around his finger and sighed. "You're not gonna believe me if I tell you," He said, the slowness of his voice showing his age.
Sam smirked, both intrigued and wary of the answer. "Try me"
"I saw the two of you," Steve looked up at him and slightly turned his head over his shoulder to glance at Bucky.
Sam's eyes followed Steve's gaze and he looked surprised. "Me..and Barnes?" He asked, even though he already had a pretty good idea of what the old man was implying.
Steve chuckled. "I've known Bucky for longer than both of us ever expected," He started. "And I honestly have never once seen him this in love."
Sam glanced at Bucky, and he could he feel his heartbeat speed up as they made eye contact. Bucky looked uncomfortable, he was obviously aware that he was the topic of conversation between his two friends.
"And you," Steve looked at Sam "Anyone with eyes could see that you love him just as much."
"Steve-" Sam started. Sam didn't even know what he was going to say. The rational part of his brain was telling him that Steve was he and Bucky's closest friend and that it was only a matter of time before he realized something was up. But, he also felt a gut-wrenching feeling that this bubble that he and Bucky had been living in since their time in the soul stone..afterlife..whatever had been finally popped. He wasn't ready to face reality, he didn't want to have to deal with the real world interfering with his hapiness.
Steve cut him off and chuckled knowingly almost like he could tell what was going on in Sam's brain. "Sam, what you two have is beautiful," he smiled "And I've only ever had that with one person, so I went back to her."
Sam just nodded in understanding, he was happy for Steve, he truly was. But he couldn't help but feel guilty, they’d spent years chasing after Bucky together, and Sam watched Steve become ecstatic at just getting minutes with his old friend, but somehow Sam was the one who ended up spending five years with guy, while Steve was stuck on the other side, alone.
Sam took another glance at Bucky, and put his hand on Steve's shoulder. "Don't pretend you're wise just because you're an old man now." He joked, not knowing what else to say.
Steve just smiled at him, grumbled about having a weak bladder and retreated into the house.
"You two gosspin' about me up there?" Bucky teased, walking up. Once he was beside Sam, he moved closer to him, almost like and instinct until his arm was slightly pressed against Sam's. Sam noticed that about Bucky, he always had to be making some kind of contact with him to feel comfortable, but it's not like Sam minded.
Sam felt warmth at the familiarity of their dynamic. "Oh yeah, real mean stuff" Sam quipped back. He tried to keep his composure, but he remembered Steve's words and felt uneasy.
Bucky opened his mouth to quip back, but Sam had a look on his face that Bucky didn't quite recognize.
"What's up?" He asked, bumping Sam's arm softly with his elbow.
"Steve says we're in love." Sam blurted, eyes fixated on the ground. It was meant to come out as a joke, something lighthearted to make Bucky chuckle and take away the awkwardness of the conversation, but Sam couldn't help but choke on the words as they came out, signaling to Bucky that it was anything but funny.
Bucky stayed silent for a while and Sam didn't know whether to provide some sort of explanation to his confession or just let the heavy statement linger between them.
After what seemed like an eternity, Bucky looked up from the patch of dirt that must've been so fascinating to him for the past minute.
"Are we?" It came out as a whisper but Sam still heard the question, and it felt like a weight crushing him down.
"I don't know." Was all Sam was able to say in return, he truly wasn't sure. The soul world, or wherever they had gone. It was different, it wasn't real life, and they knew it when they were there. It felt like they were there together for an eternity, but it also felt like no time had passed at all. It sure as hell wasn't a place where people go to fall in love.
Bucky shifted uncomfortably, like he wanted to respond, but didn't know what to say, and Sam felt like he'd ruined everything with the three words.
"We should get inside," Bucky said, changing the subject and leaving the question unanswered. "The old man probably needs some rest."
Sam chuckled softly as they walked back to the cabin. Steve was sitting on the couch. He looked between the two of them with a smile that Sam could still recognize even after it had aged seventy years.
