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There was a slight chill in the air as the waves crashed on the shore. The sun was beating down on him, and although summer wasn’t officially here quite yet in Australia, it felt like it was. Dan had on a black loose fitting top on that was far too large for him. He had on white swimming trunks oddly enough, since he never wore white. They were from Topman though, perhaps that was it. Dan did like name brand clothing after all.
He was laying on a towel, sunglasses on so his eyes wouldn’t be hurt by the sun. Underneath him was nothing but sand, which was quite uncomfortable but it was the beach after all. If he wanted to lie on something comfortable he could have brought a lounge chair with him.
Phil was out in the water standing and letting the waves crash into him. He had been trying to learn to surfboard early by one of the locals who gave lessons. But after a few failed attempts and a lot of swallowing salt water which resulted in a lot of discomforts, Phil gave up. There was a slight red tint to his upper body, his shoulders and face mainly. Despite putting loads of suncream on, and having Dan put some on him as well, he still managed to get burnt slightly. Hopefully, it wouldn’t get worse so they could enjoy their vacation before they returned home.
The two spent most of the year hidden from the internet. Phil had uploaded weekly almost for a good portion of the year. After a while, he had been hidden almost as well. He didn’t tweet much, or post on his Instagram stories. And he was happy that way, just as Dan was happy to be out of the spotlight for a while.
But now that they had taken that break both of them had time to think. Dan especially since it was all that he did. Since both of their tours, they hadn’t taken a break.
In 2016 when they toured for the first time they hadn’t taken a day to rest. When they weren’t doing live shows they were filming or planning for the future of their careers. Nothing was about them, it was about their careers and meeting the fans. Which wasn’t bad, but looking back both regret not taking breaks for themselves.
It had slightly taken a toll on them but they somehow pushed through. They would film late into the night, only to sleep through the day and upload late. It was tiring but they managed. Throughout 2017 then it was the same. They uploaded video after video, moved again into their third home together, and planned their second tour.
After the second tour, Dan was exhausted, to say the least. His mental and physical health was drained. Phil had pushed himself so hard he fainted and Dan had to rush him to the hospital. Yet the two didn’t stop working. Until this year.
The break was definitely well needed and they were glad they did it. But it made them question a lot of things. Dan especially.
He wondered what the future would hold for him and Phil. There were many possibilities, some of which he longed to happen and others well, not so much. Who knew what the future would hold for them? If only Dan could see into the future and be able to know the truth. Maybe it would make things a bit easier.
Phil headed back up the shore and made his way beside Dan.
“Hey you,” he said softly, nudging him with his foot playfully. Carefully sitting down on the towel beside Dan, he looked at him. Dan was peacefully laying still, not really saying anything or acknowledging Phil. Which wasn’t odd, but it meant he was thinking.
“What are you thinking about?”
“You and me,” Dan answered.
“Oh.”
After a moment Dan finally sat up, taking his glasses off and looked at Phil. He chuckled quietly and shook his head, “You really got sunburnt after we spent all that time lathering you in suncream?” Phil pouted, sticking his bottom lip out slightly. He was like a big child really. Dan laughed and leaned over and planted a kiss to his lips. “I’m just messing with you, don’t worry.”
Phil nodded and looked out towards the ocean. Not many people were here, so they could actually enjoy their time together and not be bombarded by many fans. He hoped at least, just like he hoped none of them saw Dan and him kiss.
“You know -“ Dan leaned into Phil slightly - “It’s funny how the weather can change your mood and who you are.”
Phil turned his head slightly and looked at him confused. “What do you mean?”
Dan shrugged in response, “Just you know, growing up and the seasons changing. In the winter I didn’t go outside and I lied in bed a lot, sad. But when the weather was warm and I could go outside, those sorts of days didn’t happen much.”
“Yeah, I mean I suppose.”
“Wasn’t it like that for you?” Dan asked.
“Not really. I just was outside playing a lot, no matter the weather. Like, Martyn and I built snowmen and had snowball fights. My old friends and I would run through the rain and get wet and mum would yell.”
“I didn’t do anything like that really.” |
Phil smiled gently at Dan, and grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers together. Holding Dan’s hand felt like home to him. Something he never wanted to lose, and something he never planned on losing. Phil could feel Dan moving his thumb gently back and forth as he leaned back into Phil. Compared to Dan, his skin was cold from being in the water and Dan was slowly warming him up almost.
Staring out, the two watched the waves crash onto the shore. They watched the people that were there chase after a small child, no more than two, and it made Dan’s heart heavy. He longed to have kids with Phil. To be woken up in the mornings by their son or daughter and to just be a family. But he didn’t know how to ever bring it up and ask his opinion on the matter. He knew Phil wanted to be a dad at some point, he’s heard him say it before. Just, when was the only question left. Phil was in his 30s now and Dan wasn’t far behind him. it wasn’t something that the two could put off forever. Neither of them liked confrontation though and bringing things up to a light.
“What are you thinking about?” Phil asked.
Dan looked up at him and shrugged slightly. “The future still,” he looked back out to the water.
“What about it?”
“Where do we go from here?”
Dan knew they had to talk about it eventually. Would they ever get married? Start a family? Or would they go back to focusing on their careers and miss all of the opportunities they once had? There were many ways their lives could go still from this moment, but where did they want it to go?
Phil’s silence was quite worrying to Dan. There was something uneasy about it, something that made him worry.
“I mean-“ Dan sat back up and stared out- “Do things go back to how it’s been? Us, working nonstop?”
“What do you want?”
He sighed. “I want a break, we have more than enough money, so we won’t struggle.”
If they wouldn’t be working, what could they be doing? All Phil knew was them working and working and never taking a break. What would happen if that would change? | Would something come knocking on their door showing them the way? Or would they be left to figure it out on their own?
Both of them have changed over the years no doubt. So what could be next? Phil no doubt has changed since he entered this 30s. He doesn’t let things really hold him back as much in a sense. At least that Dan has noticed. Phil just does what he wants to at this point and tries not to hold back. He more so just lets himself enjoy what he can before it’s too late.
Dan, well a lot has changed for him. Especially since he’s getting closer and closer to joining Phil in his 30s. There was something terrifying about it. Something he just couldn’t quite wrap his head around. Would Dan change when he hit his 30s? He already had changed so much. The last few years had really taken a toll on him, and to be where he was, he was quite proud. He grew so much as a person, and so did Phil. But together they didn’t grow much. And Dan wanted to change that.
“What do you think about marriage?” he asked Phil quietly.
Phil turned and looked at him. Marriage? The two never talked about that before. He knew there were hints thrown his way at times, but he never thought anything of it. He was happy the way things were, but wasn’t Dan? He just had assumed that he was, maybe that was the problem.
He noticed Dan was staring at him at this point, so he sighed. “I don’t know, I mean you know I don’t really care for it.”
Dan was silent for a moment. “Oh,” he dropped his head and then quickly picked it up to stare out.
“But,” Phil said grabbing his hand, hoping to cheer him up, “I do see us someday getting married. I don’t know when, but sometime.”
Turning his head, Dan looked at him, a smile coming across his face. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Phil wrapped his arm around Dan and pulled him close. “Anything else, we can figure out when the time comes.”