~
Sam and Bucky didn't have a real conversation for two weeks after that conversation. Steve had insisted that the two of them get their own apartment together without him because they needed their 'privacy'. They however, did not have the heart to tell him that it was unnecessary because they weren't actually in a relationship.
In the small apartment, they both avoided each other anytime they were in the same room, took turns sleeping on an air mattress because there was only one bedroom, and used the excuse of 'visiting Steve' anytime it got too awkward between them. Honestly the dynamic wasn't horrible, they were both pretty clean, considerate of each other's space, and splitting the rent of a one bedroom apartment between two people was an added bonus. It would have actually been a decent living situation if there wasn't a wall of tension between them at any given moment.
It wasn't until Sam had gotten back from his morning run, and Bucky was sat at the counter face first into a bowl of oatmeal that they had a real conversation since their living arrangement began. Sam walked past Bucky to fill his cup up with water, but paused when he heard a familiar sound.
"You're humming" He said, placing the glass of water back on the counter. He didn't mean to blurt it out, but it just caught him so off gaurd. Bucky hummed that song twenty-four seven when they were stuck in in the soul world.
Bucky looked stunned, it had been a while since they had even spoken, much less initiated conversation about casual stuff like that. "Yeah?"
Sam realized what he'd said, and he could feel himself getting more nervous as he stoon there with Bucky's eyes on him.
"Nevermind." He said quickly. "I think I'm gonna go visit Steve."
That was the third time Sam had gone to visit Steve that week just for the sake of getting out of an uncomfortable conversation with Bucky. Sam was still trying to convince him that they should ditch the one bedroom and the three of them should just find a place to live together. One with adequate living space for three men that were not in any type of relationships with each other, but the old man refused.
"Oh" Bucky said. "I was actually about to go to Steve's."
Sam sighed. Of course, it was only a matter of time before the excuse of 'visiting Steve' stopped working. Steve has asked a million time why they never just came together, which would have of course made sense, if the two of them weren't constantly avoiding each other, but Steve did not know that, and he was never going to know, his disappointed dad face looked ten times worse after aging a few decades.
"There's no reason we can't just go together." Sam looked at Bucky, and Bucky wanted to argue. He wanted to say that there's definitely many reasons why they couldn't just go together, but instead he just nodded and moved to put his coat and shoes on.
Sam insisted on driving, letting Bucky know that he definitely does not trust him behind the wheel. The remark was lighthearted and reminded him of how they would tease each other before it became awkward.
The ride to Steve's was only a thirty minute drive, but the awkwardness of the atmosphere made five minutes feel like an hour.
"You know earlier when you were humming?" Sam said, he had to break the silence or he felt like he'd go crazy and drive the car off a cliff.
"Yeah?" Bucky replied, failing to hide the uncomfortable tone in his voice.
"It was the same song that you would always hum when we were there." Sam said, and Bucky instantly understood what he meant when he said there.
"Is that why you said something about it earlier?" Bucky asked, just trying to keep the conversation going.
"Yeah" Sam tapped the steering wheel softly while his eyes focused on the road.
"I thought you were just being an asshole." Bucky deadpaned.
Sam snorted. A month ago Sam would've probably said something snarky like that about Bucky's humming just to be an ass, hell he remembered all the times he told Barnes to just 'shut the fuck up with that humming'. But now it was different.
"Hey, in my defense you hummed that fuckin' song for like the entire time we were there." Sam laughed, he felt more comfortable with the familiarity of their conversation. He always felt a sense of tranquility when he thought back to the soul world when it was just the two of them together, cracking jokes and learning more about each other.
"It was one of my favorite songs from the 40s. And it was catchy." Bucky said defensively. He knew that it always caught Sam off guard when Bucky talked about his life pre-hydra and he learned how to use it to his advantage.
"What ever you say man" Sam shook his head, but he was still smirking.
"Do you ever miss it?" Bucky asked, his tone becoming serious as he asked the question.
"Your humming? God, no" Sam joked. He knew that's not what Bucky was asking him, but he knew that once they stop joking they would have to get into talking about the real stuff, and he couldn't seem to prepare himself for that. He honestly felt stupid, he has spent so much time working with vets at the VA, telling them not to keep things bottled up, and here he was avoiding his own feelings.
"Shut up prick" Bucky rolled his eyes at Sam's remark. "I mean the soul world or wherever we were. Do you miss it?"
"Sometimes," Sam nodded. His eyes were still fixed on the road. "You?"
"Yeah. It was peaceful, us not being in the real world for a bit." Bucky admitted. If anyone needed a few years of peace and escape from reality it was Bucky.
"I mean you we're there so I'm not sure if I could call that peaceful." Sam snorted, taking his eyes off the road to quickly glance at Bucky. He knew he was still avoiding the conversation that Bucky was trying to have, but he couldn't help himself. Joking around and insulting each other was familiar to them, talking about their feelings was not.
"Wilson, c'mon I'm serious." Bucky sighed, leaning his head against the car window.
"I am too!" Sam deadpanned "Your loud ass humming did not make the experience peaceful at all."
Bucky just sighed and looked out the window, avoiding any glances that he knew Sam was stealing at him.
"Buck?" Sam asked cautiously. Bucky just glanced as him and quickly shifted his eyes back on the road in front of them. "I do actually miss it. I can't explain it, but it just felt-"
"Safe." Bucky finished the sentence, and Sam just nodded.
"Yeah," Sam replied "I don't know how but it just felt like a bubble where we were secure. Like we could rest without worrying about dying because we were already dead."
Bucky stayed silent for a while, and Sam was worried that he said something wrong. Maybe Bucky didn't feel the same way about being there, maybe a guy who had 'died' and come back over and over again didn't feel the same comfort in it that Sam did.
"What's going on in that cyborg brain of yours?" Sam asked after some time had passed. He hoped that his joke would lighten the mood, but Bucky was still staring bleakly.
"Maybe Steve was right?" Bucky admitted, it came out uncertain and his voice cracked when he said it, but Sam almost crashed the car with how fast he turned to look at Bucky. Sam immediately understood what he meant. "I fell in love with you there."
"You...what?" The car jerked forward as Sam abruptly pulled the car to the side of the road. He was now fully facing Bucky, and he held an uncertain stare. He knew what Bucky felt, it was the same feeling that he felt, but to hear Bucky say those words felt like the wind had been knocked out of him.
"Look, I hate to say it, but Steve's dumbass was right, at least about me, I mean." Bucky looked down at his hands. "This last week and a half of us not talking and walking around on eggshells around each other was hell for me. I missed you even though you were right there. And then I realized it was because I loved you."
"Wow..." Sam trailed off. "I think that was the most I've ever heard you say at one time." Sam snorted, just to be an asshole. Bucky had always been the one to give snarky one word answers while Sam was being vulnerable, and now it was his turn. He understood why Bucky did it, it was easier than admitting his feelings, and they always knew that the other one just needed time to warm up to their feelings before admitting them.
"Wilson, I swear to god." Bucky laughed bitterly. He just confessed his love, he honestly really needed Sam to say something that wasn't sarcastic.
Sam looked down, and then back up at Bucky. He stared at him for a moment, and then opened his mouth to speak.
"Look, when Steve said that he knew we were in love, I thought he was getting crazy in his old age. I thought 'there's no way l'm in love with Bucky. 'he's annoying and his hair is greasy'. Bucky scoffed. "but then, after we weren't fighting aliens, and I had a moment to think, I realized that he was right. I fell in love with you there too, and it scares the hell out of me Barnes."
They both sat there, parked on the side of the road, staring into each other's eyes for what seemed like hours.
"I love you so much." Bucky said before crashing his lips against Sam's.
"I love you too, greasy."